My Enemy's Enemy
by PBrules
Summary: Post OoTP. Alternate Timeline. Harry's had a wretched summer. To top it off, Dumbledore insists he continue studies in Occlumency with the dreaded Severus Snape. Will he and Snape learn to get along? NOT SLASH.
1. Into the Lion's Den

My Enemy's Enemy

By PBrules

Chapter 1: Into the Lion's Den

'I can't do it.' The boy sounded immensely frustrated. It was the first of many days that he would spend practicing Occlumency and he felt he had gotten worse at the skill, if that was even possible.

'Don't be feeble. Concentrate.' Snape snapped back at him automatically.

'I _am_ concentrating.' Harry replied wearily. 'I can't do this bloody thing, ok?' The boy looked pale and tired from his efforts, but it was not as if his teacher cut him any sway for that.

'Try harder,' Snape ordered, raising his wand again.

'Look ...' Harry protested, holding his hand up, signaling he didn't want to carry on, but it was in vain. Once more his mind was invaded and Snape saw his innermost thoughts. He'd already seen some of the memories of the pitiful week Harry had spent at the Dursley's before Sirius had came and taken him away. That had been awful enough. But now he was seeing the memories at the forefront of Harry's mind- the past month he had spent with Sirius.

Snippets of memories flew past.

_Sirius roaring with laughter as Harry nearly crashed into an appalled Lupin, whizzing through the narrow hallway of Grimmauld place on his broom. _

_Harry watching his Godfather transform into Padfoot, over and over, a look of intense concentration on his face as he tried to absorb every minute detail of the process._

_Harry and Sirius flying companionably side by side, laughing and joking as the daylight faded away._

At most of the memories, Snape scoffed in disgust before moving swiftly on, but occasionally he stayed to watch them to conclusion. Then, as he browsed, he found a memory of Harry arguing with Sirius. In response to Snape's pressing, Harry packed all his efforts into Occluding. The situation was private, and he didn't want Snape to see it. He strained his mind, but to no avail.

'_No!' Harry stared at Sirius incredulously._

'_Harry.' His godfather said to him, in an exasperated tone._

'_I said no! I won't let you send me away. I can't believe you would even ask me to stay with him!'_

_Harry stood up, as if to storm off, and Sirius caught his arm to stop him. Harry angrily struggled out of his grip. _

'_Leave off, Sirius' he said heatedly._

'_Harry.'_

'_No. I'm not listening to anything you say about it. Of all the stupid bloody plans! Is it because Dumbledore told you I should? You just do what he says, don't you, letting us be ordered about like pawns in his schemes. What the fuck __are you thinking Sirius?'_

_At this Sirius' hot temper got the better of him, and he grabbed Harry by the shoulders, shaking him and saying 'You'll do what I tell you!' _

_Suddenly ashamed of his angry outburst, he let go of his godson, who staggered back a pace or two._

_Trembling slightly from the unexpected shock, Harry was still determined not to back down._

'_I won't go. You can't make me.' Without another word, he turned and fled from the room._

_Running out of the house and through the long acre of grass to the far boundary, eventually Harry threw himself against an oak tree and let his tears flow. _

With a start, Harry fell onto the floor, and Snape exited his mind. He remained sitting there, feeling both exhausted from his efforts and embarrassed beyond measure from the scene.

'I wasn't ready,' he protested.

'Does it make a difference?' Snape asked sardonically.

Harry closed his eyes briefly fighting to control his emotions. At least Snape hadn't seen Sirius coming out to comfort him.

'_I'm Sorry,' his godfather said, sitting down beside Harry, who lifted his tear-ridden face._

'_Why? How can you do this to me? You know what he's like. Why would you make me stay with him?'_

'_Two weeks Harry, that's all, just until term starts again. You know what I need to do, and you know what you need to do: you need to learn to Occlude.'_

_A pause ensued._

'_Look Harry, I won't make you. You know that I need to go abroad, but the final decision rests with you. If you refuse, I will have to stay here.' _

Manipulative, bloody Sirius; looking back on the conversation, Harry realised that his godfather had hit upon the one tactic which had any chance of persuading him: making him feel guilty.

Harry had grimly agreed and was taken to stay with Snape for the remainder of his holiday. This was what Dumbledore had angled after all summer. _What bloody idiots,_ Harry thought ruefully. Didn't Sirius and Dumbledore realise that forcing him and Snape to be around each other constantly was going to end with one of them killing the other? And considering that Snape was bigger and stronger, not to mention an immensely powerful wizard with tried and tested experience of the darkest magic, Harry could guess who would come off the worse.

He gritted his teeth, coming back to the present 'Are we done here?' he asked pointedly, still on the floor.

Snape surveyed him coldly, _probably wondering how far he can push me before I break,_ Harry thought.

'Go.' The man ordered, and Harry didn't need any further encouragement, scrambling to his feet and heading back to the bedroom that had been provided for him.

Severus watched as the boy made his rapid exit from the room, and, tucking his wand away in his sleeve, sighed greatly.

_He's even worse than I remembered and that's saying something._ The child had to be the most infuriating, inept brat ever. He didn't listen. He didn't even begin to_ try_ to concentrate. Potter took his failures as a personal affront as if he, Severus, had nothing better to do with his time than babysit an ignorant nuisance and witness his inane memories.

Severus heard Potter slam his bedroom door shut behind him and silently Accio'ed some headache potion. It had amused him slightly to see that even Potter's precious godfather had, at one point, lost his temper with the Golden Boy. Well, wonders would never cease.

He ought to go and reprimand the brat for slamming the door, but why punish himself by entering Potter's presence any longer than was necessary? He sighed. _It's going to be a long fortnight._ Well, they had survived the first day, but with thirteen more days to go before their return to Hogwarts, he didn't rate their chances.

The new arrangement hadn't started well. In fact, it had nearly been stopped before it started, when _that mutt_--Sirius Black--had wound Severus up to the point of nearly chucking them both out of his home.

Black had brought the boy to Severus' home by floo, and remained to talk with Severus in the study while Harry unpacked his belongings in his room.

Their discussion hadn't lasted for long. The mutt had had the audacity--Severus could feel himself growing heated now just thinking about it--to threaten him.

'_I'm just warning you Snape,' Black said calmly, 'that you had better treat Harry properly. He's had a hell of a time already this summer, and if you lay _so much as a finger_ on him, or make him unhappy _in any way,_ I will get you back ten times over.'_

'_You...You dare to come into my home and threaten me.' Severus had said incredulously. _

'_I mean it, Snivellus. I'll make those hexes that James and I used to throw at you in school seem like love pats.' _

_Severus was so angry by this, he was practically shaking with rage as he drew his wand and pointed it at his old adversary._

'_Get out,' he'd snarled coolly, 'Now!' _

_Black glanced at the offending wand carelessly and strode away towards the door to the hallway. _

'_I'm going... once I've said goodbye to Harry. Ah, Harry!' He embraced the boy, who already was on his way back downstairs. 'I'm off.' He pulled the boy into a tight hug. 'Remember what we talked about.'_

'_Be careful.' Harry said in a low voice._

_Black grinned at him reassuringly and headed towards the floo, turning back at the last moment to look at Snape meaningfully. 'Ten times, remember.' Then he was gone. _

_Harry glanced at Snape, who pointedly ignored him and looked positively irate. The Potions Master stood stock still by his desk. After a couple moments, Harry crept away to his room and avoided Snape until his Occlumency lesson._

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**Please review. All opinions and constructive criticism are gratefully received. **I know I'm taking loads of liberties with timelines and plot from canon, but hey, it's fanfiction!

**Special thanks to ****Anachronistic Anglophile****, who has agreed to be my Beta! She will be helping to improve this story by working her way through the chapters giving me advice and helping to sort out my many mistakes. Of course, any remaining mistakes are mine alone.**


	2. What lies ahead

**My Enemy's Enemy**

**By PBrules**

**Chapter 2: What lies ahead**

After the disastrous Occlumency lesson, Harry hoped he'd seen the last of Snape for the day, but barely an hour later, he was summoned for dinner.

It was an awkward meal. Severus barely touched his food as he rattled off a list of rules and instructions that would cover the coming days. Harry kept his head down and tried to plough through his meal, but he rapidly lost his appetite as he heard that he would spend his mornings working on homework assignments before '_addressing_ _your appalling lack of skill in Potions'_, and the afternoons '_endeavouring__ to improve at Occlumency'_. The amount and content of his free time would be entirely dependent on how he had conducted himself throughout his lessons and studies.

Harry knew what that meant. This summer, there would be no flying or enjoying himself; he would never be able to live up to Snape's expectations.

As Snape continued to list detailed expectations as to Harry's behavior in the coming weeks, it appeared to the boy that there would be few surprises. Snape's decisions and instructions were to be followed to the letter at all times, or there would be '_dire repercussions'_. The teenager was restricted to limited areas of the house. His mail was to be monitored...

In the wake of so many instructions, Harry felt his attention waning, until he was reminded about how much he missed his friends. It was with this in mind that he dared to hesitantly interrupt Snape mid-speech. 'Um, Professor?'

Severus made a great show of sighing in exasperation before snapping, 'What is it?'

'Could I, um, well... would it be possible...' Harry's request nearly dried up as Snape raised an eyebrow impatiently.

'...to see Ron and Hermione at some point, maybe next week? I could Floo to Ron's or maybe...'

Harry didn't manage to finish his sentence as the disapproving look on Snape's face gave him his answer.

'I am sure that even you, Potter, would not be idiotic enough to suggest having those foolish Gryffindors visit my home, and, contrary to what you might suppose, I am _not _about to cater my every service to your whim.' Snape sneered. 'I _will not_, firstly, escort you _anywhere _next week, for the simple reason that I am very much occupied with my _own _ to having your _friends _visit--I have already been burdened with your company. Do you suppose I wish to blight myself further?'

Harry laid down his knife and fork, as he'd lost his appetite. Of course Snape would say no. What did he expect? It was just that next week would be his first birthday away from the Dursley's, the first time during which he could possibly spend the day properly with people who cared about him. Not that Snape would care, of course. He glared back at his professor.

'I understand. Can I go back to my room now?' This was phrased with no small degree of attitude_. Sod him. Does the evil git think I would choose to spend my holiday with him if I could avoid it?_

'No. Eat your meal,' Snape snapped, whilst cutting up the chicken and vegetables on his own plate. before chewing slowly.

Harry put his knife and fork together and pushed his plate to the center of the table.

'I'm full.' He said.

'After half a potato and a forkful of peas? I hardly think so.'

Harry started to get up. 'I think I'll decide for myself if I'm hungry, thanks,' he said sarcastically.

'Sit _down_, Potter.' Snape bellowed suddenly at full volume.

Instinctive in his reaction, Harry shrank back in his chair.

'You will sit there until you consume your meal to my satisfaction. Understand?'

Harry stared at him incredulously. Why did he care what he ate? He picked up his fork and toyed half-heartedly with his meal.

Snape looked darkly at him, his own meal forgotten.

'You ungrateful little brat,' he said, dangerous and quiet. 'You swan in here, disrupting my respite. Yet you can never be satisfied, can you, Potter? It's never enough for you. Always trying to grab more and more for yourself. Never mind that you are too lazy and myopic to concentrate wholeheartedly upon any of the tasks to which you are set. Far be it that I distract your focus from your puerile, adolescent social life.'

Harry concentrated on cutting up his chicken into smaller and smaller pieces. _Ignore him_, he told himself. _Don't show him that you care._ Inside, of course, he was seething. _Does Snape think I don't try with the Occlumency? Oh, wait, of course he does, I'm James Potter's son, so I must be useless. _It was all totally unfair. He _did _tryhis best, but Snape had never taught him properly, and he had no idea what he was doing. He had as much chance Occluding against Voldemort successfully as winning the Quidditch World Cup without a broom, unless Snape would deign himself to actually show him (once and for all) how to block his mind.

'Of course considering whose son you are, it is hardly surprising,' Snape said, using the old argument that Harry anticipated. 'James Potter was always an arrogant, idle fool, and blood will tell, after all. In fact, considering the asinine company you have been keeping in recent weeks, it is no wonder that you seem to have surpassed even your own records for unmitigated failure.'

Harry looked down at his chicken. He had practically shredded the meal. There was a knot of tension in his stomach but perhaps if he could just eat what was left on his plate, he would be allowed to go back to his room before he exploded.

With this end in mind, he picked up his fork hurriedly and began to choke back huge mouthfuls of his food as best he could.

Severus watched with obvious disgust as the brat scoffed his meal with atrocious table manners.

'Potter!' He thundered. 'Attempt to exhibit a modicum of etiquette whilst you eat.'

The boys slowed his frantic chewing down slightly, but nevertheless he bolted back his meal in record time and topped it off by picking up his glass of water and downing it in three gulps. He stared at Severus insolently as, with a mockery of politeness, he carefully drew his knife and fork together on the plate. Following this action by springing up from the table, he headed for his room.

Back in the safety of his bedchamber, Harry threw himself on his bed, running his hands through his messy mop of hair. He'd kept his temper, though just barely. It couldn't last, of course, and things were bound to go badly in the days to come. He'd promised Sirius that he'd do his best to knuckle down to the Occlumency and do his best to get along with Snape.

'_For your own sake, more than anything Harry.' His godfather said. ' If you can just work with him for a couple weeks. Otherwise it will just make things harder for you.'_

Easy for Sirius to suggest, Harry thought, but not as realistic in practice. When Sirius had known Snape, they'd been the same age, and his godfather had had the other Marauders backing him at all times. He could have chosen to 'get along' with Snape from a position of strength. It was not nearly so easy for Harry as he had to face the older, stronger and more powerful wizard.

Harry sighed and sat up. He'd been tempted to ask Snape if he could fly his broom outside before going to bed, but hadn't wanted to give him the satisfaction of refusing. It didn't matter though. In a way, Harry was just as happy staying in his room.

Slipping onto the floor and sitting cross-legged, Harry tried his best to concentrate on remembering all the advice on Human Transfiguration that Sirius had given him. He focused on feeling the outskirts of his whole body, allowing his mind to register his skin from top to toe, breathing deeply and rhythmically, visualising the faint shimmer that always preceded Sirius' own transformations to become Padfoot...

... and he experienced nothing…

...yet.

Maybe if he practised really hard every day it would happen, he suddenly thought, excited. Imagine if when Sirius came to visit him at Hogwarts, he could surprise him by showing that all their efforts over the summer to become an Animagus had paid off? Perhaps this boring fortnight might have some advantages after all!

..................................................................................................................................

The next morning Harry was woken by a light tapping sound on his door. Blinking back his sleep and reaching for his glasses, he found himself focusing upon a nervous house elf as he opened the door.

'Master Potter, Master Snape has said it is time for you to get up, so that you can get ready and breakfast before starting your work at nine o'clock.'

Harry yawned, bemusedly glancing at his watch. It was eight in the morning. He was surprised that Snape hadn't insisted on having him starting his studies earlier.

'Thank you. What's your name?' He asked curiously looking at the small, hunched over figure in front of him.

'My name, Master Harry? I am Leenie, Master Harry...'

The poor creature was obviously nervous. _Snape probably treats her abominably,_ Harry thought indignantly.

'Um, please, it's just Harry, ok Leenie? You don't need to call me Master or anything.'

'Yes... Harry.' Leenie replied, sounding very unsure of herself.

'Right. Well I'll get ready then.'

Harry showered and dressed before heading down to the dining room, which he was pleased to find was empty except for several plates of toast, cereal and eggs. A moment later Leenie appeared with a glass of ice-cold milk.

'Master Snape has said that this should be all that Mas-...Harry would need for breakfast, but Leenie will do her best to get different things if Harry prefers...' she mumbled guiltily.

Harry gave her a grin. 'This is brilliant Leenie, thank you.'

He registered her slight shock at being thanked before she disappeared again, leaving him to eat. Harry munched contentedly. This might not be so bad; if he and Snape avoided each other most of the time, these two weeks could actually be okay. He guessed Snape wanted him to do his homework in the library, which that was certainly fine with him. He hadn't been able to start his work at the Dursleys, and he had been having too much fun with Sirius to think about it at Grimmauld Place.

He'd just opened his Charms book in the library and was flicking through it to the correct chapter when Snape appeared.

'Potter,' he sneered coldly, 'How have you fared with your homework?'

'Uh... I only just started...'

Snape glanced at the blank scroll in front of him and raised an eyebrow.

'Potter, let me make this absolutely clear. You will be completing all your homework to the highest standard over the next fortnight. You will not be returning to Hogwarts with your usual insipid drivel. How many of your assignments have you finished in your time off so far?'

Harry was stubbornly silent.

'_None _of them, Potter? After five weeks holiday?' Snape sounded disgusted.

'Well, I couldn't at the Dursleys, could I?' Harry protested. 'You've seen bits of what happened, and what they _did _to me.'

'You were there for one week, Potter. Allowing another week for... _recovery _that still leaves three weeks remaining.' Snape replied unsympathetically.

Harry looked away, focusing on the tall bookcases which surrounded him, giving a claustrophobic, cramped feel to the gloomy room.

'I think I had better set you a strict timetable to follow, as you seem incapable of organising yourself.' Snape said pointedly. 'Tomorrow you can breakfast at seven, begin your homework at eight –giving you four clear hours before luncheon –when I will review your work. Then you shall make the necessary amendments and start on Potions.'

Harry scowled, not really listening. He knew he had to do his homework, but Snape seemed to take a perverse pleasure in ordering him about and making him miserable. Not that this was surprising, of course, but any hopes he might have had of them both avoiding each other seemed progressively unlikely, to say the least.

Snape eventually left Harry to write his assignment, assuring him that he had better focus, because he would not be getting any lunch unless it was finished. This gave Harry almost three hours, which was plenty of time, but the threat still rankled. The git had surely seen enough of his memories to see how the Dursleys treated him, but he still threatened to withhold meals? Bastard.

Harry sat and brooded. What else would the git do to him? Would he copy his uncle's example in beating him to a pulp when he pissed him off?

The week Harry had spent back with the Dursleys this summer had been a spectacular disaster. He'd gone back to Privet Drive determined to stand up for himself this year. Harry wasn't sure if it had been the fact that he was getting older and therefore felt that he ought to stand up for himself, or if it was the knowledge that his Godfather had offered to give him a home if only Dumbledore hadn't insisted on Harry returning to his relatives. Perhaps it was just pure Gryffindor bloody mindlessness finally rearing its head after years of kow-towing.

In any case, this summer Harry had argued back at the Dursleys., and the more he had stood up for himself, the more they had been determined to stomp him back down. Uncle Vernon seemed to sense his newfound rebellious streak, and decided it needed to be quashed, and therefore his punishments became more severe and painful. In the past, Harry had submitted meekly to insults, endless chores, missed meals and the occasional belting to keep him in line. This year he answered back, blatantly helped himself to the locked pantry, and on one ill-thought-out occasion attempted to hit Vernon back.

Now he knew, this was something not to be tried again. Not when you're a scrawny, fourteen-year-old who isn't allowed to use magic over the summer. Not when your uncle locks up your trunk, including the wand inside it, so you can't use magic even if you just wanted to defend yourself.

............................................................................................................................................................

While Harry brooded, Severus was in his lab, carefully mixing his latest creation: an advanced calming potion with greater effectiveness and increased longevity. Certainly something he was likely to need plenty of, what with Potter living under his roof.

He'd noticed the expression on the brat's face when he'd threatened to not let him have lunch, his Slytherin mind carefully noting that this was likely to be an effective punishment. Of course, he would never go as far as those relatives of his had. _There are limits after all._ No matter how sorely Potter tested him, he would never strike the child, or do anything to cause the little idiot any permanent damage.

Not that he would divulge _that_ information to the boy. _Much easier to keep a scared Potter in line,_ Severus mused. Well he'd certainly work on continuing to instill his fearsome reputation in the brat over the coming days. That ought to keep him in line.

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**Thanks, once again, to ****Anachronistic Anglophile for taking the time to Beta this chapter. As always, any remaining mistakes are mine alone.**


	3. The calm before the storm

Harry finished his assignment with an hour to spare before lunch. He'd worked hard and it was a damn good essay. Even Snape couldn't fault it, he thought. Well, he could and he probably would but Harry knew there would be no real reason for him not to be satisfied.

To Harry's surprise Snape accepted the assignment with only the briefest of barbed comments as he remarked coldly 'Wonders will never cease. Surprising what you can achieve given sufficient motivation.'

They entered the dining room where a simple lunch of sandwiches and fruit awaited them. This time Harry took his time eating his meal. Throughout lunch Snape's thoughts seemed to be elsewhere which was confirmed when after one cup of tea and half a sandwich he pushed his plate aside and stood up.

'I have a potion which I must finish. It may take up to an hour. You may read in your room or go outside until I am ready for you.'

Harry couldn't hold back a slight grin at the thought of delaying his occlumency lesson and was about to set off to get his broomstick but at the moment decided to linger. As soon as the older wizard had left the room, Harry stealthily pocketed several pieces of fruit in his robes and headed back to his room to stash them away. There was no way he was going hungry again if he could help it.

Then Harry grabbed his broom and headed outside. Practising his tightest twists and turns, he forgot his worries as he immersed himself totally in his actions. He it had only been a day but he'd already started to miss flying. He'd loved the past month with Sirius. The two of them had got into the habit of going off on their broomsticks at night time. It was fun, exciting and sometimes even a little scary because it was more challenging than normal flying. Usually Sirius illuminated the route for them both as they weaved between trees and over brocks and streams. One time they had stayed out until dawn was breaking and they had finished flying to the rising sun amidst the birds choruses.

A good three quarters of an hour later Harry noticed Snape stood down by the side of the house waiting for him impatiently. Exhibiting a graceful figure of eight movement Harry headed back towards him at full speed, zooming down to land beside him, only slowing down at the very last moment.

'POTTER!'

Harry jumped, knocked out of his contented, bubble of relaxation which the flying had provided, by a bellow beside his ear. He stumbled off his broom to look up to a white faced Snape seemingly beside himself with rage.

'Are you trying to kill both yourself and I? What on earth do you think you were doing?'

Confused, Harry eventually realised that his landing had shaken up the professor. Biting back a grin of amusement he apologised breezily.

'Sorry.'

'Do you want me to take that broom off you?' Snape demanded.

'No!' Harry answered hugging the broom which Sirius had given to him close to his chest.

'Well in that case I suggest: That. You. Do. Not. Try. That. Again.'

Harry nodded appeasingly, following Snape into the house. He even reluctantly admitted to himself that Snape probably had a point. Even Sirius had been shocked on occasion by some of Harry's broomstick antics and he shared Harry's daredevil tendencies himself. Of course Sirius' fear hadn't been shown in anger to Harry, he didn't raise his voice. He'd just been very matter of fact. When he caught Harry practising hanging from his broomstick by one arm at sixty feet he'd shook his head and said matter of factly. 'You shouldn't do that. You're not good enough to do it safely for another year or two and even then not that high and not without cushioning charms in case you fall.'

'I'd do it at school if it let me catch the snitch.' Harry had protested.

'Yes but with Professors supervising and a mediwitch to hand. Just don't do it again at least unless you tell me first and we practise just above the ground.'

''Cause that's realistic for when I'm playing for real.' Harry had grumbled to himself but he's listened to Sirius and avoided that move and tempered some of the others at his request.

As Snape led the way into the house Harry realised with surprise that they were heading for the library for their lesson.

Opening the door to the library Severus pointed wordlessly at the chairs next to the desk, his eyes narrow as he watched Potter sit down. So like his father in every way, with his ridiculous quidditch stunts and utter conceitedness in his own abilities. The brat wouldn't study if his life or the wizarding world depended on it. He would however risk life and limb to get attention on that damn broomstick.

'I take it that you practised clearing your mind before going to sleep last night?'

He noticed at once the guilty expression on Potter's face.

'Why do you think we are doing these lessons Potter? Do you think I enjoy witnessing excerpts from your tiresome, little mind?'

'I did clear my mind.' Potter protested. 'Well, I tried...'

'You _tried_.' Snape sneered. 'One thing that can certainly be said for you Potter is that you are _very trying_.'

Ignore him, stay calm... Harry told himself. You're used to his griping. It's not like you haven't had worse from the Dursleys, he's just an unpleasant, old git who hasn't got a life apart from his stinky potions...

'Perhaps if you could explain to me how to cl...'

Harry jumped at Snape's sudden movement but the wizard was just stalking towards the bookshelf behind him. Reaching for a heavy, leather bound book he turned and without a warning shoved it at Harry who looked down at it in surprise.

'_The Last Defence: Creating A Void in Your Mind. Practical examples from four natural occlumenists.'_

'Today you will start by reading this for an hour. Then we will practise.' With that Snape turned abruptly leaving Harry alone in the library.

Severus headed back to his potions. He didn't have time for these distractions. He had several potions to finish and was expecting the Dark Lord to summon him any day now. He had full teaching duties, to say nothing of his head of house role to prepare for with less than a fortnight before the start of term. He was tired and grumpy and this was supposed to be his holiday.

He knew that nothing beat real experience when it came to occlumency and that thrusting a book at the boy would do no good without giving him opportunity to practise. At least he had bought himself another much needed hour...

Heading back an hour later, Severus was surprised to see the boy was actually making a pretence at reading the book. He'd half expected to see him destroying the place or daydreaming like he did throughout his potions lessons.

Harry looked up at his professor as he entered the room.

'This book...' he said quietly 'its brilliant.'

_Brilliant? _Severus had been expecting a complaint about the book being boring or long winded. The child was certainly no Hermione Granger prone to enthusing over textbooks.

'Well let's see if you have actually gained anything from it.' He replied coldly. 'Legilimus.'

Just for a second, it seemed like there was some resistance before it swept away by the force of Severus' mind.

'_Pathetic_.' The Severus spat.

Without giving Potter a chance to get his breath back Severus raised his wand again, and again. Disappointed, he eventually allowed the boy a few minutes respite.

Shakily, Harry picked himself up from the floor where he had ended after their last bout. He had a stinking headache and felt nauseous.

'Can I try reading the book some more?'

'Do you think the Dark Lord will given you time to consult a book when he is in front of you?' Snape asked sarcastically raising his wand again.

The memories flashed past. The Dursleys over and over, Sirius, Ron, Hermione. Each memory flung away as quickly as it was breached as Snape impatiently trashed Harry's mind waiting for him to throw him out.

On the floor again. Harry held his head, blinking away the tears which had sprang to his eyes.

'Please- no more.' He said weakly.

'_On this_ the future of the wizarding world depends.' Snape scoffed looking down at him in disgust leaving the room with his robes billowing behind him.


	4. The Storm Part 1

It was ten past seven in the morning and they had barely been in each others company for five minutes when their first argument of the day started.

'_What_ did you say?' Snape glared across the table at Harry who swallowed nervously before repeating himself.

'I don't want to do those occlumency lessons. I'll read the book, I'll practise clearing my mind. But I won't do the rest of it, not any more.'

Harry felt awful. His head still ached from yesterday afternoon. His vision was shot to pieces and he felt dizzy. At least at Hogwarts the lessons had only been once a week and he'd had time to recover before each additional bout. The daily lessons were killing him.

'You _will_ do the lessons, Potter, if I have to drag you into the study and spell your eyes open.'

'Fine then. I won't even try. I know you think I'm not trying as it is but I _really _won't try at all and then we're see how much point there is in these lessons.'

'Careful Potter, if you deliberately negate the point in you being here, I shall make you leave. As the mutt is otherwise engaged I would have to return you to your relatives.'

Harry went white. He stood up facing his tormentor accusingly. 'You wouldn't!'

'Wouldn't I?' Snape silkily replied.

He would as well. Bastard, git, f*****, w*****, c***. The insults pounded around Harry's head furiously. But Dumbledore wouldn't let him- would he? It wasn't as if the headmaster had looked after his welfare particularly well in the past, Harry remembered. He'd known Harry hated and dreaded going back to the Dursleys and he'd done nothing. It had taken Sirius to intervene. Harry knew his Godfather would come to help him again but he was abroad and it might take him ages to find out what had happened. He might be too late. Uncle Vernon was bound to be worst than ever after what Sirius had done to him when he rescued him.

Harry sat back down.

'Fine.' He said bleakly, all the fight leaving his tone, briefly bringing his hands up to massage his temples. 'Can I at least have a potion for my headache?'

Severus gave the boy a hard stare through narrowed eyes. He hadn't mentioned that he was feeling unwell before. Was this another ruse to worm his way out of lessons he hated? He couldn't believe the audacity of the brat in thinking he could refuse to continue the occlumency. Still he'd nipped that idea in the bud fairly easily. How revealing to witness how quickly the brave Gryffindor could be made to cower.

Nevertheless accio'd the potion the boy had requested handing it to him saying.

'Here- now you have no excuse for this afternoon.'

The boy took the potion, without thanks and downed it quickly. He then ate two pieces of toast without looking up from his plate before draining his milk. Then he stood up and left the room, avoiding eye contact with Severus.

Back in his room, Harry closed the door before hitting the wall _hard._ He gasped from the pain in his hand which he could still feel despite the potion he'd drunk earlier which was helping his head.

Harry stayed in his room for the rest of the morning. He started his next assignment but couldn't string coherent sentences together. Eventually he picked up his occlumency text book from the corner of the room where he had flung it after yesterday's lesson and skimmed through it furiously.

That afternoon in the occlumency lesson all the memories which Snape accessed were of the Dursleys. Each time the professor flipped out of one memory, the next one appeared and was even worse. After the fifth attempt, Harry lost his cool completely.

'Will you STOP doing that! STOP making me remember those things.'

'It is YOUR mind Potter.' Snape bellowed back at him. '_You_ need to stop allowing me into your most vulnerable memories! Control you mind.'

They were furiously stood facing each other by this point. All Harry's fears of provoking Snape had disappeared in his momentary anger.

Severus sighed. Did the boy think he wanted to witness _those _scenes over and over? It was all too horribly reminiscent of his own childhood. The brat seemed to have placed all his worst memories freely on display this afternoon. He'd been trying repeatedly to find other memories even those ghastly quidditch ones but to no avail.

'Right we'll try again...' Severus sighed.

'NO!'

Severus glared at him as he lifted his wand.

Harry closed his eyes, but then remembering Snape's earlier threat about spelling his eyes open jumped up and grabbing the nearest thing to hand lobbed the heavy occlumency book at his professor before scrambling for the door.

Snape's speedy shield protected him from the heavy book and he set off after the brat.

'POTTER!' He grabbed the boy's arm in the hallway, spinning him round to face him.

Harry cringed, lifting his arm automatically to protect his face from the blows he knew were coming whilst protesting.

'Don't hit me! If you touch me Sirius will get you...!'

A grip of iron grabbed him by the collar.

'You certainly _deserve_ a good hiding for that Potter.' Snape hissed at him through gritted teeth while half dragging him to his room. He pushed him inside.

'You will stay in your room _out of my sight_ until tomorrow Potter. You will have no dinner tonight while you think about your actions. I will set your punishment tomorrow.'

Shaken Harry slumped to the floor by the side of his bed. It was lucky that he had thought to threaten Snape with Sirius when he had been about to beat him. But what would happen tomorrow? Would Snape send him back to the Dursleys? Uncle Vernon would surely kill him this time.

Back in his study Severus accio'd his calming potion. That little... He'd had to send him to his room for the rest of the day to give himself time to cool down. Throwing a bloody book at him, when he was giving up his time trying to teach the ungrateful little sod. Then implying that mangy mutt of a godfather of his was some sort of threat to him. Of all the things to say which were likely to cause him to clout the little brat that was a good one. In his school boy battles with the marauders Snape had taken on all three of his enemies often holding his own and occasionally besting them. Since those days his duelling and knowledge of hexes and curses had increased exponentially. He had no doubt that he could defeat Sirius soundly if the need arose. It was extremely galling that the boy and the mutt clearly felt otherwise. Still Severus had never hit a child before and was hardly about to start now despite the extreme provocation.


	5. The Storm part 2

Much later, Harry was sat next to the window gazing outside at the night sky. He hadn't left his room since the argument earlier although he longed to be outside of the suffocating house and far, far away from Snape.

He couldn't go back to the Dursleys. He simply _couldn't. _Uncle Vernon would rip him apart.

Harry leaned his head against the window feeling somewhat dizzy after all the upheaval earlier. It occurred to him that he hadn't eaten in almost seven hours but although he'd laid in stores of food there was no way he could stomach anything now.

Perhaps he could run away? He could wait for the knight bus and it could take him somewhere else.

But where would he go? Sirius had buggered off and left him. Dumbledore had already proved to have little concern for Harry's welfare. His next thought was the Weasleys, but although he knew Ron would be on his side, he suspected Mr and Mrs Weasley would send him straight back to Snape when they found out he had ran away from him. And then he _really_ would kill him.

And that would only be if the wards didn't do the job first. On Harry's first night here Snape had given a long spiel about which rooms Harry could go in. The next day, in a genuine accident, Harry had tried to open the door of one of the restricted room but been thrown backwards violently to his surprise. Who knows what would happen if he were to try to sneak across Snape's boundary wards? The floo was also out, Harry realised. The git would hardly have forgotten to ward it. It would probably be singe him or something.

So it was useless, he realised. He had no where to go, no way to get there and no one to help him.

Harry choked back a sob with success born from a lifetime of knowing that crying never makes things better. Instead he carefully spelled his usual silencing spell around his bed, changed into his pijamas and covered himself in his blanket, waiting for sleep to eventually come for him.

Three hours later...

Severus had been asleep for little more than an hour when he first heard Harry's piercing scream cutting through the night. He leapt out of bed, grabbing his wand. He arrived at Harry's door almost tripping over a terrified Leenie who looked up at him with big, round eyes.

He cast a quick revealing spell to reassure himself before turning to Leenie.

'It's nothing, no intruders. No one can get in because of the wards. Go now.'

Leenie nodded and disapparated immediately, leaving Snape to cautiously open the door and approach the boy, who was still thrashing about in anguish.

'Potter. Potter, wake up.'

There was no response and instead the boy tensed before letting out another tortured, scream.

Impatiently Severus shook the boys shoulder slightly. It must be a vision from the Dark Lord to get the brat in such a state. He had heard from Dumbledore about the boy's visions and the sensations his scar sometimes held. In some ways he was curious: the child's link to the dark lord was much stronger than his, his mark would only burn when he was being called. Potter on the other hand witnessed the Dark Lord's actions at other times and Severus knew that knowledge could prove useful. However, he reminded himself the bond was, by it's very nature, immensely dangerous. With so little skill at occluding the brat had no control over what he saw and exposed his mind to.

He shook him again and this time Harry sprang up, snatching his wand and immediately backing up against the wall defensively.

'Calm yourself boy.' Snape commanded. 'What did you see? What was the Dark Lord doing?'

Harry breathed rapidly. Gulping back his tears.

'Was it a death eater meeting?' Snape asked, wondering to himself what it would mean if it had been and he hadn't been summoned.

'No.' Harry said bluntly, beginning to feel embarrassed as he slowly regained his composure.

'Well then?'

'It w-wasn't Voldermort. It wasn't a vision. It was just a dream.'

'_A dream_?' Snape asked sounding disbelieving.

'A nightmare then. About my uncle.' He added as an afterthought.

Then as all the events of the previous day flooded back to him, he apologised hastily.

'I'm really sorry I woke you... I don't understand what happened, I set a silencing charm.'

Snape ignored his apology. 'Your sleep is often disrupted then?'

'I uh get the visions every couple weeks. Usually when there is a meeting. Though there haven't been any in ages.' Harry sounded matter of fact. He hesitated and then decided to be honest after all Snape would find out anyway if his charm wouldn't work.

'The nightmares- more often, though not when I'm at Hogwarts.'

Harry winced as he remembered the nightmares he's had at Sirius' when he first arrived there. Every night he'd woke repeatedly. Sirius had been great though. He'd sat with him, and though neither of them ever said much, he'd known his Godfather was there for him and he hadn't been angry or upset at being woken up.

Snape stared at Harry who quickly realised that he would not be as patient. In fact he would get _really _mad. The thought of what Snape would do to him sent a shiver down Harry's spine.

'Can you help me spell my room? Then I won't wake you again.'

'The wards would hardly offer protection if they allowed silencing charms.' Snape snapped. 'Honestly Potter how do you think I am supposed to protect if you if I was unable to hear if you cry out?'

The professor was still staring intensely at him again in a way that vaguely unsettled Harry, who looked back at him in surprise. He hadn't thought of that. It never occurred to him to think of Snape protecting him. Tormenting him more like. He hugged the thin blanket towards him and sat in silence. He had nothing to say in response.

Severus stood up abruptly and went to the cupboard reaching up for the spare blankets tucked away at the back... and then looked more closely at the shelf below. Harry held his breath as he saw Severus lift the t-shirts out of the way and jumped to his feet to dash over to stop him but it was too late.

'It's just a bit of food.' He muttered.

Severus raised his eyebrows looking at the shelf which was tightly packed with hoarded bits of meals, crackers, cakes, and fruit. If it was just a few items he would have thought little of it and just rebuked the brat for cheating on his punishment, but it was the sheer _quantity_ of it which got to him. Most of it didn't even look at all appetising, stale crusts of bread and scraps of meat.

'Why have you been stealing food?' He said quietly.

Harry looked at his professor with something akin to dread in his eyes.

'It's not stealing. I just saved bits from lunchtimes.' Harry protested weakly, he hadn't realised the supplies had built up so high.

'At the Dursley's I always kept bits of food in my room. You know... just in case.' He realised he was making himself sound crazy.

Snape glanced at the piles of food again uneasily.

'You were expecting a siege perhaps?' He suggested quietly.

Harry shrugged embarrassed.

'No... you know: for the days when I wasn't allowed out for meals and stuff.'

_The days when he wasn't allowed meals._ Merlin- no wonder the brat was skin and bones.

'I see.' With a wave of his wand Snape banished all the food. 'Well I trust you have had your fill tonight Potter. Unless there are any other items you would like to steal from the kitchen whilst you are missing a meal in disgrace?' Without waiting for an answer he continued sharply. 'So let me make myself abundantly clear. I do NOT expect you to be having picnics up here. Or to be inviting vermin in with all that food. Understand?'

Harry nodded frantically in response.

Closing the cupboard door sharply the professor then conjured a steaming mug of hot chocolate and whipped out a vial which he poured in before thrusting it towards the boy ungraciously.

'Here, take this, it will help you sleep.'

Harry took the mug uncertainly.

'_Drink it_. Neither of us want any more disturbed sleep.' Snape reminded him testily. 'And you're still shaking.'

Harry drank it apprehensively.

'Now lie down.' Snape ordered. 'Close your eyes.' And almost at once Potter was lost in a deep sleep.

Which left Snape wide awake with his thoughts. He'd briefly legilmised Harry very subtly to check the boy wasn't lying about his screams being unrelated to the Dark Lord. In doing so he'd caught the edge of many frantic strands of thoughts. Chiefly amongst them were the memories of that brute with his belt but there was a resounding thought pattern which was equally panicked in anticipating _his_ temper. After many years of building up a fearsome image quite deliberately it suddenly didn't seem quite as successful. Not when a hysterical child cringed away from you even as you tried to be patient. Nor when the child was making ridiculous plans to run off in the middle of the night to merlin knows where.

The next morning Harry woke feeling rested but then the memories came flooding back. He felt like he would expire with embarrassment at the thought of Snape witnessing his tears, then he remembered Snape's earlier threat to send him back to the Dursleys and began to panic again.

Sitting down at the breakfast table the sight of food made him feel slightly sick. He'd thrown a book at Snape last night, tried to assault him. He'd topped that by waking him up screaming in the night and then to round everything off Snape had found the food. _Stealing _he'd called it. Harry hadn't thought of it like that. Snape had never restricted what Harry ate at the table so he'd justified taking bits which he could have eaten anyway. Though he'd known Snape wouldn't like it hence taking the food secretively and hiding it away.

Snape seemed in quite a good mood this morning. He hadn't snarled at Harry, ordered him to hurry up or anything. And in spite of last night he was allowing Harry breakfast. Maybe he wasn't as furious as Harry had thought.

Harry began to eat cautiously until a new terrible thought struck him. Snape had decided he was too much trouble and was going to send him back. That was why he seemed ok this morning, he was happy knowing he would soon be rid of Harry.

A wave of pure fear ran through Harry and he abandoned any last traces of pride as he tried to persuade his professor to give him another chance.

'If you're let me I'll try really hard at occlumency.' He started. 'I'll practise 3 hours a day, I won't go flying or anything until I've mastered it.'

Snape didn't bother to glance up from the papers he was reading as he replied sarcastically, 'I'm glad to hear it.'

'Honestly I'm going to be completely different... I'm going to work so hard at all my assignments. I'll get up at 6 every day to finish them quickly and then I'll do chores for you around the house the rest of the time.'

Severus finally dragged his eyes from his papers. He didn't think he'd ever seen Potter so contrite.

'I'm _really_ sorry about waking you up last night. I promise it won't _ever_ happen again. I'll clear my mind before bed for an hour, no _two _hours every night...'

Snape opened his mouth to speak but Harry knew what he was going to say, he had to change his mind. Uncle Vernon would kill him for sure. He wasn't above begging.

'_Please. _I'll do _anything_ you say. Whatever you want. Just _don't send me back there_.'

'Potter.' Severus finally cut through the boys endless drivel in a cold harsh tone.

'Yes?' Harry replied hesitantly.

'Shut up and eat your breakfast.' Severus ordered him and turned back to his papers. Honestly, was there ever any peace with this idiotic child?

Harry looked back at his professor uncertainly. Did this mean he would let him stay? He'd expected Snape to tell him start packing his bags. He picked up a piece of toast and nibbled it.

Severus delved into the pockets of his robes while Harry was eating and pulled out a brown sack which was attached to a short rope. He dumped it on the table next to Harry who looked up at him questioningly.

'Your punishment for yesterday.' Snape said in a clipped tone. 'You will take your broom this morning and find certain plants outside which I need for potions. You need to find Planters fireweed, Acilians root and Weatherberries. I trust you know what each of these look like?'

Harry nodded they were all pretty standard potions ingredients which he'd seen many times before.

'Go then.'

Shell shocked Harry rose from the table. His punishment... was to go flying?

'Oh and one more thing Potter.' Snape called after him in a bored tone as he was about to leave the room. 'Be careful along the ward boundaries. If you were to accidently stray over them it would set off the tracking motion charms. I would soon find where you were and bring you back, but you might not like the mood I'm in when I did find you.'

Harry nodded inching towards the door as he did so. Grabbing his broom, he was outside and flying in no time, with the wind running through his hair and all thoughts of his uncle and Snape a million miles away. He remembered in time not to start practising his quidditch tricks, concentrating instead on scouring the ground for the plants. After all perhaps if he did a good job he could do this again another time.


	6. A flight in the mind's eye

My Enemy's Enemy

By PBrules

Chapter 6: A flight in the mind's eye.

Harry felt nervous after he followed Snape into the library for his Occlumency lesson. It had all gone so wrong yesterday that he was dreading the next round

Snape surprised him by not automatically pointing his wand at him. Instead, he sat facing Harry at the table and opened up the Occlumency book.

'Did you read about the visualising techniques on page eighty-six?'

Harry nodded. One of the authors had suggested taking an image like a room, or tree or house and using it to order one's mind.

'I tried using Hogwarts,' Harry replied. 'But it didn't work very well.'

'Of course not.' Snape snapped dismissively. 'You're supposed to choose a small area you know in intricate detail.'

Harry shrugged. 'Maybe I could try the Gryffindor common room? Or the dormitory?'

'Try the dormitory,' Snape ordered. 'Prepare yourself. Have the image in your head--now _Legimens_.'

It didn't work, and the memories flashed past blindingly.

Harry picked himself up from where he'd landed on the floor, resigned to his fate. He'd promised to work as hard as he could at Occlumency and he wouldn't complain... but...

'Professor?'

The respectful tone shocked Severus, who looked at the boy, waiting for him to continue.

'Do you think...' Harry almost faltered, but managed to finish his request. 'Could you stay in one memory at a time instead of jumping through them?'

'I don't "jump through them" for my own amusement Potter,' Snape replied heavily. 'I am trying to avoid certain memories which I thought you would prefer not to see.'

Harry shrugged again. 'I've got a lot of bad memories.' He said matter-of-factly. 'We just end up going from one bad memory to another and _it hurts_.'

Snape exhaled slowly, taking in this new information. He could barely remember learning Occlumency; it had been so long ago and he had been something of a natural Occlumenist by all accounts. However, as Legilimency could be immensely painful even when using a shield, it seemed logical that it probably would be fairly uncomfortable for the brat.

'Fine. You have the image ready?'

Harry nodded.

'_Legilmens._'

Snape dove straight in again, and found there wasn't a trace of a shield to stop him. The memory was of that huge, red-faced uncle of the boy's, bearing down on him. Instinctively, Snape went to shift to another memory before remembering his agreement.

'_You good-for-nothing, thieving Freak!' The fat Muggle bellowed as Harry darted back from him. _

'_How dare you come downstairs when I told you to stay upstairs?' With this he backhanded the boy across the face._

'_How did you get out anyway?' He glowered down at the cringing Harry. 'You used those filthy tricks didn't you- you used MAGIC?'_

_Harry's face drained of all its colour, except for a red mark where he'd just been hit and some fading yellow bruises on his left cheekbone._

'_I...I...I...' He stuttered._

'_ANSWER ME!' Vernon shouted in his face, shaking the boy and knocking him back forcefully into the wall._

_As if the jolt startled him back to his senses Harry seemed to recover his courage._

'_You forgot to lock it. So I came downstairs. I have to fucking eat sometimes ok?' Harry tried to dart away but a huge fist held his collar in a vice-like grip._

_Vernon took off his belt and hit the child indiscriminately on the arms, torso and legs in a flurry of painful blows._

'_You've been unbearable since you've been back,' his uncle sneered. 'I thought after the other day you might have learnt your lesson...'_

_Harry blindly flailed around, trying to defend himself as best he could. The belt hit his hand and he managed to grab hold of it despite the pain, bringing his elbow up hard in his uncle's face._

_Vernon grunted in pain, raising his fist, 'You little...'_

With that, Severus was out of the memory. For a second, he thought Harry had succeeded in throwing him out until he realised the memory had finished there, because Harry had been struck unconscious.

Harry picked himself up off the floor, brushing himself off as if he didn't have a care in the world, but Severus could see his lip was trembling slightly. For the first time, he felt an inkling of respect for that blasted Gryffindor bravado.

'Hmm,' Snape said, turning to the text-book . 'Did you read this section--about being very aware of your body's presence and using that to focus your mind?' He held the text-book out to the boy.

Harry was desperately trying to seem nonchalant as he took the book.

'Read it for half an hour, and then we'll try again.'

The boy nodded, averting his eyes.

Severus left him to it. He would go and check a potion and come back later, giving the brat time to compose himself. He couldn't bear it if he had to deal with a sniveling Potter.

Harry hastily wiped away the tears he had been doing his best to conceal and tried to ignore his churning stomach. Maybe it would be best if Snape jumped through the memories? He hadn't allowed himself to think about that night since it had happened, after all the nightmares were bad enough. Still, he had at least felt as if he could try to block his mind if only he had a shield, whereas usually the flickering memories made him too disorientated to focus. He just needed to find a strong shield.

He read the section of the book Severus had pointed out. It said to use the knowledge of what one's body felt like when it was still, and to focus this sense throughout the mind... Harry sighed. _What does it mean,_ _your sense of stillness?_ When was he ever still? Even in bed he tossed and turned and in classes he fidgeted.

When Severus came back and they tried again, they went straight back into the same memory. This time Harry seemed more composed by the end, although Severus found it harder to stay impassive. He waited for Harry to pick up himself.

'Ready?'

Harry gulped, Snape seemed to be getting really impatient with him. Why couldn't he create a shield? He tried his best to focus. _Think about my body lying still... feel my feet, my legs..._

Again, the same memory, and again Harry had no success in creating a shield. This time Harry noticed that Snape seemed to be getting angry with him, he was in such a temper he wouldn't even look at him between bouts.

'I'm sorry, I'll do better this time... I'm ready,' he said in a small voice.

Severus sighed, reluctant to try again. That memory was making him feel sick and full of rage.

'Why does your mind keep throwing up that memory?' he asked abruptly. 'It's violent, but then, so are the others.'

' That was the worst memory,' Harry replied. 'That was the night Sirius came and found me and took me back with him.'

'And what did The Mutt do to that ghastly Muggle?' Snape demanded.

Harry gave his professor a look as if to say _what do you think,_ but relented and answered quietly.

'He hurt him, like he'd hurt me.'

Snape didn't answer and the silence drew more information out from Harry.

'Uncle Vernon had to go to hospital that night. He... Well.' Harry gave his trademark shrug. 'I _really _can't go back there again.'

'Indeed.'

_Indeed _thought Harry angrily. _What does that mean? Indeed you can't go back there so I will not make you or indeed I can see your uncle will kick ten tons of crap out of you when I send you back there._ Snape was getting mad at him for not Occluding properly? Well, he was doing his best, it wasn't as if he liked seeing this memory over and over. _Smug, ugly git_. _I bet he loves seeing this._

They tried again. And again.

Harry experimented with focusing on the sense of his body lying in bed. When he gave up on that, his body sat in the chair where he was physically at the moment. Neither of these worked.

Severus was about to give up for the day after a long and emotionally straining lesson when _something happened_ in the middle of the memory.

He wasn't exactly thrown out, and Harry wasn't exactly using a shield, but it felt as though the memory was knocked sideways with great force. Severus froze his mind, not trying particularly hard to stay in, but not choosing to exit either ...and there it was again.

Then suddenly it was if the world flipped on its axis, and the memory was still there, and Severus was still in Harry's mind, but everything was upside down and disorientated.

Severus swiftly backed out of Harry's mind.

'What was that?'

Harry looked at his professor a little fearfully. He was pretty sure that wasn't a conventional shield or the thing that Snape had been trying to get him to do... but the wizard didn't seem angry so much as perplexed.

'I was trying to do what the book said and focus on my body, feel from my toes to my head... but I never lie down or just sit. I just don't. And I have no idea what my toes _feel like_. So I kind of thought about how it feels to be flying.'

Severus looked back at Potter silently, considering what the boy had said.

'Is that bad?' Harry asked hesitantly.

'Well... it's something.'

**Please review. All opinions and constructive criticism are gratefully received. **

**Special thanks to Anachronistic Anglophile for all her help as my beta. Of course, any remaining mistakes are mine alone.**


	7. A truce of some description

_Harry was lying groggily on the floor, a mess of tattered clothes and crimson stains. He raised his head a few centimetres off the ground as he tried to focus on the flash of black he'd seen behind his uncle. He sank back down, almost drifting out of consciousness again. He remained curled up sheltering his head although on some level he was becoming aware that the beating had stopped. _

_The next thing that happened was he felt a warm tongue on his cheek gently licking away his blood streaked tears and Padfoot was between him and his uncle._

Severus watched the memory impatiently. How much more of this would he be forced to watch before the boy threw him out? Potter had managed to throw him out of his mind on three separate occasions to date but only when Severus didn't try to resist him. They'd agreed he would do his best this time and the brat had even had the audacity to grin at the challenge this presented. So now Severus was forced to watch what could only be the sequel to _that _memory.

'_Ten minutes Harry... then we'll go, I'm going to sort this once and for all.' _

_Sirius was back in his human form now but itching to go after Vernon, even as he looked down at his godson. He gave Harry a brief pat on his shoulder, very gently so as not to hurt his injuries and headed for the door where the muggle had bolted_.

Severus could feel Harry shift the memory slightly, but not enough to move him by any means.

_Harry tried to pull himself up to standing using the kitchen chair, he saw the kitchen window was wide open- that must have been how Padfoot got in..._

_He staggered and clutched his ribs, falling back to floor. He coughed, breathing with evident discomfort and wiping a mixture of blood and saliva away with a shaking hand. Painstakingly he tried to stand again..._

The memory was knocked again and even swivelled but there was no real power behind Harry's defensive gestures. Meanwhile Severus was growing more and more irate.

_It took several minutes for Harry to limp his way out of the kitchen, still holding onto his side in agony. He could hear the sound of blows, groans and muffled cries from the lounge. Slowly he managed to open the door, clinging to the handle for support._

_Sirius was kicking the crap out of Vernon. Harry saw this and felt... choked...the man certainly deserved every blow...but behind him he could see Dudley restraining his aunt from trying to intervene. The look of pure, unadulterated fear in his cousin's eyes cut through Harry like a knife. He couldn't do this. He couldn't let Sirius do this..._

'_Sirius.' He croaked._

_His godfather ignored him, raining down blows. He'd obviously decided to avoid alerting the ministry to Harry's situation and therefore hadn't drawn his wand. He didn't need to, muggle methods of inflicting pain were immensely effective after all._

_Harry staggered over to his godfather and caught hold of his arm with a bloody hand._

'_Please. Sirius. Enough.'_

_Sirius hesitated. It wasn't enough. It never could be. The rage he felt within him made him want to kill this grotesque muggle. When he thought of what he'd seen when he'd leapt into the room. The way that bastard was beating Harry while he was passed out..._

'_We need to go. Now.'_

_And it was Harry who was the strong one. Harry who led his godfather away despite his own weakness..._

And eventually Harry succeeded in flipping the memory in a bewildering swirl of colour and sound knocking Snape out of the memory.

He looked up at his professor reluctantly. That had taken ages and Snape looked like he was positively _seething_.

'Of all the idiotic, incompetent, fools of a wizard!' Snape thundered and Harry cringed beneath his disapproval.

'What in Merlin's name was the mutt thinking of?'

Harry was shocked to realise Snape was referring to Sirius and not berating him for taking so long to defend his mind properly. For a moment he was almost indignant, yes it was horrible but didn't Snape realise his uncle deserved at least some comeback for what he'd done to him? Then he realised, this was Snape. The man hated him. He probably thought Harry deserved as good as he got. He probably thought Sirius was well out of line...

Which made Harry suddenly panic. 'You're not going to report Sirius are you?'

Snape looked at him strangely for a moment before scoffing. 'Idiot. I was not referring Black's actions, rather his _lack of them_.'

Harry looked back at him at a complete loss.

'Don't you think the mutt should have healed you before dealing with your uncle?' Snape snapped impatiently.

'Oh.' Harry registered this. Of course Snape would find something to criticise Sirius about. They hated each other. 'I don't think he thought about it.' He said defensively. 'He just got caught up in the moment, he was so angry.'

'Well he should have thought of it.' Snape replied heatedly. 'That fool never thinks, that's how he always ends up causing catastrophic problems.'

Harry didn't reply. He wanted to defend his godfather, but didn't see the point in having a full blown argument with Snape. In any case, he thought guiltily, he had to admit the man had a point to some degree. In the past Sirius had nearly caused a scenario where Lupin had almost killed Snape.

************************************

Over the next few days Harry and Snape practised occlumency relentlessly. Without verbalising it both of them realised that they were on the brink of a real breakthrough, although Snape still worried that Harry's eccentric defence was too haphazard to amount to much.

Harry was improving but he still couldn't push Snape out of his mind when the professor resisted him. The next day after Snape had allowed Harry to push him out of his memories a couple times he told him critically: 'It's not enough, you need to use real strength in forcing me out.'

'I got you out though didn't I?'Harry asked unable to restrain the huge grin which covered his face.

'It was feeble.' Spat Snape. 'This time you need to force me out properly.'

Harry nodded, his eyes sparkling. Now that he finally felt he was making headway he actually found himself enjoying the occlumency lessons.

'Legilmens.' Snape entered Harry's mind, not harshly but with more force than he'd been using in recent days.

As soon as Snape entered his mind Harry could feel him. He knew that he was getting much quicker at sensing where he was and how to catch him off guard. The memory this time was of Sirius and Harry lounging around one evening sipping glasses of fire whiskey (two years before he ought to be doing so in Harry's case). Harry concentrated his efforts on causing the memory to shift dramatically to the side before tilting his mind backwards in a split second. Snape felt like he'd been knocked off balance before being thrown backwards. It was similar to the feeling you might leaning back on your chair, a sickening rush of adrenalin as you lose your bearings. It was also remarkable effective.

'Better.' Severus admitted. 'But it still needs to be quicker.'

'How much quicker can I be? You were barely in there a second!' Harry protested.

'If your occlumency is to serve any sort of purpose it needs to be instantaneous.' Severus replied. 'In fact I should not be able to get in at all- that is the actual point, after all.'

'Ok.' Harry sighed. 'Let's try again.'

And they did, over and over until eventually Harry could block Snape most of the time. _Then_ his professor moved the goalposts again. What good was a defence which required a conscious effort? Harry needed to be able to occlude subconsciously- all day long and at night when he slept.

As far as Harry could see this just gave Snape an excuse to pounce on him and legilmise him without warning throughout the day. The git seemed to take perverse pleasure in attacking him at the breakfast table before he was fully awake and then just as he landed his broomstick in the evening... but Harry didn't truly mind. His competitive streak reared itself as he became determined to beat Snape.

On the evening of the seventh day of Harry's stay Severus waited for Harry to take his first bite of his meal before subjecting him to an impromptu occlumency test. This time Harry almost negligently brushed the attack away.

'Try again if you want.' Harry offered.

Severus focused his efforts to no avail although causing Harry to do a slight double take from the intensity of the attack.

'Ok, come on -try your hardest this time.' Harry said carelessly.

'_Brat.' _Severus spat although there was no real venom in the insult. 'That was my best effort.'

'Really?' Harry's eyes widened.

'Do not become complacent. I still remain unconvinced about your ability to occlude during your sleep or under stress. It is all very well being able to occlude during practise sessions when you're relatively relaxed but that is not why you need this skill.'

A few days earlier Harry would have taken issue with Snape saying he was relaxed living with him, but he realised to his surprise it was true, somehow they were getting along and the occlumency was helping him sleep better. He felt pretty good. There was only a week to go before he went back to school and he no longer dreaded the rest of his stay.

That evening while Harry was slouched on the sofa flicking through his occlumency book, Snape suddenly stood up abruptly setting aside the potions journal he'd been reading.

'What's wrong?' Harry asked.

'You don't know?'

Harry shrugged.

'I'm being called.'

'Oh.' Harry's hand flew to his scar automatically. '_I don't feel anything_.'He said in wonder.

Snape looked at him closely as if trying to gauge if Harry was telling the truth. 'Good.' He said briefly.

He transfigured his clothes into the Deatheaters robes, causing Harry to start slightly. For years he'd been convinced Snape was working for Voldermort and truly evil. Now it seemed so out of place seeing him in _that_ outfit. He supposed it was nothing to his professor. All in a days work, make a potion, teach a occlumency lesson, go to a Deatheater meeting.

Harry sighed. 'See you later, then.'

Snape nodded slightly and apparated.

******

That night Harry realised Snape was right about one thing. He didn't always occlude in his sleep.

'_My right hand man.' _

_They were stood in a semi-circle facing Voldermort. Severus was in the middle, inclining his head respectfully to the Dark Lord._

_Voldermort pointed his wand at Severus and accio'd his mask wordlessly. He studied the wizard silently for a few moments. 'When did you last see Dumbledore?' He asked quietly._

_Drawing his occlumency walls up as high as he could Severus looked his master in the eye._

'_Two days ago, my lord.'_

'_And what did he tell you?'_

'_Nothing of any importance, my lord. The Order are concentrating their efforts in recruiting more members, they are finally beginning to comprehend how weak they are.'_

_Their gaze was locked and Voldermort was obviously testing the truth of his words._

'_Crucio.' He said at last._

_Snape fell to the ground in agony, his scream caught in his throat. He lay there for a minute or so after it finished until the tremors stopped and he could stand again. He was genuinely shocked. The Dark Lord, hadn't broke through his barriers. No one was able to do that._

'_You've disappointed me Severus.' _

'_My Lord?' _

'_What good are you as a spy Severus if you do not find out pertinent information? Potter has left his relatives. __**Left the protection of that house**__. Why did __**you**__ not bring me this information? Well?' _

_Voldermort through a hex at Snape unlike any Harry had ever seen, it was a a bolt of purple light which turned to liquid on impact with his skin, becoming some kind of acid if Snape's reaction was anything to go by._

'_I need you to tell me where Potter is being kept.' Voldermort hissed at Severus as the wizard clutched his face, breathing erratically._

'_**Go and find out**__.'_

Harry woke up in a cold sweat and could hear movements below him. He stumbled downstairs in his pyjamas to see Snape staggering into his lab scrubbing at his face with the robe of his sleeve. Harry could barely breathe. Seeing Snape, who was always strong and immensely proud, weakened and in obvious pain was horrifying.

'Are you ok?' He asked stupidly.

Snape reached for a potion and drenched his face with it before turning around to face him.

'So much for your skills at occluding, then.' He said with a hint of bitterness in his voice.

Harry stared at his professor, all down the righthand side of his face it was a furious red and covered in blisters.

Snape turned away from him. 'Go back to bed.' He said shortly.

'I...can I do anything to help?'

'No.'

Harry began to turn towards the door but hesitated.

'I...was really worried tonight.' He admitted in a small voice.

'POTTER.' The angry snarl made Harry back away from his professor rapidly.

'I hardly think you needed to worry.' Snape sneered back at him nastily. 'Even under crucio, I was hardly going to admit where you were, you imbecile. Having you as a guest in my home is hardly going to endear me to the Dark Lord is it?'

'That wasn't what I meant.' Harry muttered leaving the room rapidly.

Lying back in bed, Harry blinked back tears and breathed deeply trying to get control of himself. Eventually he calmed down enough to concentrate on occluding.


	8. Eavesdropping

Harry slept restlessly glancing at the clock next to his bed and willing the night to be over. His mind kept drifting back to Snape. Despite the sneering insults Harry couldn't allow himself to forget that the man had been tortured for keeping quiet about him. He'd even treated his injuries all on his own, unwilling to call upon Dumbledore or Poppy's support.

When it was daybreak at last Harry crept downstairs to Snape's study where he could hear the older wizard's footsteps pacing back and forth. It was still too early for breakfast but he wanted to apologise to his professor for making him think he was scared he'd betray him. He hesitated outside the door. Snape had been so angry last night; perhaps it would be good to check what sort of mood he was in first. The door was slightly ajar and Harry gently pulled it open and peeped into the room.

He held his breath as he realised Snape wasn't alone, Dumbledore was talking to him through the floo. At first he was scared Snape might see him listening before realising that the angle of the fireplace meant that he was outside of both wizards line of sight. Harry inched forward slightly to hear their conversation.

'...I am only sorry we did not have anything prepared in advance.' Dumbledore was saying. 'Rest assured the Order will find plenty of snippets of information which you can offer next time.'

Snape nodded briefly. 'As you wish, but if we...'

'Severus.' Dumbledore interrupted. 'You will not put yourself in any more danger than we can possibly avoid.'

'A hex or two.' Snape replied dismissively. 'We both know that any information I provide has consequences, it would hardly interest the Dark Lord if it didn't. We need to hang onto all our advantages for as long as we can.' Snape gestured at his face which was still bright red although the blisters seemed to be going. '_This_ is nothing.'

'_Severus_.' Dumbledore sounded mildly exasperated. 'That is _not_ 'nothing'. Now we have a few days, I will speak to Order and come back to you. In the meantime how is the occlumency progressing?'

'The boy's defences are passable during the day but he shows his usual ineptitude whilst he is asleep. He witnessed the meeting last night.'

'Ah.' Dumbledore considered this for a moment. 'Well that is still very encouraging and we still have almost another week before the start of term. But I think perhaps it is best if I avoid speaking to Harry for a little while yet. I am very proud of you Severus, yet again you are undertaking a task that no one else could hope to succeed at.'

Severus seemed to shift uncomfortably at the praise but covered this by quickly asking: 'What news of the rest of the order?'

Harry pulled the door closed. If Snape heard him eavesdropping on Order business he would be furious and Dumbledore would probably be terribly disappointed. It wasn't worth the risk. However just as he closed the door quietly he heard Dumbledore mention Sirius' name and immediately abandoned any intention to stop listening- pressing his ear up against the wooden door.

Their voices were muffled but he could still make most of what they were saying out.

'... supposed to send an owl days ago.' Dumbledore finished.

'The fool. He knows how dangerous Ireland is at the moment and particularly around Dublin. He should never have gone there. For Merlin's sake Albus- he knows half of those brutes personally. What on earth was he thinking?'

'He was determined to get their support. He saw it as his duty to Harry.' Dumbledore sounded very unhappy.

'No. He wanted a piece of the action and couldn't bear to not play the starring role.' Snape sneered back. 'We all warned him. _You_ even told him not to go. It'll serve him right if he ends up getting himself killed.'

'_Severus_.' Dumbledore sounded annoyed. 'I have business to attend to. Is there anything else we need to discuss?'

There was a slight pause before Dumbledore added, 'Until tomorrow then.'

Harry crept back upstairs to his room his mind whirling. Sirius had implied that he needed to go away on Order business and now it turned out he was acting on his own accord, that Dumbledore had asked him not to go? And they were worried about him; as he hadn't been in contact like he should have been. Harry had always known the trip would probably be dangerous for his godfather but he'd been so busy the past week that he hadn't had time to dwell on his worries. What if Sirius was hurt or worse?

At seven o'clock Harry went down to breakfast, after all Snape would doubtlessly demand an explanation if he missed the meal.

Severus watched as the boy toyed with his cereal listlessly. He certainly looked very pale and subdued. Perhaps he was sickening for something.

'What is wrong, Potter?' He asked.

'Nothing.' The boy replied. And then, as if he realised this wouldn't satisfy Severus, added 'I didn't sleep very well last night.'

Harry wasn't lying, he had slept badly although that wasn't the reason he couldn't stomach his breakfast but he couldn't let Snape know about the conversation he'd heard.

Severus sighed. He should have thought to give the brat a calming potion last night. Perhaps they both should have had one.

'You may wake me in future if you can't sleep, Potter.' He said at last. 'I have dreamless sleep and other potions which could benefit you. Our lessons will be hindered if you are too exhausted to concentrate.'

Harry didn't reply. Wake him? Yeah right, he would love to have seen Snape's reaction if he'd annoyed him _again_ last night by whining about not being able to sleep...He took one more small bite of cereal before giving up and pushing it aside. His stomach was churning; there was no way he could eat. He sipped his pumpkin juice instead.

'You may rest this morning instead of studying.' Snape told him. 'Hopefully you will feel better by this afternoon.'

Harry dragged his eyes away from his glass which he'd been focusing on.

'Thanks.'

He trudged upstairs and lay down fully dressed on his bed. He knew he wouldn't be able to sleep with his mind racing like this. He concentrated on ensuring his occlumency shield was at it's full strength: a continual whirlwind of movement and activity set as the backdrop to his thoughts. He sat up to reach for one of the books from beside his bed but felt a rush of dizziness which prompted him to sink back against the bed.

He moaned slightly as he struggled to choke back waves of nausea.

_Then all of a sudden his mind felt wonderfully light and calm for a split second before he saw Padfoot lying in front of him._

_It was as if he was viewing a memory, stood nearby but unable to make contact, the difference being that he could feel the sunlight beaming down, smell the forest around him and feel shockwaves of his godfather's pain._

_Sirius, in his animagous form was lying awkwardly, sprawled against the foot of a tree. His fur was matted and a pool of blood had formed beneath him and was soaking into the ground._

With a jolt Harry sat up. All the traces of nausea and weakness from earlier had disappeared. However the image of Sirius lying there kept floating into his mind and he hugged his knees into his body, shaking. Trying to get rid of the memory of his godfather lying there hurt, possibly dying.

_What the hell was that_? Some sort of waking nightmare? His occlumency wall was still strong and hadn't been breached. He knew he hadn't just fallen asleep...

At lunchtime when Harry told Snape that he still wasn't up to practising occlumency the older wizard was prepared to accept it but he was determined to know exactly what the problem was.

'I'm fine.' Harry said concentrating on his meal.

'Potter, look at me when I am talking to you.' Snape demanded. 'Are you feeling ill? Or just exhausted?'

'I...' Harry hesitated under his professors watchful dark eyes. 'I've just been thinking...'

Severus bit back all his usual sarcastic, barbed comments. 'And?'

'I was wondering if we had any members of the Order based in Ireland. In case... Sirius had any problems. I mean, you can't floo or apparate from Ireland so he's stuck there isn't he? I really wish he hadn't gone. And when I was upstairs, lying down, I closed my eyes and I could see...'

Harry stumbled over his words, gulping back his tears. 'I... I ...could just see him somehow. Lying there. Injured. I don't know how badly.'

'Potter.' Snape's voice was low and ominous. 'Just how much of my conversation with the headmaster this morning did you eavesdrop into?'

Harry hesitated as he considered trying to lie his way out of it but thought better of it. Whatever you could say about Snape the man wasn't a fool, he had figured out that Harry had been listening and there was little point in denying it.

Severus watched as the boy shrugged.

'The bits about our occlumency mainly, and then I was going away until I heard Dumbledore mention Sirius.'

'At which point you thought you'd stay and listen at the door?' Severus sneered. 'Despite the fact that _Professor_ Dumbledore and I were discussing private matters.'

'It was to do with me.'

'And that is supposed to excuse such blatant disrespect? You have been treated as a guest in my home. I didn't expect to have to ward my office against your prying ears and restrict you to your room. How very naive of me to assume your sense of honour might prevent such unscrupulous behaviour. No matter though- my error can be easily remedied.'

And saying this Severus grabbed Harry's arm and frog marched him to his bedroom. Before his professor could close the door the boy appealed to him, his fear for Sirius overcoming any sense of guilt in his own actions.

'Sir? Please could you floo Professor Dumbledore and see if he has heard anything else? I just can't stop thinking about...'

But Severus had gone shutting the door behind him.

Later that afternoon Leenie brought Harry a tray to make up for his missed lunch. The little elf didn't say anything but just laid it on the desk quietly making Harry wonder if she had been told he was in disgrace.

A few hours later, Harry was trying to doze on his bed when Snape stormed into the room.

'Get up.' He snapped making Harry jump slightly.

'Why didn't you eat this?' He pointed at the curling sandwich.

Harry shrugged helplessly.

'Come downstairs. It's dinnertime, and you _will_ eat Potter.'

Sat at the table Harry made a real effort to eat some of his meal. Twice he started to ask his Professor something and twice he thought better of it. Eventually Severus could stand it no more.

'Enough. If you have something to tell me then do so and stop sitting there gaping like an idiot.'

'I'm just so worried about what I saw,' Harry said in a rush. 'I just need to know if he's ok...'

'This is what you get if you listen at doors.' Snape replied heavily. 'You need to grow up and stop acting so childishly. Sirius is in danger, as are _all _the Order members. You must accept that as a necessary part of life and stop making such a drama out of everything.'

'I know.' Harry nodded and toyed with his mashed potato for a few more minutes making Severus think he had actually listened to him. Then he looked up.

'Please can we still just check with Professor Dumbledore?'

***


	9. Sirius

In the evening of the following day Dumbledore was surprised and not at all pleased to see Harry waiting to speak to him alongside Severus. The headmaster didn't look like his usual cheerful self, his face baring signs of extreme tiredness and strain.

'Harry. Severus.' He nodded his greeting briefly and then looked questioningly at the older wizard, raising his eyebrows at Harry's presence. 'I thought we discussed this yesterday?'

Harry opened his mouth to speak but a warning glance from Snape told him to be quiet. He quickly shut his mouth again. He was surprised that Snape was letting him speak to Dumbledore at all and he wasn't going to push his luck.

'Five minutes, Albus. The brat overheard our conversation yesterday and it seems that I will get no peace until he hears from you if there is any news.'

'Ah.' Dumbledore said looked very solemn at this and all traces of the usual twinkle in his eyes were missing.

'I am afraid I don't have good news for you Harry.' He said quietly without preamble. 'We have had word from Ireland. Two reports have confirmed that there was an incident involving Sirius.'

Harry couldn't breath. _An incident. _What did that mean?

'Is he...?' His voice faltered and he didn't manage to finish his question.

Dumbledore's eyes were filled with sorrow as he replied. 'We just don't know, Harry. What reports we have our confused and incomplete. Our man in the IMG tells us that they have definitely found traces of a skirmish but that no one was left at the scene.'

It wasn't lost on the Headmaster that Harry glanced to Severus automatically for an explanation of the unfamiliar acronyms, nor that his professor responded to his questioningly look automatically murmuring 'Irish Magical Guarda, like our MLE.'

'...so he could be alright?' Harry asked hopefully.

Dumbledore seemed to pause momentarily to gather strength before replying.

'I don't want to give you false hope Harry. All our reports say that Sirius was trying to fight off a group of at least six or seven wizards. It is still possible that he managed to get away and will contact us shortly, but we have been monitoring all the local healers and hospitals and so far we have heard nothing...'

Harry couldn't take it in. Sirius had been attacked by a large group... Now he was missing and he wasn't being healed...suddenly the memories of the scene he'd imagined yesterday crowded into his mind again.

'Do they know he's an animagous?' He asked suddenly. 'What if he's wounded as Padfoot? Would they know it's him?'

Dumbledore nodded. 'They have been told to look out for any dog's bodies they might come across.'

_Bodies._ Dumbledore had said bodies.

_Sweet Merlin, he thinks he's_ _dead_, Harry thought numbly.

He stumbled to his feet reeling from the shock and horror desperate to get away to his room where he could think things through.

The two older wizards watched as Harry left the room.

'When did this happen?' Severus asked his face unreadable.

'At some point yesterday afternoon.'

'There may still be hope then.'

Dumbledore shook his head bleakly.

'If he was injured we would have found him or heard something by now. If they took him captive...'

He left the last part of the sentence unfinished. They both knew what that would mean.

'I'd better...'

Dumbledore nodded.

'Go after him.'

***

As Dumbledore's face vanished in the floo and Severus turned towards the door he was startled by a loud crash and hurried out into the hall way to find scattered debris with pieces of a vase and fragments from the mirror covering the hall way. Harry was nowhere to be seen but a shocked Leenie stood frozen a few foot away. Sighing Severus quickly headed into his lab and pocketed some dreamless sleep and calming potion before heading after Harry.

***

Harry had stumbled out of the study into the hallway and paused outside the door; closing his eyes and letting his head roll forward to lean against the cool surface of the mirror.

'Is Master Harry ill?' Leenie asked sounding concerned.

Harry didn't even hear her, he was so absorbed in his own thoughts.

_He was dead._

_Somewhere his godfather's body was buried deep in the earth, or perhaps left to rot out in the cold. _

_It was all because of him. Sirius knew, what Harry had always felt deep down, that he would never be able to defeat Voldermort. Everyone seemed so trusting that he would one day evolve into some kind of saviour and conquer a wizard who held a power so evil that the world had never seen the like of it before. It was ridiculous to think that he would ever be capable to succeed. He wasn't that special. Yes he was good at defence and had now mastered the essential of occlumency but however hard he worked it would never be enough. __**Sirius knew this.**_

_So Sirius had gone to Ireland to gather support for the battle and to lighten the burden for Harry whilst the rest of the Order seemed prepared to blindly trust that if they could protect Harry until he came of age somehow he would transform into their hero._

_He'd done it all for him, Harry realised. And worst of all he'd let him go when Sirius had made it plain that one word from him and he'd have stayed._

_It was all his fault._

All these thoughts flew through Harry's mind in a flash. He opened his eyes and stared back at his reflection for a brief moment- taking in the white face, glistening green orbs and quivering lips. In that instance his grief suddenly turned to rage and before he thought about what he was doing he'd smashed the vase into the mirror; killing the reflection staring back at him.

Seconds later Harry found himself in his room, although he had no memory of getting there. He rifled through his things systematically tearing things out of his trunk. His hand was bleeding, he must have caught it on fragments of mirror or the vase, and the blood smeared onto his clothes as scrunched them up, tearing them and casting them aside. _Sirius had bought him these things and he didn't deserve any of them._

It was at that moment that Snape entered the room, he looked down with an unreadable expression at Harry who was kneeling beside his trunk.

'Harry.'

'What?!' Harry shouted back, not registering that Snape had called him by his first name. He'd never felt this angry before, with himself, with Snape, with everyone and everything. He felt like he wanted to lash out at the world and smash things apart. But the anger was good. _He needed the anger._ It hid all the other feelings that were deep inside of him, which he couldn't possibly face.

'I'm so...'

'DON'T YOU DARE SAY YOU'RE SORRY! Don't you _dare_ disrespect Sirius like that. I know what you thought of him. You're _glad_ he's dead.'

'I'm not glad he's dead.' Severus said sharply. 'He was in the order, why would I be glad that the order has lost one of it's members?'

'Because you _hated_ him. _I heard you. _You said it would serve him right if he got himself killed. WELL I SUPPOSE YOU'RE HAPPY NOW.' Harry had emptied his trunk now and stood up grabbing the next thing close to hand, a picture hanging from the wall, and hurled it to the floor. It gave a satisfying crack.

'Harry, calm down!' Severus' voice was beginning to raise.

'Oh I'm sorry, am I making a drama again?' Harry said bitterly lashing out with his arm scattering books and an ink pot off a shelf. 'Should I_ calm down _and accept that Sirius' death was_ necessary_?'

Harry reached towards the second shelf but Severus darted forward to stop him destroying anything else. Seeing his professor moved forward Harry panicked and pulled out his wand at which point Snape's materialised immediately from where it was tucked in his robe.

For a second they stared at each other tensely, Harry cracked first under the pressure hurtling a blasting hex at Snape who responded instantly with a shield before promptly disarming his student.

Harry had collapsed to his knees, emotions overtaking him. How had everything gone so wrong so suddenly? A couple days ago he'd been relatively happy and carefree. He couldn't cry, somehow his eyes were stone cold dry as he knelt defeated on the floor shaking.

Severus, having pocketed Harry's wand, moved towards him with his own wand still pointing at him. Harry realised he was completely defenceless now that he'd lost his wand and he no longer had the threat of Sirius retribution to keep Snape from harming him.

Severus was right next to him now and reached out grabbing Harry's forearm in a vice-like grip. Harry shrank back from him, his eyes huge and terrified.

Severus' wand was pointing directly at Harry who braced himself for what would come next, but instead of a jolt of pain he felt a tingling sensation in his hand and realised that he was healing the cut on his hand. Severus reached into a pocket of his robes and withdrew and opened two potions. Harry was so shaken he drank both of them without any protests.

'Lie down on the bed.' Severus ordered.

Shakily Harry stood up, his eye lids already feeling heavy with approaching sleep. He sat on the edge of the bed and then allowed himself to fall backwards into a lying position, barely noticing as Severus transfigured his clothes into pyjamas.

Within minutes Harry was in a deep sleep and Severus stood watching him carefully for some time before turning to deal with all the surrounding mess. He could repair some of it. The cracked mirror and shattered ink pot were easy enough, but Harry'd done a more thorough job on some of his own possessions. Some of his clothes looked like he must have torn at the material with his teeth from the jagged tears. Even if he repaired those they would never be the same and then there was the blood stains to also consider. Severus did his best and banished the bare minimum of items before glancing once more at the boy before closing the door behind him.

The next morning Harry woke up from a night of blank, dreamless sleep and there was a terrible moment before everything from yesterday sunk into his mind.

Sirius was gone. His godfather was dead. He was alone again.

Harry knew it was selfish to feel sorry for himself- to concentrate on the impact on him- when it was Sirius who had to endure the attack and it was Sirius' body which lay cold somewhere...But he couldn't think about this now. He would break down if he did.

Harry started to shake again when he remembered how he'd tried to blast Snape last night. He'd been so sure the man's temper was going to snap, but in the end he hadn't hit him or hexed him,_ he'd healed him instead_. One thing was certain however Harry knew he couldn't rely on Snape to continue to be patient. It hadn't been too bad living with Snape when they'd both known it was only temporary till Sirius returned but what would happen to him now? _Sirius was gone leaving him to look after himself once more._ The first step to this was in getting his wand back.

Harry searched in every room he could access but couldn't find it. Eventually Harry came to the dining room where Severus was having breakfast.

'I want my wand back.' Harry stood in the doorway looking wary but defiant. He'd only been awake for twenty minutes but already his eyes were red and swollen from crying. He knew it was playing with fire to even ask for his wand after yesterday, but he didn't care.

'You cannot be serious.' Snape said flatly.

Harry breathed deeply. What would Sirius do in his situation? He decided to emulate his godfather's fiery temper.

Harry approached the table and suddenly flung it on its side scattering the breakfast items on top of it. The table was pretty heavy and it took quite a lot of energy to knock it over. It felt good like letting some of the anger within him escape.

Snape drew his wand pointing it at Harry.

'Pick that up.' He said in a quiet, deadly voice. Motioning with his head at the table and spilled items. 'Now.'

'Give me my wand first.' Harry said recklessly.

Suddenly sparks flew out of Snape's wand and flung Harry abruptly to the other side of the room, pining him against the wall.

Striding quickly towards him Snape gave an almost imperceptible wave of his wand and Harry was lifted higher so his feet dangled off the floor making it even more obvious that he was completely at Snape's mercy.

Snape stood glaring at him for a moment before yelling in his face. 'I will not have you destroying my home. Do you understand? I have made allowances for your grief but YOU HAVE REACHED MY LIMITS.' Harry couldn't stop himself from cringing back into the wall.

Snape breathed deeply and gave a quick wave of his wand and Harry stumbled to his feet.

'Pick up the table or I will jinx you. You can spend the whole day in a bodybind if you would like to. '

Harry look mutinously at the table sniffing and picking it up. He dumped it back on its feet whilst glowering at Snape.

Snape glared back at him in silence for a few seconds. 'Right.'

A quick wave of his wand and all the scattered plates, glasses, cutlery were mended and replaced. Harry watched as Snape floo'd for Leenie who appeared with a large jug of fresh milk and plate heaped with toast.

'Sit down.'

Harry sat folding his arms in front of him.

'Eat.'

'Not hungry.' He replied stubbornly. Sirius would never be able to eat again after all.

A quick flick of his wand and Severus made a piece of toast fly suddenly at Harry's mouth.

Harry caught hold of it with his hand and flung it towards Snape. Then a moment later sent the plate with the other pieces flying after it. Snape hastily stepped out of the way of the flying plate with his usual agility, leaving Harry frozen. He hadn't meant to actually fling the plate _at_ Snape, not to actually_ hit him_. But it had gone closer to him than he'd actually meant. Snape definitely wouldn't believe that though – not after the book incident the other day.... Harry's heart was thudding as he waited for the inevitable explosion.

Instead Snape just looked exasperated and waved his wand causing Harry to gasped as the icy milk tipped over his head, the jug clattering to the floor. The milk ran through his hair, over his face and soaked his jumper.

'Fine starve yourself then, you foolish child.' Severus spat out angrily. Then he seemed to recollect himself, becoming aware that instead of taking the moral high ground as the adult he was regressing to Harry's level.

'You need to eat, or you will make yourself ill. I hardly think that Sirius would want you to be acting like this. He would want you to try to get on with life as normal.'

Harry was gobsmacked by the sheer absurdity of this comment. Sirius had been killed and Snape expected him to carry on as normal?

'Don't pretend you have any idea what Sirius would think!' He said furiously.

'I would never presume to understand most of the workings of that mutt's mind but I am sure I can be confident in assuming he would want you to look after yourself...' Severus replied sneeringly.

Harry didn't register the point his Professor was making. He couldn't see past the implicit insult in those hateful, scornful tones. _Snape would never presume to understand most of the workings of that mutt's mind. _Right, that's because Sirius was stupid enough to get himself killed was it? Dumb enough to be prepared to risk everything for him.

'You bastard. I hate you. He was a hundred times the wizard you'll ever be. I wish he was here right now to hex you into oblivion. I wish ... I wish it was you who was dead and not him.'

Harry stopped abruptly, he'd managed to even shock himself. _Where had that come from? _Yes it was Snape but the man had actually been pretty decent to him whilst he'd been here. He certainly didn't deserve him saying something so awful and for a split second Snape himself actually looked stricken before his usual cold, angry expression reasserted itself. Before Harry could apologise, he found his tongue jinxed so it was stuck to the roof of his mouth and Snape was saying to him in a low but ominous tone, 'I suggest you go to your room, _now_.'


	10. No less than the trees and the stars

Harry didn't have to be asked twice. He turned and fled upstairs to his room. Severus also left the room, striding into his study and reaching for a handful of floo powder straight away.

'Albus!'

'Severus?' Dumbledore looked up from the parchment he was reading at his desk as Severus stepped through the floo into his office.

'You need to take that Potter away from my home before I do something we will both regret!' Severus spat the words out. 'The brat is out of control: completely disrespectful and smashing the place up.'

Dumbledore raised his eyebrows. 'He has been through a lot.' He remarked mildly.

'He will go through a lot_ more_ if you do not remove him from my presence.' Severus retorted.

Dumbledore sighed and leaned back in his chair studying Severus for a moment.

'He is one child, Severus. At Hogwarts you deal with a whole house.'

'But they are not _him_.' There was a slight pause and Severus added. 'He tried to hex me yesterday.'

Dumbledore looked away for a moment as if he was trying to decide something. Eventually he looked back at Severus.

'He's staying with you,' Dumbledore held up his hand to prevent Severus interrupting. 'You were both beginning to get past this...reluctance you have to understand one another.'

At Severus' disbelieving look he continued.

'You _were,_ Severus. I could tell from the way he was with you the other day.'

'We might have been making a small amount of progress,' Severus admitted, 'but you're mistaken in thinking this is a good idea. I am the worst person to have to deal with him at the present time.'

'This is a difficult and confusing time for Harry.' Dumbledore replied. 'The two of you beginning to build some sort of foundations between you and then...well. He knows that you and Sirius didn't see eye to eye. If he is reacting badly to you at the moment have you considered that he may be feeling disloyal to his godfather?'

'If you think his misbehaviour is really a sign of his growing respect for me' Severus said incredulously. 'I can assure you that nothing could be further from the truth.

Dumbledore didn't push the point any further but changed the subject abruptly.

'Do you remember a conversation we had when you were a year or so younger than Harry is now? Where you made a disclosure to me?'

Severus was completely lost. 'No. I don't.'

'You were in the second year and you had been sent to me for retaliating to Sirius and James. It was one of the very rare occasions where you didn't cover your actions sufficiently to avoid punishment.'

Severus raised an eyebrow. 'I remember the occasion, but I don't remember any disclosure.'

'The hex you had used was particularly dark – it concerned me far more than your constant squabbles. I asked you why you had reacted in such a disproportionate manner and you responded "What did you expect given what I'm used to?" Of course at the time I assumed that you were referring to the violence you encountered from the Gryffyndors but seeing that you were more than capable of giving as good as you got, I left it at that. It wasn't until the next summer that I truly appreciated the depth of your words by which point you had retaliated against your father and attracted the attention of Lucius Malfoy.'

'Are you really suggesting that the boy is going to start turning towards the dark because of everything that has happened?' Severus asked disbelievingly.

'No. I believe that the only person that Harry is really in danger of hurting is himself. He'll blame himself for what has happened to Sirius, it's in his nature.'

There was silence.

'You say that you're the worst person to deal with Harry at the moment, but you could very easily be the best. He needs you to talk to him Severus, about his uncle and about Sirius. You need to show him that it's not his fault.'

Severus nodded slowly and turned towards the fireplace.

'Severus?'

The younger wizard turned back. 'Both you and Harry are critical to the lights cause. With your support and guidance I truly believe that Harry can become a force to be reckoned with.'

***

Severus stepped back through the floo with mixed emotions. On one hand he knew the potential was there should they work together. Look at what they had achieved with occlumency in the past week. And without any false pride he knew that no one was better placed to teach Harry than he. On the other hand there was no one who was able to irritate him so much and so quickly. And of course it didn't help that the brat was the doopeldanger of his father. And yet...

Severus braced himself to go back upstairs. If he was staying here he had to deal with the boy's behaviour. It couldn't be allowed to continue like this. He frowned grimly deep in thought as he strode up the stairs. It was time to show the brat there were repercussions for his actions.

Harry felt his stomach muscles contract as his bedroom door opened. He knew he was in so much trouble ...he was just _finished_. They'd never allow him back to Hogwarts now, not after trying to hex a teacher and screaming those terrible things at him. Harry couldn't even find fault with the fact that Snape would doubtlessly be coming to take him back to his relatives. He'd ruined everything and where else could they send him now that he'd lost his godfather? Utterly dejected, Harry felt that he would deserve everything he got anyway. When he wasn't attacking people on purpose he still managed to cause their deaths indirectly. After all Sirius' sacrifice for him followed on from his mum and dad's.

When Snape stood in the doorway glaring at him Harry tried to pull himself together. He rose to his feet and heaved his trunk up. Snape pointed his wand at him and he could feel his tongue being freed from the top of his mouth.

Immediately he opened his mouth, he was ready for this: he would apologise and try to act like a man.

'I just wanted to say...'

Whatever words Harry had planned to say Severus would never find out as the controlled, dignified apology disintegrated before it could begin.

Harry took a couple big gulps of air to try and choke back his tears but it was no good. Held back too long, enormous, silent sobs overtook Harry and were followed by painful waves of tears that racked his small body.

Completely wrong footed Severus had no idea how to react. An angry Potter was easier to deal with than this. It was too soon to give the child any more calming drought and although sending him back to bed was an attractive idea he had barely been up for an hour. No, he would have to find something to occupy the boy and calm him down. Removing the trunk from Harry's hand, Severus led the boy to his lab.

Harry sat down at a desk and allowed his head to drop into his arms. Severus pushed a box of tissues towards him and then ignored him completely until his shoulders had stopped shaking.

'Are you more composed now, Potter?' Snape inquired eventually.

Harry blew his nose a final time before answering quietly.

'I'm sorry.'

'Quite.'

Severus pushed a chopping board and knife towards the boy and a jar of bileweed stalks before sitting down at a separate table and unfolding a piece of parchment and reaching for a quill.

'Dice them.' He instructed.

Sniffing, Harry automatically started to dice.

'I didn't mean those things I said.'

'Don't flatter yourself by imagining for one moment that I care at all about any of your opinions.' Snape replied in a bored tone. 'Just concentrate on the dicing.'

Harry wanted desperately to ask what was going to happen to him now, but didn't dare to disobey his professor's wish for him not to speak.

'What is it Potter?' Snape asked irritably looking up from his writing.

'Are you going to take me back to the Dursleys?'

'Don't tempt me.' Severus replied acidly and continued writing before glancing back up to see the boy was shaking worst than ever.

'Oh for Merlin's sake, Harry.' He exploded. 'Are you really dense enough to think for one moment that I will take you anywhere near that thug again?'

'You said you would.' Harry's voice was so quiet that his professor could barely hear his response. 'The other day.'

'And if I said that I will chop you up and put you in a potion would you also take that literally? And do you really think that Professor Dumbledore would allow you to be sent back there?'

'Sirius told me that after everything that happened Dumbledore said despite everything it might still have been the safest place for me.

Severus briefly shut his eyes. What a bloody stupid comment. And what a complete imbecile Black was to repeat it to Harry knowing that it would surely worry him.

'You will not be going back there.'

'But there's nowhere else for me.'

'What about Hogwarts?'

'I can't stay there in the summer.'

_Heaven help him._ 'For the last time Potter you will not be going back to your relatives. I imagine there must be numerous places for you to stay and if it really came to it you could even stay here rather than going back to them.'

_That shut him up. _Satisfied Severus turned back to his parchment. _Of course it would never come to anything. Harry would stay with the Weasleys without any doubt._

For a long time Harry chopped the ingredients silently. When he was finished Severus placed the parchment in front of him alongside a cauldron.

'Now brew this.'

Harry looked at the instructions that Severus had scrawled. Navitas potion. An energy boosting potion they had studied at school which he had been completely hopeless at making. He sighed slightly as he reached for the cauldron.

Severus banished his first attempt. And his second.

Harry tried really hard on his third attempt and Severus actually glanced at it for more than half a second this time before banishing it.

For the fourth attempt Severus stood close to Harry and watched him carefully.

'I can't do it when you hover like that.' Harry muttered.

'You can't seem to do it anyway.' Severus replied cuttingly. 'If I help you perhaps we will be able to finish before it is time for tea instead of lunch. Or we run out of ingredients altogether.' He added as an afterthought.

This had to be the most laborious punishment ever, Harry decided as he set up the cauldron again. He would quite literally prefer to scrub floors. He set the bileweed once again so that it was bubbling away, stirred it carefully and was just adding the frogs' eyes when a cold hand pushed his hand back.

He looked up confused.

'It says to add eight?'

'Look at the potions colour, Potter.' Snape replied impatiently.

'Eight would be correct if you had diced the bileweed finely enough- see how dark it is? So you need to compensate by using fewer frogs eyes.'

Harry did as he was instructed and continued to stir the potion, adding slightly reduced amounts of the remaining ingredients in proportion with the frogs' eyes.

The potion was finished at last, a radiant shimmering red unlike all the others which had been various murky shades of brown.

'Finally.' Severus said. 'Your first acceptable potion. Come.'

Harry followed his professor into the dining room and sat down at the table. He felt his stomach growl hungrily as he eyed the food. Had it only been this morning that they'd had that terrible argument? It felt like longer than that, mind you five hours of potions would do that to you.


	11. Falling by the wayside

In the future, looking back on the days which followed, Harry would recall an overwhelming sense of emptiness. Time passed and he undertook the various tasks that Snape appointed to him, but he didn't feel anything. Where once he had been angry he was now a shell, devoid of emotion. Numb.

He craved nothing more than to curl up in bed and sleep endlessly, but of course Snape refused to let him. Every day the Professor bullied him out of bed, and gave him orders to make potions, practise occlumency, to study and finally to talk. Always, _always_ to talk.

It was strange, Harry thought, that Snape was so insistent discussing all his problems, just when they no longer mattered to him. He knew he ought to care but he was too exhausted to hurt anymore. He didn't particularly enjoy these stilted talks with Snape but found that the sooner he gave in and got it over with the sooner he would be left alone.

For his part, Severus soon discovered that Dumbledore's fears about Harry blaming himself were all too accurate. In fact the boy's capacity to take responsibility for everything no matter how incredible astounded him. Usually Severus managed to remain calm during their decidedly awkward conversations. At times however, he struggled to keep his composure. On such occasion was when they talked about Harry's abuse at the hands of his uncle.

'What do you _mean_ it was your fault?' He demanded heatedly. 'I can tell you most assuredly that there is _no way_ on earth that you could possibly have deserved what you uncle did to you.'

Harry sighed. 'I know he shouldn't have hit me like that, I'm not stupid. It's just... I could have behaved better, tried not to wind him up so much.'

'And what terrible acts did you commit to warrant such fury?' Severus demanded. 'As I must have missed those? From what I've seen you had the audacity to step outside your bedroom and the temerity to seek food when you were hungry. Grave crimes indeed.'

Harry shrugged.

'You don't get it. I know what my uncle's like. I could have crept downstairs when he was asleep to get food. That's what I always used to do. He only really loses it when I argue back to him... I brought what happened on myself really and....'

'And?' Severus waited relentlessly for him to complete his thought.

'I... think I kind of wanted it to happen. For things to come to a head. I mean obviously I didn't want to get hurt like I did, I didn't think he'd go that far. But I knew Sirius would be coming to see me at some point and I'd already told him I hated the Dursleys. Not that anyone ever listened, they just made me go back there because of the wards. I think I thought if he could just see how bad it really was he'd take me away.'

Severus said nothing, his silence somehow eking more information from Harry. About things which he found uncomfortable. About things he hadn't even admitted to himself.

'And of course I got what I wanted, didn't I? I got hurt, he took me away and felt so bad about me being a defenceless, stupid kid, unable to protect myself from a _muggle_ yet alone Voldermort, that he decided to go to Ireland...'

Severus shook his head at that.

'That had less to do with Black believing you to be incapable than thinking it was wrong for so much responsibility to rest on you.'

'No. I know he didn't think I could do it.' Harry said with certainty. 'It's why he never even tried to train me when I stayed with him. Do you know I could have stopped him going? After he'd told me he was going and we argued, he told me he wouldn't go if I wouldn't agree with it. I could have stopped him. I should have stopped him from going and getting killed.'

Severus shook his head again.

'Sirius was set upon going to Ireland from the moment he escaped Azkaban. Before he even met you. It was the first thing that he told the Order after his name was cleared, before he'd even recovered. He was always going to go there. You might have delayed him until term started again and you went back to Hogwarts, but no longer.'

'Whatever.' Harry couldn't even be bothered to argue. 'It still would have ended the same. He still would have ended up dying because of me.'

The more time Severus spent talking to Harry the more concerned he became. The boy wasn't angry any more but he was dejected. He didn't seem able to work up much interest or enthusiasm for anything. His birthday came and numerous gifts and owls arrived but later on the same day Severus noticed the presents and letters lay untouched in his room. And he still asked for dreamless sleep every night before bed.

'You're having it too often.'

'It's just... I dream constantly about Sirius otherwise and it stays with me all the next day. The potion really helps. I hardly dream at all when I've taken it.'

'It can be dangerous; people have been known to develop a dependency upon it...' Snape paused in the middle of his sentence and eyed Harry carefully. 'Did you just say you _hardly_ dream at all?'

Harry nodded. 'It works pretty well.'

Severus looks at him strangely. 'Harry, you shouldn't be able to dream _at all_ when you have taken dreamless sleep. Are you still occluding before you go to sleep?'

Harry nodded and Severus continued to look at him thoughtfully.

Harry shrugged. 'It's not like they're proper dreams, or nightmares or anything. Mostly it's just hearing footsteps.'

'Footsteps?'

'Yeah. Everything's black and cold and I can just hear someone walking past.'

Severus looks at him as though he would like to say more but hesitated and eventually replied 'tell me if you dream anything else which is unusual.'

Harry shrugged. _Whatever_. 'Can I go outside and fly now?'

Snape nodded. Flying was the one thing that Harry still volunteered to do, albeit less enthusiastically than in the past.

Harry took his broomstick and went outside. It was a beautiful summer's evening but in the fading sunlight it was chilly so he'd pulled a cloak on top of his jeans and t-shirt. Gracefully climbing onto his broomstick he headed up in the sky, feeling the whoosh of air rushing past him during the incline. If only Sirius was here now, the evenings they had spent flying together had been his favourite times with his Godfather.

Closing his eyes for a moment to focus, Harry sped up to distract himself, zooming towards trees at the far edge of the grounds. Executing a sharp turn for a moment he felt his stomach lurch as he slightly mistimed his turn and almost collided with a thick branch. Glancing towards the house, after all Snape had already warned him once about his flying, he laughed in relief when he realised he'd got away with it. The pounding adrenaline running through his body felt wonderful as for the first time in days he felt alive.

Ten minutes later Snape headed out of the house casting a notice-me-not charm. Harry had seemed to have stopped his destructive behaviour over the past few days but old habits die hard and he found himself loath to leave the brat unobserved for any length of time...

As well he might. Watching Harry fly Severus felt his heart in his mouth. _What the hell was he doing_, he thought as he watched the boy career towards the enormous oaks at break-neck speed. And were his eyes _closed_? Severus wanted to yell at Harry, tell him to watch out and come down immediately but hesitated to make any noise in case he startled him and caused him to fall. Opening his eyes as he reached the trees Harry zigzagged amidst the branches, then leaning far back on his his broom to miss one, his cloak suddenly caught on another branch behind him...

Suddenly wrenched back by his cloak, Harry made a desperate grab for his broomstick but lost control. How he had managed to avoid disaster until this point Severus wasn't sure. Pure luck and instinctive lighting-reactions had somehow avoided a head on collision but a crash had always been inevitable.

As Harry hurtled towards the ground, desperately trying to temper his descent, Severus snapped into action firing off several superior cushioning charms alongside a feather-light charm so that when Harry hit the ground the force was minimal.

Helping the boy up, it was Harry's utter lack of repentance which finally made Severus crack.

'You stupid brat, you could have killed yourself!'

'I would've been ok.'

_Not the right thing to say, _Harry realised immediately from the expression on Snape's face.

Snape still had his wand out, as well, but by now Harry was confident the wizard would never hex him.

Unfortunately Harry hadn't considered that he might hex his broomstick.

A muttered phrase under his breath and the broomstick flew out of Harry's hand and landed on the grass in front of him, bursting into flames.

An echo of Harry's previous anger awoke somehow from where it had been lying dormant.

'Put it out!' He yelled furiously.

It did no good. Severus just yelled straight back at him with equal rage. 'You can't be trusted with it!'

Harry made a grab for the broomstick to try and roll it on the ground to extinguish the flames but he couldn't hold onto it without burning his hand. Tearing his cloak off he tried to smoother the flames and for one moment it seemed that he would be successful until his cloak started to smoulder and then set aflame as well.

His anger had disappeared as quickly as it emerged. He turns towards Snape with a grief stricken face.

'Please put it out.' He said pleadingly.

'_No.' _Snape snapped back unsympathetically.

***

Wordlessly Harry carried the burnt remains of his broom back to his room. He laid it carefully on his desk.

It was just a broom. It shouldn't hurt this much. Just a broom.

That Sirius had given him. That he had loved and which reminded of him of all the best times he had spent with Sirus this summer, flying together, mucking about, spending too short a time together.

How could Snape do this to him? He could have confiscated it or banned him from using it. He didn't have to do _this_. Of course it was _Snape_ what did he expect after all? He was a fool to think that anything had changed between them. He would never forgive him for this.

But perhaps he could mend it? He'd already tried reparo but the must be other stronger spells he could use? There were hundreds of books in the library. He would work his way through them.

An hour later, surrounded by piles of discarded books, Harry was no further forward. He'd found a means of shielding brooms from fire which would have been brilliant to prevented the fire damage beforehand. Everything else so far had been useless. It seemed that you could repair small objects which had been burnt, things like books and parchment but not broomsticks. He wouldn't give up, there must be other books...

'Potter.'

_Leave me alone._

'Potter!' Snape called again, impatiently.

_Don't you get it, I don't want to ever speak to you again._

'Potter get down here **immediately**!'

_Fine. You b*****d. I'm coming._

Snape was just about to jump to his feet and storm up to drag Harry down to dinner when the boy appeared in the doorway. Avoiding eye contact, Harry walked around the table and drawing his chair as far away from Snape as possible sat down to eat.

Snape narrowed his eyes at the brat. So he'd decided to sulk? Well he certainly wouldn't get any sympathy from him. They both ate their meal in stony silence. As soon as he finished Harry disappeared back to his room.

** *

Later that evening Severus went up to Harry's room to tell him briefly that he was being called and to check if he would be all right while he was gone. Intuitively Harry realised that Severus was really checking to see if he had calmed down and to check he wasn't about to start smashing the place up again or throwing himself off broomsticks. Not that he could now anyway.

Harry sighed. 'I'll be fine.'

'Occlude your mind.' Severus ordered as he turned to go.

Harry suddenly felt a sense of panic.

'Wait! What's going to happen to you tonight? Voldermort wants you to tell him where I am...'

'Do not concern yourself. I will be fine. I have... other information to provide to the Dark Lord.'

***

Despite his assurances Harry slept uneasily. He didn't take his dreamless sleep and kept half an ear listening out for Snape to apparate home. Several hours later he finally heard a sound below, he sped downstairs, dreading what he might find.

To his relief Severus seemed to be perfectly fine.

'I occluded.' Harry said in answer to Severus' raised eyebrow. 'I didn't see or feel anything. I just heard you get back.'

'Your occlumency is improving.' Severus remarked throwing his Death-Eater mask and cloak onto a chair. 'Come on. Back upstairs. You need your sleep.'

'I guess I probably wouldn't have seen anything anyway, even if I didn't occlude. I mean if he wasn't angry this time...' Harry replied as they climbed the stairs.

'Oh but he was.' Severus said calmly pushing the boy towards his bedroom.

Harry looked at him with fear in his eyes. 'What happened?'

'Not with me Potter. I enlightened him that I had discovered a traitor, one of my fellow death eaters. This allowed me to redeem myself in the Dark Lord's eyes, provided an explanation for the Order gaining certain information and had the benefit of ridding us of one of his number.'

Harry shivered as he climbed back into bed at the casual mention of the unknown death eater's demise. Setting up someone else to take the fall for your own spying. How very slytherin.

The next day when Severus came to see where Harry had disappeared to after breakfast he found him in the library. He glanced down at the books Harry had in front of him_. Still looking up how to repair the broomstick. Has the boy really not yet realised it was impossible?_

'For goodness sake, Harry. Perhaps a replacement can be purchased when you have shown you can be trusted with it.' _And you will bloody well have to earn it._

'I don't want another one. I want to mend this one.' Harry replied stubbornly. 'Don't you get it? Sirius gave me this. It was the first thing he ever gave me.'

_Of course Black gave it to him. _Looking back upon it Severus could vaguely remember a huge fuss when the broomstick had arrived with all sorts of tests being carried out because Minerva suspected it was a gift from Black, whose name at that point was still uncleared_. You utter fool_, Severus cursed himself mentally. _The boy was grieving for his godfather and now you've destroyed their strongest link? And now the boy was obsessively searching for a repair spell which didn't exist. _

'I may as well tell you now, that there is no way of mending the broomstick.' Severus said his face giving nothing away about his true thoughts. 'So you can cease this fruitless search and employ your time more productively.'

_What an utter b*****d, _Harry thought as he snapped the book in front of him shut and glared at his Professor.

Severus appeared utterly unmoved.

'Put all the books back where you found them and come down to the lab.' Severus instructed. 'There is a potion I want you to practise and there is something else I have to tell you.'

In the potions lab Severus set out the equipment is his usual precise manner although his mind was barely focused upon what he was doing. He was surprised by the depth of his remorse over the broomstick incident and his mind kept flitting back to Harry's expression when he'd begged him to put the fire out_._ Nevertheless he forced himself to put the matter out of his mind as he heard Harry approaching the room. There was no point dwelling upon an act from which he could offer no reprieve from. In any case, he had other more important things to discuss with the boy. He'd delayed for as long as he could but the time had come for him to tell Harry what was going to happen tomorrow.


	12. With friends like these

Reluctantly Harry trailed into the lab. He ignored the equipment Severus had set out for him, opting to loiter in the doorway for as long as possible. Although his potion making had vastly improved with over the past week, a result of Snape's criticism becoming geared towards improvement rather than humiliation, he didn't want to brew now. He didn't want to spend any more time in Snape's presence than he had to.

'Potter!' Snape's sharp voice made him jump slightly. 'Get over here.'

_Not that he was ever given a choice about anything. _

'The instructions.' Snape brandished a piece of parchment, before laying it down beside the cauldron, and turning to walk away.

'You're leaving me to brew alone?' Harry asked surprised. Snape never left him in the lab alone, preferring to loom over him, snapping orders.

Snape turned raising an eyebrow. 'The potion you will be brewing would not present a decent first year student with any degree of difficulty but in your case I would be foolishly optimistic to leave you unsupervised. I do rather value my lab you see.' His voice dripped with sarcasm and for a moment Harry thought he was going to go off onto one of his old tirades about how useless he was.

Instead Snape lifted a heavy cauldron onto the bench at the other end of the room as he continued '...Nevertheless I have my own brewing to complete. I daresay you will manage tolerably well if I just check yours before you add the flypank roots.'

Harry shrugged and started to cut up the ingredients.

For a while they worked silently, preparing their potions. After Harry had Snape's approval to add the flypank roots, he didn't have anything else he had to do apart from stir it until it became clear.

'So what did you want to tell me?' Harry asked suddenly.

'Ah yes it's about tomorrow.' Severus replied not taking his eyes off his own cauldron. 'We will be having some visitors. I have a meeting in the afternoon, after which Professor Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey will be staying with us.'

'A _meeting_?' Harry asked uncertainly.

'Yes Harry,_ a meeting_.' Severus replied mockingly.

'I thought you didn't get told in advance? That you just got ... you know summoned when the time was right?'

'Tomorrow is slightly out of the ordinary.' Severus admitted his eyes flicking down to his potion again as he carefully added a vial of powder to it. 'The Dark Lord has been planning several simultaneous attacks on various households.'

Harry stared back at him, all thoughts of his potion forgotten. Who was going to be attacked? Would the families of children from Hogwarts be hurt? Would _the Weasleys_ be in danger?

'Stir, Harry.' Severus reminded him.

Mindlessly Harry stirred his potion. 'And you're just going to what... watch the attacks? _Help them?_' He would never be able to understand how Snape could play his role as a spy.

'Yes Harry. I am going to be there "helping them". That is after all what will be expected of me.' Snape's voice still sounded as though he was mocking him, although his dark eyes were glinting more than usual. He stirred his potion carefully three times clockwise before starting the anti-clockwise rotations as he sprinkled in arrow-wheat mead.

'...but the Order have been informed and will of course be there to defend the various families.'

'There's going to be a battle?'

'Oh there's going to be several battles.' Severus calmly replied as he adding four drops of adder venom and lifted his cauldron off the heat. 'I shall be injured of course, hence the need for Madam Pomfrey.' He carefully took a portion of his potion and poured it into a vial before examining it closely.

Satisfied, he looked up at Harry.

'Harry!'

Glancing down Harry realised his potion was bubbling furiously. Far from being clear it had became a dark, gelatinous goo which was rising steadily to the top of the caldron.

He took it off the heat but it continued to rise. He looked helplessly at Snape, who banished it with a quick flick of his wand.

_Stupid boy. It really had been a ridiculously simple potion._

'You're going to be injured? In the battle... by the Order? Why can't they just pretend to miss you?'

Snape just stared at him.

'OK, I get it.' Harry said miserably. 'You've told them what's going to happen. If you didn't get hurt it would be suspicious I guess. How do you manage to do this?'

'What do you mean?'

'Stay so calm? _Knowing_ what's going to happen. _That your own side are going to have to attack you?_'

'You get used to it.' Snape replied bluntly. 'Do you want to try again?' He indicated the remaining ingredients.

***

The next day, Snape didn't refer to what was going to happen again until after lunch. It was quite eerie, Harry decided, that he was able to put it all out of his mind and carry on with life as normal, brewing his bloody potions when everything was about to kick off.

They had just finished eating and were still sat at the table when Severus rubbed his arm slightly. 'It's time.' He said expressionlessly.

'I... yeah... Good luck.' Harry said lamely.

Severus gave a brief nod and he was gone.

***

When he was gone Harry sat at the table alone for a while. Then there was a crack as Leenie appeared beside him ready to clear away the lunch things. She apologised profusely for disturbing him although he assured her he was pleased to see her.

'Do you have time to talk for a bit?' He asked. 'Or maybe I could help you with the lunch things?'

'Master Harry...'

'Harry.' He interrupted firmly.

'_Harry_ wishes to talk with Leenie?' The little house elf's face was so fiercely proud that Harry felt bad for not making much of an effort with her before now.

'Yeah. Maybe you could tell me about the house... and Snape... and how long you've been here?' He suggested. He really didn't feel like being on his own right now.

***

Harry spent the afternoon with Leenie and then curled up on the sofa in Snape's study to wait for him. Gradually the afternoon turned into evening. The evening turned into dusk and the sunlight had almost disappeared completely when Harry saw the floo flicker and jumped to his feet.

Poppy stepped out of the floo, brushing a smudge of soot away from her eyes. Her movements were brisk and purposeful as usual as she immediately transfigured the sofa where Harry had been sat into a bed, but Harry could tell straight away that something was off in her manner.

The next instance the floo flickered again and Dumbledore appeared supporting a staggering Snape.

As Dumbledore levitated him the short distance to the bed Harry was aghast to realise the man was in no state to walk.

He looked _terrible_. It had been awful to see him after the other day after Voldermort had punished him but this somehow seemed infinitely worse. Snape was deathly pale, even for him, and eyes were glassy and unfocused. There was blood around the collar of his robe and splattered across his face.

As soon as he was lying down Poppy cast a diagnostic spell, winced and motioned to Dumbledore to observe the results.

The floo flickered again repeatedly at brief intervals with Molly and Arthur Weasley, Lupin, Tonks and finally a distraught looking Moody all stepping through into the study.

'Oh Harry.' Molly breathed hugging him crushingly against her.

Lupin headed straight towards Poppy and Dumbledore while Tonks and Arthur stared from the side of the bed at Snape's prone figure. Moody, hung back agitated, scraping his hands against his thinning, unkempt hair.

'We need to get Severus to St Mungo's.' Dumbledore announced looked looking grim.

'Is that wise?' Lupin asked.

'Let's get the boy there, then.' Moody still sounded gruff despite his evident distress.

'But the Deatheaters! They're surely bound to find out who took him there?' Molly demanded.

'We have no other choice.' Dumbledore responded bleakly. 'My spell bought us some time but we don't have much longer.'

Moody paled considerably.

'Albus,' Poppy was stood a little back from the bed, motioning the headmaster. In a low voice she whispered to him. 'I don't think we can get him there.'

The other adults in the room gathered around Dumbledore and Poppy and became drawn into their intense conversation, apart from Moody who stood at the foot of the bed staring down at Snape.

Harry, finding himself forgotten in the chaos slipped closer to Snape and knelt on the floor beside the bed. The man's breathing had became so faint now that you could barely see his chest rising.

_Why didn't they do something? _There must be something they could do? He looked like death_. Oh Merlin. _

Harry took Snape's cold hand and held it between his own.

_Please be alright. Please don't die. Please. Please. Please._

Around him he could hear the frantic conversation continuing.

'We have no choice. We must act.'

'I'm telling you he won't make it- Albus! He's too weak to be moved.'

Harry closed his eyes. _You will be alright. You have to be. I will make you be alright. You will not die._

As his frantic, half crazed thoughts continued Harry became aware that he could feel something. The texture in the air surrounding the bed had changed and his grip of Snape's hand was becoming hot. Trembling, Harry kept his eyes closed concentrating. Perhaps he could help him? He recognised the signs of his accidental magic straining to escape. Not that this was accidental magic though. He _wanted_ to do this, it was just wandless, wordless and unpractised.

It couldn't have been more than a minute or two that Harry was sat there before he felt himself growing faint and his hands burning. He opened his eyes, looking in horror at his Professor. He was so pale his face had taken on a blueish tinge and he looked as though he was drifting out of consciousness.

'M-m-madam Pomfrey.' Harry stuttered.

Snape suddenly reared back, convulsing, knocking Harry back from the bed and drawing everyone's eyes towards him.

Poppy flew to his side as Severus' limbs thrashed about under violent contractions. After a few minutes he lay still and blue on the bed.

'Oh Merlin. I've killed him.' Harry muttered as he lost consciousness on the floor beside the bed.

The next thing Harry became aware of Dumbledore leaning over him.

'Renervate.'

Everything suddenly streamed back into Harry's consciousness.

'He's dead isn't he?' Harry's voice shook.

'Hush, calm yourself Harry.' Dumbledore voice was gentle as he helped him into a chair.

'I killed him... I didn't even know what I was doing...'

Harry's vision was still so blurred that he heard him before he saw him. He'd never have believed that he could be so pleased to hear those cold, disdainful tones again.

'Stop fussing. Or if you must, at least see to the boy.'

'Severus.'

'Poppy, kindly _take_ your hands off me!'

'Severus, Harry is awake.'

'_Finally_.' An instance later Snape was by his side and Harry was reflecting on how strange it was that his professor seemed to be healed whereas he felt so incredibly weak all of a sudden.

He looked up at Snape. 'What happened?'

'You saved my life.' Snape replied and Harry realised that far from holding any hint of gratitude his voice sounded ominous. Then he lost consciousness again.

The second time he came round they were all crowded around his bed apart from Moody who'd disappeared. He blinked anxiously.

'Snape.' He reached out and grasped his professor's sleeve. 'What have I done? What's happened to me?'

For a moment Severus' dark eyes stared down at him, before he abruptly stood up and turned to face the others.

'I take it you've seen what you wanted to see. He's conscious. As compos mentis as he'll ever be. Now the rest of you can make your belated departures.' There was a slight pause. '_Now_.' Severus snarled.

Arthur pulled Molly towards the floo and Tonks and Lupin glanced at each other before following suit. Dumbledore and Poppy remained by the bed, unmoved by Severus' order.

'Severus.'

'Don't.' Severus said sharply. 'Whatever you're going to say _just don't_. I meant every word I said. You keep him away from me or I'll rip out his remaining eye.'

'It was an accident.' Dumbledore said gently.

'That was no accident and you know it.' Severus threw himself into the chair beside the bed. 'He never trusted me. All those years.' He sneered. 'He bide his time and waited. Today he finally had the opportunity, that's all.'

Dumbledore placed his hand on Severus shoulder for a moment.

'We _will_ discuss this later.'

Severus jerked his hand away angrily as he stood back up.

'Don't worry I know better than to expect any support from you in matters like this.' He spat, turning away but lingering nearby as if reluctant to leave the room.

'I don't understand...' Harry said groggily. 'What happened? What did I do?' He noticed that Poppy, who was using charms to create cold compress for his forehead, also turned to hear Dumbledore's explanation.

'You used a very ancient spell, Harry. To explain it in the simplest terms you transferred across to Severus some of your power and energy. That is why you are feeling unwell.'

'I don't really feel unwell... just really tired.' Harry said slowly. 'I've never heard of any spell like that before.'

Dumbledore's eyes flickered towards Severus and for a moment they shared a knowing glance.

'It's a fairly obscure spell these days.'

'Not to mention, restricted and highly dangerous.' Severus added.

'You mean I could have hurt you?'

'No you idiotic brat. It could have hurt _you_.' Severus spat back at him. 'You could have been killed.'


	13. A new way forward

Harry tossed and turned restlessly. He couldn't sleep. Snape was worried about the effects of doling out dreamless sleep in addition to the numerous pepper-up and energy potions Harry was choking down each day. Despite Harry assuring him that he was happy to take the risk he wouldn't hear of it. It didn't help that Poppy had soundly agreed with him when she'd popped in to check on Harry's progress.

So over the past few nights Harry had not been able to avoid his dreams.

He'd dreamt of Snape lying there on the bed, his face blue, the life drained out of him.

He'd dreamt of the battle that had taken place previously, with Moody firing off that deadly hex.

And tonight he dreamt of Sirius.

_He was sat at the foot of Harry's bed, the way he often had been during their time together. _

'_Are you ok Harry?' He asked kindly. 'That was quite an ordeal that you went through.'_

'_I'm ok.' Harry replied sleepily sitting up. _

_Harry couldn't understand why Sirius held up the palm of his hand gesturing for him to not come any closer._

'_I just want to hug you.' He said frowning._

'_Silly kid.' Sirius chuckled to himself. _

'_Don't you remember? How can you hug me now? You didn't help me Harry.' His face grew darker, shadowed in pain. 'You just left me there. You could have saved me Harry...' _

_And as Sirius turned away from him Harry saw the terrible chunks of flesh which had been torn out of his back and shoulders before he transformed, leaving Harry with the dead form of Padfoot lying across the foot of his bed. Harry reached out to touch him but the fur came away in his hand..._

Harry's screams of anguish drew Snape quickly to his side. The professor wasn't surprised. After all it had been this way the last three nights.

'Harry. Harry. Wake up.'

Sitting up, bathed in a cold sweat, Harry's eyes locked on the empty foot of his bed. He could feel the rush of saliva flowing into his mouth.

'I think I'm going...'

He vomited before he could finish his sentence. Hastily Severus transfigured the cup beside his bed into a huge bowl and held it in front of Harry as he cast a cleansing spell over the splatters on the bed.

Harry heaved again before leaning back exhausted against the headboard.

'It was Sirius.' He said.

'I know.'

For a moment Snape made strained to make eye contact with him through the gloom of the shadows before he spoke again.

'You're not occluding.' He stated.

'I'm tired.' Harry muttered.

'Harry.'

'Ok, ok, I will.'

Severus gave him a moment and then whipped out his wand.

'Legilimens.' He whispered before drawing back after a few seconds.

'Harry.'

'I don't feel up to this, ok?' Harry said frustration and upset etched in his voice as he shut his eyes.

When he peeked out of the corner of his eyes a minute later Severus was still sat next to him but he'd tucked his wand back into his sleeve.

'Occluding has always helped me. With the nightmares.' Severus said in a low, expressionless voice, before starting to stand up.

Harry reached out and caught his sleeve.

'Try again.'

'You're sure?'

Harry nodded. 'I don't want to see _that _again.' He said with a slight shudder.

***

It was some time before they finished their late night occlumency lesson and Harry lay back down. Severus banished the bowl and drew the chair back in beside him. The nightmares were nothing new, but they'd never been to the extent where Harry'd been physically sick before. He'd sit with the boy for a time, in case he woke again.

Beside him Harry appeared fairly calm as he drifted into sleep.

_He dreamt he was back at Hogwarts in a potions lesson. He needed to dice the gillyweed but couldn't cut it finely enough..._

_Then suddenly the dream changed. He felt a draft as the benches and lab disappeared and he realised he was in a wide room surrounded by bricks. There was a small barred window at the far end, almost like a window in a prison, except this didn't fit with the rest of the room which was richly furnished. There was a thick rug, a large oak bed and a long table with stacks of parchments and finely made quills. _

_At the desk a man was sat writing before he suddenly seemed to start and turn to stand. He was a tall, powerfully built man with pale skin and light blue eyes. His eyes were trained upon the door way and as he waited there was the sound of bolts and locks being turned before it swung open to reveal Sirius._

_The two men obviously recognised each other._

'_Black.' The tall stranger stated in a soft Irish accent. _

_Sirius gave a bark of laughter as he walked stiffly into the room. 'My favourite squib!' He declared loudly. Harry could feel the mixed waves of annoyance and amusement given off from the stranger._

All of a sudden Harry drew a deep breath and sat up with a jolt, startling Severus who had almost drifted off beside him.

'Sirius again?' He asked.

'Yeah but it wasn't a bad dream.' Harry mumbled as he settled down again.

***

The next day when Harry eventually awoke it was broad daylight outside. Snape had been encouraging him to sleep in recently, insisting upon it even. Glancing at the breakfast table he could see that Snape had already eaten and he wandered through to his study.

The door was ajar and as Harry entered he caught the end of a conversation between Snape and Dumbledore.

Dumbledore sounded weary as he asked. 'What are you asking for Severus? Do you expect me to quiz him under veritaserum?'

'No indeed.' Snape replied silkily. 'Where would the fun be in that? I think you should question him the way they questioned _me_ all those years ago.'

Catching sight of Harry, who was turning to go, he called him back.

'Get in here Harry.' He ordered him before glancing back at Dumbledore. 'We need to talk.'

Dumbledore nodded to him as his image died away.

'Was that about Moody?' Harry asked. 'I didn't mean to overhear- honestly I didn't- but was that what you were talking about?'

'That's not something you need to concern yourself with.' Snape replied dismissively.

'But he tried to kill you.' Harry said uncertainly. 'That's what you think isn't it? What's going to happen to him?'

'Oh nothing much.' Snape's dark eyes seemed to glitter more than ever as he said this. 'The order cannot fathom that an auror might take such an action.'

'But you think he did?'Harry persisted.

'I am fairly confident that I have a more realistic outlook than most of the order.' Snape sneered.

'So what are you going to do?'

Snape glared sharply at him as if suddenly becoming aware that he had already said too much.

'_Nothing._ Now sit down.'

Harry sat and looked across at his professor who was silent for some time, seemingly lost for words.

'Professor Dumbledore and I have been discussing your welfare at Hogwarts.' He said suddenly. 'You have always behaved appallingly at school; running around at all hours, endangering yourself, getting into one ridiculous predicament after another. You have been weakened by recent events and will need to be watched over. We have agreed that I will do so when we return to Hogwarts.'

Harry ran a hand through his head, trying to take this in. 'So...'

'So you will be moving into Slytherin.'

Harry opened his mouth to speak but Snape was too quick. '_Let me finish._ The matter has been decided. Dumbledore and I believe that this is for the best. You will still be a member of Gryffindor, in addition to Slytherin, and you are free to spend time in the Gryffindor common room should you wish to do so. You will also continue to play Quidditch for Gryffindor and any points you earn or lose will be directed there.'

'So it's just for sleeping then?' Harry asked eventually sounding slightly shell-shocked. 'I have to sleep in a Slytherin dorm but I'm free to carry on as normal the rest of the time?'

'You will in effect be a member of both houses.' Snape injected. 'You are free to spend as much time in Slytherin as you choose, but yes primarily I will expect to have some contact with you each evening to ensure your safety and address certain lessons before you go to sleep.'

'Oh.' Harry said sounding very uncertain.

Snape wanted him to sleep in Slytherin to make sure he was safe? He must be mad – Slytherin had to be the least safe place for him in the whole of Hogwarts, surrounded in a dorm by a bunch of Deatheaters-in-training. And yet... part of Harry was somehow pleased at the idea. He'd be close to Snape if he needed him and to keep an eye on _him_ when he was summoned to meetings. And he had promised that everything else would carry on as usual. It wasn't such a bad arrangement although Harry wasn't impressed with the manner that everything had been arranged without giving him a choice in the matter.

He shrugged his shoulders. 'Ok then.'

Severus watched him closely, expecting an outburst any second.

'You ...have no objections to the new arrangements?' He asked carefully.

Harry shrugged again. 'I think there's a good chance I'll get hexed in my sleep, but other than that. It's ok.'

'That need not concern you.' Severus said confidently. 'Slytherins never hex one another.'

'Ok then.' Harry said seeming quite laid back about the whole matter. 'I'm going to go and have breakfast now.'

***

Severus watched the boy leave the study. The outburst he had expected having never materialised.

It was only when Harry was sat eating his breakfast that it occurred to him to wonder what Ron and Hermione were going to think. Well he could tell them quite honestly that he had been given no choice in the matter but they would expect him to be devastated by the news and to resist it furiously... Come to think of it how were the Slytherins going to react, apart from relishing the opportunity to attack him?

Harry chewed his toast thoughtfully before heading back to the study.

Ah, here it comes, Severus thought.

'What are you going to tell them?'

'Them?'

'The Slytherins? I mean... they're going to want to know why I'm joining their house. And it'll all get fed back to Voldemort. Won't he think it's disloyal, you being my head of house to me and looking out for me?'

'Actually that's precisely where the advantage lies.' Severus replied. 'If the Dark Lord hears that Professor Dumbledore has insisted on placing you in my house, how can I be expected to do any less than treat you on a par with my other Slytherins.'

'And we're going to say that Dumbledore has decided to move me why...because I need more Remedial Potions lessons?' Harry sounded less than impressed by this.

'_Professor _Dumbledore, in his wisdom, has decided that it will benefit you to have a mentor capable of tutoring you in Defence and Potions.' Snape replied. 'The Dark Lord no doubt will see it as an opportunity for me to try and arrange your downfall.'

Harry nodded. 'I guess you've thought it through.'

'Are you...' Inwardly Severus cursed himself for actually inviting disagreement, '...satisfied with what will happen?'

'I guess... I mean, it's going to be a bit weird at first.' Harry dropped his eyes to his feet before continuing. 'But I've got pretty used to being around you and stuff. I wouldn't want that to change.'

'It's settled then.' Severus said contentedly. 'You might want to start to pack this afternoon as we'll be leaving early tomorrow.'

***

Which was how Harry and Severus came to be walking into a Slytherin dorm on the first day of term. At this point Harry betrayed his first sign of nerves about the new arrangement. 'You're not going to put me in a dorm with Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle are you?'

Severus glanced at him, hiding his amusement. Did the idiotic boy think he would instigate open warfare within Slytherin? 'Not unless you really annoy me.'

'So who will be in here?' Harry indicated the three empty beds.

'Mr Nott, Mr Buckley and a new student: Mr Connor Donovan. You may have heard of his father Sir Finleigh Donovan, the First Minister of Ireland.'

That didn't sound too bad, Harry thought. Although Theodore Nott came from a notorious pureblood family at least he kept his head down and didn't form part of Malfoy's little gang. Jasper Buckley was a withdrawn, quiet child who Harry didn't know much about. And then there was the new boy. Well it didn't sound as though there would be much fun and conversation in his new dorm but it could have been an awful lot worse.

Harry dumped his trunk at the foot of the bed nearest the door.

'You're not going to unpack?'

'I think I'll go over to the Gryffindor common room... you know to wait for Ron and Hermione to arrive.' Harry replied. 'They're going to wonder where I am.'

Severus nodded and began to lead the way back from the dorm to the Slytherin common room. He stopped just before the doorway to the common room. That he nodded his head at a plain oak door is my study.

'That is my study.' He remarked, touching a stone on the right hand side. The door sprang open. 'The door will not be warded against you should you need me, although you will do me the courtesy of knocking.'

'And this...' He led Harry through the common room and down a winding passage from the far corner '...is the entrance to my rooms.' He placed a hand to the stone to the right in a similar manner to the previous room. Again the door opened.

He stepped through and Harry followed finding himself in a lounge complete with a sofa and a large fireplace which was surrounded by several more doors. Harry found himself marvelling at the sheer vastness of Hogwarts once more.

'Dinning room, library and my bedroom.' Severus listed off the various doors.

'There is a spare bedroom.' He pointed to a door in the far corner. 'If you should ever have any problems in your dorm- not that you will.'

'And I can come here? To talk to you and practise occlumency?' Harry asked.

'Here or the study.' Severus answered. 'Both doors will open for you. I plan for us to cover more than occlumency, however. Potions is still your weakest subject and I also want to teach you some shields.'

Harry felt a smile running across his face. He still disliked potions, although it didn't feel him with as much dread as before, but extra defence lessons... now that Snape and him were getting along he could only imagine the brilliant defence moves he might learn.

***  
In the bustle and chaos of everyone arriving back Harry wandered over to Gryffindor. He found Hermione in the common room and wordlessly she gave him an enormous hug. He hadn't sent many owls over the past fortnight but he had told her and Ron the basics about what had happened to Sirius and him staying with Snape.

'Harry. I'm so sorry.' Hermione muttered into the side of his ear before pulling back. 'Ron's just taken his trunk into the dorm...'

'Yeah about that...'

'Harry!'

Ron strode towards them quickly.

'There's been some mistake! You're not down on the list for our dorm anymore!'

***

Later at dinner Harry sat between Ron and Hermione. He wasn't sure what Snape expected –they hadn't discussed meal times but he wanted to spend as much time as possible with them before heading over to Slytherin that evening.

'Is that him?' Hermione asked looking over at a tall boy with brown hair who was sat on with Slytherin on the next table. 'Your new dorm mate? I don't think I've ever seen him before?'

'When did they sort him?' Ron frowned, 'they haven't finished the first years yet.'

'Dunno.' Harry replied. 'Snape already knew he was going to be in Slytherin so I guess they must have done it over the holidays.'

'Unusual for someone to join Hogwarts so late on, isn't it? I wonder why he's came here? I mean if his Dad's the First Minister it's not like his whole family are going to be moving from Ireland is it?' Hermione was still staring at him.

'Does it matter? Merlin are ever going to get round to eating...' Ron groaned.

Then a moment later he brightened up grinning broadly.

'Did you hear that Harry?' He nudged him.

'What?'

'Your new room mate. He's fallen out with Malfoy already from the sounds of things.'

'Shhh.' Hermione hushed Ron as she also tried to listen in on the next table.

Harry strained his ears, turning his head slightly towards the Slytherin's conversation while trying not to make it too obvious. He could hear the new boy, Connor, speaking loudly in a broad Irish accent.

'...so I pleaded with the damn hat – _anything but Slytherin_ but unfortunately it seems that it wasn't to be. I wasn't nice enough for Hufflepuff, didn't have the courage for Gryffindor or the brains to get into Ravenclaw so ... I ended up here.'

It wasn't just Draco, but the entire Slytherin table who were beginning to flare up.

'You obviously don't understand how things work around here,' Draco sneered back at him. 'having been stuck in the depths of Ireland. Being sorted into our house is both an honour and a privilege and certain individuals will not last long in Slytherin if they are not of the right calibre.'

'You mean I might be able to get out?' Connor replied lightly. 'Thank Merlin for that.'

Draco narrowed his eyes at him. 'What school did you say you went to in Ireland again Donovan?'

'I didn't.' Connor replied. 'I've had a tutor the past eighteen months.'

Draco looked delighted at this. 'You needed the extra lessons? Couldn't hack it at school then?'

'Something like that.' Connor agreed, his eyes sparkling. 'Part of the reason I came here I suppose. Brit schools lag behind us over in Ireland you see. I'm sure I'll reach your standards that much more easily.'

It seemed that all the tables nearby were listening in on the unusual spectacle of the Slytherin's arguing amongst each other because at that point Luna spoke up.

'Didn't you use to go to Glenageary's school, Connor?' she asked seriously. 'I'm not sure their results are any higher than Hogwarts.'

'Luna.' A genuine smile spread across Connor's face. 'I forgot you came here.'

'I'm surprised you were able to come here.' She replied innocently. 'After what happened at Glenageary.'

'What happened at his old school?' Draco interrupted scenting a scandal.

Luna replied with her usual vagueness. 'They had to shut the Glenageary school for renovations a while back. My father and I visited because there had been sightings of crumple horned-snorkacks nearby. We think the new building works disturbed them. It was terribly sad.'

The conversation lulled fo a moment as everyone tried to digest this.

'So why did you choose to come _here_ Donovan? Your father's the First Minister, I would imagine he could find plenty of schools in Ireland for you to go to? He could build you a few more after your old one closed, I shouldn't wonder?' Draco certainly had the bit between his teeth in trying to figure the new boy out.

'What makes you think I choose to come here at all?' Connor replied casually. 'No offense or anything but if I had a list of places I'd choose to be this wouldn't make it.'

***

At the front of the room on the staff table McGonagall and Snape had been watching the flurry of interaction between their houses.

'My, I can see that you will have your hands full this year, Severus.'

Severus glanced towards Minerva before replying. 'One can only hope that Connor Donovan will have learnt something over the past year.'

Minerva snorted slightly as if she found that amusing. 'And with Harry too. Slytherin really will be full to the brim.' There was a slight pause before she continued more solemnly. 'How is he holding up?'

'As is to be expected.'

'You will need to look after him.'

'Of course.' Severus replied his eyes drifting back to the Gryffindor table once more.

***


	14. Sleeping in the weeds

I had a couple reviews which said the last chapter didn't give enough insight into what Harry was thinking so I've tried to address that in this one. Please leave me a review and let me know your opinions... There is a going to be a bit of a show down coming up in the next chapter between Harry and Malfoy (Slytherin just isn't big enough for the two of them!) but this chapter got too big to fit it in. 4570 words in fact. C'mon surely I deserve a review for that? Cheers peeps 

***

It wasn't until the end of the evening when Harry had to leave Hermione, Ron and the other Gryffindors that he began to wonder if he'd been mad to go along with the new arrangement without kicking up more of a fuss.

He lingered outside the entrance to the Slytherin quarters after his friends had left. They'd taken the new arrangement better than he'd expected. Of course they'd already known that he'd been through a whirlwind of a fortnight, with everything that had happened to Sirius and getting to know Snape. The letters he'd owl'd them had told them bits although they would need some time to catch up properly, after all, you can only say so much in a letter.

Undoubtedly, Snape was still _Snape._ But Harry truly felt he was getting to know the man now, better than everyone except perhaps for Dumbledore. He understood the horrendous pressures which the man was working under. And _he_ knew more about Harry too now. He knew about his nightmares and his waking fears. And the hours spent talking to him after what happened to Sirius had to mean something, even if Harry hadn't been unwilling to open up at first and it had only been Snape's relentless efforts had worn him down.

When he'd told them Hermione had simply asked him 'are you sure this is what you want?' earning herself a shrug in response._ Was he sure? How could he be? All he knew was that despite everything he'd grown used to spending time with Snape. His new dorm was at the end of the corridor – the closest one to Snape's rooms. Provided that Snape was right, and the Slytherin's didn't kill him, he'd have plenty of opportunities to talk with the Professor and have extra lessons. The fact that he'd now be part of Slytherin didn't really enter into it for Harry. He was Gryffindor through and through like his parents and Sirius. Sleeping in a Slytherin dorm wouldn't change that. _

Ron had snorted at his lack of conviction. 'You'll be back within a week.' He said matter of factly. 'No way will you and Malfoy stand within ten feet of each other and not come to blows.'

'Ron!'

'Well, come on Hermione. What do you rate his chances in the Slytherin common room? Seriously mate you'll have to be careful 'round that lot.'

Harry had privately been thinking along the same lines. And everything had been made even more complicated by a conversation he'd had with McGonagall when she'd spoke to him briefly in the Gryffindor common room.

'Ah Harry,' she'd said briskly, 'I take it you're all settled ready for sleeping in the Slytherin dorm tonight?'

He'd nodded and been pleased to note, as she quizzed him about who was in his dorm, that she didn't seem offended that he wouldn't be staying in Gryffindor. In fact she'd proclaimed herself in favour of him spending more time around Snape which would have been a weight off his mind if it hadn't been for her final comment.

'I'm glad you're still spending time in here tonight,' she said nodding towards the door of her office which opened onto the Gryffindor common room. 'You'll always be a Gryffindor at heart no matter what other houses choose to adopt you. Remember that this arrangement need only last as long as you wish it to. If you change your mind and want to move back into your old dorm at any time you only have to say.'

It was reassuring to know that he had the option of returning, if he needed it. But the thing which had really struck Harry about the whole conversation had been McGonagall's belief that he was _choosing_ to stay in Slytherin. Did this mean that Snape and Dumbledore had misled her? Or, more likely, that Snape had misled him in saying the matter had already been decided? _Which went to show exactly how far he could trust his word._

Just then the door of the Slytherin entrance opened and a second year stepped out. Feeling self conscious, standing in the door way doing nothing, Harry took a deep breath and stepped through. Conversations hushed and a myriad of eyes fell upon him as he slunk around the edge of the room. His breath caught in his throat as he glanced around anxiously. The room was heavily decorated in silver and green with plush sofas with throws sprawled across them. It was a lot quieter than in Gryffindor, although a lot of that was probably due to his entrance, Harry thought wryly. He reached the far end of the common room and hesitated, where was he likely to be- the study or in his rooms?

'He's in his study.' A tall boy interrupted him, guessing his thoughts and Harry recognised him as Lysander Gale one of the Slytherin prefects. 'Snape I mean, if that's who you're looking for.'

'Thanks.' He muttered. Had Snape told the prefects to watch out for him? If so that was a bit embarrassing, albeit comforting.

He headed towards the corridor which led towards the dorms knowing that the study lay just before them, walking as quickly as he could whilst trying not to show how unsettled he was. Reaching the oak door he placed his hand on the stone, as he had seen Snape do before and remembered to give a perfunctionary knock just in time as the door swung open.

Feeling more relaxed he felt his heart rate beginning to slow somewhat as Snape looked up at him from the parchment he was reading at his desk.

'Well, come in then.' The professor said irritably.

Closing the door behind him, Harry walked in and sat facing Snape at the desk.

Taking one final glance at the parchment, Snape carefully rolled it up and locked it away in a safe behind his desk before turning back to Harry.

'Can I have some dreamless sleep, tonight?'

'_No_.'

'Just tonight. I haven't had any pepper-up today and I'm more or less back to normal now, you said it yourself this morning.'

At first, after he'd healed Snape with that strange spell, Harry had been so exhausted and barely able to get out of bed for meals let alone lift his wand or have lessons. The pepper-up had helped to some extent but he didn't need it now.

'No.'

'Please, it's my first night in the dorm. I can use a silencing charm but I don't want them to see me having nightmares.'

'What will it take for you to choose to abandon stop-gap methods and concentrate upon real solutions?' Snape replied referring once again to the occlumency which ought to be preventing the nightmares.

'Fine.' Harry couldn't be bothered to argue any longer, he knew Snape would never give in when he'd made his mind up. If he really wanted it he'd have to try and persuade Poppy at the hospital wing. For a moment he expected Snape to raise his wand and attempt to legilmens him to prove a point but the moment passed.

'How are you getting on with your dorm-mates?' The professor asked instead.

Harry shrugged. 'I've been in Gryffindor until about five minutes ago.'

'And yet curfew was fifteen minutes ago.' Snape observed drily.

'Fifteen then.' Harry grinned.

'Indeed?' Snape raised one eyebrow and then stood up and reached behind a set of drawers for a package.

'I've got something for you.' He said quickly, sounding uncomfortable.

Harry took the package and ripped one end of it open, although he already knew what it was. Part of him didn't want to accept it and wished Snape hadn't bothered. It wasn't as if Sirius' broom could ever be replaced.

'I know it's not the same as the one you had before.' Snape said awkwardly.

Harry just stared down at the new firebolt in his hands and then looked up at Snape. _Is that it? Is that as close as you can come to an apology?_

For a long moment they both stared at each other, the atmosphere in the room growing oppressive.

Eventually Harry spun around and turned to leave abruptly just as Snape was about to break the silence.

Severus closed his mouth again, as the door swung shut behind Harry. It wasn't as if there was anything he could say anyway.

Harry stormed back to his dorm and slammed the door behind him. He hurled the new broom with all his might at the wall. Then paused and strode over and picked it up, whacking it against the wall twice more before examining it closely. Barely a scratch. He knew Firebolts came complete with strengthening charms but who would have thought they would be so effective? Harry gave a laugh which was nearly a sob as it occurred to him that he only knew one way of damaging the broom.

At this point a slight movement in the corner of the room alerted Harry to the fact that he was not alone. In his temper he'd assumed all his dorm-mates were still in the common room. Lying propped up on the bed and staring at him agog over the top of his book was Theodore Nott.

'What?!' Harry demanded aggressively.

Theodore gave a look of slight disbelief at Harry's tantrum before averting his eyes back to his book.

Harry threw himself in the bed at the far end of the room. It wasn't as if he could go into the common room and he no longer had any desire to talk to Snape. It was going to be a long night.

***

Harry lay on his bed, too angry to read. A small voice in his head told him as least he'd be able to play quidditch now, but that wasn't the point. Nothing Snape did could undo what he'd done, but he hadn't realised how much he'd been banking on an apology until this moment. What an idiot he'd been, to expect one from that b******. Nothing had changed. Nothing.

It wasn't as if Snape had ever given a s*** about him.

Suddenly the door to their dorm swung open disturbing his thoughts and instinctively Harry reached for his wand, but it was just Conner and Jasper coming back from the common room.

'You're mad.' Jasper gasped. 'Completely and utterly crazy.'

'Ah, but it was so much fun.' Conner replied with an infectious grin.

'You can't do that.' Jasper sounded really shook up. 'You can't hex Slytherins and especially not Goyle and Crabbe.'

Both Harry and Theodore ignored their entrance, Theodore still concentrating on his book and Harry settling back down to glower at a point on the ceiling.

'Don't let it worry you.'

'Snape's gonna kill you.'

'It'll be fine.' Connor assured him. Then glancing over at Harry said, 'if it isn't the golden boy himself.' His tone was only slightly mocking but it was enough to inflame Harry's temper.

'What did you call me?' He asked pointedly sitting up.

'The golden boy. You know all that stuff Snape said about you after supper. If anyone looks at you funny he will do his best to get them expelled, if they knock you about he'll fed them to the giant squid, if they hex you he'll break their wands and force their pieces down his throat...' Connor recited the points quickly, ticking them off on his fingers.

'Be serious, what did he really say?' Harry asked curiously.

'I'm being serious.' Connor replied in mock indignation.

Jasper chipped in to agree. 'That is pretty much it, Potter, although the punishments were implied rather than specific, kind of like...' He put on an impression of Snape's deep snarky voice "_Anyone who EVEN THINKS about aiming their wand at Mr Potter had better learn to outswim the giant squid before they attempt to do so..._'

Theodore glanced up from his book.

'Yeah and he also said not to go on about it, in front of Potter, and make him feel uncomfortable.'

Jasper looked nervous. 'That wasn't what I was trying to do Potter, honest.'

_Brilliant, _Harry thought to himself_. Now anyone who didn't already hate him would be terrified of upsetting him. Way to make me settle in, Snape._

'Harry.' He replied wearily.

'What?'

'My name. If we're are staying here you may as well call me Harry instead of Potter.'

'Ok.' Jasper said.

'I prefer golden boy.' Connor said.

'Whatever.' Harry replied, lying back down again.

***

Harry woke in the middle of the night wracked with sweat from his nightmare. It took him a few moments to recollect himself before he realised he hadn't woke of his own accord. Theodore had shook him awake and was stood beside him. Jasper and Connor were still asleep.

'Did you hear me?' He whispered shakily. Had he forgotten to set his silencing ward?

Theodore shook his head heading back to his bed. 'I sleep lightly and you were kicking about.'

_Brilliant. This would be all the way round Slytherin tomorrow. He could already imagine the taunts. He was getting some dreamless sleep tomorrow one way or another. _

***

But the next morning Harry was surprised to find the Slytherin's left him alone as he headed back through the common room for breakfast. Jasper and Theodore had woke before him but didn't mention anything in his presence and Connor had already disappeared off somewhere.

As he hurried over to where Ron and Hermione had saved him a place he could feel someone glaring at him and glancing behind him saw Malfoy sniggering to his cronies. _Well that was nothing new._ He concentrated on his breakfast.

'You survived the first night then?' Ron asked with his mouth full.

'Just about.' Harry replied but didn't elaborate.

'You're going to stay there then?'

'I don't have a choice do I?'Harry said. Although if what McGonagall said was accurate it seemed he did. But what would he choose anyway? He'd been furious with Snape last night about the broom, but all the other stuff looking out for him... well it was just plain embarrassing on one level, no doubt about that, but at least it showed he cared to some extent. _Or perhaps Snape would just be embarrassed if Harry was hexed into oblivion on his territory. _

Harry sighed and munched his toast.

***

On the way to class, Harry dragged Ron and a protesting Hermione towards the hospital wing.

'We're going to be late.'

'One minute Hermione, I swear.' Harry said as he knocked on the door.

'Madam Pompfrey.'

'Harry, how are you feeling?'

'Fine, fine.' Harry said hurriedly. 'I just wanted to get a few days worth of dreamless sleep, if that's ok.'

'Did Professor Snape say it was all right?'

Harry nodded, fumbling with his bag to hide his flushed face. 'I haven't used the pepper-up potion for days now.'

'Here you go then.' Poppy reached into a cupboard.

***

'You never said you were still having problems sleeping.' Hermione's impatience at being late for class was forgotten.

'Shh.' Harry said shoving the bottles in his bag guiltily as they walked down the corridor. 'I want to keep this between us three if we can. Snape doesn't want me taking these.'

'_Harry_.' Hermione sounded extremely disapproving and broke into a whisper as they entered their charms classroom. 'I don't think that's a good idea at all.'

'She's right mate.' Ron added. 'He'll find out if Poppy mentions it to him.'

Harry delved into his bag for his book.

'Yeah, but she might not.'

'Where is Mr Donovan?' Professor Flitwick frowned down at the register. 'Is he unwell?'

'I don't know.' Jasper answered. 'He was gone before I woke up this morning.

Harry knew that Connor wasn't in the hospital ward but kept quiet, if he was running late or needed an excuse he didn't want to be the one to drop him in it, even if he was a bit of an idiot.

***

The next lesson after charms was potions. Connor was still missing something that Snape picked up on immediately, leading him to floo-call Dumbledore and let him know. It seemed a lot of fuss to go to for someone who had only been missing for a couple hours but then Snape was his head of house and would have known if Connor was in the infirmary.

'Maybe they're scared he's run away.' Hermione whispered. 'He was saying he didn't want to be here.'

'He'll probably wish he had run away by the time Snape catches up with him.' Ron muttered as all the Gryffindors tried to keep their heads down and not attract any attention from their annoyed looking potions teacher.

The potion they were making was one which Harry had practised over the summer, so he found it relatively straight forward. He was even able to help Ron out by pointing out that they had to dice rather than slice the gurkidle leaves and was just telling Hermione about how you can adapt quantities of ingredients part way through a potion when he noticed what Malfoy was doing out of the corner of his eye.

He was levitating Neville Longbottom's cauldron whenever he turned his back and then letting it go suddenly so that the potion splashed across the work top.

Poor Neville was completely oblivious to what was going on. He was pretty sure it wasn't boiling over, he'd turned the heat off completely but there was as much outside the cauldron as in it.

'Longbottom.' Snape snapped sharply making Neville quake. 'You have surpassed yourself in sinking to new levels of asininity. Well done- you have reminded me not to skip over the basic instructions in future. This...' He tapped the edge of the metal with his wand, his voice dripping with sarcasm. '...is a cauldron. You put the ingredients in there. You _do not _pour them over the table.'

The Slytherins, minus Harry, tittered at Neville's embarrassment.

'Now, start over.'

Shoulders slumped Neville headed over to gather new ingredients. There was barely any time left. Well, his potion would never have passed anyway.

Harry glared at Snape and Malfoy. _Bloody Slytherins._

He left his own potion and headed over to Neville.

'Here I'll cut the gukidle leaves for you.' He offered.

He worked quickly helping to make sure that Neville was set up for a second bout before turning back to his own potion. He stared at it in horror. It had boiled dry and was now a mass of brown goo cemented onto the base of his cauldron. From the look of it the cauldron was ruined and the potion looked unmentionable.

Glancing back at Neville he could see he was faring little better. As soon as he'd turned away Neville was fumbling with the ingredients adding the wrong amounts in the wrong order. Harry winced as he saw a chicken's liver being added. _That definitely wasn't in the instructions. _Malfoy wasn't even doing anything this time, Harry realised, apart from intimidating Neville by standing beside him insulting him.

Snape started walking around and grading the potions.

He glanced at Hermione's. 'Passable.'

'Remember to heat it next time, Mr Weasley.' He said scathingly to Ron who had ran out of time to heat his for long enough.

'_What is this_?' He sneered at Neville's potion with undisguised disgust. 'I think perhaps you have made a different potion to the rest of the class this time Mr Longbottom.' _Oh well, it wasn't as if he and Neville weren't used to their potions failing._

'Well done, Mr Malfoy.'

Then Snape glanced at Harry's.

'I saw that yours was acceptable earlier, Mr Potter.'

Harry stood in shock. He hadn't seen that it was ok earlier; he hadn't had chance to finish it before it burnt. Was this his first experience of Slytherin favouritism? If so he didn't like it.

'Professor?' He said suddenly. 'Actually Neville and I worked together. So we should probably share an average of our grades.'

Snape glanced over at him from the cauldron he was at.

'I saw you at Mr Longbottom's cauldron earlier Mr Potter, so you can share the credit for that monstrosity –though why you should want to I cannot imagine. He, however, did not touch your cauldron this lesson.'

Neville mouthed 'forget it' at Harry.

As they cleared up at the end of the lesson Harry felt Snape hiss in his ear. 'Stay behind at the end, Harry.'

'You two go on.' Harry said to Ron and Hermione. 'I'll see you at lunch.'

***

'What on earth are you playing at?' Snape demanded as soon as they were alone.

'What am I playing at? What about you?! Giving Neville a fail and saying mine was acceptable like that.'

'You're upset because I passed your potion?' Snape sounded genuinely baffled.

'It didn't deserve to pass! It looked like...' Harry caught himself in time. '... it looked _rubbish_. I hate this – the way you pass all the Slytherins and fail all the Gryffindors.'

'I passed Miss Granger and failed Mr Goyle.'

'Only because you had to. She's brilliant and he's worst than Neville. You always failed me in the past and you're passing me now. Because we get on_._.. at the moment, anyway.'

'Will you stop whinging if I promise to fail your next potion to even things up?' Snape inquired.

'You don't get it!' Harry sounded frustrated. 'I hate this favouritism. It's wrong and you should be watching Malfoy to stop him disrupting people's potions.'

'Did he touch your potion?' Snape asked evenly.

Harry shook his head.

'Then I don't see what your problem is. In any case, as far as your potions are concerned I passed yours today because I know full well you can make this successfully, as you showed last week. And your previous potions which I failed _were_ dreadful.'

_Yeah, because __**you **__put me off when I was making them, _Harry thought.

'I'm going to lunch.' He said picking up his bag.

'You need to finish cleaning your caldron first.' Snape told him silkily.

Harry glanced down at the dried on goo.

'It won't come off.'

'Perhaps then you should scrub it until it does.'

'You're making me miss lunch?'

'Just clean it, Harry. I know how you hate favouritism, after all.' Snape turned away to his own brewing.

Half an hour later, Harry was still in much the same position. Perhaps he had shifted a little of the goo, if you looked closely. The bulk of it, however, was still very much in evidence.

Snape prodded at the goo with the stirrer.

'Congratulations, Harry. You've managed to ruin a cauldron to a greater extent than Mr Longbottom's little concoction.'

'Sorry.' Harry muttered, his stomach rumbling.

'Come.'

They walked to the hall together and Harry was just slipping into a seat beside Ron and reaching for his plate, everyone else was already on dessert, when he noticed Connor nonchalantly sat at the Slytherin table. Snape must have also noticed because he strode up to him and said something to him in a low voice.

Connor didn't move.

'NOW, MR DONOVAN!' Snape bellowed making several Slytherin first years jump.

Very slowly, Connor put down his cutlery before standing up and following his head of house out the hall.

Harry shovelled his lunch down his throat, they had a free period next lesson and were going to spend it playing quidditch- when he noticed what Malfoy and his friends were doing and lost his appetite. They were sniggering and pointing at Neville and mimicking him in high pitched, girly voices: '_I don't know what happened – I took it off the heat._'

Neville sat there trying to plough on with his lunch as if he couldn't hear them but Harry could see the tips of his ears were going bright red from embarrassment.

Harry stared at the back of Malfoy's head with real dislike. He hated the way all the Slytherin's treated Neville, like he was worthless just because he was an easy target as he wasn't clever or successful. It reminded him of Dudley and his friends picking on him for being different when he was younger. He wished there was some way to make Malfoy feel for just one moment what Neville felt like, some amazing hex or jinx...

Then all of a sudden it occurred to Harry, the spell he'd used to help Snape by giving him energy or power, how brilliant if you could use it the other way round?! He could take some of Malfoy's power temporarily, just a very small amount to show him how it felt to be the weak one for a change...

Harry concentrated, forgetting his dinner and closing his eyes.

_Give me your power. Give me your energy._

Nothing.

The other day he had felt straight away that something was happening. This time he knew straight away that he was wasting his time. He'd been holding Snape's hand last time. Maybe he needed to touch Malfoy for it to work? Harry chuckled, he could just imagine the Slytherins' faces if he walked over and grabbed Malfoy's hand in the lunch hall. He opened his eyes.

Hermione was looking at him in concern. 'Are you ok?'

'Yeah fine.' He turned hurriedly back to his dinner. Perhaps he could use his wand or ask Snape for the incantation as he'd heard of the spell before. If it were possible it would be a fantastic spell to use as a distraction or to weaken an opponent.

***

Before dinner that evening Harry found Snape alone having just finished teaching a first year class. The thought had been playing on his mind all afternoon and he brought it up straight away as Snape finished stowing away valuable potions ingredients.

'You know that wandless spell I did when you were hurt?'

Snape nodded, it was hardly likely to slip his memory, after all.

'You and Dumbledore, sorry _Professor _Dumbledore had seen it before. So I was wondering if you knew the incantation?'

'Why do you want to know?' Snape asked suspiciously. 'You realise that it's dangerous to give energy or power in this manner?'

'I don't want to give away energy. I just thought it could be a great attack move to weaken your enemy.'

'And you plan to practise this on whom?' Snape replied sharply, thinking back to the time when he'd seen the spell used before and reflecting that the boy had no idea how murky the waters were that he was playing with.

'I tell you now, Harry, that if I ever find out that you have used this spell on anyone at Hogwarts, you will live to regret it.'

Harry looked away guiltily.

'You already have haven't you?!' Snape exploded after one glance at his face. '_You've used that spell again_.'

***


	15. Titan Navitas

'_You already have haven't you?!' Snape exploded after one glance at his face. '__**You've used that spell again.**__'_

_***_

'No, I haven't.' Harry replied in alarm.

'Don't you _dare_ to lie to me at this moment!' Snape thundered back at him, his eyes narrowed into black slits of fury and Harry was reminded once again of how intimidating he'd always found the man in the past.

'I didn't! Honestly.'

Snape glared back at him, completely unconvinced.

Harry gulped. 'Ok, ok. I _tried_ to use it at lunchtime... but _nothing happened_. I wasn't going to hurt him... I just wanted to see if it would work...'

'And I am to assume that the unfortunate intended victim of your grossly foolish venture was...?'

'Malfoy.' Harry admitted in a small voice.

For a moment there was a deadly silence between them and all that they could both hear was the sound of students milling about outside the room. Then there was a sudden scuffle and a first year burst into the room. 'Sorry Sir.' She said apologetically, almost quaking under the Professor's furious gaze as she retrieved her forgotten Potions Textbook.

Snape grabbed Harry's arm, drawing a sharp intake of breath from the boy at his painfully tight grip, and dragged him out the potions lab towards the entrance to Slytherin house.

'That hurts.' Harry protested, vainly attempting to prise Snape's fingers away with his own.

'_Good_.' Snape replied shortly, although the crushing grip relented somewhat.

They stepped through the entrance together. Luckily for Harry there were only half a dozen students in the common room, the rest had already headed down to the great hall for dinner. Those who were present seemed to know better than to show any interest in their Head of House hauling a student into the house or perhaps it was just the waves of fury which were streaming off him which made them back off.

'Get in there.' Snape had opened the door to his office and gave Harry a not-too-gentle push towards it.

Harry walked in, his head hanging. He didn't even dare to look at his Professor who had now closed the door. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been this angry with him- even the times he'd thrown things at him or tried to hex him didn't come close...

'Do you have any idea of the gravity of what you attempted?' Snape spat at him, forcing himself to try and calm down.

Harry stared at his shoes, he was beginning to.

'I didn't want to hurt him, I just wanted to get back at him for Neville.' Harry said feeling a lump building at the back of his throat, 'I'm sorry.' '_Not good enough_. Need I spell it out to you that we only have your incompetence in casting to thank for the fact that you didn't use_ that_ spell on Draco? _The spell which I specifically told you was dangerous and potentially deadly_?'

Harry paled as the implications sunk in. 'I didn't think about that. I thought I'd just experiment and only use it a little bit, just for a few seconds to see if it'd work...'

'Because wizards can always control the force with which they cast new, complex spells?' Snape asked sarcastically. 'It's not like you come to school to learn about such things in a controlled environment for the safety of all concerned? To think I'd begun to reassess my opinion of you, Potter- when you clearly are as arrogant, unthinking and idiotic as I'd always imagined.'

Harry was surprised to find tears prickling in his eyes and quickly turned his face aside.

'You will stay here and _not move a muscle_. I'm going to check on Draco and will be back to deal with you presently. You'd better hope for your own sake that he is unharmed.' And with those discomforting words Snape was gone.

Snape did go to the Great Hall to check on Draco, although he'd been fairly certain that if Harry had cast the spell it would have been brought to his attention long before now. In part his fury with the boy boiled down to disappointment. He was appalled at what Harry had unthinkingly tried to do and forcibly reminded once more of the impulsive, less positive traits in the boy's personality. The fact that his target had been Draco also didn't exactly help his case. Although Severus was less immune to his Godson's faults than many thought, he would still protect the child fiercely when the need arose. Severus was well aware that matters with Draco were fast approaching a cusp and that each day it looked more likely that he would follow in his father's footsteps, but he hadn't given up on the boy yet.

Feeling Severus's dour gaze fall upon him from across the room Draco looked up questioningly from his meal. At his Godfather gestured irritably for him to turn and continue eating, he thought little of it. He was used to Severus' moods and knew the man would send for him if he wanted to speak.

Severus hesitated, he had no real reason to linger but was loath to go back and deal with Harry for a while yet. It would be better for him to get a grip on his temper first.

'Problems, Severus?'

He turned towards the headmaster, who only needed one glance at his face, to see how ill-tempered his potions master was. Dumbledore sighed. He didn't need to ask who it was, there was only one student who seemed to be capable of enraging his Potions Master to this degree. 'What has he done?'

Severus cast a quick spell so they could not be overheard. 'Only tried to do a wandless _Titan Navitas_ on Draco.'

Dumbledore gave a look of dismay.

'Apparently he thought it would be an effective attack move to try out.' Snape spat out. 'Thankfully it didn't take effect. I believe the foolish brat didn't _mean_ to cause any lasting harm, but it seems his idiocy truly knows no bounds.'

Dumbledore seems to consider this for a moment before replying.

'And yet, perhaps Harry has struck upon a valid plan, even if he has gone about attempting it in quite the wrong way.'

'You think... I should train him in _this_?' Snape asked incredulously. 'It is outside my expertise; in fact it is outside _everyone's_ expertise. You think we should encourage him despite that?'

Dumbledore looked him straight in the eye. 'Powers the Dark Lord knows not.' He reminded him. 'This was never going to be easy.'

'Oh and Severus?' He added gently. 'Much as I'm sure Harry's rash behaviour warrants some sanctions perhaps you could bear in mind that if you come down too hard on him now it might be counterproductive. After all, we wouldn't want him to feel unable to confide in you would we?'

'You need not concern yourself.' Severus replied grimly. 'I will have him talk to me whether he wishes it or not.'

As the office door swung open silently Severus noted that Harry was stood awkwardly precisely on the spot where he'd left him. He appeared to be frozen in time apart from one hand which absentmindedly rubbed his arm.

'_Right_ _Potter_.'

Harry jumped and turned to face him.

'It appears that Draco has escaped unscathed, no thanks to you. If you ever... and I mean _ever_ pull a stunt like that on a student here again...'

'I won't.' Harry hastily assured him.

Snape nodded slowly and then asked abruptly.

'Does it still hurt?'

'What?'

'Your arm.' The professor replied impatiently. 'You keep rubbing it.'

'Oh. No, it's fine.'

'Let me see.'

Reluctantly Harry allowed Snape to pull his sleeve back and looked away as the older wizard examined the bruise which was already beginning to form.

'It's ok.' Harry hastily pulled his sleeve down.

'Wait there, Potter.'

This time Snape only disappeared for a minute before returning with a pot of bruise balm. With a stony face he held it out to Harry who took the jar but didn't open it.

'Now I have no idea what was going through your head, when you made that ill-thought out attempt but believe me we will be addressing this over the days to come. You're in detention for the rest of the week and you will also complete five hundred lines stating 'In the future I will attempt to engage my brain before I act.'

Harry nodded.

'In addition I want it understood that you will not hex or jinx any Slytherins. I will not stand for it. If you do, I will restrict you to your dormitory and only allow you to have your wand for lessons.'

Harry shoulders had slumped even further. Snape hesitated for a moment more before saying:

'Harry, it was not my intention to hurt you. I don't want you to think I would ever physically chastise you.'

Harry looked up, his face a mixture of shame and embarrassment.

'It's ok. I know you didn't mean to.' He mumbled, unscrewing the jar and smearing on some bruise balm.

Snape nodded.

'You'd better go, dinner's nearly over.'

Harry turned to open the door, before reaching a decision, screwing up his courage and facing Snape once more.

'Um, Professor? There's something else that I did... well it's not _that _bad, it won't hurt anyone or anything, in fact I haven't _actually _even done it yet...but I know you won't like it.' Harry stumbled clumsily over his words.

After all the stress over Malfoy, Harry had decided that he couldn't bear it if Snape found out about him going behind his back for the dreamless sleep. And he probably would find out... eventually anyway. This morning that hadn't seemed like such a big deal but now he'd decided he'd prefer to just give them back, rather than have it hanging over him.

Snape raised an eyebrow but remained silent.

Harry reached into his bag and mutely pulled out the three bottles. Neither of them said anything for a moment and Harry began to worry that he'd miscalculated, perhaps coming clean on top of everything which had happened was a bad idea.

'Where did you get these from?' Snape asked at last. 'My private store?'

'No! Madam Pomfrey gave them to me but... I kind of implied you thought it would be alright.' He admitted in a small voice.

'Quite a day you've had isn't it?' Snape remarked drily. 'Tell me. Is it really that important to you that you have the dreamless sleep?'

Harry nodded.

'Why?'

'Theodore Nott saw me having a nightmare last night, I don't want everyone to know.'

'Mr Nott is the least likely person to gossip.' Snape said dismissively.

'I still don't want him seeing me like that. I... I tried to explain all this to you but you wouldn't even listen to me. And I really hate the nightmares. You _know _what they do to me.'

'Indeed, yet becoming addicted to a potion in order to function doesn't strike me as a satisfying outcome.' Snape replied bitingly before relenting slightly. 'Take the potions, use them _sparingly_. You may ask me if you require more and we will discuss it fully. But I won't necessarily agree and you certainly won't be using them every night.'

'Yes Sir, and I'm sorry... about going to Madam Pomfrey like that.'

'Which you do realise I would have found out about? Who do you think brews the schools supplies of dreamless sleep in any case?' Snape asked icily. 'Incidentally I did not refuse you the potions to be difficult; I genuinely believe they could become more trouble than they're worth.' He added in slightly less cold tones.

'Yes, Sir.' Harry reached for the door.

Snape sighed. 'What I'm trying to get across to you, Harry, is that the potions are a last resort. I would rather that you came to me, to talk or work on occlumency, rather than becoming accustomed to taking them. You may wake me if you need to- it does not concern me if it is late.'

'Thanks ...I... well...I'll see how it goes.' Harry mumbled awkwardly as he slipped away.

***

Heading back through the common room towards the hall for dinner, lost in thought, Harry found himself at the exit just as Malfoy was coming thorough from the opposite direction.

'Well, look who it is.' Draco said softly, his eyes glinting maliciously. 'The little Gryffindor who's trying to pass himself off as a Slytherin.'

'Let me out.' Harry said evenly. He wasn't going to rise to the bait, considering everything which had already happened today all he wanted was a peaceful evening without any more trouble. But Draco continued to stand directly in his path blocking the entrance and causing a crowd to build up in each direction. Behind him he was flanked by his ever present sidekicks, Crabbe and Goyle.

'Why don't you get back to your little mudblood friends, Potter?' Draco sneered inching further forward into Harry's personal space, Harry felt himself forced to take a step backwards.

'Oh sorry, did you want to get out?' Draco asked with faux manners. 'Let me help you.'

He shoved Harry into the wall beside the entrance.

Harry's hand tightened on his wand.

'Malfoy, Potter, that's enough. Get out the way of the door.' Lysander ordered sharply, heading towards them from the side of the room.

Sneering slightly Malfoy stepped minimally to one side still surrounded by his flunkies.

'You alright Potter?' Lysander asked.

'Fine.' Harry replied through gritted teeth.

Jasper walked up to them, glancing cautiously from person to person.

'Um, I'm just going up to the owlery.' he said to Harry. 'Do you want to come and see if you've got any post?'

_Not much point when there's no one to write to me_, Harry thought bleakly. Suddenly he felt utterly exhausted, his disturbed sleep from the night before catching up with him, all he wanted to do was go and chuck himself on his bed. Sod Malfoy, let him think he'd won.

'No thanks. I think I'm just going to go to our dorm for a bit.' Giving up on dinner and backing off from the doorway he slipped away to the sound of Malfoy demanding to know what Jasper was doing talking to Gryffindor scum.

Ten minutes later, sprawled on his bed, Harry was at least thankful that Snape had put him in a dorm where he was left alone. He'd decided that Jasper wasn't too bad, for a Slytherin and Theodore was too introverted to cause him any problems. He still hadn't made his mind up about Connor, he knew Ron thought he was funny- just because he wound up the Slytherins and Professors in equal measure, but Hermione was convinced he was secretly devastated to be sent abroad to school and acting up accordingly.

Jasper came into the dorm after a few more minutes carrying a various parchments.

'Here you go, Connor.' He said chucking a letter at Connor and dumping another on Theodore's bed before tearing open his own post.

Harry watched as Connor picked up his letter, opened it and barely glanced at the contents before screwing it up into a ball.

'Was it from your family?' Jasper asked curiously, glancing up.

'Family.' Connor scoffed. 'What family?'

'Well,' Jasper sounded unsure of himself. 'You've got parents and a little sister, right? I mean everyone knows 'cause stuff about your Dad gets mentioned in the papers sometimes.'

'They're no family of mine.' Connor replied his voice sounding utterly serious just for a moment. 'So next time don't bother with the letters, ok? Saves me binning them.'

Harry couldn't stop himself interrupting incredulously. 'You've got parents and a kid sister that you won't even write to? What's your problem?'

'What's _your_ problem?' Connor's serious tone had vanished as quickly as it appeared and he was back to sounding casual and slightly mocking. 'Every family set ups different right? You don't know what I have to put up with, it's nothing to do with you.'

Harry shrugged. 'It's nothing to do with me if you're a selfish, spoilt prat. It's just that if you really didn't have a family you'd know better, that's all.'

'You've got your Godfather though haven't you, Harry?' Jasper asked. 'The Prophet said he was starting adoption procedures?'

'Well that might be a bit difficult seeing as how he's dead.' Harry replied flatly before he could stop himself. Then he felt a flush spreading over his face. _What had he said that for?_ He didn't want to discuss Sirius with anyone apart from Ron and Hermione... well and possibly Snape. He made a hasty attempt to change the subject. 'What is it with you and the papers anyway? Do you spend all day reading up on us or something?'

'I...I'm sorry... I didn't know....about your Godfather. I... well ... you're pretty famous and Connor's dad is quite high profile, I wasn't trying to snoop...' Jasper sounded extremely uncomfortable and was obviously relieved when Theodore came in and interrupted the topic.

'Finch was looking for you.' He said conversationally to Connor as he stowed his bag beside his bed and kicked off his shoes.

Jasper's eyes widened. 'You skipped his detention? After everything Snape said to you earlier? You're going to be in so much trouble, Connor. Seriously you carry on like this and you're probably end up getting expelled or something.'

'That's clearly what he's banking on.' Theodore remarked in a bored voice. 'So why worry?'

Jasper looked up at Connor in surprise.

'Is that what you're doing skiving class and skipping detention- trying to get sent home?'

Connor gave his usual careless grin. 'No. Just because I don't want to be here doesn't mean I want to get sent back there either. I didn't come to class because I was walking around the place getting to know my way around. I _probably _should have gone to detention. I'll go tomorrow.'

'You've got them all week?'

'And then some.' Connor didn't seem at all bothered by the predicament he found himself in and lounged back on his bed.

Theodore glanced up from the book he was now reading. 'You spent all morning walking around the castle and no one noticed that you should have been in class?' He asked slowly. 'You sure you weren't hiding somewhere? Three hours is a long time to be skiving and not get caught, especially after Dumbledore asked the portraits to look out for you.'

'I was wandering round outside.' Connor replied easily. 'I knew I'd be able to have some time on my own out there.'

***

That night, after much deliberation, Harry spent some time practising his occlumency before eventually weakening and taking a bottle of dreamless sleep anyway. Lulled into a deep sleep, Harry slept soundly until morning when he jolted awake all of a sudden in the midst of a dream about a crow flying around him. Then as he was getting dressed just for a second he was sure he saw the movement of wings again out of the corner of his eye and looked around with his heart thumping. _Maybe Snape was right and the potions were a bad idea. After all seeing stuff when you're awake really isn't a good sign._ Shoving the remaining bottles of dreamless sleep under his bed, he reached a decision: he was going to follow Snape's advise and concentrate solely on occluding. If that meant that he had to pester the Professor for help with occlumency or calming himself down, he'd just have to swallow his pride and take him up on his offer.

***

_**Ok the Harry/Malfoy spat doesn't actually appear in this chapter after all. I decided that there was enough angst to be getting on with but it will happen eventually... Similarly some of the other strands to the story which aren't being dealt with immediately will be dealt with as the plot progresses (Harry's broomstick, Moody, etc). **_

_**Oh and BTW I know that Snape grabbing hold of Harry like that is inexcusable, I don't condone it, in case anyone wonders. It just seemed like something he would probably do in these circumstances.**_

_**Thanks to everyone who left me a review so far, they're much appreciated.**_

_*******_


	16. Repercussions

_Harry crashed to the ground and lay there panting in the shadows. He was bitterly cold and his clothes and winter cloak were sodden with moisture. He could barely see, he could barely __**think**__, he was so terrified. The day had finally came, everything that was going to happen... Hearing a movement to the right of him he cast his shield but he was too slow... always too slow. There was a vivid silver flash which tore through the air before the curse hit him in the chest. At first he was surprised to find that he didn't feel anything, it wasn't until he looked down and saw the blood seeping through his jumper that a dull throbbing set in. Within seconds it grew in intensity until the pain began to overtake his senses and he began to tremble and shake as it became utterly unbearable..._

With a start Harry sprang back to consciousness, clutching his chest- how were his hands clean now, not showing a trace of the blood which had covered them moments before?

Sitting up fully, his heart beating wildly, he hugged his knees into his chest.

It was so real. Too real. He had been there. Although the agony had ended abruptly, he had truly felt that wound and his body was tingling and pulsing with the shock of it even now.

He looked around the room. If Theodore had woken this time he was pretending to be asleep. Softly he padded out into the corridor...

He made his way to Snape's rooms but was too distraught to think of knocking. Pressing his hand to the wall, he stumbled into the sitting room.

'Snape?' He cried out, his breathless call breaking the utter silence of the night. A moment later the Professor appeared from his bedroom in a dark, green dressing gown and guided him towards the sofa.

'I...my chest again, the stabbing curse, at first nothing and then it was everywhere and I don't know who it was...I couldn't feel it until I saw it, why, I...' Harry talked with desperate speed, struggling to draw his breath.

'Hush, Harry, drink this and then we'll talk.'

Snape handed him a bottle of calming potion. He had a ready stock of them to hand, given the past few days.

Severus watched as the boy gulped down the liquid and his heart rate gradually slowed. He was still shaking, perhaps he was cold clad only in pyjamas? Severus didn't really think it was the cause but drew the sofa throw around the child's shoulders just in case.

'Snape it was real, I tell you, _so_ real. I've never felt anything like it.' He was shuddering now, tears still streaming down his face. Against his better judgement Severus put an awkward arm around the child's shoulders.

'Hush Harry. You are not hurt. Take some deep breaths and try to get a hold of yourself.' He told him commandingly.

'I...I...I...' Just as Severus was about to withdraw his arm, he realised Harry was leaning his head against it. No doubt seeking some measure of comfort from having someone next to him who could bring him back to reality.

Some minutes later, eventually calm enough to speak properly, Harry drew away from his professor and hugged the sofa throw to himself. He related his latest nightmare in a shaky voice. When he'd finished he looked away as he said: 'It's not working is it? The occlumency. It's not going to stop the nightmares... it's just making them worse.'

Severus could see how Harry had reached this conclusion, although he didn't understand why this was proving to be the case. They'd spent so much time improving his occlumency, every evening and passed over some of Harry's detentions to give them extra time. Harry's unconscious occlumency was bound to be stronger than ever but if anything the nightmares were becoming more frequent and vivid. This particular dream about some sort of stabbing curse had been repeated for the past few nights.

Reaching out a hand to jerk the boys face up so he would make eye contact, Severus murmured '_Legimens_' as he stared at Harry, testing his defences. Eventually he broke the gaze.

'Your occlumency is strong, while you're awake at least.'

'So what it's just crap when I'm asleep? So what do I do?'

'You practise.'

'I am practising. I'm practising all the f****** time! It's not working and I can't cope with this...' Harry sounded as though he was too tired to do justice to the level of frustration and upset he felt.

Severus glanced at the clock, quarter past four, they had less than three hours before they would have to be up again.

'Yes you can, Harry.'

'I can't. I need some dreamless sleep.' The boys voice was muffled as he leant against Severus' shoulder once more.

'Hush. We've been through this. I am convinced that our work on your occlumency will eventually pay dividends. Your conscious occluding is more or less impeccable and _you will get there subconsciously_. Having a defeatist attitude, however, will not increase the likelihood of success.'

'I'm not defeatist.' Harry objected.

Severus' dark eyes studied the child beside him.

'I know. I have realised you are capable of putting great effort into your lessons and making good progress resultantly.'

'And you always thought I was thick.' Harry mumbled sleepily.

'I never thought you were unintelligent,' Severus contradicted him, 'although at times you seemed to be doing your best to appear so. Indeed, the fact that you have proved how capable you actually are rather begs the question as to why you don't always attempt to live up to your potential. Your brewing in potions has improved exponentially since you have applied yourself.'

'Huh, potions.' Harry mumbled through a yawn.

'_Yes, the art of potion making_, Harry,which has great value if you stopped to consider it without your usual Gryffindor impetuousness. Imagine how beneficial you would find it if you were able to brew your own healing draughts in the future? Or given your penchant for practising defence, potions which could weaken or even destroy your enemy? You must endeavour to give your best efforts to everything you do, Harry, lest one day you regret missing an opportunity.'

Severus stopped talking as he realised the boy had fallen asleep. Very carefully, trying not to wake him, he edged his arm out from underneath his head, substituting it for a cushion.

Standing up he stretched his arms and yawned silently. Half four in the morning. It didn't really seem worth trying to get back to sleep. Conjuring a cup of tea, he accio'd some of his potions notes and sat at the table, his eyes glancing back to the sleeping child every few minutes.

***

The next day at breakfast Jasper approached the Gryffindor table.

'Where were you last night?'

'I...' Harry felt a blush creeping across his face. 'I wasn't very well.'

'Merlin, what with the way that you and Connor keep disappearing, it's a wonder we ever have anyone actually in our dorm room!'

'Yeah.' Harry said uncomfortably and in an attempt to change the subject. 'It's good he's actually coming to classes now though.'

'Yeah, well I don't suppose Snape really gave him much choice in the matter did he?'

Connor's knack of looking for trouble didn't seem to be diminishing the longer that he was at Hogwarts. If anything he was getting more detentions now that Snape was making him go to classes. It turned out, that far from Malfoy's predictions; he was actually far ahead in most of Harry's lessons. Where he didn't do well, like in potions where he caused a blanket of smoke to spread across the room, Harry suspected it was only because he was trying to wind his Professors up.

In a way, Harry had actually given up on trying to figure the new boy out. After lunch the other day, he had asked if Connor wanted to go flying with him and Ron, (prompting by Hermione who was still convinced he was secretly homesick), only to be refused.

'Ah, no thanks, not really my thing.' He'd said dismissively.

'You can't fly?' Ron had asked in surprise.

'Oh _I can fly._' Connor said with a huge grin. 'But I'm not in the mood. And the school broomsticks won't really do it for me.'

'Don't you have your own broomstick?' Harry'd asked wondering why his wealthy family hadn't supplied him with that staple item.

Connor shrugged. 'At home, I do. I haven't got it with me. You must have noticed, I haven't got anything with me, apart from books and clothes?'

Now that he mentioned it, Harry did recall that they'd all thought it strange that his corner of the dorm was so bare. He'd just assumed everything was still stashed in his trunk, perhaps ready for getting sent home, if he managed to get expelled.

Connor was definitely a puzzle. He'd stuck up for Harry against some of Malfoy's taunts walking through the common room yesterday, though Harry suspected this might have more to do with wanting to annoy Malfoy than anything else. This seemed to be borne out by his behaviour at other times where his quick mouth got him in trouble for talking back in class and made him lots of enemies throughout Slytherin.

The new boy just didn't seem able to stop himself. By now, everyone had seen Snape yelling at him at one time or another, but other than making him come to class it seemed to have had little effect. He just went to class and lost more points before earning more lines and detentions with Filch.

Harry knew that he'd got off fairly lightly with _his_ detentions over the past few days. Ok, so Snape had made him scrub caldrons and dice flobberworms, but so far most of the time had been given over to extra occlumency. However Snape had assured him he would be having some 'more pertinent' detentions over the next couple of days and as a result Harry felt mounting unease as he made his way to Snape's rooms that evening.

He knocked and waited to be called in before opening the door.

'Put this on.' Snape passed him a cloak as soon as he entered the room. 'It's raining out.'

'We're going outside?'

'I think you're long overdue learning about the consequences of using that spell.' Snape replied looking at him steadily. 'Follow me.'

His heart sinking Harry followed Snape out of Slytherin and out of the main castle doors. After a few more minutes Harry asked, 'are we going to see Hagrid?'

'He has something we'll need.' Snape replied his face not giving away any hints.

Harry toyed with clumps of mud, kicking them from side to side as he waited outside Hagrid's hut as Snape disappeared inside. He could have at least let him say hello to Hagrid, just for a minute. The giant was his friend after all.

Moments later Snape appeared again carrying a brown cardboard box.

'What's in it?' Harry asked.

Snape ignored him and continued to stride on purposefully, causing Harry to have to half jog to keep up with him, until he came to a stop at the top of a bank. It was a secluded area, surrounded by trees, where Severus knew they would be able to see anyone who was approaching whilst maintaining a certain level of privacy themselves.

Snape opened the box and withdrew a mouse by its tail. The small creature tried to scramble away frantically until he placed it on the grass and with a flick of him wand stuck its feet to the ground.

'The incantation for _that_ spell is _Titan Navitas_.' Snape said in a low, even voice. 'That is for you to consume energy and power from someone, or rather in this case, _something_ else. Neither Dumbledore nor I know the incantation for transferring one's own energy, as far as we're aware the spell hasn't been used in that way before. However, that is of little matter considering you shall not be doing _that_ again. I hardly need to add that you may experiment with this spell only under my direct supervision. Begin.'

Harry glanced up at his professor, uneasily.

'I... but... it's dangerous right?'

'I'm asking you to use the spell on the mouse not transfer your power to it.' Snape pointed out dismissively. 'A mouse is too small to provide a significant amount of power. You will be fine.'

'I don't mean me... it might hurt the mouse mightn't it?'

'All this concern for a mouse and yet you were so willing to experiment on Draco Malfoy. Well, well.' The words sounded mocking but Harry could sense that Snape wasn't joking.

'I'll try it wandlessly first.' He said tentatively kneeling down. 'Wordlessly as well...just to see...'

Like before Harry closed his eyes and thought the incantation to himself. _Titan Navitas._

Nothing.

'Now say it out loud.' Severus prompted him.

'_Titan Navitas_.' Harry whispered.

Again nothing.

'And now, with the wand as well.'

Harry reluctantly lifted his wand looking down at the small, brown mouse who was locked to the spot.

Steering himself he said. '_Titan Navitas._' Pointing his wand at the mouse.

Momentarily Harry felt a rush of warmth as a buzz spread through his body. For a split second nothing seemed to happen to the mouse until it broke free of the spell Severus had bound it with. It shot up a inch of two in the air as if someone had given it an electric shock before landing on the ground. Like Snape, the time before, it was racked with convulsions. Unlike Snape it did not regain consciousness after some time but just lay there.

Snape prodded the mouse's body with his wand, examining it with a detached air.

Harry gulped.

'It's dead?'

'Five points to Gryffindor. For stating the obvious.' Snape said mockingly.

'And five points away from Gryffindor for wasting resources.' He added as an afterthought as he realised the counters would give the points despite his sarcasm.

Harry stared down at the mouse. _Wasting resources? He'd killed it. It had been alive...and then..._

'It could still be alive.' He said in a small voice. 'When I used the spell on you... I thought you were dead at first.'

'It's dead, Harry.' Snape said evenly.

'Oh.'

Harry sat down on the ground, reaching out a shaky hand.

'Should we bury it?'

'Leave it for now.' Snape ordered him. Reaching in the box again he pulled out another mouse and froze it to the ground, like before.

'Try again.'

Harry couldn't believe his ears. _He'd just killed the other mouse and he wanted him to do it again? _

'No.'

'Harry.' The mocking tone was completely gone from the Professor's voice but was replaced by impatience.

For a moment Harry felt like he was back in their old occlumency lessons in the summer when Snape had forced him to practise against his will. Only this time it was worse than that. Back then the worse that happened was that he'd feel ill and have to relive his worst memories. _This time Harry would be forced to kill another living creature._

'No.'

'_Harry._'

His heart beating he looked up pleadingly at Snape. 'Please don't make me.'

'Just do it.' The Professor ground the words out at him.

'I...I can't.' He said helplessly.

'Harry, try putting less force into your incantation and you may have more success this time.'

Harry hesitated.

'Harry, if you are ever going to use this spell offensively you need to be able to control it. _Now try again_.'

Kneeling up, in front of the mouse, lifting his wand once more, Harry muttered 'I'm sorry.' Before trying the incantation in his head. Nothing happened.

'_Harry_.' Snape was sounding really angry now.

'Ok, ok.'

In a voice barely above a whisper Harry said '_Titan Navitas_.'

Moments later they were both staring down at a second dead mouse.

Snape reached inside the box once more...

'No!' Harry protested leaping to his feet. 'I'm not going to stay here and go through that box, killing them one by one!'

'You're not going anywhere.' Snape said in a cold voice as he froze the next mouse to the ground. Taking Harry firmly by the arm, careful not to grab him too tightly this time, he pushed him back towards the mouse.

'I won't do it!' Harry said angrily. 'You can't make me!' He flung his wand on the ground.

'_I think you'll find I can_.' Snape said darkly.

Harry crossed his arms over his chest and glared back at him.

Snape seemed to come to a decision. In more even tones he said. 'Fine, we will simply stay here as long as it takes, Harry. All night if need be.'

'Look I get it ok?' Harry exploded. 'You've made your point. I could have done _this_ to Draco. _I could have killed him_. I'm sorry. REALLY SORRY. How many times do you want me to say it? But I'm not going to let you punish me by making me kill all those mice. I just won't do it.'

**Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed so far.**

**So tell me... is it realistic Harry getting so upset about the mice? I personally wouldn't do it but I'm a vegetarian and don't like the idea of killing any animal really. I know people who like shooting and fishing and stuff and guess some people wouldn't be too bothered by it? Or does Snape seem really horrible in making him do it? Let me know what you think, cheers peps. **


	17. Update error: Sorry!

Sorry if you just got an update saying a new chapter was up... That was a mistake- I'm going through and amending old chapters atm.

I'm about half way through writing the next chapter but will get on with it asap...


	18. True to oneself

**Hey everyone. Sorry it's taken me so long to get this posted. I started a new job and have been really busy. Hope you like it. **

Snape stared at Harry for another long moment before accio'ing his wand silently from the ground where he'd flung it.

'You _do not_ throw your wand around like it is child's plaything, no matter how angry or upset you may get. Understand?'

He held the wand out to Harry who made no move to take it, standing stock still in the faint drizzle of the dismal afternoon.

'Take the wand, Harry.' Snape ordered.

Harry obstinately kept his arms folded.

'Take the wand _now, _Potter, or you won't use it for the rest of the week save in lessons, ' Snape told him sternly.

Harry snatched his wand from the older wizard's hand.

'I still won't do it,' he told Snape as he shoved it in his pocket.

Snape gave him a hard look, drawing his lips together in a thin line of displeasure.

'Let me make this absolutely clear to you, Potter,' he said in a low, dangerous tone. 'You wanted to see how this spell works. Indeed, your actions with Draco made it absolutely _necessary _that you learn about it. Merlin forbid that you forfeit this opportunity for enlightenment.'

As Snape was speaking, the rain had began to fall more heavily so he broke off from his lecture briefly to cast a quick charm to prevent them becoming soaked. Having done this, the Professor continued where he had left off.

'The first time I witnessed this spell being used, indeed the _only _occasion when I have seen anyone apart from _you_ use it, was when I witnessed an endeavour by the Dark Lord many years ago. _Titan Navitas_ is a spell that most wizards are simply incapable of casting. And on the rare occasions when individuals do manage to cast it they risk adverse effects. The spell has been cited in numerous obscure books over the years, but so few times that many experts consider the spell to be little more than a legend with no truth behind it. Obviously we know better than this, but there is certainly no documented evidence of its use in recent times. Any modern wizards who are able to use it appear unwilling to come forward. You need to understand that I am...reluctant to allow you to even attempt this spell, but, like it or not, there is some merit in your belief that it could prove a valuable weapon for the future--a weapon that your opponents will not expect or be prepared for.'

Harry tried to digest all of this and latched onto the main thing which struck him.

'You said that Voldemort knows about it...that he used it?'

Snape inclined his head and gave a slight sigh.

'Some sixteen years ago I was present when the Dark Lord made what was his first--and what I can be fairly certain was also his last--attempt to use this spell.'

Snape paused for a moment as if considering how to continue, his face a stony mask hiding any emotion he might be feeling.

'The Dark Lord was always keen to explore the more obscure dark spells. He developed a certain fascination with _Titan Navitas._ At first he ordered several Death Eaters to experiment with the spell, but this led no where. Eventually he demanded for a group of Muggles to be brought to him. By this point I believe he was fixated upon becoming the only person able to cast that spell. So the Dark Lord used that spell on them- one after another, seemingly growing stronger and more powerful during the process. Eventually, however, even he could go no further...'

'How many did he kill?' Harry whispered, looking down once more at the two dead mice which lay at his feet.

'Eight.' Snape replied shortly. 'But it must be borne in mind that he only reached that number because the Muggles had little power and energy to offer him. They were children. Some of them... some of them were very young, little more than infants. In any case, eventually the Dark Lord himself could proceed no further. He fell back, unconscious. He was feverish, disorientated and racked with tremors for about a week afterwards. I believe that cured him of any further desire to experiment with _Titan Navitas. _It seems that the spell benefits the person gaining power, but only up to a certain point. Although the danger primarily applies to the subject from which power is being extracted, this is certainly not exclusive.'

'I can't believe you wanted me to even try to use it,' Harry said slowly. 'Considering all of that.'

'You need to understand exactly what you are delving into,' Snape snapped back at him. 'You endangered Draco by attempting to cast it upon him, and you also put your own safety in jeopardy.'

'You should have told me all of this after I first used it.'

Snape glared back at him. 'I told you it was dangerous, and I didn't imagine that you would be such a fool as to start experimenting without supervision. I'm telling you all of this _now_, so you can truly appreciate the situation.'

'So when I used _Titan Navitas_ on you...'

'You depleted your strength and felt the after effects.'

'I couldn't walk at first. I just felt exhausted and needed to sleep,' Harry remembered. 'Even with all those Pepper-Up Potions.'

'Don't forget that you were knocked unconscious initially and barely able to speak, let alone cast a spell when you first came around,' Snape added testily. 'Do you see, now, how well this spell would incapacitate your enemies if you could master it? I take it you now understand why it is crucial for you to continue and become capable of controlling _Titan Navitas,_ so you can utilise it however the situation warrants without risking your own wellbeing. Now,' Snape said, gesturing at the mouse which was still frozen in front of them, 'try again.'

Harry shook his head, taking a pace backwards. 'I'm sorry...I do understand what you're saying, but I really can't kill any more mice, not when I know that's what's going to happen. I've tried twice and I've tried whispering the spell--I barely said it at all a moment ago, and the last one still died. So there's no point, is there? Nothing will be different this time?'

'We might find a way to make this work, for you to control your use of the spell.'

'Do you really believe that? If there hasn't ever been anyone who was able to control it?' Harry looked searchingly at the Professor. 'I didn't think so,' he answered himself.

Snape looked thoughtful, eventually musing, 'Of course mice are problematic in that they can have very little energy or power in the first place. This doubtlessly places them at high risk as subjects. Now perhaps a slightly larger mammal, a rabbit or chicken for example...'

'No!' Harry interrupted emphatically.

'No,' Snape said slowly, 'I didn't think that would sit too well with you.' He exhaled loudly in frustration. Then, turning suddenly, he muttered an incantation as he pointed his wand at the ground. Gradually drawing his wand up, Harry could feel the ground around him vibrating ever so slightly, and he heard a series of thuds. Moments later the ground hollowed out beside the mice, with a mound of earth appearing nearby. With an almost lazy series of flicks of his wand, Snape deposited the mice in the hole, and the earth moved once more to cover them.

Harry shuddered. He didn't want to think about when Snape might have used _that_ spell before.

Snape spun on his heel, his robe billowing out behind him as he strode forward. Glancing back at Harry, he ordered impatiently: 'Come.'

They made their way back to the castle in silence, Harry trailing slightly behind his Professor's furious pace.

'Are you mad with me?' he asked eventually as they approached the main doors.

'No, Potter, I'm not "mad" with you,' Snape snapped back at him. 'This was an exercise purely for your own benefit, but, as you are determined to be too short-sighted to utilise the opportunity, there is little point in us blundering about outside and catching our deaths of cold.'

For someone who wasn't mad, Snape certainly maintained a passable impression of a foul mood as they made their way back through the building.

Uncertain if he was now dismissed from his detention, Harry followed him back as far as the entrance of Slytherin. As the Potions Master continued to ignore him, he took his leave and slipped away, heading back towards the Gryffindor common room.

***

'So what do you both think?' Harry and Hermione were seated on the sofa in a corner of the Gryffindor common room, and Ron was perched on the arm of the sofa nearest Hermione.

Harry had given them a brief summary of his detention.

'I think you were completely right, Harry,' Hermione said, frowning. 'No one can expect you to do anything like that. I can't believe that Professor Dumbledore would allow it if he knew.'

'Yeah, but if it helped him learn that spell, maybe it would have been worth it...' Ron said, considering.

'You really think he should have carried on then? You like the idea of Harry having to kill those defenceless animals?'

'No, of course not. It's just... Well. _I_ can see exactly why you couldn't carry on. I mean you tried twice, right? But, I guess to someone like Snape it would probably seem like nothing. I mean, you said he wasn't bothered by the dead mouse... well imagine the other dead bodies he must have seen over the years as a Death Eater. No wonder it didn't seem a big deal to him and he got so pushy with you.'

'I think he thinks I'm pathetic because I gave up.' Harry said smiling weakly as he added wryly, 'But what's new?'

'Really Harry, the very idea that he would encourage you to attempt this... _Titan Navitas,' _Hermione automatically lowered her voice, although they had already cast _Muffilato _around them. 'when it's _clearly_ one of the darkest of spells, it's shocking.'

'Yeah, I guess overall it is pretty out of order of him, mate,' Ron added. 'I mean you couldn't exactly help it before--you were saving him _and_ you didn't even understand what you were doing. But it's obviously not a spell you'd ever want to repeat, so he shouldn't make you...'

'Um...there's something else I didn't tell you both,' Harry interrupted Ron awkwardly. 'You know I said I got these detentions for trying to hex Malfoy?'

Both Ron and Hermione looked at him expectantly.

'Well. I... kind of tried to use _Titan Navitas_ on him--just non-verbally to see if it would work. Of course I didn't know the incantation then so it didn't...'

'_Harry_.' Hermione sounded scandalised. 'How could you?'

'Yeah, but he wouldn't have done it if he'd known what it could do, right mate?' Ron said loyally, although he too was staring at Harry as though he couldn't believe his ears.

'No...of course not. But I should have known,' Harry replied slowly. 'I mean Snape did tell me it could be dangerous, but I wasn't thinking and I was only going to do it for a second...oh, heck, it was stupid.'

'So Professor Snape knows that you tried this on his god-son? Hermione asked worriedly.

'Yeah, he went a bit berserk with me when he first found out,' Harry admitted. 'It's why I ended up with all the detentions.'

'Phew, rather you than me, mate,' Ron said. 'He's always taken that little brown-noser's side in everything ever since we've ever been at Hogwarts.'

'Yeah but this time it really was my fault, not Malfoy's,' Harry pointed out. 'So I guess he had a point.'

***

At dinner that evening Harry picked at his food. He didn't feel sick, but he had no appetite with all the thoughts flying through his head. It hadn't helped that Hermione and Ron had been so shocked with what he had done--making him feel about a thousand times worse. _How could I have been so stupid?_ He hated Malfoy, he really did, but to cast a spell upon him which actually risked killing him? Harry took a deep breath trying to steady his emotions, pushing his plate away.

'I'm heading back to Slytherin.' He muttered to Hermione and Ron who were sat beside him. They nodded and didn't try to stop him, although he usually went to the Gryffindor common room until the end of curfew. Perhaps they though he had been told to go and report to Snape? The truth was Harry simply wanted some time alone to get his head straight.

Sloping into the Slytherin common room, Harry glanced warily around him. He still didn't trust the Slytherins, and he knew that Malfoy and his gang would make his life hell if given half the chance, but he was pretty good at avoiding them most of the time.

Making it to his dorm without any hassle, Harry was relieved to find it empty. He allowed his composure to slip, with tears silently coursing down his cheeks. _I am such an idiot. Useless. _He couldn't stop thinking about those mice lying there, deadly still. It was the only time he'd ever been responsible for killing anything. And to think he could have done that to Malfoy! He could have died and he would have ended up in Azkaban, quite rightly...

He wiped his face with the sleeve of his robe but the tears continued to flow.

Snape was still angry with him, Harry knew, and probably thought he was just being stubborn in refusing to obey during the detention. But Harry could actually appreciate what the older wizard was trying to do. Of course, punishment was part of it, but Harry had realised from the frustration etched on Snape's face that he truly wanted him to learn this spell. After all, if he could master it, it would be a tremendous advantage, and heaven knows he would need one, as he had no doubt that he would eventually end up meeting Voldemort once more.

In that light, refusing to practise upon a mouse seemed childish and short-sighted. _But I simply can't._

Wiping his face once more, Harry decided to head for Snape's study. He wanted to have it out with him. It might not help, in fact chances were that he would just end up making the situation worse, but he had to try. He was sure he wouldn't be able to get things straight in his own head until he did.

Heading for the door, Harry suddenly became aware that any Slytherin who saw him would realise he'd been crying. Well, he had an Invisibility Cloak, after all. Wrapping it around him, he headed down the corridor.

Removing the cloak from his head as he entered the room, it was soon apparent that Snape wasn't there. Harry threw himself onto a chair by the desk, deliberating over whether to wait here, try Snape's rooms, or give up and return to his dorm. Harry sniffed, choking back the last of his tears. It was probably a stupid idea to seek him out while he was still angry, after all. Just as Harry was thinking this, he heard voices behind him, and realised that it wasn't just Snape who was coming in. Startled, Harry jumped and, without making the conscious decision to do so, automatically pulled his cloak back over his head a moment before Snape and a strange man entered the room.

Snape gestured with his hand towards an armchair in the corner, and the stranger sat. He was average height with very short fair hair, was dressed smartly in navy blue robes, and, from the restless manner in which he sat, Harry could see he was agitated about something.

'Mr. Donovan will be along directly,' Snape said. 'Drink?'

_This is ridiculous and Snape is going to be furious._ Harry knew he ought to say something straight away. However, in his embarrassment to be seen in tears, he made the fatal mistake of hesitating to make his presence known.

The man shook his head.

'So I take it there's been no change in Connor's behaviour?' His voice held traces of barely concealed anger.

Snape poured himself some water and took a sip.

'He has been behaving much as we expected. A slightly toned-down version from his theatrics back in Ireland, due to him finding himself on unfamiliar territory no doubt.' He replied evenly.

'And his work?'

'The boy does well when puts in a modicum of effort.'

The man snorted. Just then there was a tap at the door.

'Enter.'

Connor appeared in the doorway. _Hopefully the man would leave to go and speak to Connor someplace else._

'Oh...you,' Connor said, disgustedly freezing in the doorway upon seeing the man who had stood up at his knock.

'_Donovan!_ Stop loitering and get your miserable persona into this room immediately,' Snape said irritably.

Connor reluctantly came into the room and closed the door behind him. A tense atmosphere filled the room as he shared a look of mutual antipathy with the man.

At this point, Snape decided against remaining in the poisoned atmosphere, perhaps because he was simply unwilling to waste any more of his time on Donovan. In any case, he made his excuses and left the two wizards alone in his office with their unwilling eavesdropper.

Connor carelessly threw himself into the armchair opposite where the man was stood. _Thank goodness he didn't choose the chair where I am, not two feet away!_

'So? What do you want?' he demanded insolently, without making eye contact.

'Connor.' Harry could see that amidst the anger there was concern in the man's voice. 'Your father asked me to check on you. He misses you. You haven't written to him or your stepmother since you've been here. Or Katie. It's not fair on them.'

'Hhmph, my father!' Connor smiled sarcastically in a manner that Harry didn't understand.

'This behaviour is ridiculous, Connor. You're cutting off your nose to spite your face.'

Connor shrugged.

The man took a pace towards him, but Connor sprang quickly to his feet, shedding his lazy good-humoured facade in a moment.

'Ah, you're going to try and throw me round the room some more, you old bastard?'' he spat. ''Cos I won't take it this time. He's not my father. Not now, no more than I'm his son. If he misses me, he shouldn't have sent me away. y nose my face and I'll cut it off if I damn well want to!'

'Connor!' the man shouted threateningly.

They faced each other, practically nose to nose, and Harry cringed under his cloak.

'Get a hold of yourself. Sit down,' the man ordered, turning away, breathing heavily, and fighting to control himself.

He reached into his cloak but didn't draw his wand like Harry expected. Instead, he withdrew a rolled-up parchment, which he thrust at Connor, who was still standing by the desk.

'Read it.'

'I'll take it with me and read it later.'

'You'll read it here so I can see that you do,' the man ordered. 'Have you even read any of the other letters?'

Connor shook his head, throwing the letter on the floor and heading for the door.

'You can't make me,' he said simply. 'Even before you had no real control over me, and now that I'm here what can you do to me which isn't already being done? I was grounded and had my allowance taken away before I even arrived at Hogwarts. I've been in detention every day since I've been here. You took my vault key, my broomstick and restricted whom I can owl. I can't contact any of my friends and it turns out that I have no family. I have nothing to lose. _Nothing_. I might as well be thrown in Parvel with him.'

Connor turned the handle.

'Connor.' Harry realised that all traces of anger were gone from the man's voice.

'Just... leave me alone Declan,' Connor said wearily as he pulled the door shut behind him.

Thinking himself alone, Declan sat down and allowed his head to fall into his hands for a moment before sitting up straight as Snape came back in.

'I have just seen Mr. Donovan in the corridor,' Snape observed. 'He seemed...somewhat ruffled? I trust that he listened to everything you had to say before indulging in his usual temper tantrum? Or would you like for me to send for him to come back?'

Declan sighed, picking up the scroll where Connor had thrown it.

'Will you give this to him? He won't read it or write back, but I don't think there is any point in me trying to speak to him any further.'

Snape nodded and offered Declan the Floo powder, which was kept above his fireplace.

'I take it that you are Flooing to Troon before crossing?'

'Yes, like when I came here before,' Declan replied, taking some Floo powder. 'Severus, I just wanted to say that I do appreciate what you're doing for the boy in having him here. I know he is acting like a little shit, but this truly is the best place for him to be at the moment, whatever he may think.'

After saying this, Declan threw the powder in the fire and Floo'd away.

Snape carefully set the Floo powder back above the fireplace and glanced at the scroll in his hand. He sat down at his desk, apparently lost in deep thought, and Harry had to stifle a sigh--he'd hoped Snape would go and give the letter to Connor straight away so he could escape. Instead, Snape reached for some papers and began to read, making the occasion notes in the margins as he went through.

Harry closed his eyes, wincing in despair. Snape seemed set for the evening, so unless he decided to go and look for him to see why he hadn't came along to his quarters as usual (which he probably wouldn't considering the acrimonious way they had parted earlier) he wouldn't get a chance to slip away for hours.

He had already been stuck, stock still under the cloak for what felt like ages, practically holding his breath so that Declan and Connor wouldn't realise he was there. The minutes dragged and Harry felt an overwhelming urge to move, as his left leg had gone to sleep. If he could just shift positions slightly it would be better...

Snape head shot up sharply at the slight rustle and Harry froze with bated breath.

'Who's there?' Snape asked cautiously drawing his wand.

Oh Merlin. There was nothing for it... he couldn't stay hidden all evening anyway and it wasn't like he had meant for this to happen.

Sheepishly he pulled the cloak down to his shoulders revealing his bodiless head to Snape.

'_Harry_!'

Snape's furious reaction made Harry wish he'd stayed hidden, dead leg or not. He cringed back, disappearing under the cloak as if seeking comfort.

'What _on earth_ do you think you are doing? Get out from there at once.' Then, after a pause, '_Now_,' Snape snarled.

Reluctantly, Harry took the cloak off completely.

'You think it's a good idea to hide in my office and eavesdrop on private conversations?' Snape thundered.

'I didn't... I mean,' Harry said, hurriedly catching sight of Snape's expression. 'I know I did but I didn't mean to,_ honestly._'

'_Pass me that_.'

Harry didn't dare to argue as he passed his Invisibility Cloak over.

Snape snatched the cloak up and kept hold of it as he folded his arms pointedly. 'Explain.'

'I came to your office with the cloak on to avoid Malfoy and that lot in the corridors. I was waiting for you, but when I heard that you were coming in with someone else, I pulled the cloak back over me. I didn't want to eavesdrop, I swear! But then I couldn't get away without them...well…and the longer I was there, the harder it was to interrupt and say 'Opps 'scuse me.' Harry's voice had a slightly hysterical ring to it.

'Why did you pull the cloak over yourself when I entered with Mr O'Kelly?'

Harry squirmed, feeling ridiculous.

'I ...just...I...It was stupid, 'he said at last. 'I just did it without thinking. I...needed to speak to you but I didn't want anyone else to see that I was upset.'

Snape hesitated unsure how to react to this. So he had came to his quarters to confide in him about being upset but was so unwilling to let his defences down in front of anyone else that this had led to the whole mess. It seemed that with one thing and another, he continually had to rein in his temper and try not to overreact in case he destroyed the fragile trust that they were gradually building. But surely the boy knew better than this!

'I'm really, really sorry,' Harry said quietly. 'Honestly.'

'All right,' Snape ground out.

'What?'

Snape sighed. 'I accept your apology. I don't think you intended for events to unfold as they did. In your ineptitude, you managed to witness a private conversation, which I am sure both Mr Donovan and Mr O'Kelly would not thank you for. You can feel grateful that that you overheard nothing of any importance. If you had overheard, by design or not, any more pertinent conversations I would not be able to let this manner drop with such ease.'

Snape wondered if this was clear enough for the brat and decided to spell it out so there could be no more misunderstandings.

'That is to say, Potter, that I will not accept this excuse on a second occasion. And if you EVER overhear ANYTHING IN MY STUDY AGAIN or any of MY conversations, your life will not be worth living.'

Harry cringed from the sudden volume of the last statement, and slunk towards the door.

Snape took a deep breath. 'Harry, come and sit down. I want you to tell me why you were upset.'

Harry hesitated. He expected him to talk to him after he's just yelled at him like that? But then he guessed for Snape that had been pretty restrained. And what had he said, really–other than 'no harm done, but do it again and you're dead'?

He sat down.

'I just...it was all going through my head. _Titan Navitas,_ Malfoy, the mice dying... I really am sorry that I tried to use it on Malfoy. If I'd thought for one second that it could do that to him I'd never have done it...'

Harry's eyes were filling up with tears once more which he brushed away surreptitiously.

'I know you wouldn't.'

Harry looked up in surprise. He was expecting more insults and barbed comments. He deserved them after all.

'You do?'

'Harry, you seem fixated upon your belief that the detention was a punishment. And although I do feel you ought to appreciate the full dangers inherent in using _Titan Navitas_ this was not to teach you a lesson in the way you perceive. I do realise you would not endanger another students life intentionally.'

'The mice...' Harry whispered. 'I know you think I should have kept going... until I figured out a way to control the spell. But I just can't do that.'

Snape drummed his long fingers on the table.

'I won't deny that I found it exasperating that you refused to carry on. They are only mice, after all.' Snape gave a slight shrug. 'I sometimes forget how young you are. You might have been involved in some awful events, but you have managed to retain your innocence in spite of them.'

Harry cast his eyes down. So Snape thought he was a baby. A little kid who couldn't hack getting his hands dirty? Well, he supposed it was true. There were things he couldn't do – like the mice and, by extension, a hell of a lot of other things, he supposed.

'I just think that if I did that, I wouldn't be true to myself,' Harry mumbled self-consciously. _It wouldn't be me._ 'I know that sounds stupid,' he said aloud, thinking _Hell, it is stupid. '_If I can't bring myself to kill a mouse, then how am I ever going to... you know.'

Snape stared at him. The boy didn't know about the prophecy, Dumbledore had assured him of that.

'Going to...what?' He asked in a strange tone.

Harry shrugged. 'It just seems that with the way things have gone so far, I'm bound to end up meeting Voldemort again. And considering all the things he's done, I want to be ready for it... I need to be. If I can't kill a mouse, then what chance do I have against _him_?' Harry blushed slightly. 'I know that sounds really big-headed. Like I'm buying into my fame or something. I don't mean it like that...'

_It seemed that the brat understands enough, even without the prophecy being revealed to him. _It was to be expected, Snape supposed. Harry had half a brain, when he bothered to use it, and the repeated encounters had formed a pattern from which the boy realised that he was destined to fight the Dark Lord again one day.

Harry avoided Snape eyes as he added in a small voice, 'I didn't want to have to face him again, you know. But if I have to I want to be able to. I want to be ready.'

'You will be,' Snape said seriously. '_Titan Navitas is _but one spell. Your Occlumency is continually improving, and I mean to introduce you to a series of advanced-level defence shields in the coming weeks. This is to say nothing of the fact that I will also be tutoring you in your other subjects, especially potions.'

'Thanks,' Harry said softly. 'I'm going to work really hard as well. Take it seriously.'

'You will not be given the choice to do otherwise, under my supervision,' Snape assured him. 'And you have already shown me with the Occlumency that you are willing to do your best. You just need to ensure that you engage your brain at all times in the future. It's one thing having detention with me. At least I will ensure that we use the time effectively. But I don't want you wasting your evenings or exposing yourself to danger this year.'

Harry nodded amenably. Then he remembered the conversation he had overheard. 'Did you realise that Connor has been in detention every night since he has been here?' he asked hesitantly.

Snape raised his eyebrows. 'You don't say,' he commented expressionlessly.

'It's just...' Harry ploughed on, 'he doesn't get to go to Hogsmeade or fly or hear from his friends back home. He said he may as well be in Parvel. What does that mean?'

'Parvel is Ireland's version of Arzkban.'

'Oh. And another thing.' Harry suddenly remembered, 'He said to that Declan guy, I mean Mr. O'Kelly, that he shouldn't throw him around the room this time. I think he might have hit him before!'

'Mr. O'Kelly was Mr. Donovan's tutor back in Ireland, and a close family friend,' Snape said smoothly. 'It would not altogether surprise me if he has felt the need to physically chastise Mr. Donovan in the past. It is very likely that he deserved it.'

Harry jaw tightened at this. 'Yeah, right. Just like I deserved it when my uncle belted me, I guess?' He stood up in disgust.

'Sit down, Harry.'

Harry wasn't sure if it was the fact that for once it sounded more like a request than a command, or simply the tiredness in Snape's voice, but he sat down again, still bristling.

'No one deserves that,' Harry said quietly. 'Hermione thinks that Connor might be really unhappy, and that's why he behaves the way he does.'

For a moment, Snape leaned his head back, half closing his eyes, and for a moment Harry thought he was going to say that he wasn't interested in the minutia of teenager's moods and crises.

When he did speak, Snape surprised him by attempting to hear him out. 'So, tell me Harry. Did you feel that Mr. Donovan seemed particularly threatened by Mr. O'Kelly's presence? Or has he mentioned any abuse to you at other times?'

'I guess not. But I never told anyone about my uncle,' Harry muttered, focusing on his feet.

There was a pause during which Harry darted a quick look up before looking away quickly from Snape's dark gaze.

'No, you didn't,' the professor replied at last. 'May I ask why?'

Harry shrugged. 'It wasn't that bad.'

Snape snorted.

'_It wasn't_,' Harry insisted firmly. 'This summer was far worse than normal.'

'Considering that you barely survived this summer, I should hope so,' Snape sneered back at him.

'I wasn't exactly at death's door.'

'You weren't far from it,' Snape replied unrelentingly. 'How many of your ribs was it that he broke?'

Harry looked away again. 'I don't want to talk about it.'

Snape narrowed his eyes. 'How bad were the previous summers? And the years before you came to Hogwarts?'

'We've talked about this,' Harry protested. They had briefly touched upon it during some of the conversations they'd had over the summer. But never in much detail, and Harry had never been happy to provide any real specifics. Tonight, Snape sensed that he might be susceptible to sharing more.

He let his gaze linger on the boy, using the silence to draw out his response.

Harry gave a deep sigh.

'Whatever, I guess you've seen the worse bits already,' he shrugged, his voice bland and unemotional. 'I had to work. You know that. Chores, errands, you name it, I did it. You saw bits in the Occlumency lessons. They didn't hit me when I did what I was told...'

Snape caught Harry's eye.

'...well not always, anyway,' Harry corrected himself. 'If anything, Dudley and his friends were the most dangerous if they got hold of me, knocking me down the stairs and stuff. Picking on me in school.'

'And how were your uncle and aunt to you in other respects? Did they feed you?'

'I'm here now aren't I?' Harry retorted.

Snape raised one eyebrow. 'So you hoarded food at my house for no apparent reason?'

_Shit. He'd forgotten about that_. 'It wasn't that bad,' Harry said stubbornly. 'I had to cook all the meals so if I was careful I usually managed to eat bits and pieces.' _There is no way I'm going to admit to eating the leftover scraps from their plates when clearing the table... Or the times I had eaten bread that was mouldy because it was the only thing I could swipe without them seeing. Anyway, it wasn't as if they __**never**__ fed me. _

'Why do you constantly try to excuse how they treated you?' Snape was genuinely baffled. He'd had a bloody awful childhood himself, what with one thing and another. But it had left _him_ with a burning hatred for his father and bitter ambition for revenge. 'Don't you even feel angry with your relatives?'

'I wouldn't mind going back and hexing Dudley a few times,' Harry said with a half smile on his face and glint in his eyes. 'I think my Uncle already got what he deserved. As for my Aunt...' An expression so bleak that it chilled Severus to behold it spread across his face. 'What can you do anyway? It's not like you can force someone to love you, after all. I'm happy so long as I don't ever have to go back there ...'

Severus noticed Harry glancing towards him expectantly. He seemed to need constant reassurance on this point, no matter how many times he was told the same thing.

'No, Harry for the hundredth time you will_ never_ be going back there,' Severus said adamantly. 'Unless of course, you choose to go back and carry out your plans for your cousin, in which case I shall accompany you to enjoy the spectacle.'

Harry gave a faint smile. 'Thanks. I don't think I actually will though.'

'Perhaps you should,' Snape replied seriously. 'It's only natural to desire closure. There are ways around the restrictions on underage magic should you need them...'

The ghost of a smile on Harry's face had disappeared.

'I don't think so,' he replied. 'I'd rather just forget a lot of my past.'

Snape gave a slight shrug. 'That's fine as far as it goes, but sometimes our past reaches out to us. injuries need to be addressed. Retribution needs to be sought.'

For a moment what had happened with Moody flashed through Harry's mind, and, in that moment he was certain that Snape was planning something to get the old Auror back. Of course, thinking about it, that was fairly obvious. There could be no doubt that the Slytherin wouldn't have plots afoot for revenge.

Feeling slightly uneasy Harry clambered to his feet.

'I'd better go...' He darted a quick look at his cloak, but from the way Snape was holding it, he knew he wouldn't be getting it back tonight. Well, he hadn't really expected differently, all things considered.

'Clear your mind,' Snape ordered him.

Harry shrugged and mumbled through a yawn. 'When don't I?... 'Night P'fessor.'

Severus nodded briefly to him as the boy left.

**Thanks, once again, to Anachronistic Anglophile for taking the time to Beta this chapter. As always, any remaining mistakes are mine alone.**

'


	19. Unwelcome

Harry slipped out of Snape's study and almost collided into a figure fast approaching the other side. Noticing his enemy Malfoy froze, appraising Harry coldly while ostentatiously refusing to stand aside for the Gryffindor to pass. Pressing himself right up against the wall to avoid the other boy, Harry brushed past him. It wasn't as if he was particularly concerned about what Malfoy might do (he didn't even have his thugs traipsing after him for once _and _Snape was within hollering distance in any case) but Harry just wanted to keep his head down and avoid any confrontation.

Watching Potter slink away, Malfoy's lip curled in distaste.

_Bloody Potter. As if it wasn't bad enough that he was swanning around Slytherin as if he owned the place, he was also spending every sodding evening with Severus. _

Malfoy didn't feel that he could stand much more of this. He'd been _amazingly_ restrained so far given the insufferable position he'd been put in. Potter had been sleeping in a Slytherin dorm and strolling through their common room as though he had a right to be there for over a week whilst he had behaved _impeccably_.

He hadn't hexed him once, or set Cragg or Goyle on him, despite _extreme_ provocation. He hadn't even touched his stuff or his dorm. Admittedly this was only because the normal dorm wards had been strengthened to a degree which he wasn't able to break through, _but still_. Malfoy wasn't sure if he was angry to witness the special treatment Potter was getting or pleased to think that the extra protection had been deemed necessary.

_I'm hardly the only one who has an axe to grind with that scrawny, little bastard after all. We've had to put up with his crap for years but now we have the opportunity to redress things a little on __**our**__ territory... well sod it. If I can't get round the wards I'll have to find some other way to get at the little shit._

Knocking on the study door Malfoy waited impatiently for Severus' reply before pushing the door open.

'Ah, Draco.' Severus barely looked up at his Godson, his tone flat, as he continued to root through the papers on his desk.

'Severus,' Draco nodded his greeting and threw himself into an armchair. 'I see you've just had _yet another_ visit from that pathetic little mudblood-lover.'

Severus made no response as he extracted a pile of papers from a side drawer.

'That must be every bloody night since he's been here.' Draco persisted.

'Hmm.' Severus frowned distractedly as he scanned the parchment.

For a moment Draco was silent as he watched his Godfather reading. Eventually he could keep quiet no longer. 'I just can't believe he's still here. You'd think he'd get the message about where he's not welcome and bugger off back to Gryffindor.'

Severus finally glanced in Draco's direction.

'Have you come here for a reason or just to moan?' He asked pointedly.

'Doesn't it bother you?!' Draco exploded.

'Of course.' Severus replied mildly. 'But I am getting weary of repeating this conversation over and over. You do recall what I said before? That there are reasons which I cannot divulge?'

'Yes.' Draco replied. 'But Severus...'

'But nothing.' Snape said sharply. 'For Merlin's sake Draco. You are a Slytherin; attempt to live up to our reputation. Do you really think I would tolerate Potter's odious presence in our house for one instant were there not a valid cause?'

'No.' Draco admitted sullenly.

'If I could tell you any more, I would.' Severus replied more mildly. 'At the moment the less you know the better.'

'Deniability again, on my part, I suppose.' Draco muttered. 'And I guess you'd also say that I don't need to know.'

'You don't.' Severus said simply.

'I understand that you can't tell me everything, but surely you can give me a general idea of what is going on? This is driving me mad.'

'Ask Lucius, if you must.'

'You know that Father tells me next to nothing!'

'All the more reason for me to act in accordance with his wishes.' Severus replied.

'But I'm willing to take the risk!'

'Don't be a fool.' Severus said harshly. 'Professor Dumbledore might legilimise you in an instance and then where would we all be?'

Draco gave a small huff of anger.

'I just can't stand him being here. I wouldn't be surprised if someone loses it and sends him packing sometime soon.'

'_Oh really?_' Severus tone was so acidic that Draco backtracked hastily.

'I'm just saying, that's all.

'Well, whatever you're planning, you'd best forget it.' Severus warned him.

'I'm not planning anything.' Draco said defensively.

Snape's obsidian gaze bore into him. 'You'd better not be.'

'I'm not.'

'Hmm.' Severus was unconvinced. 'If there's nothing else...'

'I thought I might floo-call home if you don't mind.' Draco asked sensing that Severus was about to hurry him out.

Snape gestured lazily towards his floo powder.

'I'll give you some privacy. I have a meeting to attend shortly in any case.'

Draco scowled as he watched Severus leave his study. His Godfather _knew_ he was welcome to join the conversation with his parents. He'd hardly seen anything of Severus lately and it was beginning to get to him.

Closing the door on his disgruntled Godson Snape strode away. He wasn't lying about the meeting, although the timing was fortuitous in allowing him to escape further whinging. He headed to Dumbeldore's office from which he would floo to tonight's Order meeting. It would be the first time that he and Moody would face each other since the summer and he wouldn't miss it for the world.

***

Alone in Severus' study Draco made no move to use the floo. He was too busy fuming about the situation with Potter.

_I just can't see why Severus would ever have agreed to Potter being Slytherin in the first place. _From his Godfather's hints Draco gathered that the Dark Lord must have ordered it but he couldn't understand it._ It's completely ridiculous. I'm assuming that the Dark Lord has decided he can exploit Potter if he trusts Severus- but it'll never work. Severus __**despises**__ Potter- he's made that clear often enough over the years. He may be a good actor, even he won't be able to keep up such an unnatural pretence long-term._ _No, this charade won't last much longer and there's no way I'm going to wait it to fall apart without seeing if I can hurry it along. If I can't hex Potter the very least I can do is to show him just how unwelcome he is here. _

***

Theodore looked at Malfoy blankly. 'You what?'

'I said just take a few of his things, or banish his trunk or something.' Malfoy replied impatiently.

'What? You must think I'm crazy.' Theodore sounded incredulous. 'There's three of us in there with him: Connor has given every sign of liking him and no one would believe for a moment that Jasper did it. They'd know it was me straight off.'

Draco fixed Theo with his best Malfoy glare. Coming from a disgustingly rich and bruisingly powerful Slytherin line he was used to getting what he wanted within his house. Unfortunately Nott also descended from a prestigious pureblood line which seemed to give him the confidence to avoid deferential allegiances and follow his own path. _Well, he would regret that in time._

'Look, do me this favour now and I'll see that it's repaid with interest in the future.'

'There's no way I'm going to shit on my own doorstep, Draco.'

'Fine. I'll be sure to remember this Nott.' Malfoy his tone icy as he moved on, his mind focused on considering his next move. He would speak to Jasper Buckley. _This would probably prove to be the better plan, after all. Although he's hardly as sharp or subtle as Theo Nott, Jasper will be far easier to intimidate into doing what I want._

_***_

At the meeting Dumbledore led them through the Order business with his usual calm authority although he was in no way oblivious to the tensions around the table. He could see Severus' eyes darting back and forth at the hip flask clasped in Moody's hands and the slight smirk which the Potions master was biting back. Most of the Order didn't register any of these infinitesimal motions; Arthur certainly didn't as he ploughed dutifully on with his report on recent ministry actions. _Moody on the other hand is certainly aware of Severus' body language._

The old Auror's body was tight with tension and although he grasped the flask he was making no move to drink from it. And, although he was staring fixatedly at Arthur, Dumbledore was sure his magically eye was focused a few feet away at Severus.

Dumbledore restrained a sigh. This was not going to end well and for once he was unsure about what to do. He knew there was no way Moody had intended to kill their double agent. Unfortunately convincing a man as cynical as Severus about this was nigh on impossible, particularly given the hostile history between the two men.

Arthur had just began summing up his report when Kingsley raised a hand to interrupt.

' Sorry, I'm a bit confused. From what you're saying the ministry are working with the Irish government at the moment? But I thought they were refusing to co-operate? Wasn't that why Sirius went over there after all?'

'Well that's just it...' Arthur set his notes aside. 'They are making this enormous show of being helpful all of a sudden but the information they are providing the ministry is hugely unreliable...'

Moody's gaze flickered down to his flask. He seemed to be having some sort of internal debate with himself to Dumbledore's practised eye. Seemingly arriving as a decision he briskly raised the flask towards his lips and tipped his head back...

At the last moment Severus gleaming eyes and a slight twitch at the corner of his mouth stopped Moody who slammed the flask down on the table and turned to glare ferociously at the potions master.

Clamouring to his feet, his face red, he breathed hard.

'You'd better watch yourself, boy.'

Snape barely moved a muscle. He simply raised one eyebrow quizzically at Moody.

'_I_?' He repeated silkily. '_I _had better watch_ myself_?'

One hand grasping his wand, Moody snatched up his flask with the other and stormed out.

Inwardly Dumbledore sighed again. The paranoid, old man was doubtlessly firing off numerous revelation charms at this moment. _Oh Alastor, when would Severus have had the opportunity to spike that flask?'_

The other order members seemed surprised and more than a little confused by Moody's outburst. Although they all knew what had transpired between the two men they couldn't see what Severus had done to fire up the old Auror.

'...um...' Arthur added distractedly.

Giving Severus a brief admonishing glance which was stonily ignored, Dumbledore intervened smoothly, 'thank you Arthur. May I say a few words?'

Gratefully Arthur sank back into his seat.

'The Irish Ministry have made an apparent about-turn in their isolationist policies in recent weeks. You might have heard that First Minister Donovan's son is now enrolled at Hogwarts. They have passed on some research into new potions studies which they are undertaking at the moment. Unfortunately all their endeavours to act as a trusted ally seem to amount to little. Various pieces of information that they have provided the ministry with has been contradictory and at times little more than outright falsehood. The ministry have picked up on this to some extent, but are unsure whether the errors are deliberate.'

'How can there be any question?' Remus piped up from the back of the room. 'We know that the Irish Government has been the furthest thing from an ally over the past few years. If they're feeding the ministry misinformation then their actions are clearly nothing more than a pretence, and a poor one at that.'

'Perhaps.' Dumbledore replied. 'But the basis of power in Ireland at the moment is fractured. We already know about the power base that O'Sullivan and his supporters have built up. So it seems equally possible that one hand of the Irish Government doesn't know what the other hand is doing...'

'Not so different to over here, then.' Severus muttered resisting the urge to rub his forearm which was starting to prickle.

Dumbledore ignored his interruption and continued.

'The simple fact is that we don't know, but baring in mind what our contact found out in May...'

Severus did his best to focus upon the meeting and ignore the growing burn. Drumming his long fingers on the table idly, to those surrounding him he looked every inch his usual self: bored and impatient. In actual fact he was utterly relieved when the meeting drew to an end some minutes later.

'Severus a word, please.'

'I need...'

'This won't take a moment.' Dumbledore told him.

Gritting his teeth Severus followed the headmaster through the floo.

'I really do have to...'

'Severus about Alastor. He thinks you're planning something.'

'Does he indeed?' Severus replied blankly.

'A fear that you are doing your utmost to cultivate, I note. Now I'm not going to try and convince you anymore, Severus. You know exactly what I think about what happened...'

Severus sighed.

'... so I'm not going to ask you to promise not to do anything to him. I know that that won't be necessary seeing as you know how important Moody is to the Order.'

_You won't ask me, old man, because you know what my answer would be,_ Severusthought darkly.

Dumbledore bright blue eyes were staring at him relentlessly.

The pain started to intensify and white lights began to flash in front of Severus' eyes. 'I really have to go.' He admitted, his voice remaining expressionless. 'I'm being called.'

Dumbledore studied him for a moment longer. There had been a time when he had been one of the few people who could spot when Severus was in pain. The fact that he was no longer able to do so anymore grieved him, not that he doubted his spy's word for even a moment. Severus had simply got too used to bearing this burden; at bottling his pain up internally. _An ability which is crucial for his role as a spy, _Dumbledore had to remind himself once more_._

'Go.' He said at last. 'Be careful.'

'You hardly need remind me about those who are relying on me for their safety.' Severus sneered as he turned to go but Dumbledore reached out a hand to stop him.

'Severus, we are_ all_ relying on the fact that you will take care of your own safety as well as others.' Dumbledore said solemnly.

Severus removed the elder wizard's hand, fixing his stormy, dark orbs upon the headmaster. 'Don't patronise me, Albus.' He said softly as he left.

***

The next morning Draco did his best to raise the stakes in his antagonism of Harry. He spent about ten minutes loitering outside Harry's dorm with Crabbe and Goyle in tow ready to hit Harry where it hurt: by insulting his friends.

'Only a pathetic, impoverished little twerp with no taste like Weasley would go after such a dirty mud-blood.'

Harry had opened the door of his dorm to the sound of Malfoy's clear, bitchy tones. He was half asleep but the comment shocked him into paying attention.

'What did you just say?'

'You heard Potter.' Malfoy sneered. 'Oh come on. You're supposed to be a Slytherin now, don't look surprised that no one around here is going to jump to defend a filthy, little bitch like Granger.'

'Come on Harry, let's go to breakfast.' Jasper said uncomfortably not daring to meet Malfoy's eyes.

Harry took a deep breath trying to control his temper. He knew that if Hermione or Ron were here they would tell him not to rise to the bait. _Well... Ron would probably rise to it himself in all honesty but __Hermione__ would definitely tell them both to ignore it. After all wouldn't it be giving Malfoy exactly what he wanted if he ended up getting in trouble? Why was walking away so bloody difficult though_? Feeling like a traitor Harry stalked past Malfoy as he made his way to the Slytherin exit.

Jasper was trailing after Harry when Malfoy stopped him. 'Not so fast Jasper. I want to speak to you.'

***

Harry stayed out of Malfoy's way for the rest of the day. As usual he deliberately sat as far away as possible from him during lessons. A couple times he noticed the Slytherin watching him from across the room but for once he wasn't sniggering to his cronies. Instead he was staring at Harry as if he was the cat that got the cream. Harry decided he almost preferred the direct insulting approach.

He didn't have long to wait for _that_ to return. In the evening Harry had just passed through the entrance to the Slytherin common room when he felt a hand on his arm.

'Potter.'

'Oh,_ what now?' _Harry answered hotly, thinking he'd taken about as much as he could stand. A couple of the younger Slytherins, who were sat on a sofa nearby, shifted their positions slightly in order to see past the bulk of Crabbe and Goyle while they eavesdropped.

'I was just wondering when you were going to tell everyone about your Godfather?'

Harry shot Malfoy a look of utter distaste. 'You know what? You should really try to keep your mouth shut when it comes to things you know nothing about.'

It still hurt unbearably to think about his Godfather, let alone to hear that git mention his name_. I wonder what he's going on about, _Harry thought agitatedly_, nothing has been announced about what happened in Ireland but there's certainly been enough stuff printed about Sirius over the last year, not to mention before when he'd been locked up. Harry always tried his best to avoid articles about his Godfather because they were always so wildly inaccurate. When it had became known that he'd escaped Azkaban due to his status as an illegal Animagus it had caused quite a furore. Particularly when the Ministry had admitted that some similar cases had been hushed up. Then Magical Experts had weighed in and declared such an escape wasn't possible but this hadn't stopped the public from being fearful lest other prisoners managed it in the future. Of course, Sirius, had never stopped proclaiming his innocence but his 'crime' had left a lasting impression: he was the wizard 'powerful enough to kill thirteen people with a single curse' and now 'no prison was strong enough to hold him'. Merlin only knew which of the hundreds of articles Malfoy was referring to..._

Malfoy raised his eyebrows at him condescendingly. 'What's that Potter? You think I don't know all about your precious Godfather?'

'I don't think that, _I know it_.' Harry replied shortly. 'So mind your own business and leave me alone.' _I'm not going to let him rile me. He's trying to get to me and it's not going to work._ Oblivious to the audience that was building up around the two of them Harry turned to move away but the Slytherin's next words drew him up short.

'I know he's dead.' Malfoy called after him. 'What? You thought that it being kept out of the papers meant I wouldn't know?' There was a sudden hush as nearby conversations died down as those nearby listened eagerly.

Shocked Harry turned back to face him once more, the colour draining from his face. _This was never printed. No one knows. How did he...? _

'Oh, I'm sorry.' Malfoy said sarcastically. 'Have I touched a sore spot? Does Potter miss poor Uncle Black? Do you blub yourself to sleep at night thinking about him?'

_Theo,_ Harry screamed internally. _I knew this would happen. He woke me from that nightmare and then the next day I ended up blurting out about what had happened to Jasper and Connor. They must have told him -and he told Malfoy. And now everyone knows._

'Poor little Potter, _such_ a shame.' Harry seemed to be struck dumb by a wave of emotions as Malfoy continued to taunt him.

'So tell me Potter. _How did he die anyway?_ Were you there? Do you even know? Did you see him scream, Potter?'

Harry just stared back at him, his heart pounding in his chest.

'Tsk, honestly, it's almost as if no one ever taught you your manners. Perhaps you would like me to guess? Was it Avada? No? Well perhaps then the Fiendfyre Curse?'

His hands clenched, Harry shot a look of pure hatred towards Malfoy.

'_Fuck you, Malfoy_.' He said in a low, shaky voice as he exerted his utmost self control and turned away once more.

'I suppose, considering the mutt he turned out to be, death from a bad case of mange isn't out of the question hmm?' Malfoy's voice carried over to him.

Harry spun around his eyes blazing. What happened next was instinctive and unplanned. He was so quick that neither Malfoy, Crabbe or Goyle were able to stop him as he socked his arch enemy in the mouth.

Staggering slightly Draco nursed his lip where Harry had hit him. He stared at Harry for a moment as though he couldn't quite work out what had happened before drawing his wand, smiling coldly. Time seemed to slow down for Harry as he scrambled in his pocket for his wand whilst Crabbe and Goyle also started to draw theirs. He suddenly realised that the eyes of the whole common room were fixed on him: yet they seemed to be hesitating for the moment, at least. On one hand their head of house had issued strict orders to leave Potter alone, on the other hand they'd just seen him attack the son of one of the most powerful Slytherin families...

Harry began to draw up his shield knowing it would never have a chance of holding against attacks on so many fronts...

At the last instant he heard someone shout 'No!' and a crack as both his and Draco's wand flew out of their hands and across the room. Not that Harry would let this stop him, considering the mood he was presently in.

He might be vastly outnumbered and wandless but rage drove away any trace of fear. _Sod it, I might be defenceless but at least Malfoy's in the same boat. Of course the Slytherin has plenty of support where I have none, but there's no way I'll go down without a fight in any case..._ Clenching his fists once more Harry lashed out again. Malfoy might have been able to duck the blow this time if he hadn't already been distracted by dodging a wayward hex from Goyle. As it was the Slytherin was already slightly off balance when Harry's second punch sent him sprawling backwards into a heavy wooden bookcase. _Of course, support from Crabbe and Goyle might not always be advantageous,_ Harry noted numbly. _That hex was aimed at me, or at least it would have been if Goyle was a bit more skilful at casting._

Any advantage that Goyle's mistake offered didn't last long however as Harry was forced to throw himself aside to duck a burning hex from Crabbe. _That was pretty vicious. Malfoy's obviously been tutoring his entourage in their dark arts._

Then a second crack removed Goyle and Crabbe's wands, and was rapidly followed up by them being stupefied... This time Harry was able to see who was firing off the spells: on the far side of the room Lysander was rapidly making his way towards them, hampered by trying to force his way through the gathering crowd... But even the Slytherin prefect wouldn't be able to stop Harry and Malfoy now...

His head ringing, feeling somewhat nauseous, Draco had forced himself to his feet. There was no way he'd live this down if he didn't get his own back on Potter. _Where the hell, is my support anyway? _He glanced at the Slytherins around him._ Crabbe and Goyle were stupefied but what about everyone else- they'd just seen a Gryffindor attack him in the Slytherin common room and they were just stood there gawking! Bastards! As _Malfoy grabbed hold of Potter'scollar, choking him, it had the additional benefit of helping him keep his unsteady balance.

Coughing violently, Harry drew his fist back once more but this time felt his arm trapped behind him. Struggling desperately to twist his collar away from Malfoy's grip, he blindly slammed the elbow of his left arm into the face of his assailant behind him. With both arms freed he felt a moment's relief before he noticed Malfoy's smirk and realised that someone had enervated Crabbe and Goyle and that numerous Slytherins around the room had drawn their wands. _Oh fuck._

'Leave him.' The voice behind him was muffled. Glancing back Harry realised in horror that he'd hit out at Lysander who had been trying to stop him from striking Malfoy.

'Get him.' Malfoy ordered the nearby Slytherins.

'NO!' Lysander shouted emphatically. Then seeming to see something at the back of the room 'Katie: quick, go! _No Goyle: _I SAID LEAVE HIM.'

As Lysander was busy stunning Goyle for the second time, Crabbe and Malfoy bore down on Harry. Lysander still had all of their wands, but the Slytherins seemed pleased to continue their plans to asphyxiate the-boy-who-lived. It was like Dudley all over again, Harry realised as he felt Crabbe's bulk land on top of him while he did his best to roll away from Draco's kicks. He was just gasping for breath and beginning to see stars in front of his eyes when all of a sudden the crushing weight was lifted swiftly away him and a strong grip pulled him to his feet.

Winded, doubled over as he desperately fought to fill his lungs with his wheezing breaths, eventually Harry looked up to meet Snape's enraged glare.

***

Thank you so much to those who continue to review. It makes so much difference to me to hear what you think. Anyone else out there willing to drop me a line- please do! I know I'm being really slow at updating but I should be able to have the next chapter up later this week if I get my act together because I have already done a lot of it ... What d'you reckon the chance is that Snape will take Harry's side over Draco...?


	20. Taking sides

Harry fixed his eyes upon his scuffed sneakers, avoiding Snape's deathly gaze as he continued to take frantic breaths. Awkwardly he made an attempt to straighten out his robes, conscious of how dishevelled he must appear. Around the common room, all the surrounding Slytherins were careful to demonstrate how busy they were: reading, playing cards, engaged in meaningful conversations. Above all there was no sign that any of them had had their wands drawn moments before nor that they had even been aware of any confrontation taking place.

Glaring at the tousled trouble maker in front of him, Snape's lips set in a thin line before he turned to his Godson.

'Go and wait for me in my study.' He told him coldly.

'Professor...'

'_Now._'

Draco meekly turned tail and set off for Snape's study without another word.

_Well, that must be a first for that spoilt prat, _Harry as he sneaked a quick glance at the Slytherin's retreating form, _doing what he's told without airing his grievances and complaints in full. Mind you perhaps this is where Slytherin cunning comes in. From the expression on Snape's face, getting far away was bound to be the best course of action for anyone with any sense. _

'As for you two,' Snape's eye fell upon Crabbe and Goyle, who without Draco beside them, looked ill at ease and unsure what to say or do. 'Get out of my sight, but you can be sure to report to Filch tomorrow for the first in what will be an _immensely_ long line of detentions.'

'Yes, Sir.' Crabbe mumbled and pulled Goyle after him.

'And _you_,' Snape focused the full force of his black mood back upon Harry. 'You, follow me.'

***

Snape led the way to his quarters in silence and opened the door with his hand pressed up against the wall in the usual way. Standing aside to let Harry in, he pointed to the sofa and spoke to him in a low, vehement tone, 'sit there and wait. I'm going to speak to Draco and will be back presently.'

On his way out, the professor paused by the door muttering a spell as he cast his wand around the circumference of the door which glowed a dull brown for a moment, changing the wards Harry supposed.

Alone Harry stood in front of the green sofa which Snape had pointed to and rubbed his bruised knuckles absentmindedly. He'd half expected Snape to start yelling at him the very instant that they were alone and was slightly at a loss to know how to deal with the situation he now found himself in. Part of Harry wished that Snape hadn't shot off to speak to Malfoy. The Slytherin would manage to get his say in first and would obviously blame everything on him. Of course, Snape was bound to be mad. That was a given. He had always favoured his Godson in the past but Harry was determined to explain exactly what Malfoy had said to start their fight. There was no way that Snape could be on Malfoy's side when he heard the poisonous bile that the twisted brat had been sprouting.

It seemed like Snape was gone for ages. At first Harry played the conversation and series of events over in his mind, getting his story ready for the inquisition which would doubtlessly come- although when it got to the actual scuffle itself everything had happened so quickly that it was all a bit of a blur really.

Eventually Harry sank onto the sofa._ Where has he got to? Perhaps this was some form of unusual punishment- making him sit here for hours, contemplating what had happened?_ Suddenly Harry remembered the wards. _Has Snape trapped me in here?_ Darting up from the sofa he took a tentative step out which proved this wasn't the case._ I wonder what he was doing to the wards then?_

***

Eventually, a full twenty minutes later Snape returned to his rooms. Harry sprang to his feet as the older wizard swept into the room, slamming the door behind him as he launched into a tirade.

'OF ALL THE ASININE, DIM-WITTED, ABISEMAL BEHAVIOUR, THIS MUST BE THE WORST. THIS REACHES A NEW LOW, POTTER, _EVEN FOR YOU_.'

_Well, I knew the shouting was bound to come eventually. _'If you'll just let me explain...'

'Oh, _please explain_ Potter. Enlighten me about the folly of your actions. _I simply cannot wait to hear this_. Tell me, as it appears that you have given up all pretence at thinking before you act, am I assume that have you have resigned yourself to your natural stupidity? What on earth were you thinking you foolish, _foolish_ boy?'

'I wasn't the one who started it...'

'Did you or did you not throw the first hex?' Snape interrupted him.

'Well ..._no actually_, I never hexed him. I _hit_ him but even then only after he starting throwing insults. You should have heard him Snape, the things he said...'

'So you fought Draco muggle–style.' Snape interrupted his voice heavy with contempt. 'Because he insulted you. And that's supposed to excuse your infantile behaviour? You realise that everyone in Slytherin was given strict orders to leave you alone? That as long as you restrained from antagonising them you would be safe, even under the protection of your peers?'

'Can't you just listen for a minute?' Harry replied, acutely aware that while he was being dubbed "Potter" (as was usually the case when Snape was angry) Draco was still "Draco".

'The insults weren't aimed at _me_. He was saying horrible things about my friends and about_ Sirius_.'

'So you thought that the best way to deal with that was to start a fight against him in the Slytherin common room where you were outnumbered? You can thank Merlin that Lysander and Katie were there to help you. Has it not entered your thick skull that I can only protect you if you do not do anything as ridiculously dangerous as this?'

'Well, what did you expect me to do? The things he said...'

'You should have told me and left me to deal with it. You do not hex, hit or otherwise attack Slytherins. Ever. '

Harry looked away.

'Look at me, Harry.' Snape demanded. 'This is important. A lot of Slytherins look up to Draco and will follow his lead. Although I would like to think their fear and respect of me will offer protection this will rapidly dissolve if you continue to go around picking fights and hurting prefects. You _shall not_ do this again, no matter what. Understood?

'Yeah.' Harry said quietly. He hadn't meant to hurt Lysander and felt awful about elbowing him like that, when he'd done so much to look out for him as well.

'You will make amends for today's debacle by finding Lysander and Draco and apologising to them...'

'What! No!' Harry's shame disappeared in a fit of indignation.

'Draco will also apologise to you and with assurances from both of you we will be able to put this matter behind us.' Snape continued regardless of Harry's interruption.

'He'll never apologise!'

'I assure you, he will.'

'Yeah right!' _He'd sneer his apology to me and be laughing as he does it!_ 'Look Snape, I simply can't apologise to him,' Harry repeated.

'And I can't trust you out of my sight until you are ready to do so. I can hardly let you go storming off into the next altercation. So I'm making this very simple. You will _both_ apologise. Of course, you can take all the time you need. I believe you know where the spare bedroom is situated.' Snape replied pointedly.

'But it's Friday.'

'You do realise that I know the days of the week?'

'So I'm supposed to be playing quidditch first thing tomorrow for Gryffindor!'

'Then I suggest you apologise quickly if you want to participate in the match.'

'You're just doing this so Slytherin will win,' Harry said angrily.

Snape gave him a long, hard look. _Perhaps not then_.

_Well, whatever. I'm not going to apologise anyway. There's just no way. I can't believe he will make me miss the match because of this._ 'You're crazy if you think I'm going to apologise. I'm not one bit sorry. I'd do exactly the same thing again given the situation over.'

'Then missing the match will give you some much needed time to reflect on your behaviour.' Unlike Harry, Snape wasn't raising his voice although there was a glint in his eyes.

'You know I really thought you changed towards me. That you'd stopped acting like such a git and were actually half-decent some of the time...'

'Well obviously you were wrong.' Snape replied cuttingly.

'... but I should have known you'd take his side. Well, you can dream on if you think I'm going to apologise. You Slytherins are all just a load of ...'

Snape glued Harry's tongue before he could get any further.

'And I think I'll stop you _right there_. Before you manage to get yourself into even more trouble.'

Frustrated Harry tried fruitlessly to unglue his tongue_._

_Bastard. He wouldn't listen and now he literally won't even let me speak. _Removing the hex was difficult, because by it's very nature the counter spell had to be wordless. Harry couldn't usually perform non-verbal spells and he still hadn't been handed his wand back since the fight- so it would have to be wandless as well. Against all the odds his utter determination eventually paid off on his third attempt to both his and Snape's surprise.

'I expected better of you than this.' Harry eventually said hoarsely.

'_As did I of you_.' Snape snarled back. 'Now get to your room until you're ready to apologise._"_

'I'll _never_ be ready to apologise.'

'_Your choice, Potter_.'

'You said it was wrong for the Dursleys to lock me in my room and yet when it comes down to it you're no bloody different.'

'Are you locked in? Are you being starved or beaten?' Snape demanded fiercely.

'You're making me apologise when it wasn't my fault! They never humiliated me this much.' Harry replied with feeling.

'Harry, stop being a drama queen,' Snape said sternly. 'Now go._ Immediately! _I mean it Potter, you are exhausting what little patience I ever had with you! Do I need to drag you to your room?_'_

Shooting the professor a resentful glance Harry stormed off to the spare room, slamming the door shut behind him.

_Bastard!_

_He was one to insist on apologises! Look at the whole episode regarding the broomstick. Had Snape ever apologised? Had he heck!_ Of course, Harry was fairly sure the older wizard did regret destroying his precious link to Sirius but he'd never actually came out and said so. _And it matters, a surprising amount._

Harry stormed back out of his room.

'_What about you then_?!'

Snape looked up from the parchment he had just opened feeling the last ounce of his patience drain away.

'_What_ about me? He asked his voice dangerously silky.

'You never apologised about my broomstick!'

Severus paused. _Actually the brat is right. I haven't._ Snape had thought his remorse had gone without saying and that Harry hadn't actually needed him to spell it out to him but perhaps he'd been wrong.

'You're correct.' He replied in a clipped, formal tone. 'I didn't apologise for ruining your broomstick and that was remiss of me. I exceedingly regret how I acted and hope that you will feel able to move on and put the matter behind us.'

'_But you're only saying that now to make me apologise!_'

'Harry!' Severus said bluntly. 'Why are you insisting on starting a fight between us?'

'Because it's not fair and I knew this would happen. Malfoy's your Godson so you're bound to take his side. You're punishing me and not him when what he said was horrible.'

'_Don't you dare to whine at me about being fair_. _All_ you have to do is apologise, for starting the first brawl in the Slytherin common room in over ten years, for placing yourself in danger through utter stupidity and for attacking a Slytherin prefect! Count yourself _lucky_ that I am only making you apologise. I _ought_ to issue you detentions for the rest of the term. Remember that any repercussions from your obstinacy in delaying your apology are entirely your own look out.'

_Doesn't he get it? I'd prefer any amount of detentions to apologising to Malfoy. The git insulted Sirius. He asked me if he'd screamed when he was killed for Merlin's sake. Well he bloody deserved those punches and I won't disrespect Sirius by pretending otherwise._

'You know what? I give up.' Harry headed for the door out of Snape's rooms.

'And where do you think you are going?'

Harry stood in the doorway, his arms folded defiantly.

'Back to Gryffindor. I should never have come to Slytherin. Professor McGonagall told me I don't have to stay here, that I can go back whenever I please, if things don't work out.'

'Well she was obviously misinformed. _Leave_ the door alone.'

Harry took another step towards the door.

'LEAVE IT!' Snape bellowed at him.

Within arms reach of the door Harry hesitated.

'Do not think for one moment that I will hesitate to drag you back here should you step through that door.' Snape ground out.

Harry didn't move from his position by the door. 'Bastard.'

From the look of outrage Snape's face the boy quickly realised that he'd vocalised his thought unintentionally._ Shit. He's literally going to kill me now, _Harry thought miserably.

'I'm sorry Snape... I mean _Professor_ Snape.' He said hastily. 'But this isn't working. It was never going to work. Me being here.'

Snape pointed his wand at the spare bedroom, opening the door wordlessly. 'Get in there.'

This time Harry didn't argue but headed into the room and shut the door quietly behind himself, resigning himself to a long stay.

***

Harry didn't see anymore of Snape that night. A house elf timidly knocked on the door before bringing in pyjamas, a glass of milk, a toothbrush and his wand. Absentmindedly Harry showered in the adjoining bathroom and changed for bed. Theoretically he knew that Snape would have to head off on his rounds at some point but he wasn't really thinking about sneaking out. If he'd been that desperate to leave he would have tried to storm out earlier and damned the consequences. No more than anything Harry was deeply upset. Snape knew what Sirius had meant to him and continued to brush off Malfoy's insults like they meant nothing.

After a restless night, at just after 6 am, Harry gave up on sleep and decided to practise his occlumency. Perhaps it would calm him down and make him feel less on edge.

***

At 7.30 am Snape knocked and opened the door to find Harry listlessly sat cross-legged on the bed.

'Breakfast.'

'I'm not...'

'You don't have a choice.' Snape cut him off sharply. 'You know I won't stand you missing meals. You've got ten minutes to get ready and come through.'

The door closed again.

Reluctantly Harry washed and dressed before joining Snape.

Sitting opposite the Professor and toying with a bowl of cereal neither of them spoke for some time. The long occlumency session had helped to calm Harry down somewhat but he still felt incredibly bitter.

'Tea?'

'Huh?' Looking up from his breakfast, for a moment Harry's head swam with giddiness and then his eyes widened.

Snape frowned and glanced beside him following the boy's line of sight. 'Are you all right?'

'Fine.' Harry mumbled hurriedly looking down at his cereal bowl again. _That was eery_. Perched on the top of the chair beside the Professor he had seen the same crow he'd seen the other day for a full two seconds. What was more worrisome was that Snape clearly hadn't seen anything when he had looked at the same point.

'Yes I'll have some tea, thanks.' Harry did his best to act naturally, he'd rather that everyone didn't know that he was going mad. Somewhat shakily he passed his cup across to the elder wizard, whose eyes locked onto his for a moment.

Sensing Snape's subtle legilimency as they briefly made eye contact he was annoyed but not altogether surprised. The occlumency session this morning had no doubt heightened his awareness so the light attempt seemed clumsier than it would have done otherwise. The irony was that even if he hadn't sensed the legilimency his occlumency sheild was more than adequate against such an attack without his concentration. Snape knew this, but perhaps having a quick go at legilimency was so second nature to him that it didn't occur to him not to attempt it.

'I think you'll find you need to _ask_ me questions these days, Professor.' He said careful to use the wizards title after his slip last night.

'Indeed.' If Snape was ashamed at being caught out he hid it well. 'What were you looking at just now?'

For a moment Harry was tempted to tell him the truth but then he remembered how unsympathetic Snape was being at the moment.

'I thought I saw something for a second, but it was just a shadow.' Harry shrugged. 'Sometimes I'm a bit jumpy after I've been focusing on occluding.'

'That's what you were doing this morning?'

'It's what I do every morning. Pretty much. And I woke early today so I thought I'd give it a good go.'

'May I...?

Perhaps Snape was trying to make up for his previous unannounced attempt, as this time he waited for Harry's nod before pointing his wand and saying: 'Legilimens.'

Some moments later he nodded his satisfaction.

'I think we're more than ready to focus our attention on shields now.' He said at last.

'I don't need to work on occlumency any more?'

'That wasn't what I said.' Snape replied. 'I'll continue to test your defences periodically. And I'd like Dumbledore to test them as well but I'm fairly satisfied with your ability to occlude for the time being.'

_A statement which was high praise indeed coming from Snape, _Harry thought but he wasn't able to feel any pride or contentment in Snape's approval.

'So have you decided how you are going to spend your day?' Snape asked him before taking a sip of his tea.

Harry' s jaw tightened somewhat. 'I'm not going to apologise if that's what you're asking.'

'Your choice of course.' Snape replied casually. 'In which case, I will no doubt see you at lunch later. I have a quidditch match to watch.'

***

For the rest of the morning Harry restlessly plucked books off Snape's shelves randomly, unable to concentrate long enough to read any of them. He was highly conscious that the quidditch match would have started by now. What made the whole matter worse was the fact that Gryffindor were playing Slytherin: _ Malfoy is playing at this very moment._

Leafing through another unbearably, dry potions text, Harry threw it down suddenly as a thought occurred to him. _Malfoy will catch the snitch. He's bound to, given my rotten luck. That git who caused all this trouble will win the match while I'm holed up here. And all the Slytherins will probably have a good laugh about how his insults paid off._

_Screw this._

This time Harry didn't hesitate before leaving Snape's rooms.

***

Heading into the Slytherin common room, Harry wasn't surprised to find the place deserted. Everyone would still be outside watching the game, after all.

Striding through the room Harry almost didn't see the lone figure curled up in a gloomy corner of the room until he stood up.

'Potter! Thank Merlin. I've been looking everywhere for you.'

'Malfoy.' He said warily, remembering how only hours before he'd thumped him. Mind you it wasn't as if the other boy had held back, he'd certainly booted him a couple times in the shins while he'd been on the floor.

Malfoy stepped closer to him and Harry was shocked as he took in the other boys appearance. A huge dark bruise was spread over his left cheekbone and his eye looked swollen and sore. In addition to this he had huge bags underneath his eyes as though he hadn't slept in a month and he looked unnaturally pale, even for him.

'I need to speak to you Potter.' Malfoy Looked Harry directly in the eyes without any trace of a sneer. 'I want to tell you how sorry I am for how I behaved yesterday.'

***

Please review!

Oh and just in case anyone's wondering I will probably show Snape's conversation with Draco in the next chapter.


	21. A Slytherin Apology

'I need to speak to you Potter.' Malfoy Looked Harry directly in the eyes without any trace of a sneer. 'I want to tell you how sorry I am for how I behaved yesterday.'

***

'You what?' Harry's mind raced as he tried to work out what Malfoy's game was. _There's no way he's really apologising to me. What is he playing at?_

'I shouldn't have said the things I did yesterday- about your Godfather, I mean, or about Granger being a m...' Malfoy managed to catch himself at the last moment. '...a muggle-born or about Weasley's family. It was out of order.'

'Yes,' Harry replied watching him suspiciously, 'it was.'

'And I'm sorry for raising my wand at you and for kicking you,' Draco said quietly.

'Anything else?'

'No. Just to let you know- it won't happen again.'

There was a pause where both boys stared at each other in awkward silence.

'Your face...' Harry said uncomfortably. 'It looks awful.'

'This? Oh, I'm sure I'll be fine.' Malfoy replied dismissively. _There's no point making a fuss without an audience, after all._

'It looks painful though.'

The Slytherin looked away briefly as if to keep a grasp on his temper. 'Yes, well don't flatter yourself, Potter. I'm sure that knocking into the book case did more damage than your fist.'

Harry flushed.

'I didn't... What I meant was- can't you get it healed?'

'Yes, well. I'm going to, of course.' Malfoy said lightly.

Another awkward pause followed. Eventually Malfoy broke the silence in the end as Harry seemed tongue-tied. 'I was trying to track you down everywhere Potter,' He said. 'You weren't in your dorm. And I got people to check if you'd gone to Gryffindor or the hospital wing. So where've you been?'

_He really had been keen to apologise_. 'In Snape's rooms. I wasn't allowed to go back to my dorm.'

'Oh really?' A shadow seemed to pass over Malfoy's countenance before he exhaled sharply and gave a short laugh. 'Well, that would make sense. No wonder I couldn't find you.'

Harry frowned. 'Why are you in here, Malfoy, instead of playing in the match?' _There's no way in the world Snape would have banned him from playing._

The Slytherin shrugged reticently, 'I needed to apologise. And now that I have, I'll see you later... or not, actually, as the case may be. I'll try my best to stay out of your way as much as possible, of course. It'll be the only way.'

'The only way for what?'

'For us to get along. You'll see Potter, it'll be different from now on.'

He turned to go.

'Wait.'

He turned back, raising an eyebrow at Harry questioningly.

'Um well. Uh. I'm sorry about- you know.' Harry gestured broadly at Malfoy's battered face. 'Not that you didn't deserve it though,' he added quickly. _There's no way I'm going to pretend what he said didn't matter._ 'Because you did ... and I don't even care how much trouble I get into. If you say _anything_ about Sirius again I won't be able to stand it. Even if you are surrounded by your stupid mates.'

'Really, Potter.' Malfoy raised his eyebrows but his tone was light rather than mocking. 'Is that what you call an apology in Gryffindor? No wonder your house are all so argumentative.'

'I mean it, Malfoy.' Harry told him with utter seriousness.

'Yes, I know you do,' the Slytherin answered shortly. 'And I've already told you that it won't be an issue.'

***

After fulfilling his obligation to apologise, Draco headed for his room. He wanted to head over to Madam Pomfrey and get his damn face seen to but knew she would still be outside watching the Quidditch with everyone else.

"_In Snape's rooms", _Draco fumed as Harry's words ran through his head,_ well if that wasn't just the icing on the cake._

* * *

**FLASHBACK**

**'Go and wait for me in my study.' Severus told him, in a voice that would sound cold and unemotional to a stranger's ears. Draco knew him better than that though and could sense that he was in serious trouble.**

**_I don't think I've seen him this mad at me before..._**

**'Professor...' Draco was keen to start making his excuses. Crabbe and Goyle would say whatever he directed them to, although of course Lysander would be another matter.**

**'_Now._' The dark look from his Godfather quickly convinced Draco not to argue. He turned meekly and set off for the study without another word. Letting himself in (one of the many privileges being his head of house's Godson) he paced the length of the study restlessly before sinking into a dark green armchair.**

**_He's my Godfather. He has to take my side, particularly against Potter. _Try as he might Draco couldn't banish the small voice that kept reminding him of his conversation with his Godfather the previous day, when Severus had warned him not to plot.**

**It was some minutes before Severus strode into the room and summoned a chair to rest directly opposite Draco.**

**'Severus,' the boy sprang to his feet acknowledging his Godfather's entrance respectfully.**

**Severus impatiently waved his hand, indicating that he should sit down._ 'Speak_,' he instructed his Godson tersely.**

**'Well, Potter started it, of course. He attacked me right in the middle of the common room clear as day. I was just trying to defend myself.' Draco said smoothly trying his best not to sound defensive.**

**'By kicking him when he was on the floor?' Severus asked pointedly.**

**'I barely touched him! Look at me!' Draco gestured to his face.**

**'I'm sure you'll survive.' His Godfather replied scathingly. 'So he attacked you with no provocation, I take it?'**

**'Pretty much.' Draco said sulkily. 'You know what Gryffindors are like; one only needs to look at them before they burst into fits of rage.'**

**'Indeed?'**

**Snape dark eyes began to bore into Draco's.**

**'Don't.' The boy muttered, looking swiftly away.**

**'_Then tell me the truth_.'**

**Draco swallowed uncomfortably and continued to avoid eye contact with the older wizard.**

**'I may have... made some remarks,' he admitted reluctantly. 'That's it honestly. I didn't touch him until after he'd hit me first.'**

**'I presume you spoke of his friends?'**

**'Them and Black.' Draco shrugged.**

**Severus' dark eyes glinted. '_What_ about Black?'**

**'Oh, just some house gossip.' The boy replied dismissively. 'The rumour is that the mutt got himself killed.'**

**'That _rumour_ is actually a fact.' Severus told him coldly.**

**'Really? Well, I suppose you would know. Well, good. One more of them down, then.' Draco replied carelessly.**

**'You really think that was an acceptable subject to bring up?' Severus snarled. 'How would you feel if someone taunted you about your family? About something personal and private, perhaps your mother for example?'**

**Stung, Draco protested loudly. '_My mother?_ Why are you bringing _her_ into this? My mother...'**

**'_Did what she had to do_, _I am aware of that_. What I am trying to impress upon you is that everyone has personal information which they prefer to keep private.'**

**'Well, there's still no need to mention her,' Draco still sounded shaken, 'she has nothing to do with any of this.'**

**'Whereas I'm sure there was a clear rationale for broadcasting about Black's demise across the common room like an ill-bred lout?'**

**'Come on,' Draco looked at his Godfather uncertainly. 'I never figured you for a Hufflepuff, Severus. _Potter _was the only one who cared about Black. So what does it matter?'**

**'What does it matter?' Severus said darkly. 'What does it matter that you bring up an inflammatory topic – clearly angling for a confrontation- against my express orders?'**

**'Ok, Ok. I'll try not to do it again.' Draco was quick to sound appeasing. 'It's just difficult to remember when it comes to_ him_.'**

**'Forgive me if I am not overwhelmed with confidence in your efforts to _try _not to do it again,' Severus said icily. 'I appreciate the difficulty you evidently have in remembering that Potter is to be treated as a fellow Slytherin. Let's see if I can't make it more memorable for you: defy me again and you will forfeit your right to a place in Slytherin.'**

**'Excuse me?' Draco was incredulous.**

**'If you can't adhere to house rules, you had better leave. I believe you have the intellect to fit into Ravenclaw tolerably well.' Severus added as an afterthought.**

**'The day you chuck me out of Slytherin will be the day I leave Hogwarts,' Draco threatened furiously.**

**Severus' expression was unrelenting. '_So be it_.'**

**Draco felt a lump in his throat. 'You'd really do that? Over _Potter_?'**

**'I will not tolerate your disobedience, Draco.'**

**There was a long silence while Draco's mind raced. He knew that part of being a successful Slytherin was knowing which battles to pick. And he was losing this one. Thoroughly.**

**'Fine,' he said shakily, the hurt apparent in his voice. 'I'll change. I'll be _nice_ to him. I won't insult him or anyone he knows. I'll treat him as a Slytherin. I'll be his bloody _best friend_ if that's what you want, Severus.'**

**_His Godfather was willing to kick him out of the only place he could ever feel at home at Hogwarts? To practically disown him, all over a stupid fight with Potter? It didn't make any sense._**

**'I think staying out of his way would be more successful actually.' Severus observed calmly.**

**'Fine –I will. But can you at least tell me what I've done to upset you, besides this business with Potter, I mean.'**

**'What do you mean?' Severus replied blankly.**

**'You never want to talk to me anymore.'**

**'Can you blame me when all you seem to do recently is moan?' Severus' tone was sharp.**

**'How would you know what I want to say when you don't spend any time with me anymore? You're too busy spending every bloody minute with him.'**

**'I do believe you're actually jealous.' Severus remarked. 'And we've already been over this, _numerous_ times.'  
**

**A flush spread across the boys pale complexion but he didn't try to deny it.**

**'It's just that I barely saw you this summer.'**

**'I spoke to you _every single day_, Draco.'**

**'Yes, you floo-called.' Draco spat out bitterly. 'You promised that you would be back to visit, but you never came.'**

**'You know how busy I am with my brewing at the end of the summer.'**

**Draco gave a short laugh as he rose to his feet. 'Oh, don't hold back Severus. You've already said I bore you. Now you're too busy _with Potter_ or _brewing_ to spend time with me.'**

**'Draco, you know you can always speak to me, whenever you need to.' Severus said sternly.**

**'Whatever.'**

**Severus gave him a stony glare.**

**'Ok, Ok. I _do_ know that...but all of this is getting to me. And now you're saying you're going to get rid of me.'**

**Draco's voice sounded choked and his Godfather watched as he fought back tears.**

**'Well, there's a sure fire method of avoiding _that. _Simply do as I ask.' He replied more lightly. Approaching his Godson he gave a small encouraging gesture and the boy sank against him burying his head in his shoulder.**

**Briefly Severus allowed the boy to cling to him before pushing him away slightly while using a long finger under the boy's chin to tilt his face towards him. 'Enough, Draco. You are to apologise to Potter before you even think about going anywhere else in the castle tonight so that we are able to put all of this behind you. Of course I will also expect you to complete a fortnight's detentions with those insipid sidekicks of yours.'**

**Draco nodded and headed for the door before hesitating. His face was still ached fiercely and he'd expected Severus to heal him, either by spell or potion, as he had always done before over the years.**

**Noticing Draco hovering by the door Severus raised one eyebrow at him questioningly. His Godson hesitated. **

**_There's no way that he forgot to offer to heal me. Not Severus- everything he does or doesn't do has a motive behind it. He's trying to make a point, perhaps for me to hurry up and apologise before going to see Pomfrey. _**

**Biting his lip Draco looked towards the older wizard before finally reaching a decision. _Sod it, I'm not going to bloody beg._**

**Squaring his thin shoulders the teenager turned and left the room without a sound.**

*******

**Back at his dorm, Draco stomped about, angrily berating Crabbe and Goyle for being worse that useless during the fight. Eventually he felt as though he had calmed down enough to go and face Potter and get the apology over with.**

**Donovan had opened answered his knock on the door to Harry's dorm.**

**'He's not here,' he'd told him, his eyes sparkling. 'That's a right shiner, you've got there, Malfoy,' he added cheerfully.**

*******

**Unwilling to risk angering Severus further, Draco dispatched Patsy to head over to see if Harry was in Gryffindor or with Pomfrey. When she'd returned without managing to track him down Draco decided the Gryffindors must have lied to her._ He must be there._ _Or I suppose that bastard Donovan could be lying. Either way I can hardly apologise if I can't find the little shit. I'd better go and tell Severus.  
_**

**When Draco reached Severus' rooms the first thing he noticed was that the wards had been changed. Whereas in the past he'd simply laid his hand along upon a stone to the right of the door before it swung open the entrance now remained stubbornly shut. Of course, Severus usually expected him to knock out of manners, particularly if other people were around, but he'd _always_ been able to get in if he'd really wanted to.**

**Feeling increasingly het up, Draco knocked emphatically. A moment or so later Severus had appeared in the doorway looking distinctly unpleased to see him.**

**'You've changed the wards!'**

**'What do you want, Draco?' Severus didn't shift from his position blocking the entrance.**

**'I've been looking for Potter to apologise but I can't find him.'**

**'In which case I can only suggest you keep looking.' Severus replied unsympathetically.**

**'But he's holed up in Gryffindor and refusing to come out!'**

**'If that's the case you'll just have to wait until he comes back to Slytherin won't you?'**

**'Well, what if he's not back in time for the match tomorrow? Are you still going to restrict me to Slytherin then?'**

**'Yes. I've already said you will stay here until you've apologised.' Severus confirmed impatiently.**

**'But...'**

**'Enough! You know what you need to do and I have matters to attend to.' his Godfather had snapped, drawing the door closed behind him.**

**In a stinking mood, Draco headed back to his dorm. Making an apology was bad enough, although for a Slytherin sprouting a few insincere lines with aplomb wasn't exactly a hardship when circumstances demanded it, but missing the match was something else. Draco was desperate to see Potter before the match began. He even considered sneaking out to find him, although realistically he knew he didn't know the password for Gryffindor anyway and considering the mood Severus was in there was no way he was going to risk it.**

**The next morning Draco remained alone in the deserted common room, draped across a sofa in the corner of the room, bitterly resigned to missing the quidditch match.**

* * *

**END OF FLASHBACK**

'I've already told you that it won't be an issue.'

Harry watched Malfoy walk away, feeling completely at a loss to explain the Slytherin's changed attitude to him.

_Well that was totally bizarre._

The whole conversation had made him feel distinctly uneasy. One thing was certain, there was no way he was going to take the Slytherin's word at face value. If Malfoy said he would leave him alone he was probably just trying to make him let his guard down so that he could catch him unaware.

Heading back to his dorm, Harry laid on his bed and concentrated on his Occlumency to help himself relax. Occluding usually made him feel better for a time, although he was still convinced it was somehow causing the strange nightmares he was having. Like at breakfast time earlier- although they weren't really nightmares, not when he was seeing them when he was awake as well as when he was asleep.

_It's reaching the point that I'm going to have to tell Snape that I really am cracking up, _Harry thought numbly. _He already thinks I'm crazy- trying to take on the entire Slytherin common room- Merlin knows what he'll think when he hears I'm still seeing stuff which isn't there. Perhaps they'll pack me off to St Mungo's to be treated for having an emotional breakdown given that some of it is to do with Sirius. Or perhaps they'll just decide I'm insane. I'm not sure which is worse._

Opening his eyes Harry felt a familiar wave of dizziness and his stomach churning. He guessed what he would see even before he opened his eyes. This time the crow was perched at the foot of his bed. It was closer, than he'd ever seen it before. It's feathers were glossy and mostly black, except for those at its neck which were closer to a dark, grey shade. It's eyea were a glistening white and trained upon him as though the creature was studying his every move.

_I know it's not really here, he told himself numbly. _

_It's not here. _

_It's not here._

Suddeny there was a flurry of flapping wings and Harry could feel the cool breeze as the crow approached him and he gasped as it landed smoothly on his chest. Terrified, Harry felt as though he was frozen. He didn't dare to move a muscle as his eyes locked onto the bird.

***

**Hey everyone. I hope you liked this chapter, I wasn't too sure about doing the flashback from Draco's POV but hopefully it filled in a few blanks... There is a back-story to Draco which I will gradually be developing at some point in the fic. Although Draco and Harry are now speaking I'm not planning for them to suddenly (or indeed, ever) become friends in case anyone's wondering.  
**

**I know Harry has now apologised (to some extent anyway) which may seem strange considering he is still angry about the things Draco said. However, I could just picture him impulsively saying he was sorry when he was looking at Draco's bruises (despite the fact that he wouldn't even _consider_ apologising to get himself out of trouble).**

**As always I'm very grateful for comments/reviews. **


	22. Madness and silence

**Harry felt as though he was frozen. He didn't dare to move a muscle as his eyes locked on the bird. **

The dark bird remained in its stationary position on his chest. Its head tilted slightly to one side as it watched him.

_Shit. _Waves of panic pounded through Harry's veins as the nausea died away._ 'If it moves again, I'll... what do you do to get rid of a bird? Scream? Hit it with something? Or should I just try to get away from it? It seems so much bigger now it's up close._

Up until this point Harry hadn't been scared of the crow. Of course, simply seeing the creature was frightening and unsettling; the way it flitted in and out of his line of vision was particularly eerie. He'd also found it hugely unnerving when it had become apparent that Snape couldn't see the bird; although this really just confirmed what Harry already knew: that there was something unnatural about it. Nevertheless in spite of all of this he'd never actually been worried that the crow would hurt him, that is not until now.

With the crow perched on his chest Harry was suddenly uncomfortably aware of it's steely, strong beak and long, curved talons.

_What will I do if it tries to peck my eyes out?_ He suddenly wondered. _Shit. _

The bird seemed to stare back at him. Then without warning it spread its wings. Harry gave a short involuntary cry and covered his face with his arms as it soared towards him but it landed again almost at once on the crown of his head.

Harry sat stock still wishing desperately for it to disappear and leave him alone. _Just go, please, _he urged.

Instead the crow seemed to settle somewhat, after a little pacing about to find a comfortable spot before beginning to use its beak to explore Harry's hair. Delving into the dark, mop it seemed to be teasing tufts of hair about. W_hat the hell? _Harry thought incredulously.

Trembling slightly Harry hesitantly removed his right arm from his face. Very slowly he gradually raised his hand towards his head but just as he was tensed, ready to touch the creature the slight weight vanished. Laying his hand on his head he confirmed what he already knew. It was gone.

***

Severus came in and sighed when he saw that Harry sat curled up with his book propped up on the arm of the sofa.

'I take it your stubbornness knows no bounds?'

Harry laid his book down and looked up at the professor, 'what are you talking about?'

'Apologising Potter. You realise that you will of course have to stomach it eventually.'

'Oh that.' Harry shrugged. 'I've spoke to Malfoy already and I'll speak to Lysander in a minute.'

'You apologised to Draco?' Severus' voice didn't betray any of his surprise but he did raise one eyebrow.

'Kind of. I said I was sorry about his eye but that I would probably hit him again if he said anything else about Sirius.' Harry replied honestly. 'What?' he continued, correctly reading Severus' disapproval, 'if he keeps to his promise to shut up, it won't be an issue at all will it?'

'You realise a Slytherin would simply have confirmed he'd apologised and left it at that?' Snape said heavily.

'Well I'm not a Slytherin really, am I? Look do you mind if we stop going on about Malfoy – I've got something else I need to talk to you about, something important.'

Severus looked at him expectantly.

Now that the moment had arrived for Harry to open up he found that it was harder than he'd expected. His mouth dried up and he couldn't think how to begin.

Severus took pity on him. 'Is this about what you saw at breakfast?'

'You know about that?' Harry sounded shocked.

'Your recently acquired status as an occlumens makes you no less fallible than it makes me a fool. It would be patently obvious to an idiot that you saw more than a shadow this morning.'

'I did see something,' Harry admitted in a small voice. 'I'm seeing things quite often. I think I... I... might be going mad, Snape.'

Harry stared at the ground, he wasn't sure why he felt so uncomfortable discussing this with the older wizard. Perhaps it was because he knew there was no way that Snape would ever spare his feelings and one thing was certain: he didn't think he could bear it if he started to insult him now.

If Snape was surprised by Harry's candour he hid it well.

'I'm sure that your grasp on sanity is neither more nor less secure than that of any of the other harebrained adolescents in this establishment. But go ahead: tell me what you saw.'

Harry kept his eyes on the ground, scuffing the toe of his shoe along the carpet.

'You know that before I thought I was just having really vivid dreams, ones where it seemed like I was awake? Well, there's been two occasions now where I know for a fact I haven't been asleep when I've been dreaming.'

Severus watched him carefully.

'Go on.'

'The thing is the things I'm seeing now are really similar to the other dreams, you know the ones I had about Sirius being killed and the other one where he was talking to a squib.'

Severus remembered these. The first had been just after they had heard that Sirius was in trouble and Harry had been worried. The second had been in the midst of a further set of nightmares where he'd finally managed to help the boy use his occlumency to calm himself down.

'And there was that other one...'

'The one where you were hurt?' Severus asked. He could hardly forget _that_ one. It had repeated over and over.

Harry nodded. 'Yeah that one with the stabbing-spell,' he said matter-of-factly.

Severus closed his eyes for a moment. He knew that spell and it wasn't called a 'stabbing-spell' but he accepted that it probably quite an apt name for it.

'How are they similar to those dreams?'

'They all start the same way, I feel dizzy, like I'm about to be sick and then... well. I don't know how to describe it. There's a sort of feeling, a really strong sense that I am there. It sort of feels more real than real life; all my senses what I can see, hear, smell, feel, it's all magnified.'

'And the thing you saw at breakfast?'

'There was a crow sat on top of the chair next to you. Just for a couple seconds. But you looked right at it and couldn't see it.'

Severus digested that.

'The thing is...' Harry continued reluctantly. 'I see this crow quite a lot after I have been occluding. And...well I _felt_ it earlier as well. It landed on my chest and then my head. It kept running its beak through my hair. I um...' he flushed slightly 'I think it was trying to groom me.'

'So what do you think about it all? Why am I having such vivid dreams, seeing and feeling stuff which isn't there?'

'I'm not entirely sure.' Severus admitted slowly, his expression unreadable. 'Obviously the episodes about Black, and you being hurt are likely to be a perfectly understandable reactions to the events of the few months. As for the bird, well I will have to ask Professor Dumbledore's advice, but it doesn't appear to harbour any harmful intentions. I would try not to panic, but be sure to inform me whenever you next see it.'

Harry felt immensely relieved. It was as if a weight had shifted off his shoulders now that he knew Severus would be dealing with it, and he hadn't seemed to think he was losing his mind_. If anyone was going to give me the cold, hard truth it would be him. _

'Ok and thanks... you know for listening.'

Severus frowned. 'Is that why you didn't want to discuss it this morning? You didn't think I'd listen to you?'

'No, I was kind of mad at you about the whole Draco thing. But also... well I feel like I should be getting over all these nightmares. I'm sick of seeing this stuff, of not being normal. I keep thinking that it'll get better and find a way to block it out, but I can't seem to manage it.'

Severus seemed somewhat discomforted by this statement. 'You may have to resign yourself to the fact that there is little more you can do. You can't help having nightmares, Harry.'

'That's about of a turn-around for you,' Harry said in surprise, 'what happened to you ordering me to practise my occlumency more often to control these dreams?'

'Don't forget that I legilimised you an instant after you saw the crow this morning.' Severus pointed out. 'I know that your occlumency shield was more than sufficient.'

'Which is crap because it means there is nothing I can do to stop what I'm seeing.' Harry said with a sigh. 'Do you think I could be right that the occlumency _is _making the dreams worse instead of better?'

'Even if that were a possibility it is neither here nor there.' Severus said sternly. 'You need to be able to occlude, there are no two ways about it.'

'I wasn't saying I was going to _stop_.' Harry replied. _I'm not sure I actually could stop occluding now in any case. I've got so used to shielding my mind at all times, it's more or less second nature now._

'I should hope not.'

Severus cast a quick _Tempus_.

'Lunch has nearly finished. We had better go up if we are to eat with the rest of the school.' He gave Harry a pointed look. 'I have been beset all morning by irritating dunderheads demanding to know your whereabouts.'

Harry gave a small smile. _So Gryffindor had gave him hell then? Good on them! _Then the smile wiped off his face. _They're hardly going to be pleased with me. Letting them down at the last minute and not turning up._

'What was the final score, Snape?' he asked tentatively, hoping against hope that they had managed to pull through without him.

'Slytherin won with 190 points to 180.' Severus said dispassionately. 'Although Miss Weasley did manage to catch the snitch.'

'She caught the snitch when Slytherin was that far ahead...?' Harry said hollowly. If Slytherin were on 190 and Gryffindor only had 30 points she would have been better to hold off until they'd caught up.

'It appears that she didn't wasn't aware of precisely how many points Slytherin were ahead when she ended the game. She was somewhat distracted dodging a bludger moments before she caught the snitch.'

_Shit. She must feel awful. I've let them all down._

'Try to keep things in perspective, Harry.' Severus said not unpleasantly as he held the door open for him.

_That's easy for you to say when your house won. _Harry brooded.

'After you have eaten and caught up with your friends, if you come back in an hour or so I thought we could make a start on practising _Protego_ non-verbally later this afternoon.' Severus suggested as they walked through the common room.

Harry eyes flew around as he saw someone had already spelled the room with dark green snake banners ready for a celebration.

_I may well need an excuse to get away from Gryffindor if they take this badly,_ he thought glumly before his brain caught up with what Snape had said.

'Non-verbal _Protego_?' He asked in shock.

'That and other shields.'

'You really think I'll be able to do that?'

'I see no reason why not. You have already demonstrated that you are capable of non-verbal magic with _Titan Navitas_ and casting _Finite Incantatum_ upon my _Langlock _yesterday. Eventually I would hope to teach you to cast _Protego _both wordlessly _and_ wandlessly as well.'

They headed down the corridor as Harry was lost in thought, imagining all the advantages that would lie in being able to cast wordless, wandless shields in battle.

They reached the Great Hall. _Time to face the music._

'I'll see you a bit later then.' Harry said before slipping over to sit next to Hermione and Ron.

Severus watched him go; his shoulders slumped as he made his way other to his friends. He'd looked utterly downcast at hearing the quidditch result. Having said that, he knew Draco had more cause to be upset about the match. Severus glanced over at his Godson, his newly-healed face deadpan as he ate his lunch silently amidst the celebrations around him. _It was one thing for your team to lose when you didn't play but if they went on to win without you- that had to really hurt._

***

A couple hours later Harry made his way to Snape's rooms feeling much brighter than he had earlier. The Gryffindor's had been furiously angry... but with Snape rather than him. Rumour'shad gone round the school about what Malfoy had said to Harry alongside a greatly exaggerated version of their fight. All his friends had reassured Harry that he'd been quite within his rights to whack Malfoy one (although Hermione and Ron paled at hearing that he'd done so in the middle of the Slytherin Common Room) and were highly indignant that he had ended up missing the match as a result.

Ginny had even gone so far as to say that she was sorry for letting him down, which Harry had rushed to assure her was not the case.

All in all, although Harry still felt desperately bad that Gryffindor had lost but he was greatly reassured that no one seemed to be blaming _him_.

Harry pressed the stone which allowed the door to swing open and walked into Severus' sitting room.

'Snape?'

A moment later the professor appeared, smelling faintly of potions, clasping a pile of papers which he deposited on a table.

_When had he found the time to brew? _Harry wondered vaguely. _'Does he never rest?'_

'Harry.'

Severus stepped into the middle of the room.

'Right, I shall demonstrate. Fire a mild jinx at me and I will use _Protego_.'

Harry did as he asked and fired a _Rictusempra_ at Snape which he blocked with his shield in plenty of time, without drawing his wand or moving his lips.

'Now you try. I won't jinx you to begin with until you are used to drawing the shield up wordlessly.'

Harry moved to the right slightly so he was away from all the furniture. He concentrated hard, holding his wand tightly and clamping his lips together to prevent any words slipping out accidently.

_Protego, Protego, Protego..._nothing.

Severus allowed him to try several times before interrupting.

'You need to focus utterly on thinking the incantanation.'

'I'm trying.'

'Use your occlumency,' the older wizard suggested. 'Clear you mind of all distractions before trying again.'

Harry sighed and tried again. He wasn't sure that Snape would ever really understand his method of occluding, seeing as it was so completely alien to his own. Although his occlumency shield definitely allowed him to focus and calm his mind, the way he achieved this was by throwing his feelings into a shield. He forced everything to become a continual whirlwind of movement as a backdrop to his thoughts. He certainly didn't _clear _his mind. His occlumency shield was probably closer to a semi-controlled chaos of emotions being thrown around. It obviously worked, but he wasn't sure that it would be particularly useful for casting non-verbal spells.

Nevertheless Harry preserved drawing up his occlumency shield to it's strongest level, straining his mind...

_Protego. Protego. Protego_.

Severus watched the boy silently, biting back his irritation, knowing that it would not be helpful. Eventually he made another suggestion.

'As you had success in countering _Langlock_ wordlessly only yesterday perhaps we should use that as a starting point?'

Without giving Harry a chance to protest Severus quickly cast the spell which locked the boys tongue to the roof of his mouth.

Harry focussed as hard as he could: _Finite Incantatum_, becoming a little frustrated as he struggled to unlock his tongue_. I know I can do this._

'Come on, Harry. You showed that your expertise with this only yesterday.' Severus reminded him.

_I know! If only I could work out how I did it... _

_Finite Incantatum_. _Finite Incantatum. Finite Incantatum._

Severus made a movement with his wand as if to remove the jinx but Harry waved him off irritably.

_I know I can do this._

After ten minutes Severus left him to it and sat down at his desk, pulling his papers towards him. Twenty minutes later he was totally immersed in his notes when Harry approached and tapped him on his shoulder, pointing at his mouth.

Severus barely glanced up from what he was writing.

'It appears that you need a strong motivation to regain your power of speech Harry. Focus upon that.'

Harry ran his hands through his unruly hair in exasperation.

Realising that the professor's mind was made up, Harry retreated to the other side of the room once more and decided to make the best of it.

_Finite Incantatum. _

Another half an hour later and Harry was really fed up. It was so galling that he had been able to counter _Langlock _wordlessly only yesterday and now seemed utterly incapable of repeating the action. Harry couldn't believe that Snape was being such a git. He'd been about to remove the jinx earlier, but then he'd made the decision to carry on, not realising Snape would stubbornly, refuse to help him later on.

He tapped Snape on the shoulder again. This time the professor didn't even look at him.

'Sit down, Harry and continue with your lesson.'

_For fucks sake Snape, I can't bloody do it!_

Annoyed and frustrated, Harry grabbed a spare quill and sheet of parchment from the table and hastily scrawled a note which he pushed in front Snape.

'No, Harry, you need to keep going. Persevere and I am sure you will be successful, given time. Would you be able to say you'd "had enough" if the Dark Lord were in front of you?'

Harry scribbled something else.

'As long as it takes.' Severus snapped before banishing the spare quill.

Harry scowled and stalked off to throw himself on the dark, green sofa. His mind still working furiously at trying to throw off the _Langlock_. Severus watched him with some amusement before turning back to his work.

Another hour passed and Harry realised that they would be beginning to serve dinners in the Great Hall. _Snape's always fussy about me eating sensibly- surely he'll let me go for my meal?_

Harry tapped him on the shoulder once more. This time he mimed using a knife and fork.

'What part of "as long as it takes" do you not understand?' Snape said evenly, looking back at his notes until they were pulled sharply away from him.

'You realise that you are perfectly at your own liberty to head down to the Great Hall? I'm sure you will find someone else who is willing to help you resolve your predicament.'

_Yeah and a million Slytherin's on the way who will take the piss, _Harry thought moodily. But he didn't have time to plan his next move because there was a sharp rap on the door.

Grabbing Snape's arm Harry pointed at his mouth agitatedly.

Snape smirked and headed towards the door.

Harry grabbed the first book to hand on a nearby shelf and threw himself back on the sofa. If he pretended to be reading perhaps he could avoid saying anything. Whoever it was had came to speak to Snape, not him, after all.

If whoever it was did see that he couldn't speak, he supposed it wasn't the end of the world. It was just excruciatingly embarrassing to have people thinking that Snape cast _Langlock_ on him whenever he wanted to shut him up.

Snape opened the door, revealing the student who'd knocked.

_Of course it would have to be bloody Malfoy._

'Severus, Potter.' He greeted them both politely

Harry nodded slightly keeping his eyes glued on the book in front of him.

The words glazed over in front of his eyes. _Malfoy will love this. Even if he keeps to his agreement not to insult me, he'll find it hilarious._

'Take a seat Draco, Harry and I were just catching up on some gaps in his...'Severus glanced quickly at the title of the text Harry had grabbed hold of which happened to be a first year textbook, 'basic potions knowledge,' he finished smoothly.

Draco's eyebrows almost disappeared under his hairline although it was impossible to tell whether it was due to his Godfather's use of Potter's given name or the fact that hid enemy was trying to fill in knowledge he should have learnt years ago...

'No, I won't disturb you as you're obviously busy,' Draco murmured. 'Perhaps I could pop back later Severus and use your floo, if it's convenient?'

'Of course. If you come back in an hour, I'd like to speak with your parents as well if I may.' Severus was conscious he ought to spend more time with his godson.

'That'd be nice. I know that Father and Mother are always pleased to hear from you.' Draco said formally.

Half listening to the conversation, Harry realised that it sounded like they were both saying more than the mere words suggested._ Bloody Slytherins: always speaking in riddles. How can Snape be friends with the Malfoys anyway? Lucius is an evil bastard._

'I'll pop back in a bit then.' Draco said before drawing the door closed behind him.

Throwing down the potions book Harry pointed at his lips again. _This is beyond a joke._

Snape ignored him and sat down once more at his desk.

Harry started drumming his hands on the table to get attention.

'Keep that up and I'll cast a binding spell on your hands,' Snape warned him amicably.

Harry snatched the remaining quill from the table and this time scrawled across the sheet Snape had been writing on. His writing was simple and to the point. He underlined it several times to make his point.

Snape glanced at the word 'ENOUGH' written in capital letters and looked at Harry the corners of his lips twitching suspiciously.

'Honestly, Harry, have you no manners?' He said reprovingly removing the quill from the boy's hand and running his wand over the scribble to remove it from his notes.

Reminded of Draco's taunt from their argument yesterday Harry finally saw red.

'You stupid, old... oh!'

'Oh, indeed.' Snape said mockingly, casting a quick _Tempus._ 'And it only took you two and a quarter hours to reach this stage. '

Before Harry had chance to say anything else Snape cast _Langlock_ again.

There were a few long seconds when Harry almost despaired he was back to square one before he found the knack again and managed to throw it off.

'Stop it!' He said.

'Once more, last time, I promise.' Snape replied mercilessly pointing the wand once more.

'Aha!' This time Harry managed to undo it automatically, 'I can do it!'

'Alas, it was so blissfully, quiet.' Snape said drily standing up. 'Never mind.'

He strode to the fireplace and floo called for a meal to be brought for them both.

Harry was still a bit annoyed, despite immense satisfaction at finally managing the spell. 'That wasn't very nice.'

Severus gave a slight shrug. 'But highly effective I think you would agree.'

'Hmpf.' Harry snorted. 'Well at least I know you won't be able to do it again now I can counter it. Incidentally, I don't think it's about needing to focus at all. The way I countered it was by willing for it to happen, really strongly and suddenly. Building it up gradually was useless.'

'In which case given your temperament I'm surprised it took you so long to crack it,' Severus observed. 'Just make sure you remember for _Protego_.'

A house elf appeared and silently set an enormous tray in front of them before Harry could retort.

Harry took a huge bite from a jacket potato before chewing furiously. 'When are we going to practise shields?' he asked as soon as he swallowed the bite.

'Well as it took you over two hours to achieve something which you were already capable of I think it will have to wait for another day. I wouldn't want to provide more substance to all the Gryffindors who are convinced I am holding you hostage in here. In any case Draco will doubtlessly be along shortly.

Which reminded Harry of another grievance. He swallowed his bite hurriedly.

'You made him think I'm doing remedial potions again!'

'I think your choice of text was more to blame for that than I.' Severus observed.

Harry glanced at the book he'd left out on the sofa and cursed softly under his breath.

He remembered something else that he'd noticed.

'He calls you Severus!'

'You may do the same, if you wish.' Snape replied carelessly forking up a mouthful of peas.

Harry stared at him.

'Ok, _Severus._' He said seriously before cracking at the last minute and bursting out laughing 'Sorry, it's just really weird, that's all.'

'It's a name, Harry.' Snape replied evenly. 'Try not to make a spectacle of yourself over everything.

'Ok, ok.' Harry said ignoring his griping. 'But um... Well if I'm going to call you Severus do you think you could call me Harry instead of Potter?'

'I _do_ call you Harry.' Severus glanced up at him. 'If I'm not mistaken that's what I said only seconds ago.'

'Well yes _now_ you do. But as soon as I do something to annoy you I'm suddenly Potter again.'

'Well you could always try not to annoy me.' Severus continued with his meal and Harry shrugged his shoulders in frustration. _Hopeless_.

'...But I daresay I could endeavour to do as you ask.'

Severus darted a quick glance to the boy and was rewarded by seeing him give a broad grin as he attacked his meal again with a healthy appetite.

They'd just about finished when there was a knock at the door.

'That'll probably be Malfoy,' Harry said as he stood up. 'I'll see you tomorrow then.'

'Goodnight Harry.'

***

I know I've been dragging this out but I promise we will find out what the crow is all about very soon!

Um... please review.

I posted last week just before fanfiction buggered up and wouldn't let people post reviews for a couple days, so of you fancy dropping a line please do!


	23. Familial influence

**It's been ages so here is a long chapter to make up for the delay :)  
**

***

_I don't believe it, _Draco bit back his temper as the door was opened, _he's still bloody here._

His annoyance was somewhat mitigated when it became plain that Potter was on his way out.

'Malfoy,' Harry acknowledged him very briefly as he passed.

'Potter,' Draco gave the boy an infinitesimal nod.

Shutting the door carefully, Draco turned to his Godfather.

'I hope I'm not too early, Severus?' _Notice that I'm not even mentioning that Potter's been with you all day? _Draco was careful not to give Severus an excuse to say he was moaning again.

'Of course not. Would you like some tea?'

The older wizard accio'd another cup and saucer in response to Draco's nod and pushed a cup towards him before pouring himself the second cup.

'How was your afternoon?'

_Brilliant, I loved watching everyone celebrate winning the match which you banned me from. _Draco stirred his tea carefully before replying.

'Oh, well, you know. The usual, really, I was doing my charms essay and the potions readings you set.'

'You understood all of them fully?'

'I think so,' Draco nodded. 'I've been using those extra books you gave me as well.'

'And you finished your charms essay without any difficulty?'

'Of course, Charms is hardly challenging.'

'I'm glad to hear that as you have your first detention tomorrow night and you will need to keep on top of your assignments.'

'Don't remind me,' Draco murmured. 'I don't suppose you could have a word with Finch? Have him let us do some of our homework during some of the detentions? What? You've given us two hours of detention every evening for a fortnight and I'm sure you don't want Slytherin's marks to drop.'

'If you're organised finishing your work should not present any difficulties. You will have the weekend to catch up on work, after all.'

'Well, I'm sure _I'll_ be fine.' Draco replied loftily. 'But you haven't seen how long it takes for Crabbe and Goyle to read a chapter of a textbook.'

Severus raised his eyebrows in mock surprise.

'You don't mean to say that they actually do the reading? How very disheartening.'

'So will you let us do the work during detention?'

'What do you think?'

Draco sighed.

'As you can see, even nepotism has its limits.' Severus remarked lightly.

'Well it was worth _asking_.'

They drank finished their drinks in a fairly comfortable silence.

Draco was the first to finish and jump up from the table.

'May I...' he indicated the floo powder which was kept in a small, carved box upon the mantelpiece.

At his Godfather's nod he threw a pinch into the fire before leaning into the flames.

'Father?'

'Ah, Draco.'

Draco heard rather than saw his father's response initially before he appeared in front of the flames and crouched down to speak to him.

'Do step through, so we can speak in a civilised fashion, your Mother was mentioning you only moments ago.'

Draco nodded obediently before drawing back.

'I'm just stepping through for a few minutes,' he told his Godfather, 'won't you join us?'

Severus inclined his head briefly and followed Draco, declaring 'Malfoy Mansion' crisply before stepping out brushing away traces of ash from his robes.

'Severus.' Lucius said with his usual cool expression, 'how fortunate that Draco choose a time when you were free to join us. Narcissa will be down to join us shortly.'

'Lucius, it's been too long,' Severus his expression equally deadpan. It hadn't in actual fact been overly long since he'd seen Lucius but one tended to ignore Deatheater duties when meeting socially.

'Indeed it has, do take a seat. Ah Narcissa, look Severus is here, we had better summon refreshments straight away.'

'Severus.' Narcissa drew close as he brushed his lips against her cheek briefly. 'It is very good to see you again. We missed you this summer.'

'Yes, quite.' Lucius agreed, before clapping his hands. 'Stokey! Minnie!'

'Yes Master.'

Two quivering house-elves appeared in front of him speaking in unison.

'Tea,' he told them commandingly. 'In the front room.'

***

It was, Severus reflected later quite the strangest conversation he had at the Malfoy's yet.

Although the three of them followed the expected Pureblood standards of presenting a proud, unrelentingly polite facade at all times it was very apparent that things were markedly off between Lucius and Narcissa.

They'd talked in circles for some time to no avail, discussing Draco's academic progress (exemplary), the Ministry for Magic (feeble and uninspiring), the weather (unfeasibly hot for this time of year) and the price of potions ingredients (increasing, yet again.)

Eventually they'd arrived at their plans for the coming months before Christmas whereupon Lucius had announced that it was highly likely that business would entail him going abroad for an extended period in the near future.

Severus remained silent at this disclosure. He had a good idea of the type of business which would necessitate Lucius travelling away but could hardly discuss _those_ matters openly in this setting. Severus had never been sure how forthcoming Lucius was with his wife but he knew that his Godson was told very little in practical terms.

As it was there was a strange undercurrent in the room, with more being left unsaid than not and then Lucius mentioned that Narcissa would be staying with her sister Bellatrix while he was away.

_Just how much do you know about what happened this summer?_ Severus thought to himself.

Catching sight of a quick, acutely unhappy glance which darted from mother to son an instant later only made Severus more curious about what was actually going on. Lucius was either oblivious to his wife's discomfort, which seemed unlikely, or simply uncaring. Either way didn't exactly bode well for the future of the Malfoy marriage.

***

'Well, that was... unfortunate,' Severus said at last when he was alone again with his Godson in his rooms.

_Which is quite an understatement if Draco's reaction is anything to go by now that we're alone, _Severus thought as he observed his ashen Godson.

'How much does your father know about what happened this summer?' He asked when no reply was forthcoming.

'Nothing of any consequence,' Draco answered sounding agitated. 'He knows that she doesn't want to be left alone again though, but there's no way in the world that she'd _ever_ agree to stay with my aunt_._'

_So the relationship between Narcissa and her sister had deteriorated even further_, Severus surmised. _Quite a feat considering the abhorrence which had already arose between the two of them in recent years._

'I will have to go to her.' Draco said at last, sounded resigned.

'You can't leave Hogwarts in the middle of the term.'

'I won't leave her alone, not after what happened! And there's nowhere else, no one for her to stay with.'

_A statement which is unfortunately all too accurate, _Severus thought to himself._ The Malfoy's are in quite the unique position. Families which were not openly aligned with the Dark Lord would hesitate to show their true colours so blatantly by taking in Narcissa. Many of the lesser, power hungry Deatheater associates would be only too pleased to welcome Narcissa as a guest but would also be too weak to protect her. And then there was Lucius' pride to consider; he would not want to be in any wizard's debt. Bellatrix was Narcissa's kin and therefore already bore certain familial responsibilities. She was a powerful witch, and along with her husband, would be more than capable of offering her sister a well defended place of respite. It was obviously of little importance to Lucius that Narcissa was clearly indisposed to the plan._

'She's so unhappy, Severus.' Draco sounded wretched. 'She... well she more or less came out and told me during the summer that she would leave Father if only she could.'

'If there were somewhere else that she might go, do I take it that it would be a... _feasible possibility_ at this point in time for her to leave Malfoy Mansion?' Severus asked, his analytical mind running through the various items which he knew had once been kept in their home.

Draco nodded 'it's clear now. Everything has been moved to...'

Severus cut him off sharply. 'Enough, it is not necessary for me to know the details.'

_If Narcissa is willing to cut herself off from the influence of those working for the Dark Lord, perhaps it might be just as well if I am instrumental to her. Merlin knows, if it is left to her to sort herself out, she'll probably end up at the Lestrange's after all. Of course, in one sense it is completely ridiculous for me to even consider becoming involved no matter how lightly. If it were just a case of Narcissa's suffering I would not even consider it. But this could one day this could be the fundamental factor in Draco's future decisions. He needs to see that being drawn deeper into the Dark Lord's grasp isn't completely inevitable._

Severus looked at his Godson silently before eventually continuing in a heavy, reluctant voice.

'I may know of a place where there is someone your mother could stay with safely.'

'You do?' Draco said eagerly. 'With whom? Where?'

'Wait Draco, first you must realise that this is no short term solution. Your father's arrangements are obviously set on course. If Narcissa isn't to act accordingly it will obviously entail the utmost secrecy and be likely to lead to the end of your parent's union.'

'Severus, I appreciate this so much.'

_Well that obviously doesn't concern him._

'If will not be what she is used to, her companion will be less than her equal and the accommodation would be functional, nothing more.' Severus said uneasily.

'That is all she needs.'

'Very well,' Severus eyed his Godson steadily. 'I will speak to Narcissa and assuming matters proceed as expected I will take her there, when the time comes.'

***

After leaving Severus' rooms Harry had headed straight back to his dorm. It was nearly time for curfew and he was suddenly felt exhausted. All he wanted was a hot shower, half an hour occluding to clear his head and an early night.

His three dorm-mates fell silent as he opened the door to the room he shared with them. He hadn't seen them since all the commotion in the common room yesterday and they had probably been discussing him, Harry realised.

Connor recovered the quickest.

'Ah, Golden Boy, you're back! Perhaps not quite so gold as you once were though? I take it you'll be joining our little detention group next week, along with Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle?'

'You what?' Harry replied disbelievingly, 'Snape's given _them_ detention?'

'A fortnights worth,' Connor confirmed. 'They're almost, but not quite, up to the amount I've got tallied up. So I take it you won't be joining us then?'

Harry shrugged before saying bluntly, 'Snape didn't say anything about it to me.'

Jasper stared at Harry in surprise and for a moment their eyes met briefly before the Slytherin boy dropped his gaze and looked awkwardly away.

'Well you're pretty bloody lucky, Potter.' Theo said slowly. 'I can't imagine that anyone else would have got away with starting a fight or hitting a prefect like that.'

'I think _you_ should keep your opinion to yourself,' Harry replied coolly, 'seeing as you're the one who set the whole thing off.'

'_Excuse me_?!'

'Don't try and pretend that it wasn't you who fed all that stuff to Malfoy.' Harry said with a glint in his eye. 'About me not sleeping, about the nightmares and what happened to my Godfather.'

'_That's_ _what you think?_' Theo said breathing heavily, sounding furious. 'That I've been going around saying stuff about you? Have you told Snape this?!'

'Well perhaps you shouldn't spread rumours if you don't like the consequences,' Harry replied also sounding heated. 'Now if you don't mind I'm going to take a shower and it might be just as well if you were gone when I get back. Why don't you go and spend the evening in the common room with your new pal, Malfoy?'

Grabbing a clean towel from a drawer, Harry headed into the bathroom and dived under the steaming hot water.

The truth, of course, was that Harry hadn't discussed with Snape how Malfoy had found out about Sirius, for one thing he'd been too annoyed with himself. It was obvious that by telling Jasper and Connor they were bound to mention it to their other roommate. And whereas Jasper had always made every effect to be friendly, Harry had always got the impression that Theo didn't like him and was looking down at him as an outsider. Connor on the other hand seemed too keen on antagonising Malfoy to pass on any information. No, Harry knew it was Theo who had been stirring things. He was annoyed about it but it didn't surprise him in the slightest.

Leaving the bathroom twenty minutes later clad in pyjamas with his damp hair sticking up, Harry found the dorm empty with the exception of Connor who was lying down flicking through one of Harry's Quidditch books.

Harry raised an eyebrow. 'Help yourself, why don't you?' he said mildly. 'I thought you didn't like quidditch?'

'I don't mind the game. I'm just not allowed to play it.' The Irish boy said unapologetically, shutting the book.

'Why not? Who's stopping you?'

'Hooch, Snape, Dumbledore. Take your pick,' Connor replied blankly. Then after a slight pause, 'I was in quite a lot of trouble before I came here. It seems to have followed me here, my knack of pissing people off.'

'Seems to be your mission in life,' Harry observed.

Connor grinned and tossed the book across the room to him.

'You know it wasn't Theo who spoke to Malfoy.'

'What are you talking about?'

'Oh come on, Golden Boy.' Connor coaxed him. 'You're hardly blind or stupid for all that you're really a Gryffindor. Who is it who can't even look you in the eye, he feels so guilty?'

'Jasper? Why...'

'He's not a bad kid. Just, you know, a bit spineless. You can see he's bricking it at the moment though.'

'Shit. So none of this was Theo's fault,' Harry sounded reflective as he sat propped up against the wall on his bed.

'You might want to let Snape know that, for some reason this lot seem to get really het up about what their head of house thinks.'

''Cause he can be a bloody git and make your life a misery when he wants to.' Harry said automatically, remembering his previous years at Hogwarts.

'You're telling me.' Connor seemed quite good humoured about it.

'You think you have it bad?' Harry shook his head. 'You just go looking for trouble- winding people up, cutting classes, missing detentions and stuff. You have no idea what he can be like when he _really_ has it in for someone.'

'I'll bear that in mind,' Connor sounded amused. 'So are you going to grass up Jasper?'

Harry lay down on his back, his reply sounding slightly muffled by a yawn.

'I never said anything about Theo. I don't care about Jasper either. It was my own fault, I shouldn't have told anyone about Sirius.'

'Sometimes talking helps.'

'Yeah, maybe.' Harry replied quietly as he pulled his bed sheet and duvet up over him, although he didn't really believe it. _Talking won't bring him back, nothing can do that._

Harry lay awake in bed, idly occluding in the manner which had became second nature to him. He began by imagining himself flying, twisting, turning, ducking and diving. Then he focused intensely on how it felt to be at one with his broom with everything around him fading into nothing, drawing his emotions tightly around him before releasing them. By the time Theo and Jasper came in Harry was half asleep and didn't stir.

***

An hour or so later, Harry began to toss and turn. If he'd been awake he would have recognised the nausea which always seemed to precede his strangest dreams. As it was he kicked his sheet away, squirming restlessly.

_It was a dark night beside the lake and the crow was flying at a low height in loops, back and forth. Every now and then strong gusts of wind caught the branches of the trees and dragged them about. Underneath them a canine form sat beside the glistening water edge. His body was thrown in and out of the shadows as the clouds broke the moonlight. Although the shade of the dog's sleek coat was obscured to a large extent by the depth of the gloom, Harry would know him anywhere. And yet... there was something that he couldn't put his finger on that niggled about Padfoot. Something out of place which didn't fit..._

With a start Harry sat upright in his bed, looking around him feeling disorientated.

_Where was he? Sirius had been right in front of him just a second ago... _

Pushing the heels of his hands into his weary eyes, Harry blinked several times as reality reasserted itself.

It had seemed so bloody real. He'd wanted so desperately for it to be true. For Sirius to be alive, unharmed and here at Hogwarts. The hollow ache in his chest felt like he'd been thumped.

_Perhaps if I go back to sleep, it'll be the same? Even if it's just a dream at least I'll see him again._

He sank back against his pillows, forcing his eyes tightly closed. For a while he lay drowsily willing his mind to let go. Next to him he heard Jasper exhale noisily and turn over in his sleep, then the room was silent once more. Once more he shut out all thoughts, the soft regular sounds of breathing, and lost himself utterly in his occlumency.

_It was an icy, cold morning and he felt chilled despite the thick, woollen jumper and heavy, winter coat he was wearing with his jeans. He could see his breath in front of him as he hesitated in front of the all-too-familiar gate. Harry clutched his wrist compulsively, griping the hard plastic wrist watch he was wearing before reaching back and reassuring himself that his wand was in his back pocket._

_Taking a deep breath he unlatched the gate and walked up the drive, reaching quickly for the doorbell before fear could overtake him and change his mind. For the second that Harry was stood there waiting on the doorstep it seemed as though time stood still. He could see the frost on the grass, the icy rivulets frozen solid on the gatepost and the winter sun low in the cloudy, still sky. His heart rate increased exponentially and every nerve in his body was tingling. As the door began to open, Harry chocked back a terrified swallow before he heard the voice he knew too well, ringing with the hostility he was accustomed to._

'_What in the hell are you doing here, Boy?' _

_His uncle's massive frame towered over him in the doorway, glaring at him in disbelief and no small degree of menace as he took a step towards him. Harry couldn't stop himself from stumbling backwards a couple steps before Vernon's huge, beefy hand reached out and grabbed him roughly by the collar; manhandling him past the front door and away from the prying eyes of their neighbours._

'_You've got some bloody nerve.' White spittle sprayed on Harry as Vernon loomed over him, his sweaty, red face just inches away from him. _

_Harry breath was stilted, a huge lump obstructing his windpipe._

'_I...I...'_

_Fear caught the words in his throat as he saw the enormous fist drawn back... _

One moment Harry was cringing in front of his Uncle at Privet Drive. The next he was sat up once more in bed shaking and gasping. Within a second the light of three wands was directed at him.

'Are you OK, Harry?' Jasper whispered. 'You just yelled pretty loud.'

Theo lost interest after a quick assessing glance. He lowered his wand, muttering 'Nox' as he rolled over to head back to sleep. Connor and Jasper remained staring at Harry, however.

'I ... you heard me?_' I set a silencing charm. I know I did_, Harry's confusion increased as his heart rate gradually began to slow to a steadier beat.

'I think Gryffindor tower probably heard you.' Connor said jokingly, also nox'ing his wand but remaining sat upright in his bed. 'You've sure got a pair of lungs on you.'

'Fuck.'

Clamouring out of bed, Harry grabbed his wand and headed for Snape's rooms. Luckily it wasn't that late. Although it felt like the middle of the night a quick _Tempus_ revealed it was half past twelve. They'd only been asleep for a couple hours. There was a good chance that Snape wouldn't even have even turned in yet.

Running his hand against the door to break the seal, Harry burst into the rooms at a furious pace.

'Harry?' Severus looked up from where he was sat in one of the dark green armchairs. A stack of parchments and a half empty goblet of wine were in front of him.

'I'm sleeping in the spare room again.' Harry announced, heading straight towards his room.

'What happened in your dorm?'

'I don't want to talk about it,' Harry said shortly opening the door without looking at the Professor.

'_Wait_, Harry.' Severus said commandingly. 'You can't just burst in here unannounced in the middle of the night without an explanation.'

Harry hesitated at the door but still didn't turn to face the older wizard.

'Can we talk about this another time?'

'Are you going to be able to sleep if you go in there?' Severus asked pointedly.

There was no answer, just a slight shrug.

'Come over here.'

Biting down on his lip and breathing heavily Harry slowly made his way to the other side of the room and sat opposite him on the stiff sofa.

'Our work yesterdayhas some side-effects seeing that I now cancel silencing charms in my sleep.' Harry said bitterly.

'I see.' Severus replied levelly. 'And the dream that woke you...'

'The dream that woke _my whole_ dorm,' Harry corrected, 'apparently I was yelling like an idiot. I scared the crap out of them all.'

'I'm sure they'll live,' Severus replied drily. 'What was it that disturbed you so?'

'That's just it. It was nothing really. And at first I had a really good dream, about Sirius. He was here, at Hogwarts down by the river, running around the place as Padfoot. Though he looked different somehow...'

'Different in what sense?' Severus asked quietly.

'I don't know. Smaller, not skinny or ill ...I mean he looked healthy enough but not like himself if that makes sense. I was so happy. I mean, I know it's just a dream, but it's as if he's right there in front of me for real. And when I woke I thought I might dream about him again...but I didn't,' Harry faltered.

'Was it the dream where you were cursed again?' Severus said frowningly.

'No. Really it was nothing. I just dreamt I was going back to my Uncle and Aunts,that was all.'

Severus looked very on edge at this. 'Was it a normal dream, or like the others you've been having?'

'Oh it was really vivid, that's for sure.' Harry replied with a bitter laugh. 'I could even feel my uncle spit on me when he was yelling. I mean, that's how detailed it was.'

'Well I can assure you that you will never have to encounter him again.'

'Yeah,' Harry agreed without much conviction, playing with a thread on his pyjama sleeve.

'I mean it, Harry. You need not concern yourself with any thoughts of your relations. You will never go there again.'

'I... it's just I'm kind of used to having to go back there, no matter what. Part of me thinks that if Dumbledore, I mean Professor Dumbledore, thinks the wards are better there, that's where I'll end up going.'

'Look at me, Harry.'

Harry dragged his eyes up to meet Severus'.

'I will not allow you to ever go back to your relatives. Do you understand me? Under any circumstances. Is that clear?'

Harry still looked unconvinced.

'I know he'd only do it for my best interest though,' he said in a low voice, 'because he thinks I'd be safer there in spite of my Uncle or ... well because my presence could put other people at risk...'

_I couldn't stand it if the Weasleys were attacked because of me. It wouldn't be right for me to stay there. _

'We've already been over this some time ago.' The older wizard interrupted abruptly. 'I thought we agreed that you could stay with me over any holidays for the foreseeable future?'

Harry looked at him in surprise.

'You don't remember our conversation about this?'

Harry did, but he hadn't thought for one moment that Severus had meant what he'd said. Not seriously. _Surely he had just been trying to shut me up? And anyway, that didn't solve anything, not really. I don't want Snape to be put at risk by hiding me again. _

'...But there'd be a risk if I stay with you again,' Harry pointed out. 'It doesn't matter, anyway. I've lived with my relatives up until now. A couple more years and I'll be an adult. I'll cope, I'm used to it.'

_As long as he doesn't actually kill me when I go back, _Harry thought to himself. _And realistically he won't take things that far. Probably._

Severus' jaw tightened and his eyes began to narrow.

'A couple points for you to think about before you resign yourself to your pitiful position as a Gryffindor martyr.' Severus started with his lip curling. 'Firstly have you any idea how offensive it is to be told by a fifteen year old, school boy that my provisions are insufficient? The wards on my property have been checked by Dumbledore himself, although of course, I'm sure with your _superior expertise_ you will be able to point out the faults which he has missed. In second place, I am sure you in your adolescent wisdom, have also anticipated and discounted the contingency plans which I have set in place for such events? I have another property which is unplottable and utterly secret. A places which absolutely no one knows about... but you have no doubt thought of this possibility and found it lacking in some respect? I can quite see why you would find that brute's hospitality preferable.'

Harry looked back at the older wizard fiercely. He was tired, emotionally strung out and Snape thought it was a good time to lecture him about how stupid he was? _I don't need this right now._

'But none of that will help, if Voldemort finds out, will it?' he said simply. 'Not if you're in front of him. He'd kill you and no safe-house or wards would be of any use 'cause it would all be too late.'

_It'd be one more person's death that I would be responsible for. Another death of someone I care about._

Severus' expression softened slightly.

'Really Harry, I expect you to have more faith in my skill as a spy than that.' He said chidingly. 'I can assure you that should the Dark Lord ever discover any of my subterfuges I will take great care to ensure I remain a great distance away from him.'

Harry opened his mouth to reply but Severus cut him off.

'No, I think we'll leave that there. You can sleep on it and tell list out the reasons why you wish to visit your relatives for me in the morning. I can see that you are overly tired at the moment.'

'But...'

'Hush. Let's see if we can't find a more agreeable topic of conversation, shall we? Tell me what you plan to do with your day tomorrow.'

Harry sighed slightly and leant his head on the top of the sofa.

'It's Quidditch practise, after breakfast and then I think Hermione wants us to go to the Library for an hour or two...' Harry said unenthusiastically.

'I have no doubt that without Miss Granger as a friend, both your and Weasley's grades would be even more deplorable.' Severus remarked approvingly.

Harry scowled.

'They're not deplorable. Anyway, after lunch I thought I could come here again.'

'To continue working on wandless shields?'

'Well that and I thought you could show me some better silencing charms,' Harry admitted. 'Do you think we can find some that I won't be able to cancel accidentally?'

'We can certainly try.' Severus replied musingly. 'Although it might not be easy, accidental magic isn't easy to guard against. But we will certainly see what we can do. And if it doesn't work I can speak to your dorm-mates and explain the situation.'

'That won't be necessary,' Harry replied hastily. _I'm pretty sure none of them will say anything after everything that just happened with Malfoy._ 'It's embarrassing more than anything. Anyway I can always sleep here if I have to... um but I might wake you as well.'

'My wards would not allow your silencing charms in here in any case,' Severus pointed out.

_Like at his home, _Harry thought, struggling to keep his eyes open as he remembered how Snape had said he couldn't protect him if he couldn't hear him cry out.

'Come. You will be in no fit state to sit on that infernal broomstick in the morning if you do not get some proper rest.' Severus dispatched him towards his bedroom before he nodded off on the sofa.

***

Harry managed to go the rest of the night without any other strange dreams. However he slept fitfully and awoke looking more tired than ever, a fact that Severus didn't hesitate to point out to him as they made their way to breakfast.

'Why don't you ask for practise to be delayed for an hour or so?' Severus had urged him before they left his rooms.

'We've got the pitch booked for nine o'clock,' Harry replied wearily, opening the door out onto the corridor.

'You need to stop being so short sighted. Your health is far more important than Quidditch practise.' Severus told him in a low voice as they passed a group of first year Slytherins.

'I'll be fine,' Harry answered shortly.

If you should fall off your broom due to sheer exhaustion...'

'I won't fall off,' Harry snapped irritably as they reached the doorway to the Great Hall. 'Look, really I'm ok. I'm just a bit tired, it's not going to hurt me.'

For a moment he thought Severus was going to lambast him for his rudeness or even ban him from attending practise but all he did was delve into one of his many pockets and withdraw a vial.

'Pepper-up potion.' He announced tightly, thrusting it into Harry's hand. 'If you really must play that insufferably, foolish game.' The next moment the Professor had turned away heading for the Professor's table and leaving Harry to make his way over to Ron and Hermione.

As he made his way past the Slytherin table Harry could feel Connor and Jasper watching him but tried to avoid looking in their direction.

***

Whether the Pepper-Up potion served its purpose or the Quidditch simply succeeding in waking Harry up where nothing else could by half-past ten he felt much more like his normal self.

Sitting in the library with Ron and Hermione they had a whispered conversation where he gave them a brief run down about his sleeping problems.

Ron, who having shared a dorm with Harry in the past had a good idea just how disturbed his sleep could be was particularly sympathetic.

'The problem is,' he whispered to Harry, 'if you're ending your silencing charms in your sleep without meaning to the chances are any other spells would probably end up the same way.'

'We don't know that for sure,' Hermione injected softly. 'Professor Snape might know other more complicated spells, ones that Harry can't just undo. Or perhaps if he were to cast them on you himself it would be harder for you to remove them?'

Harry imagined Jasper, Connor and Theo watching agog as their Head of House came in every evening to cast spells on him before bedtime.

'I think I'd rather just sleep in Snape's rooms,' he muttered.

'Well I'll do a bit of research, while we're here.' She decided, heading towards the book shelves in a determined manner.

Harry flicked through one of the many books Hermione had piled on the table in front of them and began to scrawl a hurried response to his the Charms question about the best methods of keeping items at correct temperatures. He knew that this essay wasn't going to reach a particularly high standard but hoped it would scrape by as acceptable.

***

Forty minutes later he finished his final paragraph with a flourish and laid down his quill. It definitely wasn't his best work but right now he felt like he was beginning to flag and didn't particularly care.

He glanced at Ron who was still scribbling furiously away, his tongue sticking out the corner of his mouth as he concentrated on what he was writing.

'Did you understand the stuff to do with the Warbutous charm?' He asked.

'Warbutous? Is that like the Warbant charm for freezing liquids?' Ron said after biting his lip for a moment. 'No? Merlin, I haven't even covered that one, then. How many of these bloody charms are there? It's impossible to keep them all straight in your head.'

'I wouldn't worry too much; it looks like you've written quite a lot.' Harry glanced at the parchment in front of his friend which was filled with masses of messy writing.

'Yes...I'm not sure it all makes sense though.' Ron admitted uncertainly.

'I think my concluding paragraph sort of contradicts itself,' Harry told him ruefully. 'I'd get Hermione to read the essay through but I'm not sure I could bear having to start over again.'

'Oh well. It's nearly lunch now anyway.' Ron said brightening up. 'Anyway everyone says temperature charms are bloody difficult so I guess Flitwick will expect us to get a little bit muddled.'

Weighed down by several large text books Hermione was making her way back towards them.

'We're nearly done here,' Harry told her. 'How'd you get on?'

'I think I've found something that might help.'

Hermione laid a battered looking text book on the table and opened it to a section upon casting techniques.

'It doesn't mention silencing charms but I think the general principle would be the same.' She said as Harry read the information carefully.

The text she had found described how it was possible to layer spells so that even when _'Finite Incantatem'_ was used other versions remained behind.

_So if I cancelled one silencing spell it wouldn't matter_, Harry thought.

'This is great Hermione, I'll ask Snape about it after lunch.'

***

Harry decided to head back to his dorm after lunch before going through to see Snape. He wanted to offload his parchments and books from earlier on his way and literally meant to stay no more than a couple of minutes.

As it was things didn't work out quite as he had planned.

During the short walk from the Great Hall to the Slytherin Common Room Harry started to feel peculiar. His head felt woozy and by the time he entered his dorm he was dizzy enough to sit down heavily on his bed, his roommates' concern no more than a superfluous distraction which he paid no attention to.

A wave of nausea overcame him with such rapidity that Harry fought desperately to keep his lunch down. He rested his eyes momentarily until the sickness started to pass but nearly jumped out of his skin when he opened them and registered the crow perched on the bedpost beside him.

'_Fuck._' Swinging his legs over to the other side of the bed Harry stood up shakily and grasped the opposite bed post.

_I ought to be used to this by now, _he told himself. Then he noticed all his room-mates staring at him. _Shit. _

'Are you ok?' Jasper asked tremulously.

'Fine,' he mumbled.

Staggering to the bathroom, he left his roommates glancing at each other uncertainly.

Theo was the first to try to pretend nothing was out of the ordinary, delving back into his book.

Connor shook his head in disbelief. _Always one to keep a distance aren't you Theo, _he thought incredulously.

'I...I...Do you think I should go and get Snape?' Jasper asked Connor at last.

'No. Not yet anyway...'

They waited a few minutes. Everything was silent in the bathroom.

'Ah, fuck it, I'll go and speak to him,' Connor said.

***

'Harry?'

Connor gently pushed the bathroom door further open. He saw that Harry was sat on the floor, leaning against the side of the bath. His mop of messy dark hair looked more dishevelled than usual as if he'd been clawing at it. His eyes were screwed tightly shut and when he opened them the bright emerald hue shone strangely from the drained complexion of his face.

'You alright Harry?'

'Never been better,' Harry laughed mirthlessly.

'You want to talk about it?'

Harry hugged his knees to his chest.

'I have strange dreams.'

His tone sounded so despondent that Connor crouched down beside him, his face full of sympathy. 'Hey, it's going to be ok.'

Blinking repeatedly, Harry scrambled towards the sink.

'No it won't. I'm sick of this.' Then without warning he grabbed the tooth-mug from the side of the basin and lobbed it at other side of the room where it hit the wall beside the toilet.

'Will you FUCK OFF?'

Connor froze in whatever he was about to say. He was fairly sure Harry wasn't speaking to him but there was no one else in the room.

'Um. Do...do you want me to get Snape?'

'No, it's ok. I'll go there myself,' Harry said wearily.

Connor reached out a hand to help him up but as soon as Harry grasped hold of him beginning to stand his eyes widened and his whole body tensed. He dropped Connor's hand like it was burning hot, closing his eyes and clamping his arms over his chest.

'I just want to be normal,' he murmured indistinctly.

He opened his eyes again for a second before shutting them hurriedly. 'Fucking crow,' he groaned softly.

They both stood there motionless for so long that Harry was sure Connor had left but when he at last opened his eyes the boy was still there staring at him intensely.

'Did you... just say crow?' he asked carefully.

Harry nodded.

'What... what crow are you talking about? Can you describe it to me?'

'I don't know. It's not even here, ok? But I see it all the bloody time. It's black with a grey neck and I don't know _what the fuck_ is going on with it.'

'Merlin, Harry.' Connor breathed softly. Pointing his wand at the door, he cast two quick spells closing and locking the door.

'Promise you won't throw anything else?'

'What, why?'

Connor stood up straight and took a deep breath before transforming.

All of a sudden it was as if a tension on Harry's mind was eased.

Connor was an animagus. The crow and Connor were one and the same. Perhaps Harry wasn't as mad as he had once feared.

***

**In the next chapter Harry learns more about why he has been having the vivid dreams and considers all the implications about what they hold. **

**PLEASE REVIEW. This last chapter was a beast to write. I think I left it too long since writing the last one (sorry) and found it really hard going as a result. Kudos to the wrappedinharry who asked me if Connor was an animagus crow ages ago.**

**PS Does anyone know if Draco calls his friends 'Vincent and Gregory' or 'Crabbe and Goyle'? I don't have my Harry Potter books where I'm staying at the moment so I couldn't check and it's been niggling away at me. First names didn't seem right somehow. Also I seem to remember that when Draco spoke to Harry, who was polyjuiced as Crabbe, he called him by his surname, but I could be wrong.**


	24. The best thing ever

Afraid it's a short chapter this time, peeps. After my last one took forever I thought I'd just stick what I've done so far up straight away...

**Connor was an animagus. The crow and Connor were one and the same. Perhaps Harry wasn't as mad as he had once feared.**

Harry stared dumbly at the crow in front of him, his mouth half open in amazement. He still hadn't regained his power of speech when Connor transformed back to his normal form. He smoothed back his slightly wavy, brown hair; drinking in the shocked expression on Harry's face.

'Say something, then.'

'I... You... It was you. You're the crow. I can't believe it.'

Connor gave a short chuckle.

'Fucking hell, all this time, I thought I was going mad. I still don't get it. Just now, you just flew into me, but you were right in front of me at the same time. I mean what the hell is that all about?!'

Connor shrugged, his eyes sparkling.

'Merlin.' Harry's eyes lit up and he clutched Connor sleeve compulsively. 'You have no idea what this means. I saw the crow with Padfoot... _Merlin, Connor._ You've been near Sirius when you were flying!'

'Sirius-as in your Godfather?' Connor said slowly.

'He's an animagus too, have you noticed him- a big, black dog down by the lake?'

'Um, Harry, I'm not being funny, but you do mean Sirius as in your _recently deceased_ Godfather?' Connor asked again.

'Well obviously, he's not dead if he's here at Hogwarts! They never found his body... ' Harry explained impatiently.

'Well, I've not seen him.' Connor sounded awkward.

'Well he was there. Maybe you didn't notice him. You have flown above the lake beside the Forbidden Forest?'

'I've flown all around Hogwart's grounds. What do you think I've been doing when I've been slipping off?'

'I don't know. I don't really know anything about you.'

'I think I'd have noticed a dog. I'm pretty aware of other animals when I'm transformed. It's pretty instinctive for me to notice anything which might be predator or prey.'

'I'm telling you, he was there! Unless... Oh! _Perhaps it hasn't happened yet_. Perhaps my dreams, all the weird stuff I've been seeing is _what is going_ to happen. Maybe one day you'll fly 'round our dorm and land on my chest, and one day Sirius will come back to Hogwarts.'

_Maybe one day I'll be sent back to the Dursleys and one day I'll be cursed by that agonising stabbing spell, _Harry thought internally._ But none of that matters right now. And if my dreams turn out to be true it will all be worth it if it means Sirius survives._

'I might see him,' Harry breathed in wonder. 'If I go with you to the lake when you transform. I might see him again.'

He was holding onto Connor again in excitement.

'You have no idea what this means to me!'

'I think I'm beginning to.' Connor said releasing himself from Harry's painful grip.

There was a knock on the door, followed by Jasper's voice. 'Connor? Harry? Is everything OK in there?'

'Fine,' Harry called, before turning back to Connor. 'We'll go tonight. In my dream it was dark when he was there. I can't wait to tell everyone about this. When they hear...'

'_Wait_.' Connor cried in alarm. 'Hang on a moment. What do you mean_ tell everyon_e?'

'Well, you know, tell them that you're the Crow. That my dreams are bloody real. That there's a chance...that Sirius is actually alive!'

'_You're not telling anyone that I'm an animagus_.'

It was the first time Harry had ever heard Connor sound utterly serious.

'No, of course not. _Not everyone_. Just Ron, Hermione and Snape, that's all.'

'No. I won't have it. I don't want _anyone_ to know. It's private, Harry. No one knows apart from my family and Declan. I shouldn't have even shown you, you've no idea how much shit I'd be in if anyone found out.'

'You don't have to worry, they won't tell anyone.'

'No. It's not on. Promise me you won't tell anyone.'

'I... it's about my Godfather, how can I not to tell them what I've found out?'

Connor shrugged. '_Promise me_. Or I won't take you with me when I transform.'

Harry stared at the Irish boy. _Well, you're not giving me a bloody choice then are you?_ _Still if I get to see Sirius what else matters? _

'I promise.'

For the briefest moment Harry thought he felt the faintest nudge of legilimency against his shield, but it was gone almost immediately before it barely even registered with him. He strained his mind, trying to detect any further attempt but couldn't find anything.

There was another knock on the door and Jasper's voice floated through once more.

'Um, Harry? Lysander needs you for something.'

With one last long look at Harry, Connor removed the spells from the door and left the bathroom. Following him out Harry faced the Slytherin prefect who was stood in the doorway to their dorm.

'Um, I broke the tooth-mug,' Harry said, feeling he should explain why the two of them had been in the bathroom together. 'Connor was helping me clear up the mess.'

Lysander gave him a curious look, clearly not believing a word of it but choosing not to investigate whatever mischief they were in the midst of.

'I've a note for you Potter,' he said handing Harry a piece of parchment, 'from Snape.'

'Thanks,' Harry took the sheet from the prefect, who turned to leave the dorm. He unfolded it and glanced over the black scrawl.

The note was concise to the point of being abrupt. Snape clearly wasn't taking any chances, should it be read by any third parties:

**Potter, **

**Unforeseen events have meant that this afternoon's Remedial Potions Lesson will have to be rescheduled. **

**S.S**

_Unforeseen events, did that mean a Deatheater Meeting,_ Harry wondered. He felt disappointed, as he was absolutely bursting to tell Snape what he had learnt. _But I can't anyway, can I? _he reminded himself belatedly.

_I hope he's ok at the meeting and that Voldemort doesn't hurt him again_, was the next thing to run through his mind. It was very strange no longer having any visions from Voldemort in recent weeks as it kept Harry curiously detached from whatever horrors were going on.

_Not that I don't have enough visions to be going on with anyway. _Harry couldn't stop the huge grin which spread over his face. _Sirius! I might see him tonight. Although I don't really have any idea what night he might come on,_ he admitted to himself._ It could be any night. Perhaps not for ages, but it might be tonight. It just might be._

***

In the end Harry spent the afternoon in the Gryffindor common room. It was all he could do to hold back his beaming smile as the afternoon's revelation continuously ran through his head. Restraining himself from mentioning anything to do with his dreams or his Godfather required an almost superhuman effort and it soon became apparent to his friends that something was up.

For one thing, he couldn't sit still. He fidgeted like a crazy man in his impatience for the day to be over, until even Hermione was begging Ron to take him outside on his broom again.

When Harry remarked that he couldn't be bothered to go flying, even Ron began to get really worried.

'Are you _ok_, mate?' He asked bluntly.

'I'm fine, honestly,' Harry assured him.

'Did something happen to you between lunch and now?' Hermione asked shrewdly.

'I just went back to my dorm,' Harry replied semi-truthfully.

'But something happened? Or someone said something?'

'I... can't really say. I'd tell you if I could, I promise.'

'So something did happen!' Ron exclaimed.

'You would say if you weren't OK though?' Hermione looked him straight in the eye, 'if whatever happened was a bad thing?'

'Honestly, Hermione. Everything's great.' Harry said with utmost sincerity. 'What happened to me was the best thing ever, believe me.'

Hermione stared at her friend a while longer before nodding slowly.

***

Hermione waited until Harry eventually made his way back to the Slytherin dormitory before turning to Ron.

'I think it's to do with Sirius.'

'You what?'

'Whatever's happened to him. You saw what he was like and he said it was "the best thing ever". I think Sirius has been in contact with him but he has to keep it secret.'

'Sirius is dead, Hermione.'

'No,' she corrected him. 'We _thought_ Sirius was dead. I think Harry's just found out that that it wasn't true.'

'You're mad.' Ron said, but his tone was mild. 'There's nothing to suggest it's anything to do with Sirius.'

There was a long pause as the two of them looked at each other.

'He did look awfully happy didn't he?' He said at last. 'I wonder why he'd have to keep it quiet though?'

***

As soon as Harry arrived back at his dorm Connor dragged him back out again onto the corridor.

He gave a quick glance to check no one was within hearing distance and cast a quick silencing charm to be on the safe side.

'I've been thinking, Harry- I don't think it's going to be a good idea, us going out tonight.'

'What do you mean?'

'If it was during the day it'd be different. I wouldn't mind coming with you.'

'No. It's got to be night time,' Harry told him impatiently. 'What's the problem?'

'We're going to get caught. I mean, I've _been_ caught a few times but that's always been _within_ the castle. As soon as I'm outside it hasn't been a problem for me, as I can just transform, but it will different for you. What's Snape going to say if he catches you in the grounds at night time? I can see that it's all going to end up coming out about me being an animagus.'

'Don't worry,' Harry told him. 'I've got a cloak that will make it easy for me to creep around without anyone noticing. I'll show you tonight, as soon as the others are asleep.'

Harry hadn't used his invisibility cloak at all this term and he certainly hadn't shown it to his dorm-mates, preferring to keep it hidden away_. It will be perfect for tonight though, _he told himself_._

Connor still looked uncertain.

'Trust me,' Harry continued to reassure him, 'it's going to be fine. And if I do get caught I promise I'd never tell anyone, about you being an animagus. Just wait, it's going to be _brilliant _tonight.'

***

**Thanks to everyone who reviewed. You definitely motivate me to keep going! **

**We'll see in the next chapter if things are as straightforward as Harry hopes... **

**I know this chapter is an awful lot shorter than my last ones. So tell me, would you rather I posted shorter chapters more often or longer ones with more of a wait?**


	25. A secret worth keeping

**First of all I'm really sorry this has taken me so long. I got a message a couple days back which kicked my ass into gear by asking if I'd given up on writing this fic. Well the answer to that is I definitely haven't and I'm sorry for the wait. **

**Recap:**

"**I might see him," Harry breathed in wonder. "If I go with you to the lake when you transform, I might see Sirius again." **

**He was holding onto Connor again in excitement.**

"**You have no idea what this means to me!"**

*******

Harry had never realised how long it took for his dorm mates to go to sleep. By half past nine he was itching for them to shower and change, but so far they showed no signs of beginning to do so. Theo was sat, crossed legged on his bed leaning against the wall. He was reading a parchment closely, seemingly oblivious to everyone around him. The other two boys were lounging on their beds, flicking through Jasper's old Quidditch magazines.

There was a sudden creak of ancient bed springs as Jasper got to his feet heading over to the door.

Harry couldn't help himself. "Where are you going, _now_?" he demanded in an annoyed tone.

_Would they never just go to sleep, so he and Connor could slip out?_

"To the common room," Jasper replied hesitantly, his eyes darting towards Harry, almost as if he were asking for permission. He'd always been wary of upsetting Harry and this had only increased since his fight with Draco.

Harry noticed Connor shooting him a slightly pointed look.

_Ok. I get it. It's not that late._

After registering that Harry didn't seem to object to his departure, Jasper tentatively opened the door and made his way out.

Harry slumped back on his bed with a sigh.

"You know, you should probably just have it out with him," Connor commented idly, from his position sprawled on his stomach.

"What?"

"Jasper -that whole Malfoy business."

"Oh."

_So Jasper feels guilty? Well he bloody well should do! That reminds me though..._

Harry turned to look at Theo. He was still reading the letter closely. _Is he really not listening, or does he just hide it well?_

"I'm sorry about earlier by the way."

Theo lowered the letter an inch and looked at Harry disdainfully.

"I know it wasn't you who was spreading stuff about me. I shouldn't have jumped to the conclusion that it was. Oh and I never actually said anything about you to Snape."

"Whatever, Potter."

No emotion registered in Theo's cool gaze as his amber eyes flickered back to his letter.

_Perhaps it's a Slytherin trait to act as though an apology is worthless, _Harry thought to himself. _Or perhaps it's just when they come from me. Oh well, I can't really blame him for being pissed off, I guess._

Harry sighed again, flicking through his Transfiguration book, without taking any of it in.

_It's already dark outside. Perhaps Sirius is there now, down by the lake, at this very moment. I wonder why he hadn't owled me? He's got to have been in serious trouble, to have been missing for so long. Perhaps he's injured, I did have that dream where he was hurt so badly...but that wouldn't explain why he couldn't come into the castle. He's got to be avoiding Dumbledore for some reason..._

Harry laid his book down again restlessly with another impatient sigh. He knew there was no point in bothering to read, nothing would be able to hold his attention tonight.

All of a sudden Connor sat up straight and reached down beside his bed.

"Harry, think fast!"

He lobbed a small, golden ball, which after veering in a dramatic loop, zoomed towards Harry.

Harry caught it automatically and examined it. It was a snitch toy in training mode. He'd seen one being used before in the Gryffindor common room although technically they weren't designed to be used in such a confined space.

He tossed it back towards Connor.

"I don't want to play."

"C'mon I'm so bored, I'm losing my mind," Connor begged. "Anyway,' he reminded him lightly, 'no one's gonna be ready to sleep for ages yet."

He threw the snitch towards Harry again.

_Yeah, ok, I get it. Try to act normal._

"Isn't this Jasper's?" Harry inquired as he lobbed it back at him.

Connor seemed to be helping himself liberally to Jasper's possessions at the moment. Not that the timid boy ever objected.

"So?" Connor replied with a disarming grin as his return nearly knocked the letter out of Theo's hand. "It isn't stealing if he gets it back in one piece."

"Yeah _if _he does," Harry repeated as Connor missed his return which rebounded off the wall and into the bed post.

"Trying to put me off my game by insulting me?" Connor said with mock indignation. "Just you wait, golden boy!"

***

It wasn't until forty minutes has passed and several hasty _Repairo _spells had been cast that they all eventually began to get ready for bed.

In the end it was half eleven before they were finally able to sneak out.

Harry had had great difficulty restraining himself from slipping out of bed the instant that Jasper began snoring gently, but he already knew how lightly Theo slept and wanted to be absolutely certain it was safe before he made his move.

Eventually Harry felt he could risk it. Inching across the room on his tiptoes, he made his way to Connor's bed using the faintest _Lumos_ possible.

"Connor," he breathed in his ear. "It's time."

There was no response. The boy had actually drifted into a deep sleep while he'd been waiting.

Frustrated, Harry muttered a silencing spell and reached out a hand to shake him slightly.

"Connor! Come on. Get dressed," he told him quietly.

They'd both stashed clothes and footwear beneath their beds earlier. Connor quickly threw on trousers and a thick jumper.

As he slipped his shoes on Connor strained his eyes trying to make out what Harry was holding in his hands. He motioned at the small bundle, "Is that..."

Harry nodded and gestured towards the door.

As soon as they were outside the dorm, Harry shook the invisibility cloak out for Connor to see.

"Wow. That's some cloak."

"Come on." Harry urged him. "We can both fit underneath, until we get outside."

"I usually just transform in here."

"And risk people wondering why a crow is flying around the castle?" Harry objected.

Connor shrugged. "People have all sorts of animals as familiars. Sod it, I guess I can wait till we're outside." He slipped under the cloak. "Bloody hell, you can see perfectly through this."

"Yes," Harry replied with a grin._ I suppose I do kind of take the cloak for granted, I'm so used to it._ "We still need to be quiet though, I'm not sure how long my silencing charm will last."

They made their way down to the main castle entrance in silence.

"Do you just go out there?" Harry asked.

"Yeah."

"And you don't get caught."

"I didn't say that. I don't _always_ get caught. I do sometimes, usually by Snape but once by Filch. You got any better way out?"

Harry shrugged.

"Come on then," he reached a hand out under his robe towards the handle. Moments later they were out in the moonlight.

"Ok, here's when I transform," Connor muttered before Harry saw the outline of his body shimmer lightly and the cloak flap loosely against his diminished form. With a slight flutter of wings Connor pressed against the cloak edge, which Harry lifted to free him.

Alone in the cloak Harry watched as the crow turned and cocked his head from side to side, as he scanned the area. It seemed a very human gesture on the avian form. Connor was obviously looking to see where Harry was, although, of course, there was no way he could he could hope to see him through the cloak.

Harry headed towards the lake but Connor remained rooted at the same spot.

"Come on," Harry said in impatient tones not slowing his pace. "The lake remember?"

Connor obviously heard that well enough as he smoothly soared into the air and from that moment on it was Harry was jogging to keep up with him for all that he kept looping back.

***

When they were down by the lake, Harry stood at the edge of the bank close to the water. He was still covered by the invisibility cloak, so there was no way anyone could see he was there. Overhead Connor circled, scanning the area repeatedly.

Eventually he swept down to land in front of Harry.

"No sign?"

The crow shimmered briefly before Connor appeared in front of Harry once more in his human form.

"None," he confirmed with a wide yawn, looking at the empty space where he knew Harry must be.

Harry rubbed his head with the palm of his hand beneath the cloak.

"You know, I don't think it's cloudy enough."

"I'm sorry?"

"In my dream, when I saw Sirius, it was cloudier than it is here tonight. Windier too, I think."

"Now you tell me."

Beside them something rustled in the bushes at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. The two boys looked at each other, then, Harry moved towards the sound.

"Sirius?"

"_What are you doing, Harry?_"

Ignoring Connor, Harry pushed his way into the thick undergrowth, disappearing completely from sight. Inside the forest it seemed much darker. Whatever had been moving in the bushes seemed to have fled.

_Oh well, I've come this far. _

Wand at the ready, should he need it, Harry pushed further in.

Suddenly, Harry noticed the outline of someone, or something, a short way off. He froze on the spot, his heart beating rapidly.

_That's not Sirius. _

The massive form seemed to be staring right at him. It snorted and sniffed the air a few times, seemingly confused at smelling a creature it could not see.

"Harry?!"

Connor's voice cut through the night and the beast pricked it's ears up.

_No!_

Deliberately nosily, Harry knocked against the bushes beside him as he turned and ran. He veered further into the forest determined to lead the animal away from where Connor was waiting.

Scrambling through the undergrowth, it was almost pitch black apart from where gaps in the trees let in small fragments of moonlight. Rushing, Harry tripped against a tree root he couldn't see and landed with a jolt catching himself mostly on his left wrist. Picking himself, and the invisibility cloak, up he realised it was a good thing he hadn't landed on his other arm as he might have broken his wand.

"For fecks sake, _Harry_?!"

"I'm here," Harry's dishevelled form emerged from the forest some way off. He cradled his hand.

"Are you ok? Are you ready to go?"

Harry gave one last glance behind him._ Somewhere out here Sirius is hiding, perhaps not in the forest, but somewhere. _

"Please, Harry. We'll come back."

_He's alive and I will see him again. I just need to be patient._

"Harry?"

"Let's go," he said throwing the cloak over himself once more.

***

The next morning Connor smothered a yawn as he headed down to breakfast, glancing sideways at Harry as he did so. Apart from the shadows under his eyes, Harry showed no sign that he'd missed out on sleep the night before. He was definitely better at coping with tiredness than Connor was, in spite of the fact that he'd obviously woken up early as well. In fact by the time Jasper had shaken Connor awake Harry had already been up, showered and dressed.

"How's your hand?" Connor asked in an undertone as they headed along the corridor.

Harry looked at him blankly for a moment as he struggled to pull himself back from his own thoughts.

"S'alright," he replied with a shrug.

_Certainly not bad enough to go to Poppy,_ Harry thought wryly as he headed into the main hall for breakfast. _I'd rather not unleash a load of questions about how I managed to hurt myself._

He darted a quick glance towards the Professor's table to check that Snape was back in one piece from last night's meeting. Satisfied, he took the chair Ron had saved him and reached for his pumpkin juice with his good hand. He replayed the previous night's events in his head as he absent-mindedly sipped his drink.

"...Harry?" he caught his name but he'd been oblivious to whatever Hermione'd been saying.

"Are you alright?" she said sounding concerned.

"Fine," he replied automatically before lowering his voice and glancing at his injured wrist. "Well. That is... I'm ok, but do you think you could cast that healing spell you were practising the other day?'

Ron and Hermione shared a quick glance.

"You really should go to Poppy," Hermione said eventually after taking a look at his wrist. "How did you do this?"

"No. No Poppy. I don't want her to start asking questions... and I'm ok really."

"Harry. You can talk to us." Ron's voice came out a bit gruffly. "About anything, you know. You can trust us, whatever it is."

"I _do _know that," Harry replied earnestly, beginning to feeling guilty that they were both worrying about him. "Look, not here, alright?"

Across the room, from the Slytherin table, Connor watched as the three of them abandoned their breakfasts and left the table.

***

"I don't think that's worked properly," Hermione said biting her lip. "I think you needed the spell earlier for the swelling to be relieved."

They were huddled in one of the empty classrooms beside the Great Hall.

"Well, it feels much better," Harry told her honestly. "Thanks."

"So what happened?" Ron asked.

"I, uh, fell over. Last night," Harry said wishing with all his might that they wouldn't demand to know all the details.

"How- where did you fall- how did it happen?" Ron asked again.

"Look, it's not that I don't trust you both, but I promised I wouldn't say anything...and I'm ok honestly, I am."

"Harry, is this to do with Sirius?" Hermione said carefully as she watched his face intently. "I'm right aren't I? You've heard from him. That's how you hurt yourself, you went to get a message to him or meet him or something last night?"

"I really can't talk about it..." Harry tried to say firmly, but his eyes shone with the confirmation his mouth denied.

"Oh Harry," Hermione hugged him tightly. "This _is_ the best news ever."

Ron too seemed caught up in the emotional current in the room. He slapped Harry on the shoulder a couple times; affectionate in his own awkward way.

"Mate. I'm bloody pleased for you, I know how much Sirius means to you..."

Abruptly the door slammed open and Connor was stood in the entrance his presence shattering the moment.

"Ten_ fecking_ minutes," he told Harry furiously, his accent becoming broader as he raged. "You _promised _me you wouldn't say anything, but you lasted the whole of ten minutes."

Harry'd never seen the Irish boy looking so angry before. He'd rarely seen him looking serious but right now he was simply seething. His slim frame was taut with tension and his knuckles were clenched tightly by his sides. He'd obviously overheard Ron's last comment and assumed that Harry had told them everything.

"Look, Connor..."

"No, I'm not fecking listening to anything you have to say any more. You're a goddamn liar and I'm not having it, you're on your own with your bloody dreams now and I hope it was worth it."

The door slammed behind him as he stormed out.

"I'm sorry. I'd better go after him..." Harry darted a look of brief apology to his flummoxed friends before heading after him.

***

"Connor."

"Stay the feck away from me, I'm warning you."

They were back at their dorm on their own. Jasper and Theo were either still eating or on their way to Charms.

"I didn't tell them anything," Harry said patiently.

"Like hell you didn't."

"Honestly," Harry walked right up to Connor and stood beside where he was sat on his bed.

"They guessed it was to do with my Godfather but I never said anything. And they had no idea that you were involved with this."

Connor sprang to his feet fiercely.

"They just guessed? How in the name of Merlin did they _guess_ that you were trying to meet your _deceased_ Godfather?"

Harry didn't back away.

"They knew I was happy," he explained quietly. "I didn't hide the fact that something brilliant had happened."

Connor studied his face and eventually seemed to calm down a little.

"You're fecking shit at keeping secrets, golden boy," he said at last.

"Hey, you're the one who just blurted everything out. We're gonna have to tell them now. They know it's to do with you."

"We can just say I went with you. That you told me about your dream and we slipped out to see if it came true."

"That won't explain why you just bit my head off for giving away your secret," Harry pointed out. "You can trust them, Connor. Honestly, you can. I'd trust them with my life."

Connor seemed to come to a decision. He let out a great sigh.

"We'll talk to them later. But _I_ want to tell them and if I decide I don't trust them you keep your gob shut, right?"

Harry nodded.

Connor still didn't look very happy about the situation but at least he'd calmed down. Wordlessly they made their way to Charms where Harry smiled briefly at his friends to reassure them that everything was alright before he sat down.

The second lesson that morning was potions which Harry felt slightly apprehensive about. Although the days of Snape legilimising him to find out what he was thinking were behind them he had a sneaking suspicion that he'd realise that_ something_ was up as soon as he looked at him. And he had a very real concern that he'd blurt everything out, if Snape pressed him about it.

With his mind continually drifting back to Sirius, Harry struggled with the nutrient potion which they were making and kept relying on Hermione to prompt him. When even Ron nudged him to stop him from adding an ingredient at the wrong time, Harry realised he was all over the place. Catching sight of Snape's dark eyes resting on him for a moment he knew he needed to shape up.

It was difficult though, as when he wasn't thinking about last night his mind kept flickering back to his dreams about his Godfather. He couldn't stop himself from thinking about what he would do when he saw Sirius again. He would throw himself at him for an enormous hug and then they would talk for hours. They had so much to discuss. And whatever Sirius' current problems were they would work through them together. Harry tried hard to keep his expression neutral and restrain himself from smiling too much. _Concentrate_, he chided himself mentally_. You've lasted this long. You can hold on a little longer to see him._

With an enormous amount of effort Harry tried his best to focus on the task at hand. His potion was looking decidedly cloudy and not at all like Hermione's smooth, royal blue. Perhaps if he added a little more powdered dertal stalks than the instructions said...

"Argh!" Harry quickly tried to smoother his yelp of pain.

Where he'd been trying to concentrate upon his work, he hadn't noticed Neville reaching across him to borrow Hermione's potion book. As he'd reached for the dertal stalks Neville had knocked against him clumsily. It wasn't a particularly hard blow, but it had struck his sore wrist and it brought tears to Harry's eyes.

"Sorry, mate." Neville stared at him in concern.

Harry shook his head, needing a moment before he could speak.

"S'ok. My fault." He said through gritted teeth, turning back to the potion.

"What happened to your hand?" Neville whispered, looking aghast at the swelling.

"Nothing, shutup," Harry said quickly, looking to make sure Snape hadn't seen but luckily he was at the other end of the room looking at Draco's work.

The rest of the lesson seemed to take an eternity for Harry as his wrist throbbed incessantly. For a moment he considered asking Snape to help him before he noticed Connor watching him once more. _I'll get Hermione to cast the healing spell again, _he decided_. Anyway I can always go to Pomfrey later if it gets worse._

When the lesson ended Harry shoved his books into his bag ready for a quick getaway. He felt a sinking feeling, therefore, when Snape sharply called him back.

"Mr Potter, wait behind."

"Um, it's lunchtime, can I speak to you later?" he asked desperately.

Severus raised one eyebrow, not even deigning his question with a verbal response.

"Close the door behind you, Mr Weasley, Miss Grainger," he ordered them pointedly.

Harry watched with his heart sinking as they closed the door, leaving him alone in the room with Snape. He swallowed nervously.

"Is everything alright, Harry?"

"Huh?" The genuine concern in Severus' voice had totally disarmed him.

"It was unfortunate that other commitments meant I wasn't able to be here for our training session last night. I know you were looking forward to practising the shields. But I also need you to tell me what's happened."

"What do you mean?" Harry tried to buy himself some time.

"You seem distracted, more so than usual. Is something wrong?"

"I'm fine honestly... that is... apart from the fact that I'm _really_ tired at the moment," Harry amended impulsively. _Hermione and Ron guessed that something was up when I seemed overly happy. I won't make that mistake again._

"You've been sleeping poorly again?"

"Yeah. Waking up quite a bit," Harry elaborated. _Well it's nearly true, apart from the fact that I don't think I even drifted off to sleep in the first place last night,_ he thought.

"Have you been having more dreams?"

Harry shook his head. "No, the lack of sleep is just making me a bit scatty though. I know I messed up the potion, I'm sorry."

Severus' dark eyes studied him carefully. "Forget about the potion, it isn't important."

Harry almost choked at Snape saying a ruined potion didn't matter but was immediately distracted at the Professor's next words.

"Now, show me your arm."

_Shit, he did notice my wrist, _Harry realised._ Bloody Neville. Why can't he watch where he's going or remember his own text book, next time?_

Reluctantly Harry lifted his left arm gingerly and held it out.

Severus examined it gently with his deft, long fingers and Harry tried his best not to wince at even the faintest touch.

"You didn't do this today." It was a statement rather than a question but somehow Harry felt compelled to answer.

"Last night. Mucking about with Connor, I fell."

"You didn't go to Madam Pomfrey?"

"I, uh, well. I knew I'd see you this morning and was going to ask you for a potion, if I needed it."

Severus slowly raised his eyes, from the injured arm and looked directly at him.

"I can see an attempt has been made to heal your wrist, poorly I might add."

Harry was suddenly very glad that Hermione wasn't witnessing this conversation.

"Um, yeah. It kind of got bumped during the lesson though..."

"Well if there's damage to be done, we can rest assured that Longbottom will find a way." Severus said scathingly before slowly realising Harry's wrist and striding into his cupboard. He returned almost immediately with an assortment of bottles and jars.

"Drink this," he handed Harry a pain relieving potion before opening a jar.

Carefully he rubbed the sticky, paste onto Harry's wrist which tingled before cooling sharply.

Pointing his wand at the wrist, Severus murmured the healing incantation once more.

Rubbing another paste into his skin, this time more vigorously, the potions master eventually seemed satisfied.

"How does that feel?"

Harry nodded, "Good thanks."

"You should advise Miss Granger that a standard healing spell will only offer temporary relief where swelling is present. Particularly in cases where the injury has been left untreated for some hours since it was first sustained."

"Oh."

"Next time, I expect you to seek assistance straight away."

"Yeah, ok. Thanks."

"So should we reschedule our training for this evening?"

"Oh. Um, yeah, that sounds good." _Although right now training is the last thing on my mind._

Snape looked at Harry carefully again, as if he was considering saying something else, but in the end he just said, "Eight o'clock then, Harry, in my rooms."

***

The three of them were waiting for Harry in the corridor outside. Ron and Hermione were stood on one side of the door with Connor a few paces away, a clear physical divide separating him from the other two.

"It's ok," Harry reassured Connor. "He healed my wrist but I didn't say anything."

His eyes drifted to his two best friends.

"How about we have some lunch and then bunk off History of magic to go somewhere that we can talk?" he suggested.

It was a sign of just how eager Hermione was to hear the news that she didn't object to skipping the class.

***

Harry showed Connor how to enter the room of requirements where Ron and Hermione were already waiting for them. When they entered the room bore obvious signs of Hermione's wishes as it was furnished identically to the library, complete down to the shelves of real books and a long table at which they could all sit together.

"So," Ron said simply when they entered. "Can you tell us now? Everything that's been going on?"

Harry glanced at Connor, who stood next to the table observing them coolly.

"The thing is this isn't just my secret. Part of it is to do with Connor..." Harry's voice trailed off, not wanting to overstep the mark._ Didn't he say he wanted to be the one to decide when to tell them?_

"You need to promise not to say anything," Harry said at last. "Otherwise he won't tell you."

Ron frowned, "Of course I won't say anything. If you say we should keep this secret, I won't say a word."

Hermione nodded, "That goes for me as well."

Harry bit his lip as Connor watched them intently. He knew and trusted Ron and Hermione, they were like family to him. But how could he convince Connor who barely knew any of them, that they wouldn't give his secret away?

There was a long pause as Connor seemed to be considering his options, staring first at Ron and then Hermione. Then all at once, something suddenly clicked in Harry's mind. The way Connor was watching them, with that cool, calculating manner, it reminded him of Snape...

Furiously Harry dragged Connor aside and cast a silencing charm.

"Did you just Legilimise my friends?" He demanded angrily.

"I have to know what's going on in their minds. I need to know if they're likely to give me away." Connor replied unapologetically.

"So you decide to legilimise them? You've got a bloody nerve, what if you'd hurt them? How do you even know about legilimency anyway?"

"What do you mean _hurt them_?" Connor replied incredulously. "And you already know I was home schooled, so we didn't exactly follow a prescribed curriculum. More to the point how do _you _know about occlumency?"

"You...I knew I felt something on my shield yesterday.' Harry was outraged. 'You used legilimency on me!"

"Your _shield?_ That's a good one. I don't know what the feck that is you're using but it's not any normal kind of occlumency, I tell you that."

"Harry?" Hermione had got up and moved over towards them. They could hear her perfectly well although she had no way of hearing anything they said.

Harry breathed deeply, trying to calm down.

"Ok. _You need to trust them_. You're just going to have to believe me when I say they won't spread anything."

"I've been keeping this a secret my whole life, Harry."

"They won't let you down. I swear they won't, now can I tell them?"

"Knock yourself out," Connor countered the silencing spell. "Go on then, golden boy. Tell them everything."

***

**Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing. It's much appreciated.**

**Oh and I have posted up the first couple of chapters of another story I'm writing called 'Freakery' on Fanfiction if anyone is interested. It's very different though as it's set in the first year of Hogwarts with a Harry who doesn't want to be magical...**


	26. Premonitions

"So you've been having strange dreams, kind of premonitions?" Hermione paraphrased after listening to Harry's explanation. "And that's how you found out Sirius was alive?"

"Yes, in my dream I saw him with Connor down by the lake. That's how I hurt myself last night, I fell over after we'd sneaked out to try to see him."

"So you haven't _actually_ seen or heard from him yet? For real, I mean."

"Just in the dream."

"Oh." Hermione and Ron shared a quick glance.

"Um, Harry?" Ron's voice sounded troubled. "How do you know that your dreams... well ...aren't just dreams? You were pretty close to your Godfather – it'd be perfectly natural for you to be dreaming that he's alive."

Harry shook his head confidently.

"No. For a start, the dreams are completely different to normal. I'm actually there_ in_ the dreams and everything is more intense somehow, the sounds, colours, movements... I actually _feel _what's happening. They're more real than real life somehow... And then there's Connor."

Ron and Hermione's gazes moved to rest upon the tall, Irish boy who seemed to stiffen as Harry prepared to tell his secret, although he didn't protest.

"One of my strange dreams was about a Crow..."

"_One _of your dreams? How many of these premonitions have you had?" Hermione interrupted.

"The rest don't matter," Harry said dismissively. "The one about the Crow is important though. Anyway I kept seeing it, over and over again, until I thought I was actually going mad. It wasn't until yesterday that I said something about the Crow to Connor..."

"He nearly brained me with a tooth-mug." Connor interjected.

"...and then he showed me who the Crow really was."

Connor stood up and after a slight pause transformed.

Ron and Hermione watched agog as he then transformed back to his human form.

"So I knew then," Harry said earnestly, "my dreams weren't random." He stood up and paced the floor in excitement. "I've been seeing _real_ stuff, and I saw the Crow with Padfoot and realised that's going to happen. Sirius is alive and will be coming back to the grounds of Hogwarts," Harry ended with a note of finality.

_And no one can argue with that._

_***_

Apart from Hermione and Ron it seemed, as they proceeded to spend the following three quarters of an hour bombarding Harry with concerned questions.

"The thing is, Harry," Ron had said sounding uncomfortable, "you sound so sure that this is all going to happen, but just because one of your dreams comes true doesn't mean they all will."

"How can you know that your mind isn't just showing you what you want to see?" Hermione had also added.

A lump formed in Harry's throat as he stared at them both.

"I thought you were happy for me," he said quietly. "You know what this means to me."

"Don't get us wrong, this'd be great news... _if_ it's true. We just don't want you to be disappointed if it's not..."

"We thought you'd actually _seen_ Sirius, Harry. That you had _actual proof_ he was still alive..."

"What about him!" Harry cried pointing at Connor.

"Well yes," Hermione said hesitantly, "there is that. But honestly Harry, no offense, you were always dreadful at Divination. You've said so yourself! And you and Ron used to make up all your premonitions. So you can't blame us for being a bit surprised by all this."

Connor raised his eyebrows at that. "Well you know why that's changed, don't you?" he said.

They all looked at him.

"You know," he repeated as if the answer was totally obvious.

"What?"

"Occluding," he replied sounding puzzled that Harry hadn't worked it out.

"Lots of wizards unleash their seer abilities to their full potential for the first time after they've learnt occlumency. I mean, it's hardly common, but scarcely unheard of. It's actually one of the very reasons that some people learn occlumency in the first place. You _must_ know this already. Didn't Dumbledore tell you?"

"No, Dumbledore never mentioned it while he was teaching me occlumency," Harry replied hurriedly, hoping that Ron and Hermione would understand enough to leave Severus' name out of it.

"Well you must have read about occlumency? Any decent text would mention it!"

_I only read the bits that Severus told me to_, Harry realised.

"I didn't have a clue," he said out loud.

_Although now things make a lot more sense. Like the fact that my nightmares don't go away after occluding like they should do. Why didn't Severus tell me?_

***

Realising that Harry didn't trust Connor fully, Hermione held on until after dinner that evening when Connor was in detention and the three of them were huddled in a corner of the Gryffindor common room to finish her questions.

"When are you going to tell Snape what's going on?"

"He knows about the dreams," Harry replied. "But I don't think he realises they're premonitions. He certainly never suggested that they were to me."

"So why haven't you told him, now that you know? I'm sure there's got to be a way you would manage to do so without giving away Connor's secret. Then he could help you meet Sirius." Hermione asked watching him closely.

Ron answered for him. "Are you completely mad? Snape and Sirius hate each other!"

Harry nodded slightly, "I must admit, that's kind of what I've been thinking. I mean I trust Snape now, I really do, and if it was about _anyone_ else, I'd tell him. But I can't help thinking if Sirius creeps back here to see me and is met by Snape he'd go again!"

"Well, Dumbledore then," Hermione suggested, "I just don't think it's a good idea for you and Connor to be sneaking off to the lake at night."

"If Sirius had wanted Dumbledore to know he was here he'd come into the castle," Harry reasoned. "If he's skulking around by the lake he obviously wants to keep it private that he's here. That's why we need to go to him."

"I don't know," Ron looked very uncertain. "If you've seen what's going to happen, Padfoot meeting the Crow, then you shouldn't need to set it up, should you? I mean it'll just _happen_ won't it?"

"But it was only the two of them in my dream," Harry said patiently. "I _saw_ it happen but I wasn't there with them. And there's no way I'm going to miss seeing Sirius again."

Harry fought to cover a yawn and settled back against the foot of the sofa he was leaning against.

"So are you both really going out again tonight?" Hermione asked. "You look exhausted!"

"I'll be fine," Harry said his voice muffled by another yawn. " Really, I will."

"I'd say take a nap before bedtime but it's already half-past eight..." Hermione continued to fuss.

Hastily Harry clamoured to his feet.

"Shit. I completely forgot. I was supposed to meet Snape at eight. I'd better go."

He headed towards the door but glanced back over his shoulder to smile at them in spite of his exhaustion.

"I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow!"

***

It was twenty-five to nine by the time that a breathless Harry finally arrived at Severus' rooms.

"I'm sorry," he gasped collapsing onto a seat. "It slipped my mind."

Severus glanced up from the book that he'd been making notes from.

"Don't let it happen again," he said sounding displeased.

"So what are we doing tonight? More _Langlock_?"

"I think we'll try to move onto a non-verbal _Protego_," Severus replied, setting his book aside and standing up.

"Oh right." Harry also stood and fought to smoother another yawn.

"I want you to imagine what it felt like to cast the _Finite_ to _Langlock _non-verbally. When you have that clearly in your mind draw up your shield."

_Right. Protego. Here goes then._

They stood silently for a few minutes while Harry struggled to keep his mind on the task.

"Harry?"

"Sorry." Harry rubbed his eyes and couldn't stop a yawn escaping.

"Are you up to doing this now?" Severus asked pointedly.

"I'm just tired. Don't supposed there's any chance you could give me some more Pepper-up?" Harry answered hopefully.

"Not at this time of night, no." Severus answered irritably. "Perhaps we should leave this till another day?"

"No, honestly. I can do this. Just give me a second."

Forcing himself to forget about all his thoughts of Padfoot and the lake, Harry closed his eyes and concentrated hard on willing his shield to appear in front of him. At first nothing happened and he frowned and tightened his grip on his wand. Drawing up his occlumency shield to it's fullest degree he forced his mind to focus as he tried once again.

_Protego._

"Yes!" He'd been delighted to see the evidence of his transparent shield shimmering slightly in the air before him upon opening his eyes. "I did it!"

"Quite so, Harry," Severus replied dourly, "now let's see you do it again, quicker, without closing your eyes and whilst defending yourself from attack."

And with a wave of his wand Severus sent the furniture a few metres back and took a step towards Harry.

"Are you ready?"

"Um. I think so?"

Severus sighed and fired off a _Jelly-legs_ jinx towards him. Aware that his shield was going to be too slow, Harry stepped out of the way automatically.

"What are you doing?" the professor demanded.

"Sorry."

Harry brandished his wand more firmly.

"I'm ready," he said.

This time Harry managed to get his shield up but not quite quickly enough to totally deflect Severus' _Tarantallegra_. He ended up dancing a jig for a few moments before casting _finite_.

"I'm going to cast a stinging-hex this time so you might want to try and be quicker."

Harry practically threw himself out of the way this time.

Severus frowned.

"Sorry!" Harry gasped, "I can't help it. I'm trying so hard not to shout out _Protego_ that I forget not to duck out of the way!"

"Well there's an easy answer to that."

This time Severus fired off a series of stinging hexes all around Harry, which were impossible to dodge.

Fumbling the spell once more, Harry shield was too slow and he was hit by at least four hexes. Thankfully they were fairly light and only caused him to wince for a minute or two.

"Shit. I mean sorry... sorry." Harry was frustrated with himself. "Can you try again, only this time not stinging-hexes please?"

Severus raised his eyebrows, smirking slightly, "as you wish."

For the first time Harry managed the spell successfully, casting his shield around himself in time to prevent Severus' _Ventus_ jinx, which was fortunate as it appeared to be exceedingly strong from the way the curtains were blown around.

"Finally," Severus said but he sounded pleased and Harry was momentarily happy before the Professor unleashed a further stream of jinxes upon him.

After Harry'd ended up collapsed on the floor for the third time from the _Jelly-legs_ jinx and been stung twice more Severus eventually decided it was time to call it a night.

Relieved Harry lay back on the floor waiting for his legs to start working again. A few minutes later he staggered over to the sofa he threw himself down opposite the armchair where Severus was sat.

"I think I was getting the hang of it a bit then, towards the end," Harry said massaging his calf and reaching out for the glass of water Severus had conjured for him.

"You were... satisfactory for a beginner." Severus replied. He'd actually been quite impressed eventually although he was loath to compliment too freely. "We will continue the lesson tomorrow."

"Sounds good. Um Severus, I was talking to Connor today about occluding."

"For what purpose?"

"He learnt the basics of it when he was being tutored at home and of Legilimency too."

"I see," Severus studied Harry carefully for a moment. "I trust my name did not arise during the conversation?"

Harry shook his head.

"No, I did say that Dumbledore had been teaching me to occlude though."

"It would have been better not to mention that you were learning at all," Severus commented. "But if that information does get passed on I suppose it will be no more than what the Dark Lord would expect. I will make a point of informing him about it myself at the next opportunity._"_

_More brownie points for you, _Harry thought_, and perhaps it's also a good defensive measure to avoid being crucio'd if the news __**did**__ get back to Voldemort and you __**hadn't**__ told him._

Harry wanted to explain he hadn't intended to tell Connor anything, but that he hadn't much choice after he'd tried to legilimise him. However he didn't want to get Connor into trouble so he simply said: "I don't think he'll gossip about it."

Severus nodded.

"Um, Severus?" Harry tried again.

He felt distinctly uncomfortable bringing up the subject of his dreams when he was keeping the whole Padfoot thing secret but this question was bothering him.

"Yes?"

"Well...why didn't you tell me that occlumency makes people have premonitions?"

Severus looked surprised. He certainly hadn't expected that.

"What makes you think it does?"

"Connor said so."

"Well he's wrong, it doesn't _make_ you have premonitions." Severus sighed. "It is true however that it can unleash latent seer abilities, if for some reason your mind is blocking them from you."

"So why didn't you tell me that before?"

"It hardly seemed relevant."

"But the dreams I've been having... they've been since I've been able to occlude."

"Harry," Severus leaned towards him slightly, his dark eyes full of compassion. "Your dreams are not premonitions; they're an expression of your greatest hopes and fears. Think carefully. You've dreamt about being grievously wounded, going back to your relatives, Sirius being alive and later back at Hogwarts. The only one which doesn't have an obvious explanation is the Crow."

"But what if they _are_ true?" Harry said in a low voice. "Maybe they just haven't happened yet."

"Harry. There's no way in the world you are ever going back to your relatives, not after what has happened. It wouldn't make any sense. As for your Godfather, well, I'm afraid that we would have heard something by now if he were alive."

"Hmm."

Harry lay back on the sofa again and rested his eyes. He thought back to when his Godfather'd gone missing. He'd screamed at Severus that he must be glad he was dead, although he'd vigorously denied it. _I wonder_ _how he will actually feel when Sirius turns up again?_

"You ought to go to bed if you're that tired."

"In a minute," Harry murmured without opening his eyes.

He was so tired. Harry could feel himself falling asleep, but the feeling was too pleasant to fight against. The occasional swish of paper told him that Severus had started reading his book again. The sofa felt incredibly comfortable beneath him. He'd just have a quick nap before creeping out to see Sirius.

_Suddenly everything changed. The room became a blur as he was shaken violently by both shoulders._

_Harry felt like he was being deafened by his teeth rattling inside his head before he was abruptly released and went flying backwards, hurtling painfully into the wall behind him. _

_His heart beat crazily as Severus slowly crossed the room to kneel down beside where he was sprawled in a bruised heap. A powerful hand shot out to relentlessly jerk Harry's chin up, leaving him no choice but to look up into the black eyes which were glittering dangerously in front of him._

_Harry gave a gulp as he fought to choke back a sob. He could sense how furious Severus was, but that was to be expected. What he desperately needed was the opportunity to explain everything. Just a slither of forgiveness or understanding would be enough. Ten minutes, just ten minutes for them to talk and perhaps things could be mended._

_ After all, it wasn't as if he wasn't owed an explanation too._

_There was a pregnant pause as th__ey both strugg__led to catch their breath. What happened next would be crucial for them both._

"_I'm sorry," he croaked. "Please forgive me?"_

"_Forgive you?! You miserable, little fool, I __hate__ you for what you've done," Severus said coldly. _

Harry woke abruptly. He sat upright all of a sudden, his hands cradling his back and shoulder although the pain had dissipated immediately.

"Harry?" Barely two feet away from him Severus was sat calmly holding his book in his hand, oblivious to the scene Harry had just been part of.

A deep sense of hurt engulfed Harry as he scrambled to his feet.

_What the hell was that about?_

"Are you alright? Was it a nightmare?"

"No, I'm fine," he replied shortly making his way to the door rapidly. "I'm going to bed."

_I hate you for what you've done._

"Harry," Severus had reached out for something and was stood up now, walking towards him.

_I would never physically chastise you._

"Here," Severus held a book out towards him now. It was all he could do to not cringe away.

_It was not my intention to hurt you._

"It's the book on non-verbal magic I was telling you about. Harry, why don't you sit back down and tell me what's bothering you?"

Harry forced a weak smile and took the book.

"Honestly, I'm ok. Just over-tired. I'll see you tomorrow."

***

His dorm was empty when he got back there. The others were probably still in the common room, although it was possible that Connor was still in detention with Filch. Harry threw himself on his bed.

_So I've had another dream- premonition- even and Snape's mad it me in it. So what? So he shakes me and throws me against a wall. I'm hardly a delicate, little kid, am I? I've survived Crucio for heaven's sake. I've survived bloody worse from my Uncle, even. So why the hell am I so upset?_

_You miserable, little fool._

_I hate you for what you've done. _

_Fuck it. Maybe it was just a bloody dream. Nothing more._

***

**Hey everyone, sorry it's been so long (again). The good news is that I have a bit more time atm and have already started the next chapter so it should hopefully be up within a week.**

**Anyway if you'd like to drop me a review and let me know if you're still reading that would be great for the motivation. **

**Oh and just in case anyone's interested I updated my other fic, Freakery, with chapter 3 a couple weeks back. **


	27. Another moonlit night

Placing his glasses on the cabinet beside the bed, Harry kicked his shoes off and shuffled fully dressed under his duvet. He pulled the curtains around his bed and buried his aching head into his pillow.

_I can't think about any of this. Not now. It's too much._

Somehow, in spite of, or perhaps as a result of his splintered emotions Harry fell into an uneasy sleep. He stirred when his roommates came in but didn't rise to greet them. He could do without facing anyone just now. Luckily it was late and they got ready for bed without disturbing him.

Struggling to keep his eyes open, Harry hoped that Connor would come good on their agreement from earlier. He'd promised to be the one who would stay alert this time and wake Harry when they could creep out, although after yesterday Harry wasn't confident that he would manage to do so. In the end Harry felt so drained that he had little choice. Giving up on the battle to stay awake, his eyelids closed once more. His body seemed to be sinking into the mattress from the sheer weight of his physical and emotional exhaustion.

It felt like the middle of the night by the time that Connor gently shook him awake. At once everything flooded back to Harry but he felt better for his short nap, more in control; in any case the prospect of seeing Sirius again made everything bearable.

"Harry, you awake?"

Harry could see the faint indistinct outline of Connor's face from the light of his _lumos_. He'd obviously cast a silencing charm as well because he didn't seem to be making any attempt to keep his voice low.

"What time is it?" Harry groped for his glasses in the semi-darkness.

"Coming up to midnight. I kind of drifted off a bit as well, but luckily I'd cast a spell to wake me just in case."

Harry pulled on his shoes and a thick cloak hurriedly. He turned and grinned at Connor.

"Come on then."

***

"Wait," Harry breathed, putting a restraining hand on Connor's shoulder.

They were barely out of the Slytherin common room when he'd caught sight of a tuft of dust-coloured cat fur at the end of the corridor and sure enough a moment or so later Filch shuffled past behind Mrs Norris, seemingly intent on catching someone. Harry took a deep breath. So he was patrolling around Slytherin quarters. For some reason, Harry had always thought Filch had it in for Gryffindors, targeting them instead of the other houses, but perhaps that was being unfair and he treated all the students equally. Not that it would make Harry dislike the spiteful, old man any less.

"Ok," Harry gave a little push. "We can move."

"I hate that bloody cat," Connor replied in an ominous tone. "She tried to eat me once."

"Shhh. Come on."

***

When they were outside Harry was reminded once again of the sheer all encompassed joy that Connor found in his animagus form. He stood beside the lake and watched as the Crow soared high above him in the night sky, only needing to flap his wings occasionally.

Letting his gaze leave Connor, Harry concentrated on scanning the undergrowth around him for any signs of Padfoot. He zeroed in on any slight rustles in the bushes.

"Caw-caw-caw!" The screech overhead made him jump as Connor gradually made his descent. He hadn't noticed the minutes passing, he'd been watching his surroundings so intently. In a movement of fluid grace, Connor landed upon the ground beside him.

The next second he transformed back to human form.

"So was it windy enough tonight?" he asked plonking himself on the ground beside Harry's feet, stretching out his limbs as though reminding himself of his human form.

"Yes...No.... I don't know," Harry sounded uncertain. He sighed and also sank down on the muddy bank. "Probably not. I'm sorry. I should have said earlier. I guess I just keep hoping, you know?"

"Hey, it's ok with me. You don't need to apologise. I love coming out here to fly."

Connor stared up at the moonlit sky, his expression unusually serious for a moment.

"It's so peaceful out here at night time. And when you're up in the sky... I can't begin to explain it really. It just makes everything feel so right."

"Sirius and I... we spent hours flying together on our brooms at night-time this summer. It was some of my best memories of him," Harry said quietly.

"I used to fly at dawn, every day, back home." Connor's eyes were shining. "If you listen to the dawn chorus as a human it sounds nice, right, perhaps even beautiful, but when you're transformed...well you can hear it _properly_. It's something else, I tell you. Sitting there, hearing the world wake up. I feel totally in awe of everything around me. It's like another level of magic completely."

"How did you manage to sneak out before you came to Hogwarts?"

"I didn't have to. I only became an animagus last year. My tutor- Declan- his form's a Wood pigeon. When we found out I was avian as well I just started coming with him on his morning flights. Of course, we kept it secret from the house elves and staff."

"Does your father know you're an animagus?"

"What my father knows doesn't matter either way." Connor's jaw tightened slightly and his expression became guarded. "Though I think you have the wrong idea about the secrecy surrounding all of this. I'm not doing anything _wrong_, it just makes sense tactically to keep certain information private from outsiders for as long as possible."

"But it's illegal? In Ireland, I mean as well as over here? You are supposed to be registered?" Harry asked. He didn't really know how things worked in Ireland. Of course laws were pretty much the same as far as Muggle Britain and Ireland were concerned, but that didn't mean it would be the same for the magical ministries.

"To be sure. _But no one does_. Look at your own registers over here. I bet there's scarcely a dozen names down for registered animagouses."

"Less than that." Harry said, remembering the time that Hermione had read up on it. "There were seven, this century, I think. Of course Sirius ended up having to register as well when everything came out, so that makes eight altogether now."

"Well you see then. Becoming an animagus is difficult but not _that_ difficult. Shocking the amount of wizards who just happen to get caught the 'first' time they manage the animagus transformation."

"So they only register if someone sees them?"

"Well, wouldn't you?"

Harry hadn't really thought about it before but he supposed it made sense. In all those times Sirius had been trying to teach him to transform over the summer they'd never discussed what he'd do if he was successful. Bearing in mind that Sirius had spent years as an unregistered animagus, only registering at all because he was forced to do so, he probably wouldn't have urged Harry to keep to the rules.

"I tried to become an animagus," Harry admitted. "Sirius was teaching me, though I never managed it."

"How long were you trying for?"

"A few weeks, over this summer."

"That's nothing. You shouldn't have given up. It took me nearly a year to manage a full transformation. Mind you, I was a bit younger then. Declan may have started me a bit before I was ready for it, I was that eager to give it a go."

"I haven't really given up. It's just what with everything that's happened to Sirius and being busy I kind of stopped practising. I'm going to keep trying though," Harry decided.

He stood up, brushing leaves and mud off the back of his trousers. He looked back at Connor for a moment racking up the nerve to ask him some of the questions which had been bothering him.

"Do you... do you get on with your tutor alright? You seemed a bit upset when he came to visit?"

Connor looked at him with a hint of suspicion and Harry tried to look back steadily. He didn't want to have to explain how he'd been hidden in Severus's office while they'd been arguing, but he would admit it if it came to it.

"It's complicated," Connor said at last.

"Oh, Ok," Harry felt rebuffed. "You don't need to explain."

"No it's ok, I'll tell you. But my background, my family, they're not exactly average. So I'd prefer it if you kept this between the four of us."

Harry nodded, feeling relieved that Connor was now automatically including Ron and Hermione in his secrets.

Connor hesitated, seeming to struggle to know where to begin. "Well, first of all- all the stuff you think you know about my family is wrong."

"Your Dad's _not_ the Irish Minister for magic?"

"No, or at least, not really."

_Well that is interesting. What on earth is going on over in Ireland?_ Harry's thoughts immediately flew wildly to polyjuice and impersonators.

"Who is then?"

"What?! No, shut up and listen for a minute Golden boy, and I'll tell you in my own way."

Harry sat back down expectantly.

Connor seemed to hesitate, for a moment before continuing.

"About two years ago I was making a potion and I wanted to use a drop of blood from my little sister, Katie..."

"You were using blood magic?"

"It wasn't for anything harmful, Harry! It was for a protection potion which would warn me if she was in mortal danger. The point is that Declan found out and kicked up an awful fuss...and well, you have to understand that there'd always been rumours but I'd never believed them till that point."

"Rumours..?"

"...that my Father, wasn't really who I thought he was."

There was a long pause while they both sat in silence. Eventually Connor picked up a twig from the ground and began to peel the bark off it.

"The irony is that I never needed to find out," he continued eventually. "The protective potion works regardless of whether you're kin, but Declan'd obviously thought I was doing some kind of bloodline potion. He'd always been one of my Mother's closest friends when she was alive and had blatantly known the truth all along."

"And your father, I mean... Sir Finleigh..."

"_He_ obviously didn't have a clue. He's barely even spoken to me since it all came out. My stepmother was never bothered even beforehand and Katie, my little sister, well she's not even related to me, not that she knows though."

"I'm sorry," Harry said softly. "I can imagine how that feels."

"You don't get along with your relatives?"

"Not really," Harry said simply, unwilling to go into any further detail. "So, did you ever find out who your father was? Did Declan tell you?"

"Declan wouldn't have said, but he didn't have to. There were rumours in the papers from before... and during my parent's marriage. She was supposed to be seeing this bloke- Kyran McLaughlin when they were engaged... anyway it was all a big scandal at the time, not least because Kyran is the polar opposite of Finleigh politically."

"Have you ever met him?"

"No." For a moment Connor looked wistful. "But you know, one day, I will. It's not right, that he doesn't even know I exist. That we haven't had chance to meet each other, but right now things are..."

"Complicated?"

"Difficult, to be sure," Connor agreed. "How much do you know about the political situation in Ireland at the moment?"

"Um, next to nothing."

"Well to over-simplify hundreds of years of build up and tension, the political leaders have all split into factions and are fighting among themselves."

"About Voldemort?"

"To some degree, but that is only a part of it." Connor sighed. "It seems that the government, which includes Finleigh of course, are on the way out. Various groups seek to fill the gap which will be left behind but no one's letting go without a struggle."

"Are you worried, about your family and what will happen to them if the Government does fall?"

Connor shook his head bitterly. "Finleigh's life has been in politics. He can read the political landscape like the back of his hand, about the only thing he's good at. He'll make sure they're all out of the way long before matters erupt."

"And your real father? Where does he fit into all of this, seeing as he's on the other side to Finleigh?"

"Ah. Well _that_ is the issue. From what I've found out Kyran's certainly no angel, and you must understand where he stands politically does him no favours. Anyway, for the moment he's confined."

"What do you mean?"

"You know: confined, detained against his will, at the Minister's pleasure."

"_He's in prison_?"

"Well, political captivity anyway. It's not his fault, it's the political situation. It's not a proper gaol anyway. It's more like house arrest in that he can see visitors and things. He's not treated like a common criminal."

Harry's mind flew back to one of the dreams he'd had about Sirius shortly after he'd gone missing. He'd been speaking to a tall, dark Irish squib and there'd been something strange about the room they were in... He racked his brains trying to remember.

_That was it. The man had been in a prison of sorts, the window was barred at least, though that hadn't seemed to fit with the rest of the room which had been richly furnished..._

"Connor," he asked excitedly. Your real father, Kyran, do you know if there's any chance that he's a squib?"

Connor frowned.

"Harry. You grew up with Muggles so you have no idea how offensive that is,"he replied flatly, getting to his feet. "I'll have you know Kyran McLaughlin is reputed to be one of the strongest wizards around."

"Oh, sorry." _Bang goes that idea then._

Harry stood up as well, shaking out the cloak."I didn't mean to insult you."

"I know," Connor sighed. "It's just...he's kind of a big deal to me, you know. Finleigh and I were never close and since I found out about Kyran, it's like a lot of things slotted into place for me."

Harry could understand that only too well.

***

They made their way back towards the castle under the invisibility cloak, careful to cast a silencing charm to prevent any sounds giving them away. They both froze up as they entered the main door at the sound of a movement somewhere nearby.

"Harry, did you just hear something?" Connor asked.

Harry nodded his head and they both crept inside cautiously.

There was no sign of anyone around in the hall way and gradually they both began to breath more steadily.

"It was probably just Peeves," Harry said at last.

By the time they had made their way down to the dungeons they had both began to feel a bit more relaxed.

Harry muttered the password and the door sprang open.

"How did you do that?"

"What?"

"Give the password without cancelling the silencing charm?"

"Oh," Harry shrugged. "I don't know."

_Another benefit to Severus' wordless magic lessons_, he thought internally. _Not bad at all._

They slipped in through the door but hadn't gone far into the room when Harry came to a stop so abruptly that Connor bumped into him, dragging the cloak an inch or so above their feet. Grabbing the cloak to rearrange it Harry motioned urgently.

"Look!"

"Shit!"

At the end of the common room Filch was hunched over in a dark corner. He seemed to have been stroking the bony form of Mrs Norris but by the way he was staring in their general direction was anything to go by he'd obviously worked out they were there.

Drawing himself upright, his bulging pale eyes gleamed in the dim light.

"We know you're there, don't we, my sweet?" he whizzed delightedly. "Got you now you little blighters! We knew you were coming back to Slytherin!"

His eyes fixed on Filch, Harry slowly edged forward.

"What are you doing?" Connor found himself whispering in spite of the silencing charm.

"He can't hear us or see us. If we can just manage to slip past him and down the corridor we'll be back in our dorm..."

"Wait- he's going somewhere."

Filch was shuffling away from them towards the back of the room which led to the dormitories and Severus's rooms. Mrs Norris followed him, purring.

"Where's he going?"

Filch wasn't that quick on his feet but it didn't take him long to get to the door of Severus's rooms, where he rapped sharply with a bony fist.

"Professor Snape! Professor Snape! Come quickly!"

"Fuck," Harry cursed.

"Quick then..." Connor urged him but it was no good, they'd barely taken a couple more steps towards the door of their dorm when the Professor's door opened and Severus appeared clad in a long grey nightshirt, clasping his wand.

"What is it Mr Filch?" Severus demanded urgently.

"Slytherins creeping around the castle after curfew! We've been after them all evening, haven't we Mrs Norris?!" the caretaker sounded overcome with excitement.

For a moment, Harry thought he saw a look of exasperation dart across Severus' face, but then it was gone.

Wordlessly summoning his dressing gown, Severus wrapped it around himself.

"And the rule breakers ...?"

"They're hiding!"Filch declared.

Quickly glancing around to assess the surrounding area, Severus seemed interested in spite of himself.

"Indeed?" he said softly and waved his wand saying, "_Finite Incantatem_."

Harry and Connor hardly dared to breathe as their silencing charm was cancelled, although of course to Severus and Filch everything appeared the same. The two boys began to slowly edge backwards, away from the adults.

Severus waved his wand again muttering, "_Revealium. Aperio. Ostendo."_

Nothing happened. Severus glanced at Filch.

"They're here!" the old man insisted. "The door opened by itself and then I saw bits of trainers on the ground, then they disappeared again!"

"I see." Seeming to arriving at a conclusion Severus drawled, "Do come out from under the cloak, Mr Potter."

The boys froze.

"_Immediately," _he added in a dangerous tone.

Rather than waiting to see what spell Severus would fire off next Harry shot an apologetic look towards Connor and reluctantly removed the cloak from over their heads.

"_And _Mr Donovan, as well. How unfortunate that you continue to show such exceedingly bad judgement," Severus said smoothly, seemingly unsurprised.

"We knew we heard something earlier this evening, Professor," the caretaker said triumphantly. "They've been out goodness knows where, breaking curfew, in the middle of the night! We waited and we waited and we got them! Didn't we my sweet?!"

Mrs Norris rubbed herself against Filch's bony ankles, purring happily.

"Thought they could trick us with our magic didn't they? But not when we knew where they were going! Hah. Not so clever now are you? They want locking up, Professor, _stringing up _even, when I think..."

"Thank you for your assistance, Mr Filch, as you say the hour is late so I will take this from here," Severus interrupted curtly in mid-rant. "We need not detain you any longer."

Filch looked disappointed but nodded and shuffled away muttering to himself.

"So," Severus glanced back towards the two boys. "You can start by explaining to me exactly _where_ you've been and _what_ you've been doing whilst you were supposed to be in bed asleep."

There was a long pause during which Harry glanced at Connor helplessly.

"Ah, dumb ignorance, I see," Severus said scathingly. "How very unexpected."

He cleared his throat. "Well I can only assume that both of you were concerned that you had far too much time on your hands seeing as you've obviously outdone yourselves in your attempts to earn a plethora of detentions?"

"Like it makes a difference," Connor muttered under his breath, knowing any additional detentions for him could only be added to the long list that he was already serving.

Severus stepped towards Connor, "Do not tempt me Donovan," he said icily. "You may feel hard done by _now_, serving weeks of detentions, but let me assure you that this is _nothing_ compared to what I may choose to do. I've been party to your immature, petty acts of defiance for too long now. _And they will stop._"

Connor opened his mouth but Harry was quick to cut in before him.

"Professor," Harry said awkwardly. "Can I speak to you alone?"

_I've promised Connor, that I'll keep his secret. He wouldn't even have got caught if it wasn't for me. I've got to try to put this right._

Connor shot Harry a questioning look which Harry tried his best to answer by looking reassuring.

_Trust me._

Severus looked at Harry briefly. He turned back to Connor.

"You will go into your dormitory and remain there until breakfast time tomorrow. Should you so much as consider setting so much as a foot outside Slytherin quarters during curfew again I will personally ask the Headmaster to floo your Father to request your immediate removal from this establishment. Do I make myself clear?" Severus loomed over Connor in his most overbearing manner.

"Crystal," Connor muttered, hastily heading towards their dorm.

Severus glared at him once more before turning to Harry.

"Come," he said simply and opened the door into his rooms.

***

**Please review. It makes the writing come much easier...**


	28. Omission

**Thanks for your reviews guys, they mean a lot to me. **

**Now Snape's determination to make Harry talk meets with a whole lot of stubbornness...**

*******

Harry edged past Severus into the sitting room

"Well?" the older wizard demanded imperiously as he waved his wand to light the lamp in the corner of the room.

Harry urgently racked his brains trying to think how he could explain them sneaking out. There was no way he could even begin to tell the truth. It was all very well him pleading for a chance to explain things privately, but now that it came to it he had no idea what on earth to say.

He looked towards Severus briefly but the chagrin he saw in his expression made him quick to look away.

"_Sometime this century_." The professor's bit out the words sarcastically, his growing irritation adding to Harry's difficulties. "Where did you go to?"

Harry shook his head wordlessly. "I can't say."

Severus glared at him, seeming to become more irate by the second. "Explain your motivation then," he challenged. "You left these rooms earlier, claiming to be exhausted. You'd even fallen asleep on the couch after training. What ill-thought out excuse could you and Donovan possibly have come up with to justify breaking the school rules so abominably?"

"I can't tell you anything," Harry said helplessly. "It's not my secret."

"So, you're protecting that inane troublemaker."

"No! Honestly. None of this is to do with Connor. He didn't even want to go with me but I asked him to, he shouldn't get in trouble for this."

"_Really_?" Severus drawled the word out with blatant disbelief. "_That_ boy sets out to cause havoc with little or no thought for the consequences of his actions. Now tell me the truth immediately or perhaps he might find that I implement, rather than simply threaten him with repercussions."

_Talk, or I'll try to get him kicked out, _Harry translated, knowing better than to doubt that Severus intended to actually go through with this. After all, he'd certainly tried to get Harry expelled enough times in the past.

"Why are you being like this? _I've told you_ it wasn't anything to do with him!" Harry replied heatedly. "You're not being fair; you're not even giving him a chance."

"Oh, Mr Donovan has exhausted his quota of chances, believe me," Severus ground out.

Harry was aware that this wasn't going well. If anything he was managing to wind Severus up further instead of cooling him down. But he had to keep trying, for Sirius' sake to say nothing of the fact that he owed it to Connor.

"Look, I know he's not perfect but he's not _that_ bad," Harry argued. "He's a good friend and he does well in most of his classes." _Well, he is quite clever when he attends class and isn't trying to blow things up or hex his classmates, _he couldn't help but add mentally.

Severus looked at Harry as if he were mad.

"He is one of the most immature, insufferable brats I have ever had the misfortune of coming across," he said scathingly. "From the start he has been completely disruptive, causing spats within Slytherins, truanting and breaking rules with abandon."

_Oh heaven, forbid that anyone should actually stand up to Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle. It's not as if you completely ignore half the stuff that they do, is it?_

Harry knew that he was on dangerous ground but just couldn't help himself from pointing out what he'd been thinking for a while. "Yeah, sure he's broken a few rules and put Malfoy's nose out of joint but you're more than punishing him for all of that already aren't you? I mean, I've never seen anyone have so many detentions. Perhaps if you gave him some freedom to relax and have fun he might behave better in class."

"Thank you so much for your expert appraisal of my professional judgement. _You'll just have to excuse me while I ignore it completely_," Severus spat back at him, his eyes blazing. "He's a bloody nuisance who must be suppressed."

_Ok. Just shut up now, _Harry told himself sternly, but keeping quiet had never been his forte and he was too much of a Gryffindor to ever resist grabbing the bull by the horns for long.

_Sod it._

"Well, I'm sure you would have said exactly the same about me, last year, wouldn't you?" he retorted loudly. "When you've made up your mind about someone, your judgement's hardly the soundest is it?"

"You tell me." Severus' voice rose to meet his, each word as sharp as a knife, "I always thought you were a hare-brained, arrogant fool and you're hardly doing much to disproof that at the present time, are you? When I think that I allowed you to convince me to let you keep the cloak after your last little escapade... Well I can see that it's unlikely that I'll be making _that _mistake again after your audacity tonight." Harry swallowed hard as Severus took a step towards him. He backed further away.

"This is your final chance to explain your conduct this evening; as this is where my patience comes to an end," Severus' voice was icy cold as he stepped forward again. Harry's felt his heart pounding in his chest.

Severus sighed and reached towards him abruptly, Harry reacted instinctively flinching away from him and protecting his face with his arm.

Severus immediately froze with his hand en route to snatch away the invisibility cloak. Realising his mistake when no blow was forthcoming, Harry quickly lowered his arm, feeling the heat rise in his cheeks from the shame of cowering away.

Severus drew his arm back completely, his deadpan expression giving little away as he stared at Harry intensely. He took a couple steps away from Harry, so that he was no longer within arms-reach.

"I was reaching for the cloak," he said in an even tone.

"Oh. Right." Harry glanced at the cloak he was holding and noticed his hand was trembling somewhat. He gripped the crumpled material tightly against his torso, trying to still the movement. "Please don't take the cloak, I..." Harry's voice faltered,_ I what? I need it to see Sirius again, but there's no way I can say that! _

"Please, _just don't_."

Severus watched the boy gripping the cloak so hard that his knuckles were white with tension. The way that the cloak was folded back on itself made sections of Harry's stomach disappear, giving him a strange over-worldly appearance in the dim light. At times he looked much younger than his sixteen years.

Severus' dark eyes studied him for a moment longer, before he pinched the bridge of his nose, retreating to the other side of the room and sitting down in his armchair. All of a sudden he looked exhausted and Harry felt a wave of guilt as he realised properly for the first time that the Professor was clad in his nightwear. He'd obviously been in bed asleep until fifteen minutes previously. This was probably the last way either of them wanted to be spending their night.

"Sit down," Severus ordered quietly, gesturing towards the sofa opposite.

Harry sat at the far edge of the sofa, a few feet away from Severus, feeling his heart rate gradually beginning to slow down. Somehow Severus was managing to sound completely normal, in fact, calmer than usual. There was no hint in either his voice or countenance that they'd been all but yelling at each other a minute ago.

"You've obviously been sneaking off to somewhere outside," Severus said in a matter of fact tone.

Harry stared at him, open-mouthed.

"Do you deny it?"

He shook his head.

"I thought not. There was some dried mud on Mr Donovan's legs, to say nothing of the heavy cloaks you were both wearing. The answer, therefore, that I need is _why _you were going outside."

Harry didn't say anything.

"Do you realise how dangerous that was? Sneaking out of your dormitory in the middle of the night to go outside, where anything could have happened to you and I'd have been none the wiser?"

"I had Connor with me."

There was a pause before Severus spoke again. When he did his voice was still level although it sounded slightly strained.

"And you really thought he was an adequate accomplice? He, who has shown such a _lack_ of responsibility and sense since he's been here? Really Harry, I thought you would understand by now that by keeping secrets you are preventing those who wish to help you from acting."

"Honestly, we weren't in any danger."

"And I'm supposed to accept that because of what? The startlingly strong judgement you've demonstrated in the past during the various preposterous schemes that you've undertaken? Perhaps after your trip out tonight you'd like to find a troll to fight or a car to fly in?" Severus tone was barbed, but moderated; it didn't drip with sarcasm like it had done earlier.

"You are supposed to come to _me_, with your problems or difficulties," the professor continued. "_That's_ why you're in Slytherin after all, Professor McGonagall may not have paid much attention to your comings and goings in the past, but I assure you _I will_. You just need to trust me to help you."

Harry sat silently, unwilling to say anything more than he had to. Severus might be right that McGonagall had ignored him or at least given him less attention than he needed at various times but he _couldn't_ open up to him; at least not about this.

"Tell me what's going on."

For a moment Harry racked his brains trying to make up some excuse, anything to get him off his back. Perhaps he could say they were sneaking out to play quidditch or play a prank on Malfoy...

He looked Severus in the eyes.

"Tell me." It was an order. And yet, he _did_ seem genuinely concerned about Harry.

Harry hesitated. "I don't want to lie to you," he said at last, resisting the temptation.

"Well there's an easy answer to that: don't!" Severus snapped back. He took a deep breath, lowering his voice again. "_Obstinate, obdurate boy_. You _will_ tell me what this is about."

Although Severus seemed angry again, this time it seemed much more controlled. Harry felt immensely grateful that he was remaining in the armchair, resisting the urge to loom above him.

Severus looked at Harry coolly and folded his arms.

"A week of detentions, I think, for both you and Mr Donovan."

Harry didn't say anything.

"And a week without Quidditch."

Harry closed his eyes for a moment. _OK I'll miss practise, but at least I won't miss another match_.

"In fact, why don't I make that two weeks," Severus said silkily.

_Ok. Then I will miss the Gryffindor/Ravenclaw match. Shit, that's two matches in a row that he'll have stopped me playing in._

"Why don't you just ban me forever?" he said angrily. "I _still_ won't be able to tell you."

"Thirty points from Gryffindor."

Harry gasped. "Shouldn't you take the same from Slytherin, then? As Connor was with me?" He challenged, forgetting his bid to get Connor out of any punishments in his outrage.

Severus ignored this, musing to himself, "I wonder if thirty points will be enough? Your escapades usually involve your Gryffindor sidekicks after all."

"What!? Ron and Hermione weren't even there! You can't punish them!"

"Perhaps not. But if I find out they were in any way involved..."

Harry felt sick. If Severus decided to legilimise them he could find out all about his dreams. They had no way of occluding after all.

"They _weren't there_! Why can't you understand that?" Harry was frustrated.

"And then of course there is the cloak." Severus looked meaningfully at the item still tightly clasped in Harry's grip. He'd realised how desperate the boy was to hold onto the invisibility cloak earlier.

Harry swallowed. "It's my cloak, my father gave it to me."

"And you misuse it at every given opportunity."

"Please. Don't take it. Anything else... you can give me more detentions, make me miss more Quidditch, confiscate my broom." Harry felt desperate. He'd never manage to sneak out to see Sirius without the cloak.

"I think I've already given you enough detentions and restrictions on Quidditch," Severus said loftily. "Pass it to me."

"No, you can't take it..." Harry panicked.

"Oh, I think you'll find I can and I will."

"And what are you going to do with it, Severus? Destroy it like you did Sirius' broom?" The boys face was pale, his green eyes glistening.

Severus' jaw clenched. "Don't be absurd."

"It's not like I have many items of my parents, after all," Harry continued relentlessly. "Perhaps you'd like to confiscate the photos I have as well?"

They both stared at each other tensely for a long moment.

"Promise me," Severus voice sounded very tight. "_Promise me_, that if you keep the cloak you won't use it to sneak out again, _then_ you can keep it."

Harry hesitated.

"That's what I thought," Severus said grimly. "Pass it to me_._"

He made no move to snatch it away this time and Harry looked down at the cloak for a minute, raking a hand through his messy mop of hair. He seemed to be considering it very carefully.

_I can't give the cloak up. Without it I can't sneak outside and see Sirius. That is unless..._

"_Now, _Harry."

Harry seemed to snap out of his daydream. When he looked over at Severus again, he still looked upset but seemed resigned to the fact that he'd be giving up his cloak. The colour was coming back into his face.

"Will you give it back to me?" he asked as he stood up to reluctantly pass it over.

"Perhaps when you can promise me that you won't misuse it." Severus took the cloak and folded it up carefully.

Harry watched him, wondering if Severus would really have let him keep the cloak if he'd made that promise.

"You'd better sleep in the spare room, Merlin knows it's late enough," Severus stood up with the cloak.

Harry turned to go but paused when Severus spoke as he walked away.

"Harry. I know you don't trust me at the moment, but I hope that eventually we'll reach a stage where you feel able to confide in me without feeling the need to sort everything out for yourself."

Harry looked back at the older wizard. Severus had rarely looked as tired and drawn as he did now and Harry couldn't help but feel a bit sorry for him, in spite of all the detentions, points and Quidditch ban. It was all so complicated but somehow it just seemed wrong to leave Severus thinking that he didn't trust him, and of course flinching away earlier couldn't have helped.

"You keep saying that, but I _do_ trust you," Harry said quietly. "Honestly, if it was my secret I'd tell you what was going on." It was true. If it wasn't for the fact that he had to keep quiet for Sirius' and Connor's sakes he would have told Severus in a flash. "I feel like I could talk to you about most things these days-"

"Apart from this, I take it?" Severus said dryly.

"Well... yes," Harry said sheepishly. "But honestly if you only knew how much more I trust you now than I did before this summer! I mean, _you _might have loathed _me_ then, but the feeling was completely mutual. Dumbledore had just about persuaded me to accept that you were on our side, which in itself was a struggle, and what with you constantly favouring Malfoy and doing your best to torment me constantly-"

"I think I'm getting the picture," Severus interrupted quietly.

"You'd have been the _last_ person I'd _ever_ have gone to willingly about anything," Harry continued undaunted. "Whereas now things are different. Now you're teaching me occlumency and defence, and I'm in Slytherin, and somehow neither of us has ended up using any unforgiveables on the other-"

"Yet," Severus sounded faintly amused.

Harry smiled. "Yeah, well that's practically a miracle in itself if you ask me, given how we used to be, but seriously, I do appreciate the things you've done for me."

Severus contemplated this for a moment.

"Just go to bed, Harry," he said at last.

Harry shrugged as he headed towards the spare room, Severus had about as much grace in accepting gratitude as he did in making an apology.

Severus stayed up for a while longer, pouring himself a glass of firewhiskey to nurse in front of the glowing embers in the fireplace.

He took a sip of his drink_, _the previous conversation running through his mind._ How could the boy be so nonchalant, casually stating that I'd done 'my best to torment him,' as if none of it mattered because he expects so little, _Severus brooded_. Harping on about what I'd done for him, completely neglecting to mention the fact that he'd saved my life this summer_. He swallowed a larger sip of the firewhiskey and cradled the glass in his hands, knowing he wouldn't be able to get back to sleep for some time.

***

**So what do you think? **

**There was meant to be more than this conversation in this chapter but I'm going to be a bit busier now so thought I'd post it up ASAP, rather than keeping people waiting while I write the next bit.**


	29. Déjà vu

**Recap of the last chapter:**

**Harry and Connor were caught by Finch after sneaking out to try to meet Sirius. Connor was sent back to his dorm but Harry stayed to try to sort things out with Severus.**

**

* * *

**

"Up. Now."

Startled Harry blinked at the sudden sunlight which was unleashed from the enchanted window at the opposite side of the room.

"Severus-" but he was too late as the older wizard had turned on his heel almost immediately after the abrupt wakening.

Harry sat up and swung his legs out of bed. Surprisingly he had managed to sleep soundly and felt more rested than he had done for days, despite all the stress the night before.

Still wearing his pyjamas, Harry left the room, intending to shower before heading down to breakfast. As he left the bedroom he noticed the table was laid with a single set of breakfast items.

"You need to dress and eat quickly," Severus told him standing forbiddingly beside the floo. "You're far too late already."

"Why; what time is it?" Harry asked in confusion.

_Severus surely can't have let me sleep in, not after sneaking outside last night?_

"Eleven. You need to get moving, Harry."

"Oh. Right. I will. And um, well thanks, you know for letting me lie in and all this." Harry indicated the breakfast.

"Don't thank me yet; I've informed Professor McGonagall that she can expect three feet on the work you've missed this morning and will mentioning as much to Professor Flitwick."

_Six feet of writing for missing two classes! Well, I'll just have to copy up Hermione's notes, they're usually pretty hefty,_ Harry decided._ Still what with that, training and detention every night it's not like I'm going to have a moment to myself... but I'm probably not in a position to argue about it at the moment._

"Ok," he said nodding agreeably as he reached for a roll.

Seemingly satisfied Severus turned to go, pausing just for an instant to say: "Don't forget detention tonight in the lab at 6:30."

_Yes, instead of quidditch practise. Brilliant._

"Ok," Harry repeated sounding more subdued. "I'll see you later."

With a brief nod Severus was gone leaving Harry to dine alone.

* * *

"I can't believe he let you lie in," Connor shook his head incredulously, as the four of them huddled towards the back of Professor Binn's class. "He dragged_ me_ out of the dorm to have another go at me before breakfast!"

Harry shrugged. "I'm as surprised as you are," he replied in a low voice.

"So what are we going to do about, _you know_, now we don't have _that thing_ to help us anymore?" Connor asked cryptically.

"We could still sneak out," Harry said somewhat half-heartedly.

Connor seemed to consider the idea.

"Harry, no!" Ron's aghast voice came from the desk immediately behind where Connor and Harry were sitting. "You'll be banned from quidditch all year at this rate."

"Some things are more important that quidditch, you know."

"But they're bound to be keeping a closer eye on the two of you now," Hermione injected. "I really do think that the times come for you to explain everything to Snape now."

"Hermione..."

"Or Dumbledore or McGonagall, but you should tell an adult about this Harry."

Connor jumped in before Harry could start to reply.

"We're all be keeping quiet about this, or did your promises mean nothing to you?"

They paused in their conversation momentarily as Dean Thomas handed Connor a wad of parchments which were being handed around the class.

Snatching her piece of parchment from the pile Hermione didn't let it interrupt her for long. "For goodness sake! This isn't some game you two, you_ need_ get a grown up involved. Surely you can think of some way of doing that without giving Connor away?"

"I'm hardly treating this as a game," Harry whispered, suddenly furious. "_It's about Sirius_. You reckon I think this a joke?"

Hermione reared back from the vehemence in his tone.

"Look," Ron held his hands up trying to pacify the others. "Calm down everyone." He turned to Harry, "she didn't mean it like that. We've just been worried about the two of you creeping out at night around the forbidden forest. And then when you didn't come to breakfast... well we were panicking a bit until Connor told us you were ok," the ginger boy admitted in a matter-of-fact tone.

Harry's anger left him as quickly as it had gathered.

"I'm sorry," he said turning around to face Hermione properly; it wasn't as if Binns would notice after all. "I guess I'm just wound a bit tight at the moment."

Hermione bit back her own frustration.

"You've got people you trust Harry. All I'm saying is that it's not like you don't have any options."

* * *

"Do you agree with her?" Harry pulled Ron back as they followed the others into lunch.

"About telling Snape? I don't know," his best mate sighed. "I've never understood the way that you and Snape are suddenly managing to get along after years of hating each other, but yeah, I guess if you do trust him now, you could get him to help you with this."

Harry bit his lip slightly, he'd thought that Ron would understand if not one else did.

"Look Harry," Ron continued, "I know it's difficult for you, after the Dursleys, but if this were me and I had some major secret, the first people I would be going to would be my Mum, Dad or maybe Bill or Charlie. I think you're so used to not being able to rely on adults you've got into the habit of sorting things out yourself."

"But Sirius and Snape..." Harry said.

Ron shrugged. "What else are you gonna do? You don't have your cloak anymore."

"I've still got the map."

"Yeah, till the next time you get caught," Ron sighed. "Look, just... be careful, ok. Connor said you hurt yourself the other night because something was chasing you in the forest. We can get by with you missing Quidditch but you've already been through enough crazy shit to last a lifetime. You don't need to open yourself up to more danger."

Harry spent the rest of the afternoon uncharacteristically quietly.

* * *

At dinner time he bolted his dinner down in order to make it to the dungeons in time for his detention. Peering around the door he found that Severus was sat at his desk grading papers while a thoroughly miserable looking first year was chopping potions ingredients.

"Mr. Potter," Severus acknowledged irritably. "Get in here, then."

Harry made his way to the front of the room where he found two wooden boards laid out next to various knives and a pestle and mortar.

"I see Mr. Donovan hasn't felt the need to grace us with his presence," Severus sneered.

"Um..." Harry had been so caught up in his own thoughts that he hadn't noticed where Connor had got to after their Care of Magical Creatures class.

"He already was in detention with F- I mean Mr. Finch, this week. Maybe he's got confused and gone there instead."

Harry racked his brains trying to think of any other excuses for Connor's absence.

Severus raised an eyebrow, looking entirely unconvinced. "How very unfortunate for him, if that is the case."

Harry had an awful feeling that things weren't going to go well for Connor tonight, particularly when Snape cast _Tempus_ revealing that it was now precisely half past six. Connor was officially late.

"Well, what are you waiting for? Get dicing," Snape ordered, waving his wand to summon a crate of Biledew berries.

They room fell silent for the next quarter of an hour as Harry and the first year worked industriously while Snape graded.

Then after a cursory knock the door opened and Connor slunk casually into the room.

Nostrils flaring Severus continued with his work, ignoring the boy completely until he reached the end of the parchment he was marking.

"You're late," he accused at last when he eventually looked up

"Sorry Sir," Connor replied entirely too cheerfully.

Severus seemed to be bored by the whole matter. "Two more detentions," he snapped out brusquely, rising to his feet.

_Two whole detentions? For being fifteen minutes late? _

Harry's mouth dropped open although Connor seemed entirely unconcerned.

"Whatever you say," he retorted almost seeming to be issuing a challenge.

Harry didn't like the look Severus shot back towards his dorm mate.

"Start Dicing. _Now_," Severus ordered.

Calmly Connor walked to the back of the room and laid his bag down beside Harry's and rolled up his sleeves before scooping out a handful of Biledew berries. He cut into the first berry, wrinkling his nose slightly at the smell but working without any complaints.

Some minutes passed relatively peacefully.

"STOP!"

All three of the students jumped at Severus' sudden yell although it was only directed at the first year at the front of the room.

Striding furiously from his desk Severus grabbed the child's suspended wrist before he could release the handful of Cracken wheat into the cauldron.

"I've said you will stay here until you learn to make this potion correctly, but I will not allow you cause any more damage to my laboratory you idiotic child," Severus scathed.

It seemed that the boy was a first year version of Neville Longbottom, Harry realised, and a hufflepuff to boot from the black badger displayed on his cloak. The child's eyes had welled up with tears at the sharp criticism and his lower lip was trembling.

Scowling unsympathetically, Severus promptly banished the cauldron.

"Start over." He ordered brusquely, his cloak billowing behind him as he headed back to his desk.

Connor raised his eyebrows, obviously finding some amusement which Harry missed in the scene.

They worked on. Biledew berries were one of the more stomach-turning ingredients and Harry could see why Severus had set their preparation as a punishment. Harry had never been particularly squeamish, which was just as well considering that they oozed a thick, stringy juice which had a vile lingering odour.

Harry soon grew bored with his task. He knew Severus wouldn't allow him to stop even for a moment so he kept dicing and reaching for more berries automatically although his attention began to wonder around the room. Connor was making a face as he used his sleeve to wipe away the juice from one particularly ripe berry which had squirted onto his chin as he'd cut into it. Harry noticed him grimace as the juice left marks staining his sleeve. Biledew juice had a flem like consistency which seemed to cling to any surface it landed on.

Towards the front of the room the first year was laboriously preparing fresh ingredients.

_Goodness knows how many times he's failed this potion so far_, Harry thought knowing only too well how insistent Severus could be about starting over after mistakes.

"_Mr Potter_, you will watch what you're doing unless you're so desperate to leave detention that you're willing to severe one your digits."

Harry obediently cast his eyes down again but couldn't resist glancing up after a few more minutes. What was that firstie brewing? At his age there were only a limited number of options. If it was a memory potion as it seemed from the Cracken wheat why was he using_ frogs'_ eyes?

_He'll never complete the task if he doesn't at least start with the right ingredients!_

"Psst."

The first-year looked around in shock, as Harry nodded his head in the general direction of the frogs' eyes.

The kid looked completely confused.

"Mr Potter, Mr Scrimpned needs to complete the brewing independently."

"But he's using..."

Severus glare silenced Harry.

"Interrupt again and you will both have an extra detention in place of tonight."

Harry sighed and concentrated on the Biledew berries. In front of him Scrimpned continued to mash the frogs' eyes into a pulp.

They were nearly half way through the detention when a polite knock at the door sounded.

"Enter."

Malfoy walked in looking tense. Ignoring the other students he made his way directly to Severus and handed him a piece of parchment which he'd been holding tightly.

Severus took the proffered missive and rapidly scanned it's contents.

"He-"

Severus held up a hand to silence Draco immediately.

He stood up placing his other hand on the boy's shoulder for an instant as if to lend support.

"Come."

Striding quickly, Severus paused at the front of the room to cast _Suspendo_ On Scrimpned's cauldron.

"You may continue to prepare ingredients but do not even think of mixing anything unsupervised. I will be back directly."

He glanced towards Harry and Connor.

"As for you two, do not _even think_ about making a wrong move."

And with that he swept out of the room with Malfoy following behind him.

"What that was all about?" Harry wondered.

"Some Slytherin emergency," Connor said lazily.

Scrimpned kept working away, obviously reluctant to slack off when the fierce potions master could reappear at any moment but the two elder boys felt no such compulsion. Connor took the opportunity to wipe the traces of sticky goo from his hands onto the side of the berry crate. Meanwhile Harry used his knife to prod the berries he'd mashed so far.

"Aww, this is so gross." Connor sounded disgusted as he cast _Scourgify_ on the traces of juice remaining on his fingers.

"Tell me about it," Harry examined the ooze on the blade of his knife feeling slightly nauseous. "What are these berries for anyway?"

"You haven't guessed, from the texture and smell?"

Harry shrugged. "I'm pretty sure I'd have remembered if we'd used them in lessons before."

"They're the main ingredient for Snape's shampoo. Blatantly!"

Harry grinned and chucked a berry at Connor.

"Oi!"

"But they'll make your hair so smooth and greasy!" Harry joked.

"Not the look I want, golden boy!"

Harry grinned as he ducked to avoid Connor's returning shot.

Suddenly he remembered what he'd wanted to say earlier and leaned forward, "Hey Scrimpned?"

The first-year froze and turned around slowly, obviously reluctant to become involved in any of the older boys misdemeanours, he was in enough trouble already.

"Is that a memory potion you're making?"

He nodded.

"Well you need to use mice's eyes not frogs'."

"_Rats' eyes_." Connor corrected him. "Honestly Harry, he's got an excuse seeing as he's a first-year!"

"Well, at least I spotted it's not frogs'!"

"Are you sure?" Scrimpned asked timidly. "Snape didn't say anything when he saw me using them."

"You really expect him to help you?" Connor asked sounding amazed.

"I guess not. But he has been really upset when I kept blowing up cauldrons. I thought he'd want to stop me from making a mess if nothing else."

_Definitely his year's version of Neville_, Harry decided.

"Honestly try the rats' eyes and be careful when you heat the cauldron, it's got to be done kind of gently. And when you stir you need to start by um ..." Harry racked his brain trying to think back to his first year; potions had never been his strength.

Connor rolled his eyes.

"Stir twice clockwise then twenty times anti-clockwise."

"Thanks," Scrimpned murmured. I'd better wait till he's back to go into the store cupboard..."

"You can finish the wheat while you're waiting," Harry suggested. "It needs to be ground up a bit more..."

At this point the door opened and Harry cut himself off immediately.

Severus sat down at his desk as if nothing had happened. A moment later Scrimpned timidly asked if he could get some more ingredients and Harry could feel Severus glaring at him. They all seemed to be waiting for the older wizard to explode, insisting that Harry had been given him hints but in the end Snape's only response was a curt, "hurry up I don't want to be here all night."

Somehow Scrimpned managed to negotiate himself around the many brewing pitfalls this time and half an hour later presented the professor with a vial of memory potion in his sweaty palm.

After Severus had ordered him to start clearing up and to write two feet detailing where he had gone wrong in his previous attempts, he turned his attention to Harry and Connor.

They were finally nearing the end of the berry crate.

Severus stood watching them for a moment and then began to collect some of the berries they had already diced, carefully tipping them into a large cauldron.

"What will they be used for, Sir?" Harry asked.

"This particular batch will eventually form the base of a blood-replenishing potion, although a complex ingredient such as Biledew berries can have numerous uses."

Seeming to switch into lecture mode, Severus started to stir the diced berries over a low flame.

"Observe the way the berries' composition alters upon heating." Harry and Connor looked at the slimy mess, the berries almost seemed to be writhing on top of one another.

"There are twelve stages which the berries must go through before they can be used as a base. See how the skin has all but disappeared? The heat is beginning to take effect. Note that the oily texture will remain a key feature of the berries no matter what steps I take in the preparation."

"Ah, don't be so hard on yourself, you can't help that," Connor said straight-faced.

Harry saw Severus shoot Connor a look and did his best to quickly distract him, "well, I guess it makes sense, us preparing them if they're going to end up in the potions Madam Pomfrey needs."

Turning back towards Harry Snape continued as if he hadn't been interrupted, "you would do well to note another unique characteristic of Biledew berries: their odour. Although they are found in many guises in different classes of potions it is difficult to completely eliminate their foul stench."

Connor looked up innocently, "Oh I don't know professor, I'm sure that some people find the smell... very fetching."

Scrimpneg made slight snorting sound which he hastily muffled and even Harry had to duck his head for a moment to straighten out his face.

Severus stared at Connor.

"You like the berries?" he said in a totally expressionless voice.

Connor shrugged.

"People obviously have different opinions about these things; that's all I'm saying."

"Fair enough." Severus sounded reasonable. _Too reasonable_, Harry immediately recognised. "Eat one."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm intrigued to find out if you think they taste as good as they smell."

Connor attempted to laugh it off, "nah..."

"Oh, but I insist, Mr Donovan."

Severus' glittering black eyes were utterly serious as they rested upon Connor.

Reluctantly Connor chose one of the smallest berries and held it between thumb and forefinger.

Severus raised his eyebrow. "An interesting choice given that juice of the smaller berries is highly concentrated. I would have thought you would have realised as much over the past hour."

Connor made a move intending to swap his berry but Snape snatched the crate away, smiling sardonically.

"Now, do ensure you chew it thoroughly, I should hate to have to set aside a bowl full of berries for you to test them properly."

Connor glared at him and put the berry in his mouth before chewing slowly.

His eyes began to water and for a moment he looked as though he was choking. Then he swallowed.

He coughed huskily.

"Water?" he croaked.

"Oh, _I think not_, Mr Donovan. Now tell me, do the berries taste as good as they smell?"

Defiance shone in Connor's eyes

_Don't do it,_ Harry thought _he'll make you eat more._

The same thought evidently occurred to Connor.

He coughed loudly again before reluctantly admitting, "they taste bad."

"An astute observation considering that Biledew berries have as many toxic properties as they have therapeutic," Snape sneered.

"You made me eat poison!" Connor seemed to choke on his next cough.

"Relax Donovan, the berries properties are strengthened by heating." Snape replied contemptuously. "You would have had to eat at least a handful of fresh berries before you became seriously ill."

Connor's coughs grew increasingly violent. Harry looked at him in concern.

"One more cough, Donovan... and I'll fetch you a potion," Severus threatened silkily.

Connor choked, turned bright red but managed not to cough.

Harry watched him sympathetically and waited until it was clear that he was going to be ok before asking his next question.

"Um, Professor, you said the berries can have harmful or healing properties. So how will you know whether they are alright to use?"

Severus stirred the mixture carefully.

"The second step in their preparation requires an addition of pulped Infra-beans to say nothing of the pickled eel. The combination safely neutralises the toxic properties in the Biledew berries."

"So if you wanted to use them as a poison you would just skip that stage?"

"Precisely and seek to cover the offending odour as best you could, however, you will see the difficulty involved; pay attention to this."

Severus uncorked a vial of dark liquid which smelt pleasantly of butter beer. He added three drops to the cauldron and decanted a sample.

He passed it to Harry.

"The smells gone," Harry said after a quick sniff.

"No. Smell it again."

Harry sniffed the mixture again, this time taking a longer and deeper breath. This time he could just about make out the sickly smell.

"You see?"

"It's still there, just about."

"Whatever you mix with the berries the result is the same. You can always identify their presence as long as you pay attention properly."

"So I'd smell them in blood replenishing potion?"

"Yes, at least in all varieties containing their base. However, you would of course expect to identity their presence there. You would have no cause to worry so long as they are not present where you do not expect to encounter them."

Without giving Harry time to digest this any further Severus cast a quick tempus.

"Enough. It's late, you will both return to your dorm. Detention will continue tomorrow at the same time."

"Where are you going?"

As soon as they were out in the corridor Connor had started striding through the half empty common room.

"Where do you think? That git made me eat poison! I'm going to see what Pomfrey has to say about it!"

Harry grabbed his sleeve.

"Connor, wait."

Connor turned to face him again and Harry cast a quick silencing charm.

"One berry wouldn't have hurt you, c'mon, you heard what he said."

"You're defending him?" Connor was incredulous. "How would you like it if he'd fed you Biledew berries? I thought I was going to be sick."

"I know. Look, he can be a bastard, ok? But for all his faults he's not that bad honestly. He might torment you but he does his best to help you too. Like tonight, it was detention and we could have been scrubbing desks but instead we learnt stuff."

Connor sighed, looking directly at Harry.

"I think you're grasping at straws. He needed some revolting ingredients to be prepared so he got us to do it, in the process doing his best to harm me. Look, I'll leave Pomfrey out of it for now, but seriously Harry, you might want to think about whether you can really trust that git."

"You don't understand..."

"No you're right. I don't. You know what the rumours are about him, that he's tied to You-know-who. I just hope to hell, that you know what you're doing around him."

* * *

Harry made sure that Connor got to his detention in plenty of time the following day.

Scrimpned was nowhere to be seen so he must have managed to brew without further mishaps or perhaps he simply hadn't had a potions lesson scheduled that day. Once again equipment was laid out for them, this time alongside a sheet of instructions written in Severus' spidery scrawl.

"Tonight you will be brewing the Forgeni healing potion," Severus told them.

"That's not part of the sixth year curriculum is it Sir?" Connor objected. "I mean it's a pretty unusual potion for us to have to brew isn't it?"

"Nevertheless you _will_ brew it Donovan. Forgeni healing potion is clearly superior to counterpart versions seeing as it can relieve far greater pain for a longer duration. The reason it is seldom used is more to do with limitations in procuring key ingredients than the potions efficacy; Purple Mankese only flowers every third year and must be used within days of being picked."

"It's also an advanced level potion," Connor muttered to Harry. "It's not even on the bloody N.E.W.T syllabus."

Harry didn't know why Connor protested so much. It was clear that his skill with potions was vastly superior to Harry's in any case. And by the end of the detention Harry's potion was a clear, thin liquid where Connor's was the required thick amber resin.

"I take it you're not going to make me test it this time?" Connor asked sulkily.

"Not unless you insist, Mr. Donovan," Snape replied bringing the vial towards his hooked nose and breathing deeply.

"This is a satisfactory effort," he proclaimed, almost unwillingly.

"Mr. Potter, you had better cast your attention upon Mr Donovan's potion as yours has gone so woefully amiss."

Leaving his hopeless attempt behind Harry approached and took the proffered vial from Severus. He swirled the mixture around and then took a tentative sniff of the slightly spicy potion.

It felt as if the scent hit him full in the face, Harry staggered back.

"Harry?" Severus caught his arm to give him support.

"I'm... ok," he said weakly, collapsing into his seat.

Connor watched them with concern.

"Leave Mr. Donovan."

"But-"

"_Now!_"

Snatching up his bag Connor headed for the door.

"Harry?"

Harry massaged his temples tiredly.

"Sorry," he said. "I just had a really strong sense of _Déjà vu._I've smelt that potion before."

Severus' dark eyes were sympathetic.

"This summer perhaps, after what happened with your Uncle?"

"No. I didn't have any potions for that..." Harry replied distractedly.

"You probably just don't remember because you weren't fully conscious," Severus said. "The healer must have given you pain potions and Skele-Grow at the very least."

"No healer," Harry replied automatically. "Just Sirius. And he only had bruise balm in his cabinet. But it was fine, honestly, I heal really quickly. I just can't remember when I had this potion before... it seems so familiar-"

Harry closed his eyes searching his memory relentlessly.

"He _didn't _send for a healer," Severus repeated slowly.

Harry opened his eyes and saw Severus staring at him as if he'd just realised something.

"I was fine. Really. He sat with me for ages checking I was ok." he assured the older wizard. His eyes wandered towards Connor's vial once more. "I wish I could remember, it feels important somehow."

Slowly Harry got to his feet and started to clean and clear away the equipment, deep in thought.

"I thought we could resume our training tomorrow night after your detention," Severus said still watching him between decanting vials of Conner's Forgini potion.

"Yeah. Um about that," Harry hesitated, "I've uh been meaning to talk you about the other night... my um reaction."

Harry felt reluctant to bring the matter up, but preferred to do so now so that he could mitigate any future embarrassment if it happened again.

"Oh that," Severus dark eyes rested on Harry thoughtfully, "I know what that was about."

"You do?"

Given Severus' continual insistence on trust, Harry was surprised that he didn't sound more offended.

"Harry, after everything you have been through, it is hardly surprising that your startle reflex is somewhat zealous. It also occurs to me that the timing is scarcely coincidental, coming just after we started practising defence."

"I don't get it though. It wasn't like you hurt me during training and you're nothing like my uncle," Harry replied doubtfully

_Could that dream really have been due to our training? Severus said before my dreams are made up of my greatest hopes and fears._

"Yes, you _know_ that as far as logical reasoning guides you but our intuitive reactions are irrational. Instinctively you were scared of me for a moment, which was completely natural given the circumstances."

Harry was grateful for Severus' matter-of-fact appraisal although he felt his cheeks burn in embarrassment at being dubbed 'scared', it hardly seemed worthy of a Gryffindor.

"It is simply a difficulty we will have to work through, Harry. Allowing it to interrupt your training would not be wise."

* * *

Harry curled up in bed that evening still thinking about Forgini potion. For some reason he couldn't get the smell of it out of his mind. Even focusing on occluding didn't shed the distinctive aroma which seemed to have imprinted itself on him.

Eventually Harry drifted into an uneasy sleep, the redolent scent still gripping his conscious mind.

_All at once Harry took an abrupt sharp intake of breath and looked up from his position curled on the cold, stone flooring slabs. _

_His eyes' widened as the Death Eater above him removed his mask. _

"_It's you," he said, the recognition in his voice giving way to bleak, dull tones as all the remaining fight drained away from him._

"_I always knew it would come to this," he whispered despondently._

_For an instant Severus' impassive dark eyes held just a hint of some repressed emotion- shock or perhaps regret- before he yanked him roughly to his feet._

"_Severus." The commanding voice cut across the room with careless authority and Severus responded immediately, turning towards the skeletal form of his Master. _

"_Legilimise him."_

"_Of course, my Lord." Snape replied deferentially raising his wand to Harry._

"_Don't," Harry begged through dry, cracked lips, his voice wavering, his throat raw. "Please-"_

"_Legilimens."_

_And all at once he was in Harry's mind. Past his shield, any ability Harry'd ever had to occlude seeming to vanish. Perhaps he had just given up. _

_Eventually satisfied, Snape turned to face the Dark Lord and meet his gleaming red eyes._

_Meanwhile Harry would have collapsed to the ground once more if Snape hadn't had a firm grasp on his collar. _

_Slowly a terrible smile spread across Voldemort's chalky-white face. _

"_So that's your plan?" He asked softly. "That's__ the very best Harry Potter could come up with."_

_Snape hastily released Harry as the Crucio curse hit him and brought him to the ground. It wasn't the worse bout of Crucio that Harry had ever endured but that gave him little comfort. The pain was still awful and a thin coat of sweat covered his body as waves of the curse tore through him._

_When it was finished Severus hoisted Harry up once again, training his wand on him and awaiting his master's orders._

_Harry tried to grip onto Severus' sleeve but he was still shaking and his clumsy fingers had no grip. His useless legs gave him no support as tremors continued to rack through him._

"_I give up. You hear me? I GIVE UP. It's over. It was always going to come to this. I should have known." Tears streamed down Harry's face. _

"_Finish this." He looked directly at Snape. "Look at me. Just finish this. I'm done."_

_And whatever curse came next seemed to do just that, as Harry felt a pain like he'd never imagined encompass his whole being and turn his world black as everything melted away._

* * *

_**Sorry it's been far too long. RL has been stressful and I started this chapter again because I didn't like my 1st draft. Anyway...  
**_

_** All reviews gratefully received. **  
_


	30. Undiminished

Sorry it's been ages but I'm gonna have much more time to write very soon. I'll try to have the next chapter up within the next fortnight.

* * *

_**Recap:**_

_**Harry tried to hold onto Severus' sleeve but he was still shaking and his clumsy fingers had no grip. His useless legs gave him no support as tremors continued to rack through him.**_

_**"I give up. You hear me? I GIVE UP. It's over. It was always going to come to this. I should have known." Tears streamed down Harry's face. **_

_**"Finish this." He looked directly at Snape. "Look at me. Just finish this. I'm done."**_

_**And whatever curse came next seemed to do just that, as Harry felt a pain like he'd never imagined encompass his whole being and turn his world black as everything melted away.**_

* * *

A ragged gasp of oxygen delivered Harry back to consciousness as if he'd been saved from drowning. Gulping back air he was dimly aware of three forms leaning over him.

"He's alright!"

Harry sat up fully, kicking the knotted sheets away and shuffling back towards the wall. Breathing heavily, his eyes slowly adjusted to the faint lumos and his panic-stricken mind eventually recognised his roommates. His heart still pounding, Harry couldn't stop himself groping beside his bed for his wand, once it was in his hand he felt somewhat calmer.

He tried to speak but the words refused to come out.

"Harry?"

"I-I guess I screamed again," Harry stuttered, trying but failing to keep his voice steady. "Another nightmare- I'm sorry I woke you all."

His roommates looked back at him concern and worry etched upon their faces.

"Merlin; I've never seen a nightmare like that before." Even the normally unflappable Theo sounded somewhat shell-shocked.

"We couldn't wake you," Jasper said shakily, "it was like you were having a seizure and then you went all still and weren't breathing at all, not even a little bit..."

"And then you just opened your eyes really wide," Connor added, "and suddenly started to breathe again."

"What the hell were you dreaming?" Jasper whispered tremulously.

"I don't remember," Harry lied, scrambling to the end of his bed.

He escaped to the bathroom and splashed water on his face before leaning his head against his reflection in the mirror.

There was a persistent knock at the door.

"Harry?"

"I'm fine; go back to bed," he called wearily.

"Are you sure?"

Harry opened the door a small amount.

"Honestly, Connor. I'm fine. I'm probably just gonna take a shower, then read for a bit or something."

"You're not going to go and see Snape this time?"

"No," Harry answered shortly, starting to shut the door.

Connor held the door open for a moment longer. "You know, you can wake me, if you need to."

Harry nodded. _Please just go._ "Yeah. Goodnight."

"'Night."

Harry shut the door and leaned his back against it, pushing his unruly hair back from his face. Then he turned the shower on full pelt and stood under the steaming water for a long time, allowing the water to run over his face.

* * *

"So ...what are you saying; you think Snape's a traitor?" The three of them were sat in a deserted corner of the Owlery.

"Ron! For goodness sake! As if it's not enough that Snape's taught Harry to occlude, _he's been training him in defence._ Why on earth would he be doing all that if he wasn't fully on the Order's- _on Harry's_ side? To say nothing of the fact he lived with him for weeks over the summer-"

"It's ok, Hermione, calm down. And no, Ron, I don't think that."

"But you said it was another dream, _another strange dream_."

Harry sighed and stood up, taking a moment to absentmindedly pet Hedwig, before turning back to his friends.

"Yeah. Well that's what it seemed like, but I was thinking about it all night and it can't have been. I mean, not a seer dream or anything. It wouldn't make sense." Harry shrugged and tried to keep his voice level. "Severus thinks my dreams are all to do with my greatest hopes and fears."

Hermione immediately pounced on this statement. "You've discussed this dream with him?"

"No, but that's what he said about the others."

Hermione began to look even more worried.

"Harry, your other dreams, the ones you said weren't important, were they bad as well?" she asked hesitantly.

"Kind of." Harry didn't meet her eyes as he turned back to Hedwig.

"Harry," Hermione leapt up and took his arm. "Snape doesn't realise there's any reason to assume the dreams could be real. If the dreams are warning you that you might get hurt don't you think you should tell him?"

"Oh yeah; Severus, when Voldemort captures me, would you mind _not_ helping him?" Harry snorted humourlessly, "I'm sure that'll go down well."

"It might have been an act," Ron reasoned standing up to join them. "If the dream's true, Snape could have been playing a part; pretending."

"A bloody good act, seeing as he was standing by, _helping_ Voldemort while I died!"

"Don't say that, Harry, if that _was_ a premonition you probably fainted or something."

Harry shook his head slightly. "I've fainted before, Ron, _this_ was different."

"So what were your other dreams about?" Hermione watched him looking very serious. "I know you don't want to talk about them Harry, but can't you see that we should try to work out what all this means?"

Harry nodded gripping onto the ledge of the owlery for a moment as if to steer himself to speak. "You're right," he admitted eventually. "Um, well. I don't know what to say. I've had dreams about Sirius obviously; him being here at Hogwarts and with an Irish man. Some of my dreams weren't anything really: just footsteps and feeling cold..." He hesitated for a moment. "But some of the dreams have been about me getting hurt, hence the greatest fears thing," he finished quietly.

"When you say getting hurt what do you mean?" Hermione prompted.

"The other day I dreamt that Severus was really mad at me, he shook me and knocked me down." Harry averted his eyes again, feeling embarrassed. "Before that I dreamt I was back with the Dursleys." Harry paused briefly as he decided he didn't really need to elaborate on that one. "Oh and then there's The Stabbing One."

"The Stabbing One?" Hermione repeated.

"I used to get that one quite a lot over the summer. Someone curses me, there's a silver flash and it hits my chest, feels like I've been stabbed." Harry shot a wry grin at Hermione. "A psychiatrist would have a field day with me right?"

"You mean like _Vulnus Ictus_?" Ron blurted out.

"You what?"

"You know, like what little kids say: you'd better run before the bad wizard knocks you down with the silver flash." Ron looked at them as if it was obvious. "_Vulnus Ictus._"

Harry and Hermione looked at each other.

"Ron," Hermione said slowly. "You do realise that's not a muggle saying."

"It's not a saying," Ron replied. "It's more like a game. One kid pretends to have been hit by the curse and has clutch their heart and beg the caster to revoke the spell so they won't die."

"That's horrible," Hermione sounded repulsed. "Surely children don't really play like that?"

"I don't know," Harry said, "think about muggle kids playing Ring-A-Ring-A-Roses. So... it's a real spell then, this stabbing curse, I mean _I didn't_ just dream it up?"

"Well it was a real spell," Ron sounded uncertain, "years ago. Supposedly anyway. But no one would ever use it anymore."

"Because...?"

"It's a slow killer," Ron replied reluctantly. "It's supposed to take the caster quite a lot of power to sustain the spell, 'cause it lasts for months, gradually weakening the victim."

Hermione's eyes darted from him to Harry.

"But there _is_ a counterspell, you said?"

"Yeah, but it can only be revoked by the caster, supposedly."

"Let's hope whoever casts it on me is just having a laugh then," Harry muttered.

"Harry! You don't think this is real?"

"I don't know _what_ to think. I thought I'd just dreamt the curse up as part of a nightmare, but now I'm hearing that it's apparently real."

"You could easily have heard of it before. The fact you dreamt of it doesn't mean anything. It might have been mentioned in history of magic when Binn's was covering Dormant spells," Ron pointed out.

Harry turned to Hermione. "Do _you _remember hearing anything about it?"

Hermione shook her head wordlessly.

"You might not have even registered it when you did hear it mentioned," Ron reasoned. "You could have seen something about it in a book, or heard guys in the dorm joking about it. Just like you might have picked up on Connor being an animagus from some hint in something he said or did. Honestly mate, I wouldn't let it panic you."

"No. No. I won't. It's not. It's just... if it _is_ nothing, _if _all my dreams_ don't _come true,what does that mean for Sirius?"

Ron caught Hermione's eye for a brief moment.

"Harry," he said awkwardly with all the tact he could muster, "you know we'll be here for you whatever happens, right?"

Hermione couldn't bear to see her friend looking so utterly miserable.

"_Harry_," she pulled him towards her to hug him.

"He might still be ok," he mumbled into her hair.

Hermione met Ron's doubtful eyes beside Harry's head.

Harry seemed to sense her circumspection and pulled himself out of her grasp; his green eyes were glistening and his jaw was set in a determined stance. "I won't believe it," he said simply, "I don't think I'll ever believe he's actually dead until they find his body."

"Oh, Harry," she said again, her voice almost inaudible. She was becoming more and more certain that Harry was heading for disappointment, but at least he wouldn't be able to sneak outside and into danger anymore, now that Snape had taken his cloak.

He took a step backwards, unable to cope with any more sympathy. "I'd better go. I've got detention again in a minute and probably training later."

"Ok, we'll meet you afterwards. Room of requirement?"

Harry nodded. "I'm bringing Connor."

"See you later."

* * *

Detention that evening turned out to be more brewing, this time a universal antidote which would counteract most basic poisons.

Even though Harry knew that his latest dream couldn't possibly come true, he still found it a bit unnerving seeing Severus up close. It took every bit of his concentration to stay calm and focused on his brewing, particularly when Severus started lecturing about the properties of various poisons. All in all, Harry felt relieved when detention came to an end and it became obvious that there would be no opportunity for training as the heads of four houses had been summoned to a special meeting with Dumbledore.

Therefore it was still relatively early when Harry and Connor made their way to meet Ron and Hermione.

The room that the two of them had evidently desired was a cosy little lounge. It was comfortably furnished with sofas, armchairs and beanbags. There was even a coffee table complete with pumpkin juice and biscuits and a warming fire in the grate.

"Harry!" Ron had been sat snugly propped up against Hermione on a huge, squashy sofa when the door had opened, but he immediately edged away, as if he were embarrassed to be seen sitting quite so close to her.

"So did you talk to-" Hermione immediately began to question him, but Harry cut her off with a slight shake of his head; after all, Connor wasn't supposed to know that Severus was training him.

"So was detention ok mate?" Ron reached for a couple biscuits before offering the plate around.

"About as good as it ever is," Harry said wryly, plonking his bag down next to the sofa.

"Hmph. I swear that git would be happier with a poison based curriculum!" Connor declared helping himself to a biscuit and throwing himself onto a beanbag.

"You were making poison?" Ron asked.

"Universal antidote," Harry replied before pointing out to Connor, "at least you didn't have to test anything today."

"He let you make that?" Hermione looked wistful. "We're not supposed to do that till seventh year."

"Which makes you wonder why he's got you doing all that Remedial Potions," Connor said thoughtfully looking at Harry. "He clearly doesn't think you actually need it..."

"Seriously, you never saw what Harry was like without the Remedial lessons," Ron was quick to joke.

"But Crabbe and Goyle don't get extra help..."

"Snape's always been a bit erratic," Hermione said a little nervously.

Harry cast a quick tempus before changing the subject. "Look we'd better get on, we haven't got that long till curfew."

"Do you really think you'll be able to teach us to occlude?" Ron asked excitedly. "And the Animagus transformation?"

"Well, it's not that easy, and may take a while, but I don't see any reason why not." Connor seemed amused by Ron's eagerness.

"Fantastic! None of them, not Bill, nor Charlie, Fred or George, _not even Percy_...none of them can do either one of those. I'll be the first one!"

"Shall I start with you then?" Connor asked edging his beanbag closer to Ron. "I'll cast_ Legilimens_ on you and you can get an inkling of what it feels like and then we're talk about shields."

Harry watched them carefully. "Be careful," he warned Connor, "we don't want him to end up with a splitting headache or anything."

Connor paused, wand in hand. "I don't understand, _again _you're telling me not to use legilimency to hurt anyone, but I've never known it to be used in such a manner. Did Dumbledore really hurt you when he was teaching you?"

Harry shrugged. "It was nothing, just a couple headaches."

"But didn't you tell him to tone it down a bit?"

"Yeah, well, I guess he thought going all out was better training."

"That doesn't make any sense though, it'd be like throwing things at someone on their first broom to train them to steer better!"

"Yeah, well." Harry didn't really know what to make of that. _Why didn't Severus go easier on me?_ He'd used to think that Severus actually enjoyed tormenting him during their occlumency lessons. _But over the summer he wanted me to succeed, didn't he?_ Harry shrugged his shoulders_, It doesn't really matter now anyway,_ he decided, _seeing as I learnt to occlude properly in the end._

Connor was still looking at him. "I wonder if that's why your shield is so weird."

"What's weird about Harry's shield?" Hermione asked curiously.

"Occlumens use a stationary wall or block, behind which they close up their thoughts and memories. Golden boy's shield ... well I don't really know how it works. Harry?"

"I just imagine flying."

"I can kind of see that," Connor said nodding. "It's all over the place, constantly moving. I guess it shows just how much flying is in your blood, but it's still pretty weird."

"Do you think his shield is stronger or weaker than conventional shields?" Hermione asked pulling out a quill and parchment ready to take notes.

"Well you can tell me what you think when you've learnt to legilimise," Connor grinned. "Compare the two of us."

"You're going to teach us legilimency as well as occlumency?"

"Well the two go kind of hand in hand. Legilimency is a brilliant defensive aid as well, well worth knowing for duelling alone and it's usually a piece of cake once you've learnt to occlude."

Hermione raised her eyebrows glancing towards Harry. "It seems that's another area that Dumbledore's training fell short in."

* * *

"So why do you think Snape didn't teach you legilimency?" Ron asked when he had the opportunity to speak to Harry alone as Hermione and Connor left the Room or Requirement engrossed in a conversation about occlumency texts.

"I dunno. I mean he must've known I'd be able to do it. I mean, I kind of legilimised him a bit by mistake last year during one of our occlumency lessons..." Harry shrugged.

"Huh," Ron sounded puzzled, "well at least we've got Connor to show us now. Legilimency's going to keep us one step ahead of all our enemies; we'll be able to know what hexes they're casting before they say them. And I can't wait till I see Malfoy's face in DADA when we kick his arse in duels!" Ron was clearly on a high after his first attempts at occlumency and Harry had to bite his tongue to restrain himself from dampening Ron's fervor by pointing out that none of them had actually learnt anything yet and it had taken him _months_ to learn occlumency.

Having said that, the grimly determined expression on Hermione's face had made it clear that she had found a new project worthy of her spare time. Connor's repeated bouts of legilimising her while she was unable to shield herself hadn't seemed to put her off in the slightest. Now that she had the bit between her teeth Harry was sure she would become an occlumens in an impressively quick period of time.

"Anyway, how come you didn't try legilimency yourself tonight?" Ron asked.

Both Hermione and Ron had attempted to legilimise Connor, without any success that evening, although he'd assured them it would probably be easier after they had mastered occlumency.

"I was busy thinking about the tips Connor'd given me about becoming an animagus."

"This is going be fantastic," Ron said happily. "What with Snape's training, which you can show us, and Connor's stuff, we're all going to be miles ahead of the rest of our year!"

* * *

Ron's enthusiasm had slightly more grounds for justification the next morning during their free period.

"Come on Golden-boy!" Connor had called out urging Harry to join them.

"I want to keep trying at the animagus stuff for a bit longer," he'd replied from the opposite end of the cramped room.

"Harry you can do that later, when you're on your own even. You may as well join us for legilimency seeing as you can't practise that without other people!" Hermione pointed out logically.

"Yeah come on Harry!"

Harry reluctantly stood up and walked over to them.

"Don't you want to sit down?" Connor asked.

Harry shrugged. "I'm ok standing."

"Ok then," Connor had told Ron and Hermione. "I'll legilimise him and he'll occlude. Then in a minute we'll talk you through what we were thinking at every step."

Connor trained his wand on Harry. "Just let me know whenever you're ready."

Harry chuckled slightly to himself. Connor and Severus' techniques couldn't be more different. Harry was utterly used to occluding constantly so he didn't need a warning, but he supposed it was polite of Connor to prepare him.

"Go ahead," he said casually.

"_Legilimens_."

Harry felt a faint pressure on his shield momentarily which he shifted effortlessly.

"Are you OK?" he asked Connor who looked a bit perturbed.

"Yeah sure, it's just... seriously you have no idea _how_ strange that shield is. Really it's quite a shock, Declan could always chuck me out eventually but with you, it leaves me feeling kind of giddy."

"Try again?"

"Yeah. That didn't hurt right?"

"Nah; you can go much harder."

But no matter how much power Connor put behind his legilimency the attempts always seemed weak to Harry and he was always able to jolt him out immediately with ease.

"This isn't too good for my ego you know," Connor joked after he almost fell off his beanbag when Harry threw out another attempt. "Tell you what, you can have a go at legilimising me next if you like?"

Harry nodded drawing out his wand.

"So I just say _Legilimens_ and look you in the eyes?"

"Make sure your occlumency shield is at its peak, obviously I'm not going to try and counter- legilimise you, but Declan always said it was a good practise to get into because the mental connection will create weaknesses in the shields of even the strongest occlumens."

_Which would explain the snapshot I saw of Severus' memories last year._

"OK." Harry concentrated until he felt confident that his shield was impenetrable.

"And when you look into my eyes you need to try to sense the outline of my shield," Connor explained.

Harry stared deeply into Connor's hazel eyes.

"I don't get it... how?"

"It's a fort," Connor said patiently. "I'm visualising myself looking down at you from a great height, you're the other side of the moat..."

"Uh..." Harry screwed up his forehead into a frown as he concentrated.

"Come on golden-boy, you can do this. There's loads of water just by your feet..."

"I see it, I think..."

"That's it, I can feel you! Easy now."

Harry immediately tempered his efforts. _After everything I've said I don't want to be the one to cause any pain during legilimency!_

The water in front of him wouldn't stop much the way it was drying up...

"Easy does it," murmured Connor a bead of sweat appearing on his face. "Can you see the bricks?"

Harry could. There was a thin wall in front of him. It didn't look that strong, in fact he was pretty sure he could dismantle it if..."

A slight gasp from Connor, made him hesitate and almost lose sight of the wall completely.

"Sorry...?"

"No it's ok. Just go slowly ok?"

"Ok."

Very slowly Harry began to visualise the wall crumbling. The bricks were old and brittle, he had to concentrate hard to stop them all collapsing immediately. Carefully, a hole began to appear in the wall and through that he could sense the outer surface of Connor's mind..."

Harry pulled back, blinking.

_That was so weird!_

Connor leaned back on his beanbag, exhaling sharply. "How did you know how to do that? I didn't expect you to be able to break through my shield on your first attempt. Do you realise you used about a dozen legilimency techniques on me there!"

Harry couldn't think what to say.

"I just concentrated on bits which looked old," he said at last. "I didn't hurt you did I?"

"Noooo, but the pressure...well." Connor sounded impressed. "You're clearly very different to Declan. His legilimency seemed weaker, but then given that your occlumency's different perhaps that's to be expected. Maybe that's what comes of training under the most powerful wizard of the age. See if you can legilimise Ron now."

* * *

That evening Harry trained with Severus after his detention. They were still concentrating upon shields and although Harry was now able to perform a wordless _Protego _consistently, casting it wandlessly seemed near on impossible.

After numerous failed attempts, during which Severus didn't seem at all pleased, they stopped for a break. Sweaty and aching from being hexed so many times, albeit it by fairly childish spells, Harry still felt fairly content with his progress. His wordless _Protegos_ were becoming instinctive _and_ he'd found himself beginning to use wordless magic for some other spells outside of training over the past few days. In any case, he knew that Severus was often overly critical and was determined not to let it put him off; after all he couldn't afford to become disheartened.

_Lots of wizards don't ever manage to cast wordless or wandless magic anyway, especially at fifteen!_

"I don't know what you're looking so pleased about, that was a fairly abysmal display," Severus griped, helping Harry to his feet.

"Well, my wordless magic's alright now, isn't it, even if I'm still rubbish at wandless stuff?"

"You need to practise more; I want to start using some more advanced hexes and curses but you need to be accomplished at shielding first."

_Well at least he didn't contradict me._

"Let me show you something else I've learnt, ready?" Harry quickly raised his wand. "_Legilimens_," he said pushing gently at the older wizard's mind.

Severus recognised the slight pressure almost instantly and reacted fiercely. Harry barely had time to register a huge imposing brick wall, towering so high that it blocked out all sunlight, before he felt a mental nudge so forceful that he staggered backwards.

"How _dare_ you!" Severus sounded shocked.

"I warned you," Harry protested, "I just wanted to show you what I can do! Connor's been teaching me legilimency."

Severus breathed deeply, seemingly uncertain about whether he felt impressed or angry.

"You need to be more explicit in your warnings," he said heavily and then after a moments silence, "very well, try again, then."

It was like the lessons with Connor and the others had never happened. This time, not only could Harry not access Severus' memories, he couldn't even _find_ his mind. Harry gazed into Severus' obsidian eyes, but they seemed like bottomless pits.

"Could you try to occlude a bit less fiercely?" Harry suggested eventually, "So I at least have a chance?"

Severus sighed and nodded, this time Harry began to see his wall again, before being pushed out no less emphatically than the first time.

"Ah," Harry sounded disappointed, 'I was doing really well with Connor, Ron and Hermione."

"With three children who do not know how to occlude?" Severus raised an eyebrow, utterly unimpressed.

"Connor does. And he's teaching Ron and Hermione. I was wondering-" Harry hesitated, not wanting to offend Severus.

"What?"

"Why didn't you teach me legilimency? It's pretty easy, Connor says that's probably because I know how to occlude. So why didn't you show me? I mean, in a battle situation I'll be able to tell what someone's about to cast at me before they even speak..."

"You think I have been remiss in teaching you?" Severus sounded distinctly unamused.

"No! I just wondered that's all."

"Do you really presume that I would neglect to inform you of an important defensive technique, if it were that simplistic?"

Harry shook his head, although to be honest he didn't really know what he thought. It was clear that Severus really wasn't a perfect teacher; that much was obvious from all his lessons in previous years...

"Learn your legilimency. It can be a useful tool to have at your disposal and no doubt you will do very well in DADA classes by utilising it, but do not for one moment expect to rely upon it in a battle."

Harry drank in the serious expression on Severus' countenance in silence.

"Harry, tell me, if you are in conflict, your so-called 'battle situation,' who do you envision fighting against?"

"Well Voldemort obviously, Malfoy, Bellatrix, Crabbe, Goyle and all the rest."

"And do you really believe that your legilimency will help you against the Dark Lord and his allies? Do you _really _think that you'll be able to decipher their spells before they speak?"

_Well, you clearly think that's ludicrous so..._

"They can all occlude?" Harry guessed.

"Of course they can all occlude. Do you actually suppose that anyone could survive as a Death Eater without at least some basic ability in occlumency? This isn't a game, the skills_ I'm_ showing you are the ones which may very well save your life one day."

Harry looked away. _First Hermione and now Severus! Why does everyone think I'm mucking about? I know how important all of this is._

Steering himself to keep his temper, Harry grabbed his glass of water and drained it quickly. He turned back to Severus, deliberately leaving his wand on the table next to his empty glass.

"Can we try again? I'm ready."

* * *

Please review!

Next chapter will be within a fortnight.

Oh and if anyone's interested I uploaded a one shot/first chapter of another story a couple days ago. It's called 'Damaged' and the basic premise is that Harry grew up in a children's home instead of with the Dursleys.


	31. Limits

**RECAP -because it's been a ridiculously long time and I'm sure everyone has forgotten what's happening:**

**Harry went to stay with Severus in the summer and moved into Slytherin when they came back to school. He managed to find a way to occlude and has recently become a Legilimens with the help of Connor (who is new to Hogwarts). Harry has been having a series of strange and disturbing dreams (which are possibly premonitions) some of which he desperately wants to come true but others he dreads.**

* * *

"What's with all the Aurors at breakfast this morning?" Connor wondered as they made their way along the corridor to History.

"There was a notice up this morning, some new security measures from the Ministry," Hermione replied distractedly. "Is Harry alright?" she added in a quiet voice.

"Not really," Connor lowered his voice to the same level as Hermione's. "I thought he'd be happy, now he's finished all those detentions, but he's been miserable ever since."

Hermione bit her lip as her eyes briefly followed the back of Harry's head.

"How did the remedial potions lesson go for him last night?"

"I don't know. He won't discuss it with me, says he doesn't want to talk about it."

They entered the door to the classroom and took their places on the empty seats beside Harry and Ron.

"She's driving me mad," Harry whispered.

"She's worried about you."

"I'm fine. _It's_ fine. She just needs to relax a bit."

"Yeah," Ron said unconvincingly, looking at Harry's wan face, "you do seem a bit knackered though, mate."

"Please just... leave it."

Harry shifted slightly to focus upon Professor Binns, effectively blocking any further conversation between them.

* * *

At the end of the lesson Harry was half way through the door before Hermione cornered him.

"Hermoine-" he started wearily.

"It's ok I'm not going to say anything," She interrupted quickly, "but I've got something for you."

Delving in her bag and rooting through books and parchments she withdrew a thick, greying text with '_Obsolete spells: A study of the dying arts of antiquity'_ embossed upon the front cover in faded golden letters.

"I figured that if you're going to deal with everything yourself you could at least use some resources to help you, so I started researching things." She held the book out to him.

Harry took it reluctantly.

"Page one hundred and seventy three," she told him.

Harry slowly opened the book and flicked through it to the relevant page. He squinted to make out the faint worn text.

* * *

_Vulnus Ictus _

_**Last recorded use 1728**_

_A dark curse which was seldom used due to the power drain it imposed upon the caster._

_Anecdotal accounts suggest that recipients may sometimes survive for up to five months before the curse reaches it's deadly conclusion._

_**Effects of Vulnus Ictus:**_

_Vulnus Ictus__ is characterised by a shimmering silver flash which marks the recipient upon contact. Initial bleeding and severe pain at the contact point lasts for some minutes before receding and leaving an indented, circular curse scar. _

_The curse has three stages of development. Initially, the recipient's quality of life is relatively good. There may be some intermittent disturbances to the wizard or witches magical power, and for brief periods his or her magical health may actually seem to have improved. _

_In the second stage the recipient enters a clear decline, his or her magical ability wanes dramatically and the curse scar burns as it begins to spread. The patient begins to waste; psychosis and hallucinations begin as he or she struggles to sleep, eat and speak. _

_In the final stage the recipient is completely blind and mute as the curse scar spreads rapidly and begins to become gangrenous. Depending upon the caster's intention, skill and magical strength death at this stage will follow within days or weeks.* _

_*One unknown wizard is said to have recovered from second stage __Vulnus Ictus__ after the caster, Kieran Franklin-Jones, willingly performed a counter curse, however other accounts suggest that he might actually have been subjected to the __Vulnus Aperion__ curse (see page 129), which is rarely fatal. _

* * *

Harry snapped the book shut without a comment.

"Um, well, we'd better get going..."Rob said sounding uncomfortable.

"Yeah, let's do that," Harry said, shoving the book in his bag.

"What's in the book?" Connor asked.

"Nothing important," Harry said looking directly at Hermione and turned sharply to stride away on his own.

He made it down the corridor and out of the door before he heard the steps hurrying after him. "Harry, wait!" A voice called out breathlessly.

Mid-way up the owlery steps, Harry stopped and spun round to face Ron.

"Have you read it?" he demanded.

Ron nodded, looking sick.

"I mean, what the hell! _Why_ would she give me that to read?"

"I... She... She's trying to help."

"Well, I wish she wouldn't. Seriously," Harry lowered his voice, "when she thought my dreams were good she said they wouldn't come true. It's only now that she knows they're bad that she's convinced they're my fate!"

"She's not. She just thinks reading up on stuff can't do any harm. She's trying to help."

"Trust me. Reading stuff like that is_ not_ gonna help."

"She's worried."

Harry sighed. "Yeah."

"I'm worried too," Ron admitted. "You're quiet. Tired. You're not talking to us about what's happening. You don't come to quidditch practise now even though you can..."

"My ban only finished two days ago!"

"We just... I don't know what you're doing, what you're thinking."

Harry shrugged. "I'm training. You know that."

"Yeah, but you don't tell us about it anymore. And Connor says you seem really down in the evenings when you go back to your dorm. I just want to know if you're ok."

Harry sighed again and sat down on the stone staircase.

"I'm fine," he said at last. "The training's getting tougher and I'm not doing very well so far. But I'm determined to do it," he added quickly, "if I can ever manage wandless magic, that is."

Ron plonked himself down a few steps below Harry. "Well you never thought you'd be able to occlude but you're brilliant at that now. Maybe you just need more practise."

"Yeah maybe," Harry echoed. "There is one thing I want to show you though-" he took a quick glance up the stairway behind him, "I've kept working on the Animagus transformation and look."

Ron watched as Harry sat very still, and after a few minutes he could just make out where Harry seemed, almost imperceptibly, to shimmer very slightly.

"Did you see?" Harry asked at last.

"You're shimmering!"

"Yeah. Well, a bit anyway. It'll probably still take ages to do it properly-"

"What does Connor think?"

Harry sighed. "I don't know. The stuff he tells me about transforming is more complicated than what Sirius said, you know so I'm going more by that really. I mean I guess everyone has their own way of doing it and I never seem to end up doing things the conventional way... it just comes together somehow."

For a moment Ron felt a brief surge of envy which he quickly pushed aside. _He bloody deserves it considering how hard he's working anyway._ "This is so cool, Harry. You're gonna be an Occlumens, a Legilimens and an Animagus! Wandless magic eventually too, and all in your fifth year."

* * *

Later that evening Harry tried to share Ron's optimism as he hesitated outside the Room of Requirements; Severus' office didn't quite cut it with the type of training they were covering now.

All of a sudden the door was flung open.

"Are you going to come in or not?" Severus demanded. "Or do you intend to lurk outside in the corridor all evening?"

Harry walked past him, ignoring the griping.

"You're supposed to be being circumspect; after all there aren't any plausible reasons as to why I'd be holding a remedial potions lesson in here."

Harry shrugged. "No one was out there, they're all too busy staring at the Aurors in the Great Hall," he muttered and laid his bag onto one of two chairs at a table by the door. "Why is Dumbledore increasing the security around the castle anyway? Does he think we'll about to be attacked?"

"I have no idea what he is up to, although he has assured me that it is only a temporary measure," Severus replied sourly.

"That doesn't make any sense, it's either dangerous or it's not. Why would he get a load of Aurors down here and then get rid of them?"

"I stopped trying to fathom out the workings of the headmaster's mind years ago. No doubt he will enlighten us all when he is good and ready. Although the sooner the Aurors are all gone, the better, in my opinion."

A new alarming thought struck Harry. "Moody isn't here is he?"

"I don't believe that even Albus felt _that _would be a good idea, although having said that there are plenty of other Aurors that I may well choose to hex in his stead."

"Do you really hate them all that much?" Harry blurted out. "I mean I kind of get Moody after this summer, but the rest of them?"

"They hate _me _and would relish nothing more than to cart me off to Azkaban if it wasn't for Albus' influence. And yes, I do despise some of them. In my experience the type of wizards who want to be Aurors are usually arrogant fools, more concerned about getting results than seeing the complexities in a situation; and not above using dark magic themselves if it means they get confessions."

Harry swallowed uncomfortably. He'd wanted to be an Auror since the first year, after all it was what his Dad had done; protecting people. But using dark magic to get confessions... well that basically meant torture didn't it? No wonder Severus distrusted Moody so much then, after being interrogated by him.

"Come on then," Severus said, waiting impatiently.

Quickly, Harry slipped his cloak off and chucked it on top of his bag.

He looked around the rest of the huge room which was bleak and empty, the bare floor made of stone slabs. _Falling on_ _that's going to be hurt,_ Harry thought and the next instant the floor adjusted itself so that it was made up of varnished wooden panels.

"Are you quite finished, perhaps you'd like a carpet or cushioning charms?" Severus suggested dryly.

Harry gave a small rueful smile and slowly followed him into the middle of the room trying to ignore the growing queasiness in his stomach and the fact that his legs felt like they'd turned to lead.

"So tonight, we'll try the _Fiendfyre_ _curse, Ossis Effergo_ and_ Praefoco Prefoco,_" Severus told him unemotionally.

Harry felt his mouth going dry. "Yeah."

"Pass me your wand." Severus held his hand out to take it and for a breath moment Harry felt an urge to refuse before he handed it to the Professor.

Hands clenched by his sides, he backed off a few paces, his breathing already becoming short and erratic.

"Harry-" Severus looked him directly in the eye and for once seemed to hesitate. "Are you sure you want to do this?"

"I've agreed. We need to force me to start using my wandless magic," Harry said slightly breathlessly. "and we both know harmless jinxes and hexes aren't going to do that."

"But after yesterday-"

"Just do it!" Harry said gritting his teeth. His eyes were now glued on Severus' wand.

"Very well; prepare yourself." Severus said tonelessly, giving only a slight pause before incanting, "_Ossis Effergo,_" as Harry immediately shouted, "Protego!"

As Severus gave an almost lazy flick of his wand a dark blue jet of light shot through the air and hit Harry left wrist. His attempts at a wandless _Protego _having proved completely fruitless once again, Harry was left gasping from the bone breaking curse.

Rocking on his feet trying to deal with the pain, Harry held his good hand up to stop Severus from approaching him.

"It's fine," he said unsteadily, closing his eyes tightly for a moment as he fought to control himself. "Carry on."

"Your wrist is fractured," Severus said dispassionately.

Harry nodded rapidly. "It'll be worth it."

The next curse Severus cast was the notoriously unstable _Fiendfyre_ and Harry actually forgot the pain in his wrist as he backed away from the eight foot wide, ferocious, fire serpent. _I hope Severus can control this_, he thought wildly as he stumbled away from the blazing inferno. _I hope it won't burn me too badly..._

He was running now, rapidly trying to get to the back of the seemingly endless room, all thoughts of a wandless _Protego _utterly forgotten.

_I need something to hide behind,_ he thought at last in an exhausted panic, before noticing a huge metal cabinet a few feet away. _At least the rooms on my side, _he decided.

However the Serpent wasn't stopped by the metal cabinet and Harry watched in horror as it slithered onto the cabinet and towered over him.

Instinctively he turned sharply, determined to protect his broken wrist from further injury if nothing else. When the Serpent reached him he found that there was no way to hold in his screams as the burning flames blistered his right side...

Then all at once it vanished and Severus was beside him looking thunderous.

"What in Merlin's name was that debacle?" he stormed. "Lie down," he forced Harry roughly to the floor and ran his wand over the sleeve of Harry's shirt which shed away.

Harry couldn't choke back the tears as he hardly dared to look at the angry red blisters on his arm.

Delving into his pocket Severus produced a pot and taking Harry's right hand he immediately began to rub ointment into his hand and arm.

"You weren't even trying to cast a shield were you? WERE YOU?"

Harry immediately began to feel a little better as his right hand and arm began to be heal, and he could see there was plenty of ointment left in the pot. "My leg," he whispered.

"That can wait," Severus glared at him. "Did it really not occur to you that it would be better to cast _Protego_ than shelter yourself with your wand-arm?"

"My wand-arm?" Harry was nonplussed. "_That's_ why you're mad? I thought you said you'd make sure you didn't give me any permanent injuries?"

"These are not schoolboy spells, Harry," Severus sneered, "even you must know that dark magic can be unpredictable. Although _I am_ confident that I will not maim you, I would rather not cast any spells which affect your wand-arm, even temporarily, _particularly given your utter incompetence at wandless magic_."

Stung, Harry scrambled to his feet. He tried to ignore the immense pain in his left arm and the blisters he could still feel on his hip and thigh.

"Let's try again," he declared.

Severus made a move to pass him the ointment but Harry stopped him. "No, like you said, it can wait. I can take it. Do it."

Severus looked at him appraisingly, seeming to have recovered his temper somewhat. "Do you know _Praefoco Prefoco?_" he asked coolly.

Harry shook his head.

"It's also known as the asphyxiation curse. You will find it advisable to actually cast _Protego_ this time as there will be nowhere to run."

Harry felt a wave of nausea pass through him and just nodded slightly; he was fighting to stay on his feet even now, before the curse was even cast.

Mentally he tried to prepare himself_. Protego, Protego, Protego. _Somewhere dimly his mind registered that if he couldn't cast wandlessly now, with _this_ level of pain to motivate him, he never would.

Severus raised his wand, "_Praefoco Prefoco," he incanted, as Harry screamed, "PROTEGO!"_

The Spell hit him like a brick wall, knocking his breath out of him. His chest immediately hurt; it felt as if a heavy weight was on top of his lungs squashing them down. Irrationally he fought desperately to breathe, although the whole point of _Praefoco Prefoco _was that you _couldn't. _Even though the spell probably hadn't been cast for more than a few seconds, time seemed to be standing still. He fell to his knees, sending a sharp jolt of pain through the burns on his right thigh. He clutched at his chest...

And suddenly the curse was lifted.

Dizzy and white a sheet, Harry stood up again, swaying.

_It hadn't worked. It __**had**__ to work. It just had to._

"Ok," he said in a wavering voice through lips tinged with blue, "try again."

As Severus took a quick step towards him the room seemed to spin.

"Are there _any_ limits to your self-destruction, Harry?"

Harry couldn't really take in what Severus was saying, he only knew that he couldn't take it. Not insults, not now.

"You're -" Severus continued but then cut himself off, barely having time to fire off a cushioning charm as Harry fainted.

* * *

Harry was unconscious for almost three hours. Severus could tell the moment that he began to stir, his hands inched towards the burns on his hip and thigh but stopped trembling, just short of touching them, as if sensing how much contact would hurt.

Emerald eyes, bright with pain, fluttered open and focused upon the tall slightly blurry figure beside the bed. As Harry was given his glasses his vision became clearer; he was in his room in Severus' quarters. He looked briefly at his body, he was in some sort of hospital gown which had been cut open to expose his blistered hip and thigh, which looked even worse than he'd imagined despite the fact that they were now covered in ointment. His broken wrist also seemed to have been fixed, although it still ached somewhat. The pain in his wrist was nothing to his burns though, his thigh and hip were _agony_.

"Why," Harry spoke with effort as if he was struggling with each word, "why does it hurt more now than before?"

"The burn ointment is laced with a heavy painkiller and your last batch is wearing off. I shall apply some more in due course."

A couple heavy breaths followed this statement before Harry gave a short beseeching reply. "_Now; please._"

Severus shook his head. "The ointment contains opiates, I've given you as much as I can until one o'oclock. You will be more comfortable after the next dose because it will build on the residue already in your body."

Harry bit his lip and leaned his head back against the pillow. He was silent for some minutes before asking.

"Why haven't the other burns healed as well as those on my arm?"

For an instant Severus seemed almost shame faced. "The ointment has a greater efficacy if it is applied immediately. Even those few minutes delay until we'd finished training have made a noticeable difference. We should've stopped immediately."

"You didn't think I was burned this badly?"

"No I knew," Severus replied shortly. Harry didn't know what to make of _that_. Well actually he supposed he did; _it was necessary. It has to be done to force out my wandless magic and if it hurts, well that's just too bad_. He gnawed his lip again.

"When I'm better, I'll try again-"

"No," Severus interrupted, "that's an end to it."

"But you can't just give up on me," Harry protested his face stricken. "I just need more practise; I'll be able to do it if I keep going."

"No, you won't," Severus said simply.

"Please," Harry was close to tears once more. "You've got to help me!"

Wordlessly Severus summoned a calming potion. "You little fool," he said gently as he handed Harry the vial. "I'm not saying I won't train you, simply that we will concentrate on more expedient methods."

Gulping the potion straight back, Harry's breathing became less frantic as he could feel his body relaxing despite his pain and distress.

"But I need to be able to do this," he said with less urgency behind his words.

"And perhaps one day you will, but not in the immediate future, Harry," Severus replied. "You mustn't allow your Gryffindor foolhardiness to blind you to the proper course of action."

He stood up, drawing Harry's wand from one of the pockets of his robe.

"Whenever you are ready we will begin working on wanded shields."

He held the wand out to Harry who took it, trying hard to ignore a sense of utter failure as he did so.

* * *

After Harry's next dose of ointment he soon fell asleep, Severus could see that the pain had eased considerably as the muscles in his face relaxed and his breathing became rhythmic.

Severus turned to the corporal phoenix which had been waiting patiently beside him for some minutes. "Fine, I'm coming," he told it irritably.

Satisfied the phoenix departed in a graceful flight. Severus sighed and then cast a monitoring charm on Harry before leaving his room and flooing to Dumbledore's office. Stepping out of the fire he sat down heavily in the chair opposite the headmaster without offering any pleasantries.

Dumbledore looked at him over the tops of his glasses. "So how did the training fare tonight, Severus?" he inquired mildly.

Severus gave him an incredulous look. "Did you really believe that after sixteen years as a spy I wouldn't notice your viewing charm?"

"Ah, well, yes I do admit that I found it advisable to maintain a certain level of interest in young Harry this evening," Dumbledore conceded.

"So you know exactly how the training fared," Severus pointed out in a dark tone.

"But my dear boy, you were quite right in what you did," Dumbledore reassured him. "We had to test him."

"No," Severus snapped. "It was _not_ right. What I did was necessary but by no stretch of the imagination can it be deemed _right_."

There followed a long moment of silence before Dumbledore continued.

"We needed to know if he could be taxed into using wandless magic-"

"And now we know."

Dumbledore inclined his head. "Well disappointing as this is, it's not insurmountable. You were of course quite right in your decision to now focus upon using more conventional training. I am sure Harry will be eager to learn some of your skills with various shields."

"Not insurmountable!" Severus repeated in disbelief. "Have you lost all grip on reality? By Merlin, this was crucial Albus! He didn't fail an essay, _this matters. _He needs to be able to use wandless magic."

"A power the Dark Lord knows not," Dumbledore reminded him lightly. "Wandless magic of itself hardly fits that description."

"But it certainly bodes ill," Severus said sharply, "that he isn't powerful enough to use it."

"He's still a child-"

"He's fifteen!" Severus replied.

"-and as you know for some wizards wandless magic develops much later."

"Not for his father," Severus noted bleakly. "Nor the Dark Lord, nor Lucius, Bellatrix or any one of a dozen truly powerful witches and wizards whom I have encountered. I assume you could cast wandlessly as a teen?"

"And you could add yourself to that list," Dumbledore added wryly. "But this is all academic. We will have faith in Harry and given time I am sure his power will be shown, perhaps when we least expect it. In any case the prophecy is only one form of truth; I truly hope that we might be able to thwart it."

Severus went very still. "You mean the Horcrux, of course?"

Dumbledore's eyes sparkled. "We have made great progress in our quest, Severus. I believe I may have located the final accursed item."

"What is it?" Severus breathed.

"It seems that the answer has been our within reach all these years," Dumbledore began.

"Not Harry," Severus interrupted. "We know that the Dark Lord was trying to create a Horcrux when he failed to kill Harry, and that's why he is a Parseltongue, and had a connection to his mind; but he _didn't_ succeed past the preliminary stages. Surely you're not doubting this after all this time?"

"No of course not," Dumbledore confirmed. "We have confirmed that beyond the shadow of a doubt. But I do think a Horcrux was cast that night after all."

Severus face drained completely of colour. "You mean..."

"The Horcrux wasn't stopped that night, it was blocked by Lily's sacrifice."

"But we would have known... the Aurors would have discovered this before she was buried."

"I'm not the only one who knows Cloaking spells, Severus, Voldemort clearly intended for his Horcrux to go unnoticed."

"You know this for sure?"

Dumbledore nodded. "As soon as I suspected it I sent for extra security. Today Filius and I finally succeeded in casting a charm which was able to confirm my suspicions, there's definitely a Horcrux there, so tomorrow I will go to Godric's Hollow. Assuming I can't destroy the Horcrux then and there I will bring it back to Hogwarts where I can secure it while I find a way to bring about it's end."

For once Severus seemed speechless. "It has to be done," he managed at last. "Lily- her body..." he hesitated. "I would rather not go with you, I would rather not see-"

"My dear boy," Dumbledore interrupted him kindly. "I wouldn't ask that of you."

Severus stood up, he made his way to the fireplace before pausing and turning slowly.

"Be careful, you remember what the others were like. There's always a trap."

"It is probable that Voldmort didn't even realise that Lily's body had become a Horcrux," Dumbledore mused. "But I will of course use utmost caution."

Severus gave an abrupt nod before throwing a pinch of floo powder in the fire and returning to his rooms.

* * *

The next morning Harry, Connor, Ron and Hermione spent their free period down by the lake; Harry in particular was keen to have a change of scenery from the Room of Requirements. Having cast some basic privacy wards Ron and Hermione were alternating between practising DADA spells and Legilimency. Harry sat quietly watching them and occasionally practising his Animagus transformation. He was pretty sure the tingling feeling was growing stronger now although his leg and hip were hurting enough to distract him from making any real progress. Not that he would say as much to his friends or Severus. He was determined to train and after the fiasco the day before, nothing would stop him.

Connor seemed particularly excited about the shimmering business though. Apparently it was exactly how he had been before he'd become a crow for the first time.

"I reckon you're going to have an avian form as well," he told Harry. "What with your talent for flying and everything and people do say that you're likely to take a form of a creature you have some affinity with!"

"Maybe," Harry said doubtfully. A bird would be good, great even. He'd love to be able to fly for real. It was just that now he was getting closer to actually making the transformation he realised he'd been kind of hoping he'd be a stag, like his father, after all Hermoine had said that Animagus forms often ran in families... Of course, it wasn't as if one could choose their Animagus form, and a bird would probably be more useful, more inconspicuous than a stag...

Abruptly Harry took control of his rambling thoughts. _What am I doing? There's no point worrying about my form when I can't even transform!_

They worked steadily for the next hour, until eventually Ron and Hermione threw themselves onto the ground next to Harry. They'd been legilimising each other, really pushing each other hard for the last half hour although neither of them were able to shield very consistently yet. Not that it seemed to bother them. Whatever the last lot of memories had been about had made them both collapse into fits of giggles and even now Hermione was blushing while Ron looked very pleased with himself as they chatted quietly. Harry was sure he would have been more amused if his burns didn't hurt quite so much, but he was relieved that learning legimency wasn't always painful. _Only when Severus taught it, it seemed._

Ron's next comment broke through his train of thoughts.

"What do you think the little ferret is up to at the moment?" he wondered idly.

"Malfoy? Why what'd he do?" Harry asked.

"You know coming into Charms half way through like that," Hermione said giving Harry a long look. "You were there."

Harry shrugged. He'd felt pretty out of it all morning, from either the ointment or the pain.

"Yeah. He looked really weird as well," Connor added. "Kind of shifty."

"He's got to be up to something," Harry said shifting about trying to ease the pressure from his hip. "Maybe we should legilimise him and find out what it is?"

"Harry!" Hermione protested immediately. "I'm sure that must be breaking all sorts of rules."

"Well why do you think we're learning legimency?" Ron asked her.

"Not to get expelled!"

"We can't anyway," Connor told them. "I tried to legilimise Malfoy a couple weeks back. You can't do it; he occludes."

For a moment Harry forgot about the pain from his burns. Malfoy could occlude? Well, he supposed it wasn't that big a shock. It was just that he had thought they were getting ahead; learning occlumency, defence and the Animagus transformation suddenly seemed hopeless when you had trainee Death Eaters doing exactly the same.

A second thought hit Harry. _Exactly the same... Surely Severus wouldn't have taught Malfoy occlumency? It would have to have been Lucius. After all, it wouldn't make sense to show a want-to-be Death Eater how to protect his secrets, even if he was your Godson. _

_

* * *

_

Harry went to his training session with Severus that evening determined to settle the matter one way or the other. He didn't really believe that Severus would have trained Malfoy to occlude, but he wanted the Professor to confirm as much to him.

He let himself into the rooms.

"Harry." Severus stood up from his desk, laying down his parchments and approached him. "How are your burns?"

"All right."

"You're not in pain?"

"Not really."

Severus frowned. "I could give you stronger doses of ointment, but it would make you drowsy."

"Honestly, it's ok," Harry told him, he'd already agreed to meet Connor later, and he didn't want to end up falling asleep.

Severus summoned the ointment. "Take it with you anyway," he said. "In case the pain becomes less bearable."

Harry nodded and pocketed the jar, perhaps he would take it before he went to sleep and use the weaker ointment during the day. "Thanks."

"Do you feel up to training tonight?"

He nodded again. "What are we going to do?"

"Some basic shielding work," Severus told him, "just until your burns are completely healed, then we'll go back to the advanced spells."

For the next forty-five minutes, Harry wordlessly shielded himself from the _Jelly-legs_ jinx and _Tarantallegra_. At least his Protego seemed a bit stronger now. It was if being blasted without a means of shielding meant that he was more forceful now he actually had his wand.

When they stopped for a break Harry used the opportunity to ask about Malfoy.

"Did you know that Malfoy can occlude?"

"You've been legilimising Slytherins?" Severus lip curled in disapproval. "I thought you agreed to stop starting fights?"

"Look, it wasn't me who legilimised him," Harry said, not wanting to get Connor into trouble but determined to make Severus answer the question. "So did you know?"

"Of course, I knew."

Something about the way Severus replied made Harry's heart sink.

"You trained him to occlude." He posed it as a statement rather than a question, although he still hoped that Severus would deny it vehemently.

"If Draco is to make his own path in life, he needs to be able to have some independence from Lucius. The only way that he is able to do that is if he can keep certain matters private-"

"He's not going to use occlumency to lie to Lucius!" Harry interrupted. "He'll probably use it against _our _side. You're making it harder for yourself, if you ever have to fight him in the future."

Severus' dark eyes glittered. "I hardly think it possible that anything could induce me to raise my wand against Draco."

"But if he's against the Order..." Harry faltered. "You'd have to be prepared to fight him...If he becomes a death eater, I mean."

Severus shrugged. "We all have limits we won't be pushed beyond; he's my Godson, naturally I will protect him as far as I can. Shall we duel again?"

Harry shook his head. "Tomorrow," he said numbly. He'd had enough for tonight._ What else has Severus been teaching him? Defensive spells? Offensive spells? He's training a future Death-Eater! And he doesn't even see a problem in that._

_

* * *

_

The situation with Draco was still on Harry's mind as he walked outside with Connor. Though as they got closer to the lake he couldn't help but look around for Padfoot. Winter was drawing in now, he wouldn't even need to sneak out to be here in the dark as the light had already almost completely faded at only half past seven.

"Can I try to legilimise you?" Connor asked after he'd cast the privacy charms.

"Sure," Harry replied listlessly.

A minute later he felt the slight pressure which he brushed away effortlessly.

"Was it any stronger?" Connor asked.

"Hmm. Well maybe a little?" Harry replied trying to be polite.

"But it's not difficult for you to block me?"

"Not really," Harry admitted apologetically. "Do you want to try again?"

Connor sighed. "No I think I'll just go and fly for a bit, stretch my wings out. Do you mind?"

"It's fine," Harry waved him off. "I could do with a rest."

Harry sat back and yawned, wrapping his cloak tightly around him to keep out the chill from the wind. Some time later he weakened and put a tiny amount of the new ointment on his burns. Severus was right, it was much stronger than the other one, although he didn't feel drowsy yet. Perhaps he'd have another go at the Animagus transformation, now that his head was clear and it was nice and quiet out here, without any distractions.

For a few minutes Harry messed about with some of the Occlumency techniques that Connor had suggested might help him prepare for the transformation. It was almost pitch black now, with just the occasional glimse of moonlight making it through the clouds overhead and Connor was still flying endlessly, looping back and forth. Rubbing his hands together for warmth Harry decided to persevere with his practice, one last time before calling it a night. Eventually he felt the shimmering force throughout his body and he concentrated on abandoning himself in the sensation. _It is a tiny bit like occluding in a way,_ he decided.

Allowing himself to float in the shimmery half-world of his animagus form, this time Harry felt something tug at him, it was as if the skin across his body was being yanked away from him, but it was uncomfortable rather than painful. The feeling grew until it was overwhelming and he had to force himself to stay calm. Just as he thought he couldn't bear it anymore he collapsed on all fours. An unreal kaleidoscope of smells and sounds assaulted his senses as dark hair began to sprout on the back of his hands and he felt his bones draw in on themselves.

For a moment, nothing seemed to happen and Harry was terrified that he's got stuck somehow: half way between human and animal. Connor would have to find him and drag him to Severus, and then what if he couldn't change him back? Then everything seemed to happen at once as he let out a howl as his tailbone lengthened, the world called back out to him and all of a sudden he was bounding as he never had before, throwing himself into mud and bushes. He simply had to find that smell, it was driving him mad... Something moved above him and his ears prickled. Connor! He sat back on hind legs trying to gather his thoughts. He was an animagus! He'd done it.

He scampered down to the edge of the lake and peered in at his new reflection.

The shock from what he saw caused him to transform back into his human form with an abrupt jolt. An instant later Connor landed beside him also transformed back to his human form.

"Harry you did it! Well done, this is fantastic-" Connor's voice trailed off as he saw how devastated the other boy looked.

"Here," he said snatching up Harry's clothes from the ground, "we'll have to work on you keeping your clothes. Are you ok?"

Harry was shaking now, and although he was stark naked, Connor didn't think it was from the cold.

"Harry?" Connor held the clothes out to him again.

Harry looked up at him in agitation. "It wasn't Sirius it was me," he gabbled. "_I'm_ Padfoot... Oh God."

"Well that's ok, isn't it? You had other dreams about Sirius didn't you? If this premonition came true, they will as well."

"What if they _all _come true?" Harry whispered seeming to talk to himself as much as to Connor.

"Why, what happened in your other dreams, Harry?" Connor asked in alarm.

Harry stood up and took the clothes from him. He began to dress hurriedly.

"Harry?" Connor laid a hand on his shoulder. "Talk to me. What happened in your other dreams? Were they bad? What happened?"

Harry looked up at him, quite wild eyed. "Yeah, they were bad," he said a low voice. "Really fucking bad."

* * *

**Um... I don't really expect that anyone will probably still be reading this fic after such a long gap (I know I'm rubbish) but if anyone is let me know! Cheers**


	32. Another way

**Recap: "Harry?" Connor laid a hand on his shoulder. "Talk to me. What happened in your other dreams? Were they bad? What happened?"**

**Harry looked up at him, quite wild eyed. "Yeah, they were bad," he said a low voice. "Really fucking bad."**

* * *

"What happened?" Connor repeated. "Are you ok? Do you want me to get Snape?"

"Yes-No! No- I don't know! Oh God, I need to_ think_. To figure this out. What this can all _mean._" Harry began to pace rapidly, clutching his head. He stopped abruptly beside the lake, staring into the murky water in the faint shafts of moonlight.

Connor watched him anxiously. Harry's robe was rumpled in disarray where he'd be flung it on hastily, what with that and his general agitation he looked as if he was coming apart at the seams.

"Harry?"

Kneading his temples with his fists, Harry made a visible effort to calm down. He picked up his wand from where it was lying on the ground beside Connor and shoved it into his pocket.

"Let's head back," he said at last.

They walked back in silence. Connor kept shooting worried glances towards Harry, but to no avail as the other boy was deliberately avoiding looking him in the eye, as if any further questions or sympathy might shatter his tenuous mask. As soon as they were back in their dorm Harry headed for the bathroom to lock himself away.

In the privacy of the bathroom Harry transformed again and scrambled about in an ungainly fashion trying to see his reflection in the mirror above the sink. He ended up precariously balanced with his hind legs on the side of the bath tub and his front paws resting in the sink. Staring at his canine form he felt unable draw his eyes away; he was _so_ similar to Padfoot. True, he wasn't identical, for one thing he was markedly smaller, his muscles less defined than his godfather's form which he knew so well, but he was still similar enough that at first glance it would be hard to tell the difference.

_How could this happen?_ Harry remembered Hermione banging on about her research into the_ Animagous _transformation; she'd definitely said that it seemed to run in families. He'd thought at the time that perhaps he'd end up being a stag like his dad had been. Well, Sirius certainly wasn't a relative of his, but he _was_ the closest thing to family that Harry had ever had: the only person who'd ever _wanted_ to give him a home. And of course if Sirius had still been here he would have been his adoptive father by now.

Toppling off the bath tub, Harry landed inelegantly on the floor. His _Animagus _form felt strange, his centre of gravity was off somehow, but emotionally if felt vastly better to his human form. It wasn't that he didn't feel sad or scared as a dog; it was just different: muffled somehow, as if his feelings were filtered out a little by his canine mind. It was as if he was somehow too distracted to think straight, like he'd gulped back a few stiff fire-whiskeys which had softened the world around the edges.

On the cold, hard bathroom floor Harry curled up and resting his chin on his paws and tail drifted off the sleep.

* * *

The next morning Harry was woken by clatter and banging on the other side of the bathroom door. Shocked back into his human form, he found himself sprawled alongside the clothes he'd been wearing the night before. Dressing hurriedly, he noticed the tub of ointment protruding from his pocket and smeared a little more on his burns which were still smarting a little. He then slipped out of the bathroom and past Jasper, who was waiting outside.

"Have you been in there _all night? _Are you ill or something?"

"I'm fine," he said blankly and ignoring the stares from the other boys, hurried off without a backward glance. Connor was dressed already and wasted no time in setting off beside Harry. Without a word the two boys traipsed through the Slytherin common room and along the corridor.

"So," Connor said at last when they came to a stop.

"I need to speak to Ron and Hermione," Harry said awkwardly. They'd came to the foot of the great stairs, the junction where you could either head up the stairs towards the Gryffindor tower or continue along the corridor towards the Great Hall.

"You don't want me with you, do you?" Connor asked, his voice slightly tight.

"I'm sorry." Harry didn't have the time or inclination to keep up pretences. "I've known them for years, I've only known you for about four weeks. There's some stuff-"

"You tell them, but not me," Connor finished for him. "Well, thanks for remembering _that_ when you made _me_ tell them _my_ secrets."

"I'm sorry," Harry repeated, this time more genuinely, the Irish boy _had_ shared his secrets _and_ trained them; but he _couldn't_ take Connor with him. _There's too much he doesn't know, like the fact that Severus is training me..._

"Yeah." Connor's voice was level, but Harry could tell from his face that he was exasperated. "I think you actually are; and maybe one day if you ever tell me what the fecks going on, I'll actually be able to help you."

Giving Harry a long look, he left him at the foot of the stairs. Harry hesitated for just a moment before starting to climb the seven flights up to the Gryffindor tower.

* * *

Hermione's reaction was predictable. "You _need_ to tell Dumbledore," she insisted at once.

Harry looked at Ron who nodded his agreement. He'd dragged them both into his old dorm so they could speak privately while everyone else was at breakfast; the two boys were sat on Ron's bed while Hermione was perched on the edge of Neville's.

"Those dreams... about Severus- about Snape-" Harry said. "Well he wouldn't do _those_ things_. He just wouldn't._"

"It could all be an act, Harry," Hermione said gently. "Maybe Dumbledore cast some kind of protection on you which stopped Snape from being able to harm you this summer-"

"No." Harry shook his head resolutely. "I just can't believe he's a traitor, him being a bastard, _yes_; being mad at me, _sure_; but giving me up to Voldemort, selling out on Dumbledore and the order; _no_. I know what he's like now and although I don't think he'll ever really _like_ me, on some level he-" Harry hesitated. He'd been about to say "he cares," but he wasn't sure that was what he meant. It wasn't easy to put whatever kind of relationship he had with Severus into words. _It isn't like it is with Malfoy, where Severus considers him practically family; __**I'll**__ never get that kind of unconditional support from him. _

"He doesn't want me to get hurt," he said at last. "_Really_ hurt I mean. He wants me to improve, become a stronger wizard so Voldemort is less likely to harm me. I'm sure of that. I mean, I've spent the last couple months around him practically all the time and why else would he have taught me the stuff he has?"

"My parents trust him as well," Ron added. "The whole Order do, well apart from the Aurors, I think."

"Well, there is the other explanation then," Hermione told him, glancing at Ron who nodded, obviously clued into what she was thinking.

"There is? What?"

It was Ron who answered. "The obvious answer, Harry. Hermione and I wondered about it when you first said about the stuff Snape did in your dreams."

Harry looked blankly at him.

"Oh Harry." Hermione couldn't keep quiet any longer. "Since Snape's been training you it's like you think he's omnipotent, and I'm sure that must help you cope with his methods; but you _know_ it's not true. He's a powerful wizard but he's certainly got his share of weaknesses, like anyone else. _If_ he does end up doing those things it could be a result of _Imperious._"

"It must have crossed your mind?" Ron asked.

"And do you think I was _Imperioused _as well?" Harry asked flatly. "In my other dreams? Because there's no way I'd go back to my Uncle's without being dragged there."

"You're_ not_ going back there," Ron said roughly. "You'll come to mine for Christmas. You think we'd let you go back there?"

"Or you can come to Paris with me and my parents," Hermione told him. "They'd love to have you."

"And Severus said I could stay with him," Harry added pointedly. "Or I could stay at Hogwarts for Christmas, like in the past. But don't you get it, _in my dream I go back there_."

They were all silent for a long moment.

"In any case," Harry said eventually. "He's a spy. Don't you think Dumbledore would notice the second he was put under _Imperious?_ I mean, Voldemort wouldn't order him to keep feeding Dumbledore information would he?"

"I suppose he could be _Polyjuiced_," Ron suggested at last, "and it might not be him at all in your dreams."

"The thing is we just can't know, Harry." Hermione got to her feet and paced back and forth. "You need to speak to Dumbledore and tell him;" She began counting the dreams off on her fingers, "about the stuff with Snape, the dreams which have come true for Connor and you, _Vulnus Ictus, _the Dursleys_... _all of it."

"And Sirius being in Ireland with the Squib," Harry added. "That's the only good thing through all this."

Hermione stopped in her tracks. "But-" she began to protest before hurriedly cutting herself off. Harry was so stoic that it was easy to underestimate how distressing he must be finding all of this, but looking at him now, more dishevelled than ever, grubby and vulnerable, she didn't have the heart to say anything else.

"What?"

"Nothing."

"_Hermione._"

She blushed and shook her head decisively. "It doesn't matter."

Harry sighed. "I think I liked it better when you were forcing me to listen to unpleasant truths," he said earnestly. "You were right about _Vulnus Ictus, _quite honestly I need to face stuff no matter how horrible it is, so I'm sorry I gave you a hard time about that."

"Ok," she said very hesitantly. "Well, you didn't just have the Squib dream did you? You dreamt he was in Ireland, which makes sense as we know he went there, but Harry, you also dreamt he got badly hurt."

Harry shrugged. "That doesn't mean anything, so he got hurt; he probably got healed and _then_ met the Squib."

"Yesss," Hermione said doubtfully, "but you don't really know what happened first do you? According to Dumbledore and the Order he was in Ireland, before being attacked and it was unlikely that anyone would have helped him. Now that we know that it wasn't _him_, at Hogwarts while Connor is here, we're no further forward. Your dreams don't really tell you anything more than the Order already knew."

A shuttered look swept over Harry's face.

"I still think the orders wrong about it," he said stubbornly. "I'd _know_ if he was dead."

This time Hermione managed to bite back her incredulity. As far as she was concerned Harry was in denial, but considering the way his world was crashing down around him, she wasn't going to say anything.

* * *

"He still trusts Snape," Ron said after Harry'd left, heading back to Slytherin for a much needed shower and change of clothes before lessons began. "Despite everything in all those dreams."

"He wants to believe in him," Hermione corrected him. "There's no way he's not having doubts."

"D'you think he'll tell Dumbledore?"

"He's going to have to," Hermione said grimly. "Because if _he_ doesn't do something about this quickly, _I will_."

* * *

But Dumbledore didn't appear at any of the meals that day, so even if Harry _had_ decided to speak to him, he wouldn't have had the opportunity. Flitwick and McGonagall were also missing by dinner time, although there were still plenty of other Professors around. Hagrid was there next to Trewlaney and Sprout; and right at the end of the half empty Professor's table, as if he was determined to separate himself from his colleagues, Severus sat on his own.

Harry spent the evening in the Gryffindor common room. Curfew had passed by the time he eventually returned to Slytherin and the common room was half empty. Connor was there though; sat next to Jasper and Harry could see his eyes following him as soon as he came in the entrance. He hated that look; all the concern which told him that Connor was going to keep pestering him until he found out exactly what was going on.

"Mr Potter, a word if you please."

It seemed that Connor hadn't been the only one waiting for him. Harry followed Severus, trying hard to hide his reluctance, it wasn't as if he was _scared _of Severus, despite all the dreams, but he still couldn't help feeling awfully unnerved by the whole situation.

"You didn't come to training," Severus accused when they were inside his office.

"My burns hurt."

Severus looked sceptical. "_Really?_ Even after using the stronger ointment?"

"You can tell, I've used it?" Harry asked in surprise.

Severus nodded. "You're holding yourself differently, as if you're less worried about brushing people and inflaming the injuries."

"The ointment's worked fine," Harry admitted. "I just didn't want to train again until they're completely healed." He hovered by the door.

"That's understandable. Sit down, Harry. We don't need to train if you don't want to."

Harry suddenly felt that he would rather spend time training rather than _talking. _"I'm tired, I think I'd rather just go to bed..." he said.

"Nevertheless, sit down for ten minutes."

"The ointment is making me feel really sleepy."

Severus' eyes glittered. "I'll be sure to bear that in mind."

Reluctantly Harry sat down on the sofa. "So... do you know where Dumbledore is at the moment?"

Severus' expression took on a guarded look. "Of course, why do you ask?"

"I...just...wanted him to test my occlumency shield," Harry lied. For a moment he'd been tempted to tell Severus the truth about everything, but he wasn't sure how he'd react to being told he might be _imperioused_, well that and the fact that Harry had kept the dreams hidden from him for so long...And then there was the fact that Severus was training_ Draco_; Harry still felt disturbed by that.

"Really?" Severus drawled, disbelievingly. "And why this sudden urge to test your occlumency skills?"

"Uh, well, when Connor was legilimising me I was worried that he was close to breaking through..."

"_That_ I don't believe for a minute," Severus interrupted in a scathing tone.

"Well, not _through_ exactly, but it was harder to occlude against..." Harry's voice trailed off. Occlumency or no occlumency he'd never been able to lie to Severus and get away with it. "Dumbledore's the most powerful wizard there is, we should have got him to check my shield ages ago," he finished lamely.

"Harry, why don't we stop having this ridiculous conversation and you can tell me what's really going on?"

"There's nothing to tell," Harry replied stubbornly, doing his best to ignore the way Severus was staring at him disapprovingly.

"The wandless training was clearly a mistake as you're not mature enough to cope with the consequences without resorting to childish antics and subterfuges," Severus said at last.

"I can cope just fine. When have I complained about any of it?" Harry replied indignantly.

Severus shook his head. "You are patently unable to distinguish training wounds from real injuries. Yesterday _was_ an attempt to develop your skills, albeit a fruitless endeavour. Do not allow your hurt pride to lead to misgivings between us."

For a moment Harry was tempted to retort that his blisters certainly _felt_ real enough to him, but that wasn't fair; it wasn't Severus' fault that he was hurt any more than it was his own fault that he couldn't cast a wandless shield.

"It's nothing to do with the training," he said quietly. "If I'm having difficulty trusting you it's more to do with what you _said_ yesterday than anything you _did_."

"I beg your pardon?" Severus replied icily.

"Well, what do you expect? You said you're going to take Draco's side, _over anyone else_, when it all comes down to it."

"_That's_ what you thought I meant?" Severus sounded appalled.

"What else _could_ you mean?" Harry asked the raw hurt evident in his tone. "You said if Draco became a death eater you wouldn't raise your wand against him, even if he was to attack m... I mean, if he were to attack _anyone_ in the Order."

"You honestly think I'd stand aside and watch him attack you?" Severus said heatedly staring at Harry. "And then what, perhaps applaud after he finished?"

It took all Harry's strength not to recoil, as his worst dream unwillingly flew to his mind.

"Well, I don't know do I?" he said plaintively. "That's the whole point."

There both paused, glaring at one another.

"I thought we knew one another better than that by now," Severus said eventually in a low voice. "Did it never occur to you that, despite appearances to the contrary, Draco might actually choose to align himself with the Order rather than with his father?"

"No," Harry said bluntly. "It didn't. Do you honestly believe he can be on our side?"

"Now more than ever."

"And _if _he's not, I mean if something changes or it turns out you were wrong and he sides with his Father and Voldemort, what then?"

"Then would be immensely difficult, but I can't pretend I would ever harm Draco, whatever crimes he ended up committing."

"But if he becomes a death eater he deserves to be-" Harry cut himself off. "Not everyone's like you, Severus. You really think he'll do what you did; regret it and become a spy?"

"I think that whatever happens he remains my Godson, whom it is my duty to love and protect rather than smite," Severus replied simply.

_Love? _It was even worse than Harry had thought.

"Harry, what would you do if you discovered that Miss Granger or Mr Weasley were traitors; do you imagine yourself capable of exacting judgement upon them, destroying your closest friends?"

_I could never hurt Ron or Hermione._ "But they wouldn't do that," Harry replied decisively.

"But if they did?" Severus pressed him.

"You can't compare it," Harry argued. "I'd never even be friends with someone who was even _capable_ of doing anything like that."

Then he met Severus' eyes and realised that Severus had once been _exactly_ like that.

"We are _all_ capable of committing grievous acts," Severus retorted, his obsidian eyes boring into Harry.

"If the crimes great enough you haven't got a choice," Harry said sombrely, "you'd have to defend yourself and everyone else, no matter who was attacking. Would you really ignore Malfoy's crimes, if he did become a Deatheater? Just stand by and protect him and write off the pain he was causing? The lives he was ruining? _The torture and killings of innocent people?_"

"Of course not," Severus hissed. "I would intervene for their sakes and_ his."_

"Without harming _him_?" Harry challenged.

"Indeed. I would find another means to bring the situation to an end."

"And if there was no other way? If you had to take him down?" Harry was relentless.

"There is _always_ another way, Harry, you simply need to be prepared to find it."

* * *

The next day Dumbledore was still absent at breakfast time and half the professors also seemed to be missing. McGonagall appeared briefly to announce that lessons were cancelled temporarily and that students were to conduct independent study under the supervision of the prefects. After her short, clipped statement, which gave no real explanation for the unusual situation, the school reacted in wildly differing ways. The lower years, particular the Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs cheered at the thought of extra free periods. Of course the majority of Ravenclaw seemed disappointed at the thought of any disruption to their studies, but some of the older students in Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff and Gryffindor seemed concerned about the cause of the disruption. Harry noticed that some of the Slytherin students had cast silencing charms and were muttering surreptitiously to one another. _Either they already know something about what is going on, or they suspect that something drastic is happening behind the scenes, _he realised. _Either way, they're not likely to tell me anything._

But it seemed that Harry had underestimated the benefits of having Slytherin dorm mates. When he went back to his room to grab his DADA book, to take with him to work with Hermione and Ron, Jasper was chatting to Theodore. It seemed that although Jasper wasn't privy to the most secretive information, he'd at least caught some of the rumours that were floating around. Apparently there'd been some sort of attack by the Dark Lord, somewhere outside of Hogwarts, and the other Professors had dashed off to help. A lot of the Slytherins were apparently celebrating, which certainly didn't seem to bode well for the Order.

All thought of meeting his friends abandoned, Harry went straight to Severus' rooms and let himself in. The elder wizard wasn't there so Harry sat himself down, determined not to leave until he knew exactly what was going on.

When Severus eventually returned Harry could tell that he had come from a Death-eater meeting, he looked almost as bad as he had done the time Voldemort had tortured him over the summer, although with less visible wounds; this time he wasn't covered in acid burns. He was, however, clearly ill, his skin sallower than ever and he was trembling uncontrollably.

"Harry. What are you doing here?" he asked unwelcomingly, remaining close to the floo and steadying himself on the mantelpiece.

"I- Are you ok, Severus? Did Vold-"

"Harry, just sit back down and be quiet," Severus interrupted through gritted teeth.

"Was it _Crucio? _Did V-_"_

"I SAID QUIET!" The Severus roared and Harry shrank back from the sudden noise. The Professor sighed. "It would be better if you just went, Harry_. _As you can see I am in no mood to train you today."

"That's ok. I just wanted to talk to you anyway, but if you're hurt-"

"The Dark Lord has not harmed me Harry. Just...give me a moment."

Pinching the bridge of his noise, Severus breathed deeply and walked over to the armchair and sank down into it.

The tension was transmitting itself to Harry who found it awful seeing his Professor in such obvious pain. _"_Can't you take anything?" he urged softly. "That _Forgeni_ potion or something?"

"For the last time _I am not hurt;_ you insufferable, little fool!" Severus bellowed.

Harry sprang to his feet._ Sod this, it's not as though I haven't got enough problems of my own._ "Well perhaps you need a calming potion then," he said tightly. "You said I could come and talk to you, when I needed to. You _asked_ me to. And I'm here now, but I guess I'll come back sometime when you're not being a complete jerk."

He crossed the room in fast, angry steps.

Severus ran a hand over his face.

"Harry," he called after him. "Wait."

Harry's hand was on the door, but he stopped and turned back.

"Perhaps I do," Severus admitted, and to Harry's surprise wordlessly summoned two vials. He held one out, offering it to Harry, who nodded and approached taking the potion in one gulp whilst Severus drank the second. It wasn't as if a calming potion stood a chance against the after effects of the _Cruciatus _curse but Harry figured it would be better than nothing for Severus.

Miraculously, it did seem to help with the trembling.

"I apologise," Severus said stiffly. "Today has been... difficult."

"What's going on Severus?" Harry asked earnestly. "Professor McGonagall has been acting weird... Half the staff are missing. People are saying that V-"

"Stop," Severus interrupted him. "If we're to talk, you are not to speak that name."

Harry frowned. "You never minded before."

"I did you infernal boy, I just restrained myself from objecting to every instance of your sheer Gryffindor bloody mindedness!"

"Just say it, Severus. Dumbledore says it just makes people more scared if they don't dare to use his name. _Voldemort_ it's not that hard. Say it!"

Severus winced horribly and shook his head. "_No_ and you're not to carry on using it."

"Why not?" Harry asked in bewilderment.

"Just trust me Harry and don't meddle with things which you don't understand," Severus replied heavily.

"Does it hurt you?"

"I'm sorry?"

"Is it your mark; does it hurt if you say his name, or if you hear me say it?"

"No," Severus answered shortly.

"What then? There must be a reason. What happens if someone says it?"

"Look, Harry, think of it as being at the top of the owlery. You know that the walls are there, and the wards, yet you wouldn't necessarily want to lean over and test them."

Harry frowned.

"Though given your Gryffindor bravado when flying perhaps using heights is a bad analogy," Severus sighed. "It is probably best for you to think of it as a superstition, nothing more."

"If it's a superstition why does it matter?" Harry protested.

Severus glared at him. "Humour me."

"I suppose you'll want me to call him the Dark Lord?" Harry said sarcastically.

"You-Know-Who is acceptable," Severus snapped. "You realise I wouldn't ask you to do this if it wasn't important."

"I'll just avoid his name altogether," Harry decided. "So what has _he_ been up to? The Slytherins are saying that there was an attack."

Severus stood up and paced about the room.

"What else have they said?"

"Nothing much. I don't know. That V- I mean _his _side came off the better, so the Order must have been hurt right? And that's got to be where Dumbledore, Flitwick and all the Aurors are, and where McGonagall's gone back to? Well?"

"That is correct, as far as it goes."

"Did V- fuck it- did _You-Know-Who _hurt anyone?" Harry asked in exasperation.

Severus paused in his pacing, his back facing Harry.

"No one has died."

"So why aren't they back here?" Harry was confused. "If they're all ok? And why are the Slytherins celebrating when You-Know-Who didn't really benefit from the attack?"

"They _are_ back here," Severus said gravely. "I've just came from Dumbledore's office."

Something about Severus' gloomy manner scared Harry.

"Can I see him?" he asked.

Severus ran his hand over his face once more and for a moment Harry thought he was going to start yelling again.

"Wait here," he instructed eventually before taking a pinch of Floo powder and calling out, "Albus Dumbledore's office."

Harry watched him disappear into the flames and shifted his weight restlessly from one foot to another for a few moments, but it wasn't long before Severus was back. Stepping out of the fireplace, he reached once more for the floo powder pot.

"He'll see you; in fact he wants to talk to you about something." _Something was very wrong, _Harry realised. Severus looked ill again and his face was drawn with tension.

Harry reached for the floo powder, but Severus paused holding it out of reach.

"Harry, before we step through, I need to speak to you about something; if Albus requests that you do something extraordinary for him I want you to promise that you will at least discuss it with me privately before making a final decision."

"What's he going to ask me?" Harry replied automatically.

"It's a simple enough request, Harry: just promise me," Severus said commandingly.

"Ok. I'll talk with you first," Harry said agreeably, feeling more and more bewildered.

Without another word Severus thrust the floo powder towards him and they both stepped through into Dumbledore's study.

* * *

It wasn't until after Harry had stepped out of the floo that he realised he'd been holding his breath. He wasn't sure what he'd been expected to see in Dumbledore's office but it was certainly a relief to see the Headmaster sat at his desk as serenely as ever. His robes were as garish as usual, a riotous hue of clashing purple and orange.

"Ah, Severus, Harry, take a seat my boys," Dumbledore said, seemingly in an splendid mood.

A quick wordless accio dragged two heavy chairs towards Dumbledore's desk. As they sat down the Headmaster turned to Poppy who was stood beside his desk. "Thank you, we'll continue this discussion later."

"Albus-" she protested.

"I'll drop by in a short while," he insisted brightly, dismissing her. Seemingly reluctant, Poppy made her way to the floo. There was a flutter of scarlet and golden feathers as Fawkes seemed intent on nuzzling his owner's arm.

"Soppy old, bird," Dumbledore said gently shooing his his pet phoenix away from him.

Snape made a short involuntary snorting sound, but when Harry looked at him his face was expressionless.

"Anyone care for a lemon drop?" the Headmaster offered, producing a pot and pushing it towards them.

"No thank you," Harry said quietly.

Severus was less polite, simply shoving the pot to the other end of the table, when it was offered to him.

"Um, Headmaster, could you tell me about what's been going on? The attack from You-Know-Who and everything?"

"You-Know-Who?" Dumbledore repeated mildly, although he wasn't looking at Harry.

Glancing sideways, expecting to see Severus looking defiant and ready to argue his case, Harry was quite unprepared to see a look of utter misery on the Potions Master's face.

"Oh, Severus," Dumbledore said, shaking his head.

There were definite undercurrents in the room which Harry couldn't even begin to grasp.

"There was an attack," Dumbledore confirmed, "which has had some highly fortuitous results."

Severus snorted again and Harry turned to stare at him. Springing to his feet, Severus began to pace the office in an agitated fashion. It seemed that the calming potions effect only went so far on him.

Dumbledore ignored him. "As I was saying, we have had some good fortune, firstly, we have managed to destroy something which was immensely valuable to Voldemort, and secondly we have created an opportunity."

"An opportunity?" Harry echoed.

"The Death Eaters believe that I incurred mortal wounds during the attack," Dumbledore said mildly.

"That's why the Slytherins have been whispering to each other!" Harry said. "But you're not hurt?"

Dumbledore waved a hand at himself. "As you can see, I feel that I'm in excellent form."

"I'm going to go," Severus interrupted abruptly. "I believe you wanted to speak to Harry alone anyway, Albus."

"Of course, my dear boy. I would not keep you from your work," Albus' eyes were warm.

"We can talk later," Severus reminded Harry before departing in the floo.

Alone, with the Headmaster, Harry felt uneasy. There was too much confusion surrounding him; he'd never been good with plots and strategy and he didn't like all the undercurrents at the moment.

"I don't think I understand," he said hesitantly. "How does the fact that they think you're dying give us an opportunity?"

Dumbledore leaned forward, clasping his hands together and looking intently at Harry over the tops of his glasses. "My dear boy, imagine if you will what Voldemort's next move is likely to be if he believes me to be weakened?"

"He'll attack!" Harry said slowly. "He's going to attack Hogwarts!"

Dumbledore shook his head. "The wards of Hogwarts are under my control but would continue to exist whatever happens to me. When I am no longer Headmaster the wards will be under the new Head's command. It is unlikely that he will strike here."

"Then what...?"

"Harry, do you know why Voldemort hasn't attacked you at Privet Drive in any of the years that you have stayed there?"

"My mum's sacrifice..." Harry replied hesitantly. "She died for me and that left some sort of protection."

Dumbledore nodded solemnly. "Indeed it did, Harry. However what you didn't know, and had no way of knowing is that I have been boosting the wards that her protection left behind. It is part and parcel of a form of magic known as _Cloaking, _where a wizard's magical essence can be hidden, negated completely, or in the case of Privet Drive strengthened."

"So... You think that You-Know-Who will plan to attack _the Dursleys_?" Harry couldn't get his head around the logic of this.

"Call him Voldemort, Harry," Dumbledore said gently. "Yes, in fact we know that is his plan."

"I don't get it," Harry said incredulously, deciding to ignore the issue about Voldemort's name in order to focus upon the new facts. "He thinks you're weak and the first thing he wants to do is attack _the Dursleys_? And how is it an opportunity anyway; how can any of this possibly help the Order?"

"Ah, well Harry, I know it hasn't escaped your notice that Voldemort has targeted you incessantly over the years," Dumbledore began.

Harry frowned, he wished it _could have_ escaped his notice, but it was kind of hard to ignore someone who murdered your parents and wanted to do the same to you.

"The fact is, my dear boy, that there was a reason which started Voldemort's obsession with you, before you were even born: a prophecy. A premonition which supposedly referred to you suggested that either you or Voldemort would end up killing one another, '_either must die at the hand of the other for neither can live while the other survives,' _were the exact words. However, the reason I used the term 'suggested' is because prophecies are only one possible course of events, some have proved true in the past but others have not. The fact that this prophecy has had such a marked effect on both your lives is _because_ Voldemort believed it, not necessarily because it is true."

"When did you find all this out?" Harry asked, while the words rang around his head: '_Prophecies are one possible course of events.' My dreams- the prophecies may not come true! Dumbledore certainly doesn't seem to set that much store by them! _

"Ah, well. What you must bear in mind, Harry, is that when you first came to Hogwarts you had quite enough to cope with discovering the Wizarding world for the first time, let alone hearing about a ghastly prophecy."

"If you've known since then, why didn't you tell me?"

"Harry," Dumbledore said compassionately, "I've known about the prophecy since before you were born. We did everything we could to protect you and your parents from Voldemort."

Harry digested this. They should have told him, perhaps not in the first year but when he was twelve or thirteen he could have coped. It would have saved a lot of wondering on his part, but what was done was done.

"I've always known he was after me, now I know why," he said in dull tones. "But why will that make him attack the Dursleys?"

"Bear with me, Harry. Think about this: If Voldemort and his supporters believe I am dying and I lower the wards accordingly but prepare to _apparate_ in at a moment's notice, we can trap them in one swoop."

Harry stared at him.

"What about the Dursleys? I mean they're hardly the nicest people in the world but I hardly think they deserve to be hexed to death in the cross fire."

"Your concern does you credit Harry. Of course we can arrange for them to be apparated to safety as soon as the Order goes in," Dumbledore told him.

"Well, ok, I guess," Harry said awkwardly.

_Why is Dumbledore still looking at me like that, as though he needs my permission or something?_

"Harry," Dumbledore's bright blue eyes fixed on him. "What I'm about to ask you is very important, crucial even, to the plan's success."

Harry looked at him, dumbly. _Here it comes then, Dumbledore's 'extraordinary request' that Severus said I should talk to him about._

"The fact is, that if I lower my wards at Privet Drive Voldemort will not only be able to attack, he will also be able to see if you are _there_."

Harry's mouth fell open.

"You want me to go back there," he said feeling shell-shocked, "so that you can trap him?" _It's my dream, _he realised in horror_. Another one, beginning to come true!_

"I know it is asking a great deal."

"Can't you trick him? Put my wand there or something?"

Dumbledore shook his head solemnly. "It is the very essence of your magic that he will sense. There is no alternative, believe me if there were I would not ask you."

_But my dreams don't __**have**__ to come true, not if I don't let them. In any case, if I go back to the Dursleys I won't have to worry about Voldemort killing me, Vernon will beat him to it,_ he thought grimly. _After all, Severus says there is__** always**__ another way; I have to believe that._

He shook his head, briefly remembering and then ignoring his promise to Severus. "I can't do it," he said impulsively.

"My dear boy, I know that you and your relatives parted on bad terms, but we will take every precaution, you would have a port-key on you at all times and could leave at the first sign of danger."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"Harry," Dumbledore pressed him. "You would be doing a great service, not just for me, but for the whole order, you understand, think of the lives which we could save. We might never have this opportunity again."

Feeling terrible now, Harry shook his head again. "_I can't_. I know this must seem awful, but I just _can't_."

Dumbledore held his hands up in a gesture of defeat.

"I've rushed you; it was unpardonable of me. Much too much to take in all at once, anyone would find it the same. Excuse an old man for getting carried away in his excitement. You need some time to think it over, of course you do; I'm sure that once you've got over the shock of it all everything will seem very different. "

Feeling like a worthless, spineless coward and an utter disgrace to the Gryffindor house, Harry nevertheless spoke up once more.

"I'm sorry," he said sticking to his guns. "But I don't need to think about it, I just can't do it. You'll have to think of a different plan."

* * *

**Thank you so much to everyone who reviewed the last chapter! I was convinced that everyone would have forgotten about this fic. As you can see it spurred me into writing the next chapter as quickly as possible :)  
**

**I'll be interested to know if people figure out what's happening with Dumbledore and why Snape's behaving the way he is. It's hard to judge sometimes whether I'm making it seem too confusing...**

**Oh and I hope people don't think Harry is being too OTC at the end, he just really doesn't want all his dreams to start coming true...okay he is also terrified of Vernon but that *does* come second.  
**


	33. Utterly completely absolutely

**Recap: **

**Harry's mouth fell open.**

**"You want me to go back there," he said feeling shell-shocked, "so that you can trap him?" **_**It's my dream, **_**he realised in horror**_**. Another one, beginning to come true!**_

**"I know it is asking a great deal."**

**"Can't you trick him? Put my wand there or something?"**

**Dumbledore shook his head solemnly. "It is the very essence of your magic that he will sense. There is no alternative, believe me if there were I would not ask you."**

_**But my dreams don't **__**have**__** to come true, not if I don't let them. In any case, if I go back to the Dursleys I won't have to worry about Voldemort killing me, Uncle Vernon will beat him to it,**_** Harry thought grimly. **_**After all, Severus says there is**__** always**__** another way; I have to believe that.**_

_**

* * *

**_

When Harry stepped back through the floo into Severus' quarters he felt as if he's been pulled through a quagmire; it didn't help that the elder wizard was stood tensely only a few feet away, apparently awaiting his return.

"Well?" Severus asked immediately, looking pale and stressed, with his arms folded across his chest. His dark eyes raked over Harry's face. "I take it he asked you?"

Harry nodded. "And I know you said to wait, to speak with you before deciding, but I couldn't. I'm sorry. There was only one answer I could possibly give." He braced himself.

Severus sucked a breath in as though he'd been slapped in the face.

"_This_ is precisely why I said to wait," he said forcefully, pacing the breadth of the room before swooping back to the attack. "Can you honestly say that you have had time to reflect upon this with all due consideration? To even begin to understand the stakes which are at foot here?"

Harry shook his head. "I know what I'm doing," he said earnestly.

Severus' lips curved into an ugly sneer. "The more time I spend around you and witness your moronic behaviour, the more obvious it becomes that you know _next to nothing_ and understand _even less!_ There are _consequences _to your decisions, you gullible, little fool. You will return to Dumbledore _and explain that you need time to reconsider_."

Severus was at his overbearing worst, with his eyes flashing, as he pointed towards the floo.

Harry'd had enough. First Dumbledore and now Severus, he was fed up of being made to feel guilty. "Just _shut up,_" he said brokenly. "I've made my decision, alright, and I'm not going back to the Dursleys. I can't. I just can't do it. And yes I know that it'd only be for a short while and that I'm letting everyone down... I _know_ all that. _But I'm still not doing it._"

"You're _not_ going back there." Severus repeated slowly.

Harry watched him, as realisation dawned on him. "You thought I'd said yes?" Running a hand through his messy brown hair, he sighed and collapsed onto the sofa, looking quizzically at the Professor. "You thought I'd agree to go back there?"

"I must confess, I had thought your Gryffindor foolhardiness would outweigh your reasoning," Severus said, before adding in less stilted tones, "You made the right decision, Harry."

"You really don't think I should do it?" Harry asked hesitantly.

"It would be tantamount to using you as bait to lure in as many death eaters as possible, to say nothing of the Dark Lord himself; _of course I don't want you to do it_. And that is without even starting to consider the sheer folly of placing yourself within reach of that abhorrent muggle. The fact that you recognised the idea for the lunacy that it is, that you decided this yourself...well, I'm glad I have no need to intervene."

"What do you mean?"

Severus sighed and resumed his pacing about the room. "The matter was yours to determine and I promised Albus that I would not influence you one way or the other, but I would have found it nigh on impossible to stand by and watch you make a decision which was so ill thought out_._"

"You'd have stopped me going back there?" Part of Harry found it hard to believe that Severus _didn't_ want him to go back to the Dursleys. _The plan itself makes sense. It's awful of course; __**terrifying**__ in fact, but reasonable nevertheless; and if I didn't have to prove my dreams wrong, to stop them happening, I might have agreed..._

Severus barely paused in his relentless patrol back and forth as he shot a brief glance towards Harry. "I would have done everything in my power to do so; I don't think I could have borne to do otherwise."

Harry took a deep breath. "I'd thought that I could always stay at Hogwarts this Christmas... or you know... maybe with you again, so we could keep training... if you didn't mind," he said biting his lip slightly as he waited for Severus to respond. _There's no way I'm putting Ron or Hermione in danger if Voldemort's more likely than ever to attack._

"That would be acceptable," Severus replied in a distracted tone.

"The only thing is, Dumbledore says if I _did_ go back there Vol- I mean _You-Know-Who_ could be caught, and it might be the best opportunity we'll ever have." Harry still felt twisted up inside with guilt.

"I have no doubt that Albus' intentions are sincere." Severus' countenance became hooded once. "But he is, nevertheless, utterly wrong-footed in all of this. Just because one wishes something fervently enough does not make it so; the Headmaster has a misplaced sense of optimism, even at the darkest of times. If I'd had any idea that he was even going to _consider_ such recklessness I would have held my tongue about the Dark Lord's intentions regarding the Dursleys to say the least. I... I should have..." the professor's voice trailed away. He stopped pacing and pinched the bridge of his nose whilst breathing shallowly.

_He's in pain again,_ Harry realised, noticing a slight shudder running through the Professor's shoulders.

"You're still hurting, aren't you?" He asked, biting his lip and hoping Severus wouldn't explode at him again in another fit of temper. "Please, let me get the _Forgeni _potion from the store cupboard for you."

Harry knew the store cupboard where Severus kept his most valuable potions and the rarer ingredients in his lab, and he didn't feel that he could bear to continue to stand by and watch the man suffer any longer.

"It won't help," Severus said bleakly.

"I thought you said it was the best?" Harry was already on his feet.

"Harry," Severus stopped him before he went any further. "Forget the _Forgeni_ potion, just pour me a fire-whiskey."

Harry hesitated for a moment, wondering if Severus was serious. It was barely eleven o'clock in the morning and although he'd often seen Sirius drinking liquor, hell _he'd_ even drank with him a lot of the time, it had always been in the evening, after dinner. Even Uncle Vernon, for all his faults wouldn't drink before six. Meeting Severus' sombre eyes he shrugged slightly before heading over to the decanter on the sideboard to splash a couple centimetres of fire-whiskey into one of the crystal glasses nearby.

"Do you want any water or ice?"

"No."

Severus took the glass from him, but made no move to drink it straight away. "He told you about the prophecy?" he asked, swirling the amber fluid aimlessly from side to side.

Harry nodded. "Yeah, but he said that prophecies don't always come true, that it's the fact that Vol-" Severus' acidic glare reminded Harry to rephrase his sentence. "Sorry, _that You-Know-Who,_ chose to believe it that makes him keep coming after me."

Severus took a sip of the fire-whiskey silently. He sat down on an armchair, holding onto the glass. The silence hung heavily between them.

"You seem remarkably composed considering," the Professor finally said succinctly.

_Because I now know my dreams don't have to come true! _Harry thought to himself."Well I always knew he was going to keep coming after me," he said aloud, shrugging slightly, "even if I didn't really understand why. The reason behind it all doesn't really make a difference."

"Hmpf." Gripping the glass tightly, Severus drained its contents morosely. Harry left soon after that, sensing the elder wizard would prefer to be alone, as he seemed unwilling or perhaps unable, to reply in more than monosyllables.

* * *

Severus therefore had nearly an hour of brooding solitude before the floo flared up once more and Dumbledore stepped through. He looked up briefly, before dropping his gaze once more to the glass he was cradling in his hands.

Ignoring the silence and blatant lack of greeting, Dumbledore wordlessly accio'd a chair to join the younger wizard.

"I suppose Harry has already spoken to you."

Severus didn't reply at first, but knocked back the contents of his glass in one fluid motion.

"You already know what I think about that; I will not help you persuade him."

Dumbledore sighed. "It seems that I have stumbled across his Achilles heel as far as his relatives are concerned."

Snorting Severus muttered the incantment which filled his glass once more with the amber liquid, without him needing to bother to get up and fetch the decanter. He was just raising it his lips when Dumbledore wordlessly banished every trace of the fire-whiskey, leaving him clutching an empty glass.

"Lessons will resume after lunch," the Headmaster explained mildly, "now that I'm back."

In a burst of temper, Severus hurled the glass against the fire place with all his might, where it smashed, sending shards of glass across the room.

"I won't try to pretend that everything is alright, Albus!"

"Severus," Albus drew even closer. "My dear boy-" His pale blue eyes were almost luminous.

"If you try, _once again_, to tell me again that everything has worked out for the best," Severus interrupted in a hoarse tone, "I won't be responsible for my actions."

"My dear child," Dumbledore replied in the gentlest of tones. "_I'm not dead yet._ Do you really think that I am so oblivious to your feelings? Of course it grieves me to see you suffering, and if I could choose my time and place, it would of course be many years hence, but what will be will be. As you know, I would much rather light a candle than curse the darkness, and so long as I can see an end in sight to this war before I pass away I _will_ die happy-"

"And what of _us_?" Severus said bitterly, cutting off the stream of platitudes. "Those that you leave behind? _You_ might be perfectly content to resign yourself to dying in a matter of months, but have you even thought about your responsibilities and obligations? Have you even considered how your death will tear into the heart of the Wizarding world?"

Dumbledore smiled slightly. "I do not flatter myself that I will be so sorely missed. There are other Wizards who can take my place as a focal point for the Order."

"I cannot comprehend how you can be so obtuse." Severus exclaimed in disbelief, holding his hands up in an exasperated gesture. "You're much more than a mascot, as well you know. The wizarding world does not even begin to comprehend a fraction of the work you do for wizardkind; your cloaking spells alone have prevented the Dark Lord's utter dominance from sweeping over us unchecked..."

"Severus," Dumbledore placed one hand on the younger Wizard's shoulder, drawing him towards him and choosing to disregard the man's customary reluctance to allow anyone to touch him voluntarily. "Everything will be alright, it really will."

For once Severus didn't shrug away from the human contact, although his head sagged forward.

"I wish that were true," he admitted bitterly. "Although we both know there's no way that it can be."

* * *

That afternoon the lessons resumed as usual and Hogwarts began to return to some resemblance of normality. Many of the children noticed that the Professors still seemed preoccupied, and some of the elder children continued to worry about what this could mean. Potions classes that afternoon were particularly dire. Severus made absolutely no pretence at teaching and simply revealed the same list of long, impossible questions scrawled in his spidery writing on the board, for each and every class, and then barked orders for the pupils to answer them _silently. _One look at his scowling countenance led to everyone's utter compliance despite the work being hopelessly difficult, even by Snape's usual tough standards. Several of the first years from the class preceding Harry's emerged in tears.

"Jen, it's ok," one of the Ravenclaw girls tried to comfort her friend. "None of us were able to answer the questions and he can't put _all_ of us in detention!"

"But I didn't even understand what the questions meant!" she wailed. "I want to look up the answers but I don't even know where to start!"

Neville looked utterly miserable at hearing they were having an impromptu test.

"I'd hoped Potions might be cancelled, but now we've got a test," he moaned. "Talk about the worse luck."

If anything he began to look even more wretched when he actually saw the questions they were supposed to answer.

Harry gave up on the test almost immediately and began to doodle on his spare sheets of parchment. Although his potions work had improved a lot over the past couple months, none of what he'd learnt seemed in any way useful to what the questions were asking. In any case, he was fairly sure that Severus _didn't_ really expect them to be able to past this test; even Hermione was struggling if her hesitant writing was anything to go by. It seemed that Severus was just determined to inflict his bleak mood on as much of the student population as possible. No change there then.

At the far end of the room Draco gave the questions his best stab, as his Godfather would no doubt expect, although he felt sure that the questions had far bypassed even NEWT level work. A quick glance to the other side of the room assured him that his main rival, the mudblood, was finding it as hard as he was. _Good; at least that's some consolation._

He frowned at the fourth question.

**The dissociation of elf-shoots into its components in aqueous solution is an endothermic process. Write an expression for the acid dissociation constant in Shrimpnel's solution. Use this to show the progression which would be observed for any sample when half of the acid has been neutralised by a solution containing beetle juice at an increased temperature whilst stirring anti-clockwise.**

_What was that about? Hadn't Severus mentioned an article in one of his Potions journals about Shrimpnel's solution in connection with the new research which was being conducted for potions masteries? But what was it that he had said? _

At the end of the long hour, when the restless and ruffled class were finally dismissed from the dungeons, Draco lingered behind.

Sitting motionless at his table at the front of the room the Professor eventually cast a quick charm which swept the student's test parchments into a neat stack which he tucked under his arm.

_Would __**anyone**__ have got any of the answers right?_ Draco wondered distractedly as his troubled eyes took in his Godfather's appearance.

"Severus?" he asked cautiously. He wanted to ask if he was alright, he certainly looked_ terrible_, but restrained himself knowing only too well what response _that_ would get.

"Draco," Severus at last acknowledged him. It was neither invitation nor dismissal, but Draco chose to follow him back to his rooms.

Draco eyed the fragments of broken glass underfoot as he entered the room but didn't make any comment.

"Is it true then, what they're saying about Dumbledore?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know what you mean, I thought you were coming here for a lesson, not to indulge in idle gossip," Severus said expressionlessly.

Draco, sat down, undaunted by the response he'd received. _In fact_, he decided, _that responsive __**is**__ informative if I interpret it carefully. Severus, is claiming not to understand the question, rather than simply refusing to answer it outright, as he often does. What with that and him drawing my attention back to Occlumency, it seems that he doesn't want to talk until my mental shields are strong enough to avoid compromising either of us. _

_Although it __**is**__ possible that Severus is just being awkward and wants to shut me up._

"Of course," he replied smoothly, doing his best to brace himself and ready his shields to full strength.

* * *

Half an hour later, feeling as though he'd been booted in the head by a hippogriff, Draco held up a hand.

"I- argh- enough, Severus!"

His Godfather glanced at him disdainfully.

"I hardly think I need to tell you that you have much work to do, Draco," he said rising and heading over to his desk to begin his marking.

Draco remained on the sofa while he recovered, as was his usual custom; as soon as he felt capable of doing so he stood and headed towards his Godfather.

He peered at the smudged paper that was currently being marked. Ron Weasley's. Each answer seemed to consist equally of writing and crossings out. He'd ended up putting:

**The solution is acidic****. The sample would become ****very**** more acidic, but only a little bit, because of the beetle juice****. **

At the bottom of the parchment Severus had scrawled.

**A set of completely erroneous answers, which makes me wonder why you bother coming to class at all. Whatever low expectations I may have had before about your intellect, I did at least assume you could read and had some, albeit limited, cognitive skills; these assumptions appear to be unfounded.**

Draco smirked; he hoped the marking was proving cathartic for his Godfather's bad mood.

Severus glanced up. "I thought you said you'd had enough practise for today?"

"I have," Draco said hastily. There was no way he wanted to face another bout of _that _again tonight. "I wanted to talk to you about something else."

Severus looked at him disapprovingly and swept the rest of the test papers out of reach, before Draco could have a chance to leaf through them and see what the mudblood had written.

"Your father doesn't expect you to have the gall to lie to him, which is the only reason that he hasn't legilimised you up till now. Let me tell you, if for any reason he does decide to do so, he _will_ find out everything."

"I know I need to practise," Draco sounded slightly abashed. "And I'll spend longer on it from now on."

"See that you do," Severus instructed him. "What did you want to talk about?"

"I had a letter," Draco said fishing it out of a pocket in his robes, "From Mother. She isn't awfully happy actually. That women you've stuck her with, well she's hardly adequate company, not when one's used to being at the pinnacle of pureblood society-"

"Really," Severus drawled, "I wonder why none of this surprises me? Let me see, perhaps because I predicted this exact eventuality _before_ we made the arrangements for Narcissa? I said that she would soon become discontent at being out of the limelight, and you said that you understood, but that it was a small price to pay in order to have her safe from your Father, and everyone else."

"Look, you know I'm grateful for what you've done, Severus-" Draco began a little disdainfully.

"Oh yes, you've made that _very_ plain," Severus interrupted him, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "Why do I sense a contradiction is about to follow?"

Draco flushed slightly.

"Well, I_ do_ appreciate it; you know I do! It's just that she requires better company and surroundings than she has at the moment. She's miserable, Severus."

Draco offered the older wizard a blank piece of parchment. Severus accepted it and ran his wand over the letter a few times while murmuring enchantments. The professor raised an eyebrow, when the writing appeared, before starting to read rapidly; the parchment was over a foot long and the elegant writing which had appeared was tightly crammed into every available space on each side.

"Well she certainly seems bored," Severus remarked sardonically after he'd finished.

"I can't ignore her unhappiness," Draco told him. "I have to do something."

"What do you suggest?" Severus sneered. "A meal out in a plush restaurant off Diagon Alley? She wouldn't last five minutes, Draco."

"I thought she could go abroad," Draco said, ignoring his Godfather's rude tone. "To France or Italy, someplace far enough for her to be safe, where she could live under polyjuice or glamours..."

Severus shook his head, his dark eyes meeting Draco's with finality.

"She is safest _here_; and that is the greatest duty you can do for her, Draco, keeping her out of harm's way, however 'tiresome and inconvenient' she may find it. As for the letter, I assume you plan to destroy it?"

"Well, no," Draco looked slightly taken back. "It does have protections on it."

"Oh yes, that would be the protections that it took me less than a minute to break through? Foolish child! Do you suppose your Father could not do the same? What do you think he would do to you if he were to read this? What do you think he would do to _her_ for that matter supposing he finds her?"

He passed the letter back. "Burn it now."

Draco looked unhappy, but followed his Godfather's instructions and set the parchment aflame. Severus waved his wand to gather the ashes into an empty vial.

"I will dispose of these," he said, clearly determined to take every precaution.

* * *

"So you're sure you're ok?" Ron asked once again, as took one of Harry's rooks.

"Yeah, everything should be alright," Harry replied.

Hermione watched them playing chess at the foot of the sofa which she was sat upon. They were spending the last part of the evening together in the Gryffindor common room. Harry'd explained earlier about the conversation he'd had with Dumbledore the night before, and how reassured he felt now that he knew his dreams _wouldn't_ all have to come true, and were at worse, a series of possibilities, or greatest fears, like Severus had said ages ago.

Harry was clearly trying to show his friends how fine he felt about all of this. Hermione would have felt more confident if he'd actually looked a fraction as relaxed as he tried to portray, but the truth was he seemed as distracted as ever, with dark shadows, like bruises cutting deep in under his eyes.

"Found anything interesting?" Harry asked peering over her shoulder at the notes she was looking through, after Ron had won the chess. "What're those?" he said pointing at a tall stack of papers.

"Back copies of _The Irish Wizarding Herald_," Hermione replied. "I filled in a form at the library to request all the back copies."

"Didn't Madam Pince want to know why you needed them?" Ron asked.

Hermione shrugged. "Not really; I asked for an English Language version of the Tibetan Transfiguration Monthly last year," she replied. "So she didn't really seem to think anything of it."

"Anything interesting?" Harry asked picking up the paper from the top and flicking through it.

"I haven't had much time to look yet," Hermione said. "Although I found another book which mentions _Vulnus Ictus_, well not by name as such, but you can tell it's the spell it's referring to. Here, I'll show you. Ron, pass that one to me please..." She stopped and looked strangely at Harry. "Are you ok?"

_Please. Please. Please. _The innocuous word seemed to echo strangely in Harry's mind.

"Yeah fine," he said, chucking the paper back down on the pile. "Just a headache."

"Are you gonna be alright for the match against Hufflepuff tomorrow?" Ron asked worriedly. "This'll be the first proper Quidditch game that you'll have played all year."

"I'll be fine," Harry reassured him, hoping he was telling the truth. "It's nothing, honestly."

* * *

Harry truly hoped it was nothing, he'd felt dizzy and nauseous, at odd times over the past couple of days. A few of the fifth years had been suffering from heavy colds recently, and he really hoped that was all it was.

If he was honest to himself though, it felt a bit similar to how he'd been at other times before when he'd had his strange dreams, and he could certainly do without any more of them.

Thankfully the next morning Harry didn't feel too bad as he went to change with the other Gryffindors. He'd heard some of the Slytherins muttering at breakfast time, about how he shouldn't be allowed to sleep in their dorms while playing for another house, but he'd managed to ignore them. At least his roommates had been ok. Theodore had ignored the matter completely, as if he couldn't be bothered to descend into petty quidditch rivalries, and Jasper had even gone so far as to wish him luck. Connor hadn't said much, but then he hadn't said much at all to Harry since the night out by the lake, although Harry was aware of the other boy watching him at odd times. He couldn't help but feel a bit guilty about how things had ended up.

Strapping on his shin guards Harry did his best to concentrate on the talk Angelina was giving them.

"...so you need to keep up your guard at the back, and not let them box you in. Harry hasn't been able to be at any of the practises, but we'll be flying in the formation we planned, freeing him up, and giving him chance to play..."

Completely irrationally Harry's breath hitched in the back of his throat and he felt a wave of dizziness and dread descending upon him which somehow he managed to fight off. He shook himself mentally. _Where did that come from?_

Half closing his eyes, he leaned back against the wall and let the rest of the team talk run over him.

"...so he can catch the snitch as quickly as possible without letting the bludgers get at him. There's other things you have to remember..."

* * *

"C'mon then, Harry, you ready?" Ron stood by the door of the locker room waiting for him while the other Gryffindors were already heading out to the Quidditch pitch. He looked at Harry a bit closer. "Are you sure you're ok?"

"Yeah," Harry stood up and grabbed his Firebolt. "Let's go."

The first ten minutes of the match were fine. Harry felt in his element as the wind rushed through his hair and he soared above the spectators, high in the sky. He'd hardly flown this term, what with one thing and another and although he'd missed it, he hadn't realised how much.

Squinting against the glare of the sun, he scanned the horizon for the snitch which was nowhere to be seen. The Hufflepuff seeker was far away from him, but from his meandering path clearly hadn't found the snitch either.

Then a sudden wave of nausea hit Harry and his sight seemed to flicker.

He ran a hand over his head, groaning softly, grasping his broomstick with the other. He focused all his effort on keeping his mind focused on what he was doing, reminding himself that he was flying, of the sensation of the cool breeze blowing against him and the sight of the witches and wizards far beneath him. He began to feel a little better and it seemed as though he'd managed to fight off another dream, for the time being at least.

Moments later he had to grip onto his broomstick for dear life as a second wave of dizziness threatened to overwhelm him. Fifty feet below Ron noticed him weaving from side to side.

"Harry!" He called. "Are you alright?"

"Ughhhhhhh," Harry said indistinctly. His stomach was churning and he started to descend as quickly as possible.

The next bout of vertigo hit him as just as he was approaching Ron's level. Ron could see that Harry was in trouble as he veered sharply to one side, ignoring the game he headed towards his friend to try and help.

"Harry!" Ron reached out to try to steady the other boy's broom.

The other Gryffindors seemed to have realised that something was badly wrong as they too began to call out.

"Ron-"

"Harry-"

"RON!"

"WATCH OUT!"

One moment, Harry was trying to focus his vision, gradually feeling more like his old self as his best mate steadied his broom, the next he was jarred awfully and sent flying backwards.

Blinking groggily, it took Harry a long time to work out what had happened. _Ron isn't holding my broom anymore, but I seem to be able to balance now... _Then Harry became aware that the Gryffindors had all landed, although some of the Hufflepuffs were still flying overhead.

_What happened? _he wondered in confusion.

By the time he reached the ground all of the Gryffindor team seemed to be in a huddle with some of the spectators who'd gathered around. Dropping his broom on the ground, he ran over to join them.

The sight that met his eyes caused his stomach jolt once more. Ron was lying pale and unconscious, a trail of blood ran down the side of his face.

Harry felt his mouth going dry. "Ron?" he croaked.

"He got hit by a bludger," Ginny told him, with unshed tears glistening in her eyes. "The Professors managed to cast a few protection charms, but he still hit his head when he landed."

Events unfolded quickly after that. Poppy appeared and grimly cast a diagnostic charm, before levitating Ron to the Hospital ward. She curtly told everyone that visits would be allowed later, once they knew how bad his concussion was, so Harry ended up back in the Gryffindor changing room, sat dazedly on a bench as the rest of the team showered and changed. There was a bleak mood in the room, although Dumbledore had announced the match would be rescheduled for a later date, Harry felt sure that no one would want him to play again, but none of that mattered compared to Ron being alright.

Stuffing his school uniform in his bag, still clad in his quidditch kit, Harry felt drawn towards the hospital wing.

Poppy looked up from her patient in exasperation. "Not another one of you! I've only just got rid of Hermione!"

"Please, couldn't I stay just for a little bit?" Harry asked pleadingly."Just until he wakes up?"

"Well, we have no idea when that might be, Harry," Poppy said with a huff. "It all depends on how bad his head injury was." Her face softened a bit at Harry's worried expression. "I suppose you could stay for a few minutes, if you sit quietly and call me if he stirs."

Harry nodded and plonked himself down in a chair beside Ron's bedside. After a casting a monitoring charm and rubbing an ointment very lightly into Ron's head, Poppy left the room.

Harry stared down at his friend.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. Then feeling somewhat stupid at talking to someone who was unconscious, held his hand very gently. For a second the air seemed to tingle around him and his grip on Ron seemed to heat up, then he almost jumped out of his skin as his hand was roughly yanked away from his friend, when he'd been sure they were alone.

"Get up," Severus told him furiously. He gave him a little push towards the door. "Get walking."

In a haze, Harry left obediently, shooting a reluctant look back over his shoulder towards Ron.

The professor waited until they were in the privacy of his study to say anything further.

"What did you think you were doing?" he asked angrily. "How could you be foolish enough to try that again, even after everything I'd said?"

Harry recoiled from the vehemence in the older wizard's tone.

_Of course: Titan Navitas...Was that what I'd been about to cast?_

"I didn't think..." Harry's voice trailed off. He couldn't help but consider that _Titan Navitas_ _might_ actually be a good idea, Ron looked awfully sick.

"Is that it?" Severus demanded. "All you have to say after endangering both your own and Mr Weasley's lives so rashly?"

"I didn't cast it," Harry said a little resentfully. _But I__** should**__ have, _he thought internally_. If I had Ron would be OK by now._

"Because _I _stopped you," Severus scathed.

"Well you didn't complain when I used it to help _you_, did you?" Harry retorted defensively, although he immediately wished he'd kept quiet.

Severus looked simply irate, his lips pressing together in a grim line. For a moment Harry thought the elder wizard was going to hit him; he couldn't help but think of the dream he'd had, and the expression on Severus' face when he'd said "_I hate you._"

When he did at last speak it scarcely seemed any better. "I think you'll actually find _I did, _in fact;_ s_ometimes I really wonder why I don't just wash my hands of you, infuriating child_._"

Brought up short, Harry was quick to apologise.

"I-I didn't mean that. I just- I felt...I'm sorry."

"I don't want your apologies. I want you to do better in future," the elder wizard ground out.

"I didn't even mean to try to use _Titan Navitas_ on him. It just kind of happened." The longer Harry was away from Ron, the more he was able to think the matter through clearly._ What was I doing?_

Severus frowned. "When the Dark Lord used that spell it became compulsive; he was addicted to using it. Do you feel as though it is similar for you?"

Harry shrugged helplessly. "I-I don't know. I wasn't even thinking about the spell until you stopped me, but then I just felt I could have used it without hurting him." _How could I be so stupid?_

"I trust you will do your utmost to guard against this in the future?" Severus' eyes bore down on him.

Harry nodded, feeling ashamed and avoiding Severus' gaze. "About what you said the other day, you don't have to let me, you know," he said in a quiet voice, twisting his sleeve around his fingers.

Severus frowned. "I don't have to let you _what_?"

"You know... have me stay at Christmas," Harry said awkwardly. "You've spent ages training me and you probably need a break from it all. I can just stay here, I did last year; it's only a few weeks."

"Foolish brat, I thought we settled all that already. You are one of the very few people whose presence I can actually find tolerable, that is, when you're _not_ rushing around committing _insanely dangerous_ acts," Severus added pointedly.

Harry nodded again, turning to go, but Severus held out a hand, stopping him.

"Before Ron got hit, you seemed to be flying erratically, are you unwell?"

"I... no...I just couldn't concentrate," Harry said. "I think I'm going to give Quidditch a bit of a rest for a while, actually."

Severus gave him a long look. "That may be for the best. You are also not to visit Mr Weasley again without me being present, understood?"

"What about if Hermione goes with me?" Harry suggested.

"She knows about Titan Navitas?" The professor asked, considering the request.

Harry nodded. "Just her and Ron."

"Very well, but you are _not _to touch him until he is well again."

* * *

The next day Harry spent the morning with Hermione, visiting Ron. The colour had returned to the ginger boy's cheeks and he looked almost back to his old self, sat propped up in bed with a mountain of cushions behind him.

They were just leaving Ron's room to head to the Great Hall for lunch when the Headmaster stopped them.

"Ah Harry, Hermione," Dumbledore said. "Do you mind if I interrupt you for a moment?"

Hermione watched the Headmaster as his gaze focused steadily on her friend; it was clear that she would be superfluous to the conversation.

"I'll see you up in a bit, then," she said. "I'll wait in the Great Hall."

Harry accompanied the Headmaster along the corridor.

"So has Mr Weasley quite recovered?" Dumbledore asked. "That was a nasty fall that he took yesterday."

"More or less."Harry replied. "Madam Pomfrey says he should be alright to return to classes in a couple days time."

"Splendid," the elderly wizard said cheerfully, leading the way up to his office.

"Yeah." Harry agreed.

The two of them sat down at the Headmaster's des and Harry's eyes drifted around the room, as he waited for Dumbledore to speak. On the desk, between a dusty looking pile of parchments, and a collection of empty vials of various shapes and sizes, lay a black and blue plastic watch. It was similar to the kind of watch that Seamus Finnegan sometimes wore, the first day back from holidays, before he remembered to take it off, as the battery no longer worked inside the castle.

_This_ watch however _was_ still working, with the second hand travelling around the face of the watch, somehow immune to the interference that magic usually caused electronic items.

Harry stared at it wondering why it seemedfamiliar.

"Ah, you've noticed the watch, my boy?" Dumbledore asked.

He nodded silently, as he suddenly realised where he'd seen the watch before, _my dream, it was on my wrist as I walked up to the front door at the Dursleys!_

"The watch is partly what I wanted to talk to you about," Dumbledore said. "I realise that what I told you the other day was a lot to take in, and I think I approached it all in quite the wrong fashion. You had a dreadful time this summer at your relatives and it is completely understandable that you are reluctant to return there. What with that and the possibility of attacks, well, I can quite see your point of view."

Harry's eyes remained glued to the watch.

"The fact is Harry, this is of course no ordinary wristwatch, it is in fact a grade 5 portkey, very valuable, and custom made. If you watch it closely you will notice the hands never point at twelve, you would need to turn the knob in order for them to do so, and that is the trigger for it to transport the wearer back to this room. It is charmed for protection against anti-portkey wards, and will work time and time again without wearing out."

_I was wearing this, _Harry thought,_ this portkey, it was on my wrist, ready to use._

"Why are you showing me this?" he asked.

"I realised that I should, of course, have shown you this straight away," Dumbledore said. "To provide you with some small measure of reassurance. At the first sign, sight or sound that _anything_ untoward is happening you can use this to get to safety; indeed, if you have _any_ problems, be them from your relatives, or if you just feel that you have had enough, you would have got a clear route out of there."

Harry looked at him wordlessly. _He makes it all sound so easy, so reasonable, but I can't do it..._

Mistaking Harry's silence for accord, the Headmaster continued.

"Your relatives, of course, would have a different arrangement. Clearly, they cannot know about the plans which are afoot, and so would be unable to take charge of their own departures. Instead there is a type of portkey for them which is like a necklace, invisible to the eye and charmed to remain unnoticed. These will be activated as soon as anyone apparates into or out of Privet Drive, and will bring them here, to safety."

"My relatives would never agree to even wear anything like that," Harry said. "They wouldn't trust anything that came from _me_, whatever I said it was."

"It's all been dealt with, my boy," Dumbledore said. "I made arrangements for the portkeys to be placed on your relatives last night, while they were asleep. They didn't notice a thing."

"What? You mean you've already done it?" Harry exclaimed jumping to his feet.

"It's just basic preparations," the Headmaster said. "If you change your mind about going back there, we need to have things set up,"

Harry felt as if things were spinning wildly out of control.

"But, I told you I'm _not_ going back there," he protested, "And I'm _not_ going to change my mind!"

"You didn't know about the portkeys before," Dumbledore pointed out. "I shouldn't have expected you to even consider it, until you knew everything in much more detail."

"You shouldn't have done all this," Harry said indicating the watch. "I'm sorry, but you're not going to make me change my mind."

"My dear boy," Dumbledore said warmly. "I wouldn't want to _make _you do anything that you didn't want to do. It is your choice completely, and the last thing I would want to do is pressurise you into anything you weren't comfortable with. The only reason that I went ahead with the portkey arrangements is because we have a very limited amount of time. At the end of this week it is only two weeks before the Christmas holidays, if you were to change your mind, there would have to be certain things in place for our plan to go ahead. If, on the other hand, you don't change your mind, we have lost nothing. Your relatives certainly aren't upset as they know nothing about it."

"Well, I'm really not going to change my mind. I think you'd be better to spend your time on a different plan."

"This _is _the best opportunity we have at present, Harry."

"Severus agrees with me," Harry said. "_He_ doesn't think I should do it."

"Sometimes despite our best intentions we can become blinded to the best course of actions."

"That's pretty much what he said about you," Harry said bluntly.

"Did he now?" Dumbledore gave a thoughtful smile. "Well I'll let you into a confidence, Harry. Severus has grown very fond of you. Which is pleasing of course, particularly given your rather checked history with him, but it _does_ make it difficult for him to be truly impartial in this situation, when he's worried about you getting hurt."

Harry raised his eyebrows. He didn't really think that Severus was _fond_ of him or anyone else. Well, Draco perhaps, but that was it. _He said it himself earlier, he can __**tolerate**__ me being around if he really has to, but he wishes the war was over so he wouldn't have to put up with training me all the time._

"Ah well, Severus has always had a somewhat vitriolic manner, I am afraid my boy," Dumbledore said with a sad smile at Harry's clear look of disbelief. "Needless to say his actions may prove a better guide to his intentions, as with any Slytherin. I have no doubt you now realise how many times he has acted in your interest over the years, and of course the service he is doing for all of us in training you."

"He's taught me to occlude," Harry said.

"Indeed he has," Dumbledore said approvingly. "I hear you're extremely skilled at the art nowadays."

"Will you test me?" Harry asked suddenly. "To see if you can break through and legilimise me?"

"I suppose I could," the Headmaster answered. "Although, I am confident that from what Severus says you have little to worry about-"

"But, you're the most powerful wizard," Harry persisted. "Severus can occlude from _you-know-who_ but _you're_ the only person whose mind is strong enough to break his barriers, it makes sense that _you _should test me-"

Dumbledore's eyes twinkled. "Oh, I wouldn't underestimate Severus capabilities, my boy, as a Legilimens or an Occlumens."

Harry's heart began to race.

"But... You can break him?_ Surely_ you can legilimise Severus? _Can't you?_"

"Oh I daresay he's always been very careful to give the impression that I can do so," the Headmaster answered, clearly finding some amusement in the situation. "But I have no doubt he could resist me if he truly wanted to."

"But you must be able to legilimise him!" Harry repeated in alarm. "How did you even know that he could be trusted on our side, if he can occlude against _you_?"

"Harry," Dumbledore replied with a slightly reproachful note in his voice. "Come now; I understand you cannot wipe years of adversary away in one go, but you _do_ know better than this."

"How?" the boy repeated insistently.

The twinkle died away in the Headmaster's eyes.

"Harry, there is _no_ question in my mind that Severus is anything but truthful in his dealings with me and the Order."

"But what proof do you have? Do you actually know for sure?"

"Harry, it isn't a question of needing proof," Dumbledore began said sternly. "I _trust_ Severus, can you really not understand that?"

"But-"

"But nothing," the Headmaster said sharply. "He's like a son to me. I trust him utterly; completely; absolutely. I'm not going to entertain these doubts, Harry; I won't hear another word. He has befriended you these past months and you are both very good for one another. If we are to succeed in these tremulous times we will need to stand together as a whole, can you not understand that?"

* * *

As Harry lay in bed that night Dumbledore's words ran around in his head.

_**Surely**__ Dumbledore wouldn't have been naive enough to have welcomed a Death-Eater into the Order without any proof? Trust is all very well and good, hell, even __**I**__ trust Severus, despite all the years when we hated each other, but surely he hasn't based __**everything**__ on a hunch?_

_There had to be something more... something concrete. He must have used Veritaserum, or some other form of truth serum, if legilimency wasn't an option?_

Then the memory of Severus' opinion about Aurors came to the forefront of Harry's mind. He'd said they wouldn't hesitate to use dark magic themselves if it could lead to a confession, and Severus had always hated Moody with a ferocity which made Harry wonder just what form the old Auror's interrogation of Severus had taken in the past.

_Why would force have even been needed, if they'd been using __**Veritaserum**__?_

Tossing and turning, almost sick from the stress of it all, Harry resigned himself to another night of disturbed sleep.

_Then with a terrifying start he realised he was paralysed; the only parts of his body that he could move were his eyes. _

_Looking wildly around him, Harry realised he was no longer in his bed. He must have been hexed, probably by_ _Petrificus Totalus, and from the greenery around him, he was deep in the heart of the forbidden forest. The undergrowth was thick, making the area around him dark, but between gaps in the trees he could see sunlight beaming down. He could smell the faint trace of earthy scent in the air. The breeze made a transparent, fine material flutter slightly against his face, and he recognised that it must be his invisibility cloak which was covering him. Then he was distracted by a flicker of movement in the corner of his eye, over to the far left of where he was stood; the movement was shortly followed by a rustle of branches and trees, and then at once all hell seemed to break loose as Dumbledore appeared in front of him, retreating from a sustained attack by four masked Death Eaters. _

_The elderly wizard was breathing hard, and his jaunty green and orange cloak was torn and muddy, by contrast the Death Eaters were laughing and joking amongst themselves, whilst all the while throwing their deadly curses. _

_"Quasso Ossa."_

_"Ossis Effergo."_

_"Praefoco Prefoco."_

"_Minuo totulus!"_

_**The last was a female voice, probably Bellatrix**__, Harry realised in horror._

_Dumbledore had a powerful blue shield up which seemed to be absorbing, and even deflecting some of the curses and hexes back to his attackers, but he looked tired and worried. _

_From the sheer number of spells which were flying back and forth, Harry realised that Death Eaters were casting wordlessly, between the spells which they were shouting out._

_A green flash shot from one Death Eater's wand accompanied by an awful rushing sound, and Dumbledore disapparated several feet to the side to avoid the curse. _

"_Lucius!" the female voice yelled. "If you kill him __now__, __how will we have chance to play__?"_

_**Why didn't Dumbledore just disapparate far away?**__ Harry thought desperately. __**Or fight back? He's a stronger wizard than any of the Death Eaters!**_

_Malfoy evidently had the same concern, and didn't want to risk the fight continuing for too long, as he continued to relentlessly fire off Avada Kedavras, which Dumbledore miraculously managed to avoid. _

_Harry heard another '__Quasso ossa' being cast, the bone shattering curse, but Dumbledore's __shield now seemed to be shimmering as it began to weaken under the sustained onslaught, how it had even withstood the furious attack up to this point was completely beyond him._

_There was another sound behind them and Harry tried fruitlessly to turn his head. _

"_Severus. You're late." It was Malfoy's voice, Harry was fairly sure about that. His relief that Severus had arrived to help the Headmaster was mixed with fear that the two men were still outnumbered._

"_Severus." Dumbledore was barely able to speak now, gasping for breath as he continued to hold up his shield, while the potions master stepped into Harry's line of sight. "You came."_

"_Yes, I came," Severus replied, his eyes glinting dangerously. _

_**Do something!**__ Harry thought desperately. __**Quickly!**_

_Severus raised his wand towards the headmaster, then seemed to hesitate. _

"_Severus!" One of the other masked Death-Eaters shouted in disgust. "Are you just going to __stand there__?"_

_**WHAT ARE YOU DOING?**__ Harry was distraught. Completely immobilised, he was unable to do anything but watch in horror as Dumbledore began to plead desperately for his life._

"_Severus, my boy; my son; __please__**.**__"_

_But there was no mistaking the utter revulsion on Severus' face as he looked back at the headmaster. "Avada Kedavra," he said clearly in a tone filled with hatred, and a stream of green light blasted out of his wand in a whoosh which sent Dumbledore's body ricocheting backwards into the trees._

_

* * *

_

Harry's scream of anguish woke him as the _Petrificus Totalus _abruptly wore off his body. His shocked roommates sat up in bed, groping for their wands to cast _Lumos, _to see what the problem was, although they were now used to his nightmares and soon turned back over. Theodore even cast a silencing spell over himself, before going back to sleep.

Lying wide awake in the darkness Harry realised two things: he wanted proof that Severus truly was on the Order's side, and he was now determined to get it.

* * *

**Phew. I'm fairly sure that is the last of Harry's strange dreams (to everyone's relief I'm sure). I expect this chapter has cleared a few things up for some of you, but possibly also raised some questions! **

**I really thought I was going to be quick to update this time, but I'm afraid it just didn't happen. I came very close to updating a fortnight ago, but am actually glad I didn't because it would have been **_**much**_** shorter and less detailed. This way I'm finally at the point where my next chapter will include a bit which I planned and wrote out**_** months**_** ago, so I'm **_**very**_** excited to be finally getting to it...**

**Reviews are greatly appreciated and give me the impetus to keep going. Thank you to everyone who has been leaving comments. **


	34. Betrayal

**This chapter was finished thanks to 2 days off work due to the snow in London. C'mon snow, make it a 3rd day and maybe I'll start the next chapter!**

**RECAP:**

**Lying wide awake in the darkness Harry realised two things: he wanted proof that Severus was truly on the Order's side, and he was now determined to get it.**

* * *

The minutes dragged for Harry as he lay there becoming more and more worked up.

He couldn't get the images from his dream out of his head: Dumbledore's desperate pleading, and the vehemence that Severus had shown as he'd turned upon the Headmaster, betraying them all in the most terrible manner imaginable.

It was no good. Harry flung his bedclothes back, grabbed his wand and leapt out of bed.

He _had_ to know if Severus was genuine, if he was _truly_ on the Order's side or if everything had been one huge lie for him all along.

Without bothering to waste seconds dressing, and no longer caring about whether he was disturbing his dorm-mates, Harry cast _Lumos_ and bolted out of his dorm and along to Severus' rooms. Briefly laying his hand on the cold dungeon wall to gain entrance, he charged into the room.

"Severus?" he called sharply. "_Severus?_"

There was no reply.

He crossed the lounge and banged loudly on the Professor's bedroom door.

_Surely he should have been out by now, he's hardly a heavy sleeper, _Harry thought, remembering the times he'd woke him before. He tried the door handle, but it was locked and _Alohomora_ had no effect.

Slumping to the floor Harry breathed hard. As his breathing began to steady he tried to take stock of things. It hadn't been the wisest idea, storming in here to demand the truth. Wasn't this just a prime example of him being reckless and impatient? At best, he'd risked seriously pissing Severus off by falsely accusing him of such terrible acts, but if his dreams _were _true...well. He dreaded to think what the result could have been.

_But what can I do? Dumbledore's made it plain that he won't listen to me and I've got to do something, _Harry thought grimly.

* * *

Some three hundred miles away, in the depths of Wiltshire, Severus had locked himself into one of the impressively huge bathrooms which adorned Malfoy Manor.

Stood in front of a vast, silver framed mirror, he watched numbly as the water streamed over his hands, washing the reddish-brown stains from his fingers. Carefully examining shirt cuffs which were already spotless, he nevertheless cast a series of extensive cleansing charms.

Unable to procrastinate any longer, he rejoined Lucius back in one of the ground floor lounges.

The haughty blond wizard looked up as he entered the room.

"Drink?"

Taking the heavy crystal rummer which was offered, Severus swiftly knocked the firewhiskey back.

"I take it you're thirsty?" Lucius sounded amused.

"I'd better go; the old fool will be expecting my report."

"Let him wait," Lucius said carelessly, wordlessly sending the decanter towards him.

Taking the hovering decanter, Severus sat stiffly on a sofa and poured himself another large measure.

"So," Lucius said, leaning forward, having barely touched his own drink. "What went wrong with your potion tonight?"

"Nothing." Severus sounded distant as he sipped his drink.

"Come Severus, surely we have known each other long enough to own our mistakes?"

"As I have already said, there was _no_ error." He tucked a strand of his greasy, dark hair back from his face, glaring at the other wizard with glinting obsidian eyes, as if he were challenging him to disagree.

"Oh, I'm not doubting the potions efficacy," Lucius said. "I'm just pointing out that you gave that scum a very mild send off; a little blood at the end it is true, but a remarkably pain-free demise all the same."

"A women and children." He shrugged slightly. "I chose to keep my more noteworthy potions for other occasions."

Lucius raised one fine blond eyebrow. "Growing a heart in your old age, Severus?"

Severus snorted. "I simply didn't want to waste my finest brews. There are certain mudbloods that the Dark Lord desires to speak. If Bellatrix hadn't finished with the men before I arrived _they_ would have been prime candidates for my latest concoction. I have created a batch of poison which incorporates _Veritaserum_ laced with a sensitiser;" Severus paused, seeming to picture the scene in his mind. "We can anticipate hearing the mudbloods literally scream their secrets at us whilst they die."

Lucius gave a thin smile. "You're a cold bastard, Severus, you always were."

Severus nodded his head slightly at the compliment.

"Quite right of course," the aristocratic Death Eater continued carelessly. "Far better to save the best brews for those who've earned the consideration. You'll keep a little on hand for me, won't you, should I ever ask you for it?"

"For Narcissa, I take it?"

Lucius looked at him sharply.

"Draco's spoken of the situation to you?"

"Of course not. I am, however, in the habit of legilimising all my young snakes from time to time. Moreover, I am not a fool. How long did you think it would be before I realised she was missing?"

Lucius sighed and took a sip of his drink.

"It's hit him hard," he said at last.

"How could it not?"

"I thought that she would have been found by now, but she's clearly either left the country or dead. We can only hope for the latter."

"You've done a good job of keeping it under wraps so far."

Lucius pursed his lips. "Of course. It's the dishonour to the Malfoy name which is the worse thing about the whole affair. Did you know, Draco has actually volunteered to exact vengeance himself when we find her and her accomplices?"

"It is his birthright she threatens." Severus said, making a gesture as if to say he understood the boy's motives. Inwardly he disapproved of Draco's audacity, _a little reluctance would surely be prudent when planning his Mother's death. _

"He's a good boy," Lucius said taking the decanter from Severus. "The situation is untenable, but cannot last forever." He gave a tight, little smile. "And when we find her, assuming she's still alive, your potion will come in handy."

* * *

Severus headed straight to Dumbledore's quarters upon his return to Hogwarts. The elderly wizard was already awake and waiting for him.

"Tonight?" he asked simply.

Severus nodded tersely. "Their bodies will be found tomorrow, it'll be in_ The_ _Daily Prophet_."

"And so it begins once more," Dumbledore murmured to himself mournfully. "How many?"

"Peterson, Doel, McNulty and James."

Dumbledore's shoulders sagged.

"And their families?"

"Dead," the word was practically spat out.

"The children, even?"

"They're _all_ dead, Albus, I killed them all."

The Headmaster looked up sharply. "You did not kill them, Severus. You warned us time and time again, and did _everything_ that you could to prevent this."

"The wives and children were poisoned, by _my_ hand, using potions _I_ brewed. If that doesn't mean I killed them your deductive skills are seriously askew," Severus sneered.

"Severus," Dumbledore protested. "You must not blame yourself; this is _not_ your fault."

The younger wizard shrugged and took a moment to respond, clearly fighting to maintain his callous demeanour. "_Please,_ it is hardly the first time that I have been responsible for such atrocities, albeit that the victims aren't usually..." his voice faltered and he looked away.

"Severus." Albus was on his feet and beside the younger wizard as quickly as he could. He gently led him to a chair.

"I don't need you to mollycoddle me," he muttered.

"I doubt you have ever been mollycoddled in your life."

Cradling his face in his palms for some minutes, Severus almost seemed to rock forward in the intensity of his grief.

Eventually he looked up with bloodshot eyes.

"They were _only children_."

"You have been party to things which no one should ever have to witness," Albus said regretfully.

"As if that even matters for a moment," Severus spat back at him. "They had to give their _lives_, which rather puts my feelings into perspective somewhat."

"Were you able to use the potion you planned for such an eventuality?"

The potions master nodded curtly. "They didn't suffer; I was able to make sure of that, at least as far as the families were concerned. However, Bellatrix had her way with the Aurors before I could intercede for them..." He gave a grimace and let out a pained breath. "I must go. The Dark Lord has said that he might summon me again, should he require my assistance later."

Dumbledore nodded, deeply troubled.

"I beg that you will not burden yourself with guilt for this atrocity."

Severus rose. "What would you have me do?" he said softly. "The situation is what it is; and I will have to live with it."

* * *

As the next day dawned Harry was no closer to a decision. He made his way to breakfast looking furtively over his shoulder as he passed through the Slytherin Common Room.

The Great Hall was aflame with students poring over newspapers and holding panicked conversations. Grabbing a seat beside Hermione, Harry wasted no time in demanding answers.

"What's happened?"

"He's attacked," Neville replied simply, holding the paper out to him from the other side of the table; the front page showed a distraught middle-aged lady sobbing uncontrollably over the bodies of her daughter and grandchildren.

"Six kids," Harry read feeling sickened.

"And eight adults," Hermione added. "It's horrible, Harry. He's targeting Aurors who are half-bloods and their families. The Aurors were disfigured so badly that they could only be identified by their wands."

Hardly daring to look, but feeling compelled nevertheless, Harry glanced up at the teacher's table where Severus was sipping his coffee steadily, the very picture of cool indifference.

_How can he carry on as normal, having been there and witnessed that? No one is that good an actor, surely?_

Feeling the need to get far away, Harry handed the paper back to Neville.

"Shall we go and see Ron?" He asked Hermione.

"You've not eaten anything."

He shook his head. _I can't_. "Come on. If we hurry we'll have time before class."

* * *

In the medical wing Ron was on good form, despite the sobering news from _The_ _Daily Prophet;_ it was very clear that he was happy to be alive and well after his accident a few days previously.

"So she's letting you out tonight then?" Harry asked, nodding his head towards Madam Pomfrey who was busy dealing with a Hufflepuff in the adjacent room.

"Yeah crap isn't it? I'll be back in class before I know it!" Ron joked.

"Ron!" Hermione chided. "You should be relieved that you're well enough to come back to class so soon!"

"At least I'll be ready for quidditch practise on Friday," Ron added. "They're gonna need me for the rematch, particularly if Harry's still not planning on playing."

"You're not really going to start playing quidditch again this week?" Hermione admonished. "What if you take another knock and set back your recovery?"

"Ah, 'Mione, it's what any professional quidditch player would have to do...and they're counting on me. I can't let the team down."

_Unlike me,_ Harry thought wryly, although he didn't allow himself to feel too bad about the situation; it was better for everyone's sake if he gave up on quidditch for the time being.

"Couldn't you just miss one game?" Hermione pleaded. "Until you're back to full strength?"

"Madam Pomfrey said it's all right to play."

"Well," Hermione seemed to realise she was being over-protective. "At least promise me that you'll be extra careful? Honestly, if you and Harry carry on like this I feel like I'm going to have a nervous breakdown between the pair of you."

"It'll be fine, honest," Ron said shooting Harry a 'let's humour her look', although the sparkle in his eyes showed that he was clearly loving her fussing over him. "And I'm going to concentrate on getting better today, starting by having a nice, long rest while you're in History of Magic!"

* * *

That evening after Poppy had given him a clean bill of health, a very well rested Ron joined Harry and Hermione who were sat on a sofa in the Gryffindor common room surrounded by books and newspapers.

"All right? How were lessons today then? I thought of you two swotting away while I was lying in bed reading up on the Chudley Cannons!"

"Ron, after I fetched your potions text for you as well!" Hermione sounded mildly disapproving. "If you felt up to reading, you might have made better use of your time."

"Well, I still had a _bit _of a headache..." Ron backtracked quickly.

"Hmmf, well it's just as well I've made you copies of all my notes," she said, clearly sceptical. "But that can wait until later. I wanted to show you both some more of the research I've been doing-"

"Hermione-" Harry interrupted holding one of the back copies of_ The Irish Wizarding __Herald,_ his eyes glued to a picture on one of the inside pages.

"-this book is completely fascinating, it gives a history of some of the curses around the same time as _Vulnus Ictus-_"

"Hermione-"

"Just a second, in the last chapter it tells us-"

"Hermione!" Harry grabbed her arm to get her attention. "You've _got_ to look at this."

Hermione glanced up briefly. "Oh, Kyran McLaughlin, Connor's real father. Yes I did notice his picture is in quite a few of the papers; but we already knew that Connor'd said he was caught up in all the political intrigue over there so it's hardly unexpected-"

"His picture though!" For a second Harry was dumbstruck. "Hermione, it's_ him_. The Irish man from my dreams, _the one Sirius was with!_"

"Are you sure?" Snatching the newspaper from Harry, she scanned the article again. "But I thought you said that man was a squib? McLaughlin is definitely a wizard."

"It's him. I _know_ it's him. Maybe Sirius was just joking about when he called him a squib."

Ron shook his head. "Nah. Wizards wouldn't joke about things like that. I'm sorry, but they wouldn't. It's been months since you had that dream so it can't be very clear in your mind."

"It's _him_, I tell you; honestly, I wouldn't forget something like this!"

"Maybe we should speak to Connor again," Hermione mused, "assuming he _will_ still talk to us after we cut him off from what was going on before."

"I'll speak to him," Harry said guiltily. "He's not going to be very pleased with me, but as it's to do with his Dad he'll definitely want to know."

* * *

"It doesn't make any sense; there's no way that my father's a squib," Connor objected shaking his head. The four of them were sprawled around an open fire in the room of requirements.

"I know, but it was him. _Honestly._"

"Wizards wouldn't say that as a joke-"

"Yeah, yeah, I get that, I don't understand why Sirius called him _that_ any more than you do, but I'm telling you that _he did,_" Harry sounded frustrated.

"Och, calm down, won't you, Mr Seer?" Connor gave his usual disarming grin. "Don't get your wand in a twist. I'm just saying OK?"

"Maybe the squib looked a little bit like McLaughlin, and you were thinking about Sirius being in Ireland when you read the paper and that's why you thought it was him," Ron suggested.

"...or you've finally cracked up," Connor added as an undertone.

"I've been thinking," Hermione injected. "Connor; do you think it's possible that Sirius and your father met in Azkaban? _The Irish Wizarding __Herald mentioned_ that he was previously imprisoned overseas, but it didn't say where."

"He's upset a lot of important people, I don't know about Azkaban, but he's certainly been locked up a couple times before...so maybe. What about your other dreams, Harry? Am I allowed to know about the rest of them now?"

"I can't," Harry said quietly. "I wish I could tell you, honestly I do, but I just can't."

"Are you all right though, I mean, you seem, well, a bit jumpy to be honest at the moment. Like you think someone's gonna attack you. And whatever's going on with you and Snape-"

Harry frowned. "What do you mean?"

"I've seen the way you've been with him in class recently; you look like you're scared to death of him. He's done something hasn't he? I know you've always defended him, but he's a tricky bastard and that's no mistake."

Harry could feel Hermione staring at him.

"It's fine," he mumbled. "Honest."

* * *

But it wasn't fine, and it had gone far beyond the point where Harry could pretend it was; the question was what to do about it.

_The obvious answer is right in front of me,_ Harry realised, as Aurors continued to mill about the castle as part of the pretence that Dumbledore had been injured. They'd taken up a semi-permanent residence, settling into a series of corridors and rooms off the east side of the Great Hall.

_I'd only have to say the word and the Aurors would look into it, _he thought. _They certainly wouldn't cover it up, or ignore me the way Dumbledore did._

But in the end, that was what held Harry back. He couldn't forget what Severus had said to him before, about the Aurors wanting to drag him off to Azkaban, or worse. He'd seen for himself over the summer that Moody had come very close to killing him, intentionally or not. Severus would never forgive him if he unleashed the full fury of his enemies upon him, and he would never forgive himself if he were wrong.

If training had been bad before, it was now worst than ever. For a few days following the recent attacks they hadn't trained. Severus had claimed he was too busy, to Harry's immense relief as it was strain enough being in the same room as him for Potions let alone private training. There were only a couple of weeks now before the Christmas holidays when Harry was supposed to be staying with Severus again, but at the moment he didn't see how he could possibly go back there.

Unable to shake the latest dream from his head, Harry had begun to question every action and gesture Severus made towards him. When they finally resumed training, each new shield seemed like it could easily be a trap to lull him into a false sense of security in battle. The training itself might be a ploy for Severus to ingratiate himself deeper with Dumbledore. In fact, when Harry considered his abysmal failure to learn wandless magic, it seemed all too plausible that Severus had never really intended to teach him _anything_; after all the only defensive techniques he'd actually made progress in were occluding and casting wordlessly, both areas which he'd eventually figured out _himself _rather than due to Severus' teaching.

_And what was it that Connor had said about Severus' brutal legilimency lessons? That it was the same as trying to teach someone to ride a broom whilst having people hurling missiles at them. _

_He has even got me to start calling Voldemort the Dark Lord, _Harry realised, _and he__ never did give a proper explanation for that._

_And yet... he had me in his house for weeks without harming me. He may not have shown me how to shield my mind, but he did spent hours helping me to get better at it. And he taught me to brew healing draughts and to recognise the smell of poisons._

_And what was it Dumbledore had said? That Severus has grown very fond of me and that he worried about me. But then, he would try to give that impression wouldn't he, if it was all part of an act?_

Tonight Severus had ordered him to come to a training session, which he began immediately by demonstrating a type of charmed shield which could be used to deflect curses and hexes back towards the caster.

"The incantation is '_Revibro'_," he said causing the texture of his shimmering shield to become finer and more radiant. "Now cast at me."

Mindful that whatever he cast would soon be directed back at him, and unwilling to participate in any case, Harry cast a very weak_ Jelly-legs_ jinx.

The jinx barely touched Severus' shield before changing direction and returning to Harry seemingly with extra force and speed.

Harry's automatic wordless shield protected him, but then he had known it was coming.

"Now you try."

With utmost reluctance Harry cast a quick _Protego _and followed it up with _Revibro _just as he had heard Severus do before. The shimmering radiance seemed to suggest that the casting was successful.

But unlike Severus' shield which successfully changed the angle of the spell, Harry's attempt seemed useless and the Stinging hex hit him squarely on the chest.

"You need to focus upon the part of your shield which the hex is approaching," Severus told him.

Hoping desperately that this wasn't part of some huge Death-Eater joke, where Severus reported back just how few times he'd hexed him before caving in, Harry held up a hand.

"Please, I- I don't want to do this right now. Can't we just talk for a bit?"

Severus sat down on the sofa and studying Harry closely. "What do you wish to discuss?"

"I don't know," Harry looked down at the floor. "The stuff in the _Prophet_ the other day, I suppose."

Severus expression seemed to darken. "What about it?"

"Well you've never said anything about it, but you were there, weren't you? I mean, I came here that evening, but you were out, so I'm guessing that's where you went."

Severus' eyes were cold. "What's your point, Harry?"

_I'd have thought that was pretty obvious. _"Were you there?"

"Yes." His answer could scarcely sound less uninviting but Harry persisted nevertheless.

"So you saw them... being killed, all those people and children?"

"As you've gathered."

"Were you part of it?"

Harry's question had scarcely been audible, but somehow Severus still managed to make it out.

"What do you think?"

Harry nodded slowly.

_Severus couldn't be a traitor, there is no way he could willingly be part of such horrendous acts... Or is it that the alternative just seems too awful for me to contemplate?_

"It must have been difficult for you, seeing all of that," Harry said uncertainly. "Having to act like a Death-Eater throughout it all."

"No, it was a walk in the park," Severus sneered. "Why don't you just say whatever you're really trying to get at?"

"Fine." Harry's voice became cooler to match the Professor's. "I've never asked, but after stuff like _that_ I can't help but wonder, why you ever choice to be a Death-Eater in the first place?"

Severus' face seemed to shut down and lose all it's mobility.

_Clearly, not something he's willing to share, then._ "I'm sorry I shouldn't have asked," Harry muttered.

"It's fine," Severus interrupted irritably.

He stood up and began to pace the room whilst he answered. "I was desperate, some would term it _ambitious_;" he sneered the word, "my upbringing was impoverished as I'm sure you have picked up on. My father was a Muggle, he was also a miserable, lying, drunkard whom I hated him, not least for the way he treated my mother."

"So he made you hate Muggles and that made you want to join?" Harry said recalling the pensieved memory of Severus insulting his mother for being muggle-born.

"_No_; he made me utterly determined to be nothing like him. He lived in squalor and wasted every opportunity he'd ever been given. He was an uneducated, loathsome fool; both unable and unwilling to provide for himself, let alone a family. He never bettered himself because he resented his station in life and preferred to while away his days in a stupor."

"So it was money then?" Harry couldn't help but show his contempt. "That's what you wanted; why you became a Death-Eater?"

"Such a Gryffindor," Severus said softly. "Expecting a neat, easy answer. It was _many_ things, and yes money was part of it. People will do almost anything for money, particularly when they know what it is like to have none. When my mother became ill, I watched her slowly wasting away over my second and third years. Doubtlessly she would have died anyway, but she wasn't helped by having to sell most of the potions she brewed, nor by the fact that my father drank all the profits she couldn't hide."

Harry considered this. In a way he'd grown up in poverty, owning little and wearing cast-off clothes, for all that the Dursleys lived in a nice, little suburban house. But had he ever really been in need? Well he'd been hungry of course, there was no denying that, but it was also clear that Severus had been much worse off than him.

"Did your mum teach you to brew?" he asked, not really wanting to pry, but realising how little he really knew about Severus' past.

"Initially; she was fairly competent at making the most basic potions, but the truth was that I had begun to surpass her skill in my second year and was brewing _for_ her by my third year." Turning sharply to face Harry, his dark eyes seemed to bore into him.

"Have you heard enough or are there any other areas of my life that you care to rake through?"

"Just one," Harry said in a low tone. It was the question he'd been building himself up to all evening, the thing he _really _needed to know.

"You've talked about all your motives for becoming a Death-Eater and presumably you got the money and kudos you were after; so what changed? What made you switch sides?"

Severus gave him a long, unnerving look, his dark eyes glinting.

"Enough," he declared, turning away and walking over to his desk.

"No, come on." Harry followed him, his heart beating fast. "There must have been a reason, mustn't there? I mean, all that stuff that made you want to be a Death-Eater was still the same wasn't it? So you must have had something which made you think again?"

Severus picked up one of the heavy textbooks from his desk and began to flick through it angrily. "I came to my senses, that is all."

"But Moody didn't believe you, did he? That's why you hate each other, isn't it?" Harry could hardly believe he was daring to ask these questions, but he _had_ to know.

The book was slammed down with a force that made Harry jump.

Severus turned to face him. "I was a boy. Barely more than a year older than you are now, _none_ of them believed me, so they tortured me," He scoffed slightly. "As if torture somehow procures honesty; if I've learnt anything from my time around the Dark Lord it is that the only thing that torture guarantees is that the victim will say whatever the torturer wishes to hear."

"Yeah, I suppose they would," Harry said slowly. "Why didn't Moody use _Veritaserum_ on you?"

"I was a potions prodigy, surely even you can elucidate from that?"

_Oh, _Severus' answer sank in. On some level he supposed he'd always known it.

"But... there isn't an antidote to _Veritaserum_."

"Not officially, no. But _unofficially_ an antidote has been around for quite some time, hence the torture."

"But Dumbledore believed you."

"He did."

_So we're back to that. At the heart of everything, Severus' very decision to change sides was taken at face value because Dumbledore had a hunch that he'd changed his mind. This is the man who had_ _**numerous**__ motives to become a Death-Eater, _Harry thought bitterly, _b__ut can't think of __**one**__ good reason to have changed sides? Well, that just about said it all._

* * *

That evening when Harry went back to his dormitory Connor was the only one who was already in the room.

"All right?"

"Yeah." Harry was fairly sure his answer didn't fool anyone these days.

After a quick shower and change Harry got into bed, and the two of them lay silently in the darkness for some minutes.

"You can always come to mine," Connor said suddenly.

"What?" His mind full of the conversation he'd just had with Severus, Harry was completely nonplussed by the unexpected suggestion.

"This Christmas. You said you're probably just going to be staying here, but you seem pretty down about it all. So, I just wanted you to know, if it gets bad, if anything goes wrong... you can come to mine."

"In Ireland?" Harry sat up and looked at him in surprise. "It's not like I can just floo over!"

"I mean it." Connor climbed out of bed and sat down at the foot of Harry's bed. He seemed to fiddle with his pyjama collar and the next moment he was holding a golden locket in his hand, the chain now lying visibly around his neck.

Unfastening it, he passed it to Harry.

"It's an emergency portkey. I was given it when Finleigh became First-Minister, in case there was ever any trouble. It's activated by opening the locket, takes me to my bedroom in Ireland."

Connor placed it around Harry's neck. "You see, it becomes completely invisible when it's on your neck, until you touch it."

Harry understood only too well. This must be a similar kind of portkey to what Dumbledore had placed on the Dursleys.

"You can hang onto it," Connor told him seriously. "Whatever happens this Christmas... well, if you need it, to get away, it'd be there."

Harry shook his head. "I can't take this. What if you need it, for an emergency, like you said? And anyway aren't they really expensive? What would your dad- sorry Finleigh have to say about you giving it away."

"He'd never notice if I was there or not, never mind whether I'm kitted out with my portkey," Connor replied. "And anyway I'm always in trouble."

"I can't take it," Harry repeated decisively unfastening it from around his neck. He'd never really been too keen on portkeys since the Triwizard incident. "But thanks, I really mean it."

* * *

The last part of term sped by all too quickly for Harry. He didn't see how he could just leave with Severus, pretending that nothing was wrong, but he didn't have any other options. If only he were able to break through Severus' occlumency shields he would of legilimised him to find out the truth and to hell with the repercussions, but he already knew that wasn't possible. _Even Dumbledore wasn't powerful for that, so there's no way I stand a chance. _

Once again, Harry felt excluded from the cheerful anticipation that the other students felt, cramming their belongings into their trunks ready for long journeys home. The overseas students left at various stages, often slightly before what was officially the end of term and Declan came to collect Connor the night before the majority of students went home.

Harry spent his last evening with Hermione and Ron in the Gryffindor common room, trying to immerse himself in their laughter and jokes. There was almost a carnival atmosphere throughout the room, with lost belongings scattered across every available surface and everyone determined to make the most of their last night by staying up stupidly late.

Many of the Gryffindors had brought their trunks down into the common room where they could all chat together as they helped one another to cast charms which folded, tidied and shrunk their possessions into place. Some of the first years who struggled with the packing charms took a rather more direct approach, and had great fun, cramming their clothes in by stamping, pushing and even sitting on top of trunks to make things fit.

Whereas practically everyone else was searching for various mislaid possessions, as the packing became increasingly chaotic, Neville was actually managing to find whole rafts of items which had been missing since the start of term.

"Thank Merlin," he cried, seizing an indistinctive, mass of bunched up material from the depths of his trunk. "I thought my Gran was going to murder me for loosing my dress-robes!"

There was no clear end to the merry-making, rules were relaxed on the last night of term, and as long as they were all in the common room and not wandering around the castle, McGonagall didn't really care how late they stayed up.

At last, the students began to dwindle away, as their yawns became infectious and Hermione even shooed a couple of dozing first-years off to their beds. It ended up just being the three of them and a handful of rowdy second-year boys who were playing Exploding Snap and seemed impervious to the lateness of the hour or the early start they had the next day.

Finally Harry stood up, realising just how far past curfew it actually was.

"So," said Hermione lowering her voice. "Are you going to be OK, Harry? When is it the two of you set off?"

"The day after tomorrow," Harry replied matching her quiet tones. Officially he had told everyone apart from Ron and Hermione that he was staying at Hogwarts for the holiday.

"You know, it's not too late, we could all actually just stay here. Make a holiday of it together?" Ron suggested.

Harry smiled. "Don't be crazy, your families are expecting you. I'll be fine. I'll see you tomorrow then, before you head off."

* * *

That night as Harry lay down on his bed he felt something cold and hard upon his pillow. When he cast _Lumos _he realised that Connor had left him the locket after all.

Holding it, motionlessly in his hand for a moment, he wondered what to do with it.

He didn't really think that Connor would do anything to harm him, and he'd already tried the locket on once before, so perhaps on balance he could accept the gift. Right now, an escape route didn't seem like a bad idea.

Slipping the chain around his neck, he felt it shift into it's weightless form, melding perfectly with his body temperature, before he lay down to sleep.

* * *

The scattering of other students which were staying at school for the holidays compelled Harry to try to act normal, as he waved his friends off in their carriages the next morning after another sleepless night. They had to leave very early, as the train departed from Hogsmeade at 9 AM and many of the Gryffindors were yawning widely as they made their way to the station, doubtlessly intending to doze off on the train. As he watched them go, internally Harry felt as if he was able to collapse from the strain of everything.

_It had been nice of Ron to say they'd stay, but realistically it would have ended up with their families offering to have me come and stay, and I won't do that to them. _

_But I can't go to Severus' either. Not like this. No, I need to know for sure. _

_There is one last thing I could try, 'another way' of sorts, but closer perhaps to a last resort than any actual plan._

* * *

"Harry," Severus looked up as Harry let himself into his rooms. He'd been sat at his desk enjoying the peace and tranquillity which always descended over the castle as soon as the Hogwarts Express lot were on their way.

He frowned at the pale, set expression on the boy's face. "What is it?"

_It's now or never, _Harry told himself sternly, clutching his wand. _I have to do it. I have to make myself do it, for Dumbledore's sake if nothing else._

"_Imperio,_" he whispered, "I'm sorry, but you're going to do exactly as I say."

A strange feeling of power travelled over Harry, as he saw the shock and disbelief rapidly flit across the older wizard's face, before giving way to fury. Straight away, he could feel his grasp upon Severus' magical core and knew that he only had to give the order and he would open his mind.

And yet... Severus seemed to be shaking himself, almost as if he were able to resist _Imperio. _And of course it was possible to throw off the curse, Harry'd done it himself before, _and _Severus was a stronger wizard than him-

Severus had his wand in his hand now and seemed to be battling against the curse in order to point it at Harry.

"Don't!" Harry instructed wildly, his heart beating fast. "Don't attack me!"

Severus looked outraged and managed to shout, although his hand had stilled. "What do you think-"

"Don't speak, be quiet!" Harry interrupted, forcing him into a fuming silence, incapable of speaking further.

"Can you change the wards wordlessly, to stop anyone coming in here?"

A jerky nod testified that he could.

"Fine, do it."

In a series of jerky, irregular movements, as if he was fighting himself every inch of the way, Severus trained his wand around the edge of the doorway and fireplace, so that they glowed with the same dull brown hue which Harry remembered from his previous warding.

"Now give me your wand."

Utterly silent, the dark malevolence in his eyes providing the only guide to his thoughts, Severus seemed to be concentrating on resisting the curse, even as he moved to pass his wand over. In the same instance as he handed Harry the polished ebony wand there was a streak of white light and a _Patronus_ burst forth from his wand and galloped at top speed through the door.

Flustered, Harry somehow managed to keep hold of Severus' wand and keep his own trained upon the older wizard, who was dangerously close to him.

_Would a Death-Eater use a Patronus to send messages to Voldemort?_

"Call it back!" he demanded.

Severus shook his head, which Harry hoped meant that he _couldn't_ stop the Patronus, rather than that he was capable of refusing.

Severus made a small movement, and seemed to be coming closer towards him.

"Stay still! And no more magic!" Harry cried out, he was trembling, and had never felt so uncertain in his life, but he was in far too deep to turn back now.

Severus froze, his dark eyes anguished.

"Now, you're going to let me into your mind," Harry said in a shaky voice. "You're going to show me the plans you've made with Voldemort to kill Dumbledore."

He soon what he was looking for. Under _Imperio_ all Severus' skill at occluding was swept away, and his topmost memories all confirmed Harry's worst fears about his intentions.

**Severus was conducting a private meeting with Voldemort in an anonymous, yet richly furnished chamber. Knelt at Voldemort's feet, his lank hair covering his face, Severus was the very picture of a devoted servant. **

"**My Lord," he said with utmost respect. "I feel that the time has come for me to perform the deed we spoke of some time ago." **

**A wordless spell brought another chair forward from the edge of the table.**

"**Sit down, Severus." Voldemort's voice sounded almost amused, like a father humouring a child. His red eyes glinted in the dull light. "**_**So**_** you think that the time has arrived for you to kill Albus Dumbledore?"**

"**When better?" Severus sounded animated, almost eager in his response. "We have waited and waited over the years for a chance such as this. With him dead and gone the Order will collapse into disarray. I beg of you, give me the opportunity; I swear I will not disappoint you."**

**A strange expression passed over Voldemort's skeletal features, at first Harry thought he was suffering from convulsions, before he realised he was shaking in silent laughter. **

"**Such enthusiasm! But you ar****e**_** not**_** strong**** enough, the old fool would surely overpower you and what good would that be? I will not have your role placed in jeopardy heedlessly."**

"**As you wish my Lord," Severus said struggling to hide his bitter disappointment. "Perhaps at a later date...?"**

"**Perhaps," Voldemort said easily. "You have always had such ambition Severus, it is one of your best qualities, but you have a tendency to over-reach yourself at times. Content yourself as you are and know that you are already useful to me."**

Harry was deep in the midst of delving through another memory when Dumbledore made his way through Severus' new wards into the doorway of the lounge.

"_Harry_," he said in a terrible voice, "_what_ _are you doing_?"

Harry lowered the wand he was holding at Severus' head.

He just stared at the Headmaster speechlessly. He hadn't wanted to believe it was true, but there was no denying it any longer; he had his proof. Severus had volunteered to kill him and Voldemort must have changed his mind.

"Severus?" Dumbledore looked at his Potions-Master before turning back to Harry, "_What've you done?"_

Taking a great stride into the room, Dumbledore seemed to realise what had been taking place as he muttered a counter-course quickly, releasing Severus from _Imperio_.

"You don't understand - He's helping Voldemort!" Harry blurted out.

Severus staggered slightly. Breathing erratically he _accio'd_ his wand and brandished it in a posture which could have been either defensive or offensive. His dark eyes held a multitude of emotion as his gaze bore into Harry; shock at being attacked, no small measure of fury, and finally an overwhelmingly sense of betrayal.

"_What_!" he gasped.

"I've _seen_ it," Harry explained, ignoring him and looking at the Headmaster. "I've had premonitions, I know what he's going to do-"

"Harry," Dumbledore interrupted, "clearly the premonitions do _not_ show what they appear to."

"No, no, no, you have to believe me. I've seen it. _I've seen it_. He's going to kill you." Harry half sobbed.

Dumbledore looked deeply aggrieved, but thankfully didn't seem to be arguing.

They both paused, staring at each other, while Severus gave an ugly laugh which was totally devoid of any humour.

"_This_ is what you think of me? I play a role! I am a spy! What do you expect to see in my memories?"

Harry and Dumbledore just continued to stare at each other in silence.

"Harry," Dumbledore said slowly.

"You need to-"

"_Harry_,"

"HE WILL KILL YOU!"

"Yes, but Harry he doesn't know about it; I haven't asked him yet."

"_What_?" Harry gasped, whilst Severus choked, "You _want_ him to do _that_, _to kill you_? Why would you want that?" He turned accusingly to Severus. "_Why would you do it?"_

"You're insane. Both of you!" Severus snarled.

He was still clasping his wand, pointing it at Harry, only now there was no question of it being anything but offensive, he was clearly on the verge of casting a curse.

"How could you?" he spat.

"I-I-I-I'm sorry," Harry stuttered suddenly transfixed by the wand which was pointed straight at his face. "I had to know... I just had to know for sure. But I still don't see...how could you...how could you do that to him? "

Severus' grip tightened.

Dumbledore was very still. "Severus," he said in a low, sad voice. "Please. I beg of you; consider what you're doing."

In a sudden violent movement Severus shoved his wand away and grabbed hold of Harry.

"You should _never_ have believed it," he snarled.

The room became a blur to Harry as he was shaken violently by both shoulders.

"Severus." Dumbledore's voice was barely above a whisper, but Harry was oblivious to his pleading, deafened as he was by his teeth rattling inside his head.

"_Severus, please_," he tried again.

Abruptly Severus released Harry, who went flying backwards, hurtling painfully into the wall behind him.

His heart beat crazily as Severus slowly crossed the room to kneel down beside where he lay sprawled in a bruised heap. A powerful hand shot out to relentlessly jerk Harry's chin up, leaving him no choice but to look up into the black eyes which were glittering dangerously in front of him.

Harry gave a gulp as he fought to choke back a sob. He could sense how furious Severus was, but that was to be expected. What he desperately needed was the opportunity to explain everything. Just a slither of forgiveness or understanding would be enough. Ten minutes, just ten minutes for them to talk and perhaps things could be mended.

After all, it wasn't as if he wasn't owed an explanation too.

There was a pregnant pause as they both struggled to catch their breath. What happened next would be crucial for them both.

"I'm sorry," he croaked. "Please forgive me?"

Severus gave him a look of utter incredulity

"Forgive you? You miserable, little fool, _I hate you_ for what you've done," he said coldly.

He turned on his heel, leaving Harry in a crumpled heap.

Dumbledore opened his mouth.

"_Don't_," Severus cut him off sharply

Dumbledore waved his wand and Harry felt himself lifted from the floor.

The Headmaster sighed and cleared his throat "I think the best thing would be if you could show us the premonition, Harry."

Gesturing a wild-eyed Severus closer, Dumbledore arranged for the pair of them to point their wands at Harry.

"Legilimens." They said in unison, and they both hit straight into Harry's hazy block, a swirling, never-ending mass of movement, snitches and broomsticks. It was a bewildering and unsettling display of power.

"Harry, stop occluding," snarled Severus.

The swirling ceased as Harry tried to allow them in. The sudden pressure on his mind was painful, particularly without his shield. He wasn't trying to prevent them entering, but Severus was using such force that it felt like his head was going to split in two. As Harry began to feel nauseous and dizzy his defences automatically began to reassert themselves; feeling them coming back Severus reacted by pushing harder and all of a sudden his block was back again in full.

"You-" Severus started as both he and Dumbledore were thrown unceremoniously backwards.

"I'm sorry..." Harry whimpered, "try again."

He lowered his block but this time as soon as Severus and Dumbledore tried to Legilimise him they were forcibly thrown out. Before Dumbledore had a chance to stop him, Severus had drawn his arm back and struck Harry across the face.

"I SAID STOP OCCLUDING."

"Argh." Harry had a thick lip from the blow and his eyes welled up with tears.

"Severus, you _will_ control your temper, or I will remove you from this room," Dumbledore commanded, his pale blue eyes radiating danger.

Severus glared back at him.

"I'm sorry," Harry said indistinctly, "I don't think I can stop occluding."

"Oh, don't worry, _I will see that you find a way_." Severus replied with more menace than it should be possible to impart into such a seemly innocuous sentence.

"Severus," with a sweeping authority which could only belong to him, Dumbledore drew the wrathful wizard a few paces back, and cast a quick silencing charm, "that is _not_ helping. He is occluding when he panics... you need to be gentler. You need to reassure him; tell him that you didn't mean it and that you will forgive him."

"And if I won't? What then?" Severus snarled, but he stalked back over to Harry and fought briefly for his years of practised composure.

"Harry," he said in a low voice

"Yesss." Harry was breathing heavily and could taste blood in his mouth where his lip had torn against his tooth. He didn't dare to look up, he couldn't bear to meet Severus' eyes again.

"You need to calm down. We can sort everything out, but only if you work with us and let us see the premonition."

"I'm sorry. I've ruined everything. I've made you hate me..."

Severus recognised the inherent plea for contradiction and fought a brief inward battle against his temper.

"I don't really hate you. I could never hate you, like it or not, I care deeply about you now and nothing will ever change that."

'Really?' Harry looked at Severus intently as if willing his reply.

Severus nodded sharply. Unwillingly.

Harry saw Dumbledore give an approving glance to Severus who scowled back at him.

This time Severus was gentler and they were able to watch the dream. Severus winced as he saw himself casting Avada Kedavra and Harry couldn't help but feel every bit as shocked and outraged as he had done before. Only Dumbledore seemed able to watch the scene calmly.

At the end Severus told Harry, "Now get out. Go to your dormitory- in Gryffindor," he added coldly.

"_Severus!_ Harry made a genuine and perfectly understandable mistake. You of all people should be open to offering forgiveness. We're lucky he didn't go to the rest of the order, far better to keep this between ourselves for the time-being."

"He's lucky to still be breathing after what he did to me!"

Dumbledore looked as if he was about to say something before he stopped himself.

Harry jumped up hastily, unwilling to be humoured. 'It's OK, Professor. I understand; I know he didn't mean what he said earlier. And hell, there's a reason they're called _unforgivables_ isn't there?"

Dumbledore looked thoughtful.

"Why don't you go and wait for me in my study, Harry?" he said at last. "I wish to speak with you further. The password is sugarplums."

* * *

Harry was sat hunched over in a chair when the Headmaster joined him some minutes later. He cut a forlorn figure, alone, leaning upon the desk.

"Harry."

The boy didn't look up.

"_Harry_," Dumbledore repeated approaching the desk and laying a hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Why?" Harry mumbled suddenly. "Why would you want him to kill you?"

"I'm dying Harry."

Green eyes, filled with emotion took in the Headmaster's solemn yet serene expression.

"The curse, the one that the Slytherins think is killing you-"

Dumbledore nodded.

"_But you don't seem ill."_

"We found a way of delaying the effects of the curse, and for the moment, I am as fit and powerful as I ever was, but it _will_ weaken me irreparably over the coming months, which is why I have felt an urgency to pursue the plan involving your relatives; there is a very limited amount of time wherein I will be at my full strength. And when my time does come I had hoped that Severus would do me the ultimate kindness in ensuring that my death is not drawn out and that my passing can serve an ultimate purpose."

Harry shook his head in confusion. "I had other dreams. Ones that made me think he was working for Voldemort... And then when I legilimised him I saw him begging to be allowed to kill you-"

"I can guarantee that anything you may have seen will have been him playing his role."

"I know. I've messed everything up. Everything I've done has been completely wrong in all of this. I should've told him about the dreams. I should've listened to you. I've mucked up everything because I've been too scared of things coming true, when really it's all so much more complicated than it seemed."

"This wasn't your fault Harry. The premonitions are something that none of us could have anticipated, you weren't to-"

"I should have trusted him," Harry interrupted simply. "But I was too scared all the time, I didn't think..."

"What if there was a way to put things right?"

"He won't listen to me. He hates me. I can't change what I did," Harry slumped forward onto the desk once more.

"Severus-" Dumbledore cut himself, seemingly unable to deny Harry's assessment of the situation.

He paused thoughtfully for a moment."You said that you regretted making decisions so hastily, that you wished you hadn't been guided by fear. What if you could rectify that, and help the order by going back to your relatives for that last time?"

Harry looked up, startled. "It's too late... the others have already left. The Hogwarts express is gone."

"You don't need to travel by the Hogwarts express, you could floo to Arabella Figg's, you were away for half of the last summer, Harry. The Death Eaters probably don't know whether to expect you at all, never mind when."

"You really think I should do this?"

Dumbledore nodded gravely. "I do. Believe me, Harry, I would not ask you to do this if I didn't think it necessary, or if I believed that you would be endangered yourself in doing so."

There was an awkward silence.

"So Harry, will you reconsider?"

Harry didn't say anything.

"Harry?"

Giving a defeated shrug, Harry's reply was barely above a whisper, "I suppose."

Dumbledore rose immediately. "Give me a couple hours to rally the order."

"Today?" Harry faltered.

"Sooner rather than later is probably for the best," Dumbledore pointed out. "Have you eaten yet?"

Harry shook his head dumbly.

"Why don't you go and have a late breakfast, then join me back here?"

At the vast empty dining table in the Great Hall, Harry toyed with his food. It was ridiculous, he knew, because at his relatives he would no doubt be desperate for a square meal. Numerous times over the past hour he'd considered approaching Severus to apologise once more, but the truth was he was far too apprehensive to speak to him, or to even approach the dungeons. He hadn't even dared to go and fetch his trunk ready to depart.

His legs felt like lead as he made his way slowly back to the Headmaster's office. He knew it hadn't been two hours, but didn't know where else to go.

"Ah Harry," Dumbledore greeted him.

"I haven't got my things, they're all in my dorm..."

The headmaster glanced at his empty hands."No matter, my boy, I really don't anticipate you remaining at your relatives for any great length of time. A hour or two, perhaps overnight at the most."

_I'll still need my stuff, it's not like the Dursleys would lend me anything, _Harry thought to himself,_ but he felt too weary to protest. There's no way I can stroll back into Slytherin for my trunk and if Dumbledore's not going to offer to fetch it for me it will just have to stay there._

"Now, I'm sure you remember all about the portkey," Dumbledore said as he passed the watch across to him. "And a coat is easily transfigured."

Wordlessly summoning the cushion from an armchair in the corner of the room, he tapped it with his wand and it twisted before expanding into a heavy winter coat.

"We will just have to wait another hour or so. Why don't you take a seat, while I finish making some preparations?"

Harry curled up in the tall mauve chair besides the fire, still feeling cold despite his new coat. He toyed with the watch strap. Part of him couldn't believe he was actually wearing it now and actually choosing to go back to Privet drive, in spite of everything that had happened before.

Dumbledore seemed to spend most of his time sending somewhat cryptic messages by Patronus.

Occasionally he received messages back, one Patronus in the form of a lynx burst into the room and spoke to the Headmaster in a low growl. "A dozen spread out, as planned. No Bartholodes inside."

Harry turned away resting his head against the back of the chair. Everything was being set in place and there was nothing he could do, all he had to concentrate upon was going back there. And he could do that. He had to.

He was just about managing to keep a grip on his nerves, biting a little on his lower lip when the fire in front of him flared up and McGonagall stepped out.

She glanced briefly and disapprovingly at Harry, before striding straight over to the Headmaster.

"Albus!" she cried. "What on earth are you thinking? You can't really mean to send Harry back there after what took place this summer?"

"Minerva," Dumbledore frowned. "This is unhelpful to say the least, we all appreciate that this situation is less than ideal, it has hardly been a decision that any of us have arrived at lightly."

Her expression softened a little as she looked at Harry, "You want to do this?"

"I'll do what needs to be done," he replied dully.

She span back to Dumbledore.

"And what does Severus say about this?"

"Severus understands that sometimes difficult measures need to be taken."

And all at once, Harry felt horribly deflated and subdued.

_Well, what did I expect? **Of course **Severus agreed to me going back there. I mean, it wasn't as if he was going to burst in here and refuse to allow me to go was it? Not after everything that happened. He's washed his hands of me, he said as much himself when he told me to get out of Slytherin. But somehow the memory of how adamant Severus had been before tore into Harry, he'd said he'd do everything in his power to stop me going back there; that he couldn't bear to do otherwise; but clearly, that was then, this is now._

_

* * *

_

**_OK, all comments appreciated. If you have any ConCrit I will try and take it on board as best I can... For those of you who are finding it a bit too remorselessly angsty, things will get more cheerful eventually! _**


	35. Atonement

**Recap:**

**"What if there was a way to put things right?"**

**"He won't listen to me. He hates me. I can't change what I did," Harry slumped forward onto the desk once more.**

**"Severus-" Dumbledore cut himself off, seemingly unable to deny Harry's assessment of the situation.**

**He paused thoughtfully for a moment. "You said that you regretted making decisions so hastily, that you wished you hadn't been guided by fear. What if you could rectify that, and help the order by going back to your relatives for one last time?"**

**

* * *

**

Leaning back into the armchair, Harry let the conversation wash over him, catching only the occasional snippets of what McGonagall and Dumbledore were saying.

"...they're all in place. We know that they're monitoring the floo network and will be alerted to his presence as soon as he sets off on his way back to his relatives. Then, when they cast the monitoring spells they'll see how weak the wards are, and they're certainly well primed to expect that much..."

The Deputy-head's tense reply was too quiet for Harry to catch.

"...the _watch _Minerva...it's all planned."

"And his relatives?"

"Each of them is wearing a portkey which will bring them here when the wards are breached..."

"And if a Death-Eater manages to grasp Harry or one of the muggles as they're leaving? The portkeys won't be halted by the Hogwarts wards, they could end up transporting the danger here!"

"Each portkey is designed to solely transport it's bearer." The headmaster leaned forward slightly on his chair, his long white beard ruffling against his chest. "Minerva, I'm depending upon your support in all of this. As soon as the wards at Privet Drive are breached I will apparate there. Hogwarts will need you to be in charge during my absence, and to lead any contingency planning which might arise. And, in actual fact, I was about to request your help with a particular aspect of our preparations."

Reaching into a pocket in his robes he withdrew a rolled up sheet of parchment which he smoothed out on his desk in front of them both.

Harry closed his eyes tightly for a second. _Contingency plans. Is Dumbledore less certain about what's going to happen than he's making out?_

Whatever was written on the parchment clearly meant something to both of them, as McGonagall read it carefully.

"Would you be so kind?" Dumbledore asked softly, his keen blue eyes looking at her solemnly from behind his spectacles.

The deputy headmistress nodded unhappily, a slight frown on her lips. "Very well. I will do as you ask. Be safe, both of you." With one last look at Harry, she headed back to the floo.

Dumbledore stared at the fireplace for a moment or two after she had gone and then stood up slowly. Taking a silver thimble from his pocket he touched it with the tip of his wand and watched it turn a vivid shade of blue. He tucked the item back into his pocket.

"Harry, it's time," he said calmly.

Harry stumbled to his feet.

He looked so very young, to the headmaster's compassionate old eyes.

Dumbledore sighed."Harry." His kindly blue eyes met the boy's troubled emerald gaze. The child seemed dazed, almost lost within himself somehow."It is not lost upon me that you are reluctant to return to your relatives, however briefly. The fact that you_ are_ able to act in spite of this, that you are_ willing _to face and deal resolutely with an uncomfortable situation only adds to your courageous nature. I am very proud of you, and assure you that I will make full use of the opportunity you are creating for us."

Harry just stared at him blankly.

He took a handful of floo-powder from the pot which the Headmaster held out to him. "I guess this is it then," he said expressionlessly.

The old wizard nodded and guided him towards the fireplace with a gentle hand on his shoulder.

Taking a deep breath Harry threw the powder and stepped in to meet his fate.

Returning to his desk Dumbledore sat motionless, his sharp mind whirling as he went over different considerations, time and time again. There was nothing else he could do now, but wait; it was out of his hands.

**

* * *

**

*Twenty minutes later*

The door was thrown open with a tremendous crash, causing a chorus of grumbles to break out as several of the portraits swayed dangerously on the wall.

"Ah Severus," Dumbledore seemed unfazed by the Potion-Master's stormy entrance. "Come in," he added rather unnecessary.

Slamming the door behind him, Severus crossed the room in six long strides to stand directly in front of the headmaster. His pale, sallow face had two red spots high upon his cheekbones and his eyes were narrowed into furious slits.

"I never believed that there was _anything_ you could do which could possibly cause me to lose all my respect for you in one fell swoop," he said hoarsely, looking the older wizard directly in the eye. "_How wrong was I._"

Dumbledore met his glare with composure. "So you've heard. How-"

"_Lucius_." Severus spat the name out accusingly. "He sent me warning that the Dark Lord will soon demand an explanation as to why 'The-Boy-Who-Lived' is back at his relatives,_ in spite of what I had informed him._"

"Severus-" Dumbledore's voice was calm, as if he was untroubled by the Potion-Masters rage.

"You had no right! No right at all! He _refused_ to go back there, he was _adamant_ about it, but you wouldn't accept that would you? "

"Harry made his decision," Dumbledore said quietly.

"No! _You_ made his decision, _you_ exploited our altercation so you could contrive your blasted trap, with _him_ as the bait. Have you _no shame_, Albus? What you've done is manipulative and deceitful beyond measure."

"Says the Slytherin." Dumbledore gave a half-smile, his pale blue eyes somewhat gentle.

"There is _nothing_ Slytherin about your plan," Severus seethed. "It is crude and inept! Do you not carefor the boy _at all_? He was supposed to be spending the holiday with _me_, not going back _there_. You have deliberately placed him in jeopardy, and to what end? So that you can feel better about your stupidity, the fact that you won't be here when we really have need of you?"

"I didn't _force_ him to agree to anything," Dumbledore retorted more crisply."He is fully aware of what he is doing; I have been open with him about the entire plan, but then I would also disagree about which one of us is being disingenuous."

"And just what is _that_ supposed to imply?" Severus demanded.

Dumbledore studied him with a cool, penetrating gaze."I believe that if you were truly candid you would own that you're not actually angry with _me_. If you're feeling guilty about the way _you_ treated him, address it," he added softly, "don't project it elsewhere."

"Dear Merlin, keep this up, and I swear I'll grow to relish my latest task," Severus snarled, his fists clenched tightly by his sides.

For a moment Severus thought that he might have actually succeeded in wounding the Headmaster's thick skin from the brief look which flitted across the old wizard's face, but it soon vanished leaving his usual placidity, albeit that for once he looked everyone of his one hundred and twelve years.

Severus broke the thick, heavy silence that followed. "If that grotesque muggle should kill him-"

"Don't be ridiculous," Dumbledore interrupted sharply, without a hint of any previous vulnerability. "He has a port-key. He can return here instantaneously, _whenever_ he feels the need."

"And you really think he'll use it? You naïve, old _fool_," Severus whispered incredulously. "You really have no idea, do you? You told him this madness is crucial and he's a bloody Gryffindor for Merlin's sake! That brute nearly killed him over the summer; what if he knocks him unconscious again? How is he expected to save himself then?"

"We only need him there for a very short period..." The Headmaster now sounded defensive.

Severus stared at him balefully. "We have _no idea_ how long he'll be there, as we have no idea when the Dark Lord will attack. Besides, it makes little difference as his Uncle is there _now_ andHarry is there _now."_

He let a sudden exasperated breath out. "Wonderful. I'm being called, _I can't imagine why_." Severus turned towards the fireplace, intending to head back to his rooms in preparation to depart.

Dumbledore jumped up in alarm. "Severus wait; you don't intend to actually go?

Severus' only response was a pointed look.

"Please don't."

"And what if I hadn't found out? Would you have even told me what was going on when I was called, or watched me set off blind?"

"I was planning on asking you to check the wards at the Parsons' and Kirby," Dumbledore admitted quietly.

"A pretext so I couldn't attend, how perfect." Severus' voice was low. "Not quite as effective, now that I know, I'm sure you'll understand."

He had barely taken a step towards the fireplace when Dumbledore blocked his path.

"You realise that if go you'll be caught in the midst of the wand-fire; we won't be able to distinguish you from the other Death-Eaters!"

"That means little; I intend to be at the forefront when we go in there, so that I can get him out if anything has gone wrong," he replied in a hard, clipped tone as he leaned past the Headmaster for the floo-powder.

Dumbledore reached out and stilled his hand.

"Severus, don't punish me by putting yourself in danger needlessly."

Severus snorted and jerked his arm away roughly.

"As soon as I've ascertained that he has managed to leave I'll do my best to expedite myself from the situation," he said dismissively. "As you can see, _I_ am not a child, and can make decisions without being maneuvered by your artifices."

"Severus." Dumbledore looked at him pleadingly. "_Please_. You could say that I insisted upon you carrying out duties for me, that you couldn't possibly slip away without my notice; or at the very least don't go without a plan to protect yourself. "

The younger wizard's stony countenance didn't soften at all, even as he deigned to consider the Headmaster's suggestions.

"Fine!" he said at last. "As soon as I'm satisfied, I'll reveal my identify by misjudging a blasting hex and bringing down a section of the ceiling; _you_ can provide me with an excuse to leave. See you do a better job of it than Moody."

Severus threw the powder in ready to depart, but paused momentarily before stepping into the flames to add a final parting shot. "If it _does_ all go wrong and Harry should die there today, I will never forgive you," he promised ominously, then he called out his destination and was gone.

* * *

***Twenty minutes earlier***

"Mrs Figg." Harry nodded at his elderly squib neighbour as he stepped out of her fireplace, inadvertently bringing a pile of ashes with him onto her faded lavender rug.

"Harry," she said in an echo, looking a little nervous from what Harry could see.

_Has Dumbledore told her what's going on? For all I know he's told everyone, making all the preparations days in advance on the off chance that I'd change my mind._Irrationally, Harry felt annoyed._ It's just as well that Dumbledore __**did**__ make the arrangements,_ he reminded himself. _Anyway, none of this is **his** fault._

And yet, Harry wasn't able to shake off a smouldering sense of resentment at being back at Privet Drive, knowing how his Uncle would react. Yes it was _necessary_; yes it was _crucial_, but right now he found it harder and harder to care about any of that as he inwardly railed against the series of events which resulted in him being about to walk into such a god-awful situation. More than anything he was furious with himself, for messing everything up so spectacularly.

_If only I'd handled things differently... Well I know I'd still have to come back here, there's no getting away from that, but somehow it would have been more bearable if it could have been under different circumstances. If I could have talked to Severus about it... perhaps he'd have given me some ideas for getting through this in one piece, or at least wished me well. But he couldn't even be bothered to see me off. Not that I can blame him, after everything that's happened; he's got some pretty good reasons for hating me. _

Aware that he'd been frozen on one spot for quite some time, Harry steered himself to move.

_I'm on my own again, that's all. I'll be fine. I have to be._

"Uh, thanks for letting me come through," he gestured vaguely towards the floo.

"If there's anything I can do..."

"I'm fine, thanks," Harry replied automatically. "I'd better go..."

Arabella Figg watched as Harry let himself out of her house and shook her head slowly. She couldn't fathom what was going on any more. She trusted Albus whole-heartedly, but there was no way that this would end well. Although she'd never been told the precise details of what had happened earlier in the Summer it was clear that Vernon Dursley had snapped in the worst possible way. _And now Harry is back on Privet Drive? It simply doesn't bear thinking about._

Letting himself out of the front door, Harry felt an overwhelming sense of foreboding. His breath caught in his throat from the frigid morning air and he hugged the heavy winter coat to his torso. Shivering, he walked the short distance towards his relatives' home. Coming to a complete stand-still in front of the Dursleys' gate he took a moment to try to calm down; his heart was pounding as though he'd been running, rather than simply strolling along the road. For a second he tried to focus upon his breathing, watching the condensation appear in front of him in the cold morning air.

At that moment Harry wanted nothing more than to turn back the way he'd come; never to return here again. Clutching the plastic wrist watch compulsively, he reassured himself that he had easy access to the portkey which would be his lifeline in all of this, then he patted the pocket which contained his wand. He was as ready as he would ever be; he was a Gryffindor and the time for bravery had arrived.

Taking a deep breath he unlatched the gate and walked up the drive, reaching quickly for the doorbell before fear could overtake him and change his mind. For the second that Harry was stood there waiting on the doorstep it seemed as though time stood still; the sense of Déjà vu was all-encompassing as he took in the frost on the grass, the icy rivulets frozen solid on the gatepost and the winter sun low in the cloudy, still sky.

_How could I have ever believed things would work out any differently? It's fated that I come back here, even if it's more than I can stand. _

His heart rate increased exponentially and every nerve in his body was tingling. As the door began to open, Harry chocked back a terrified swallow before he heard the voice he knew too well, ringing with the hostility he was accustomed to.

"What in the hell are you doing here, Boy?"

His uncle's massive frame towered over him in the doorway, glaring at him in disbelief and no small degree of menace as he took a step towards him. Instinctively, Harry backed away, stumbling backwards a couple steps before Vernon's huge, beefy hand reached out and grabbed him roughly by the collar; manhandling him past the front door and away from the prying eyes of their neighbours.

"You've got some bloody nerve." White spittle sprayed on Harry as Vernon loomed over him, his sweaty, red face just inches away from him.

Harry breath was stilted, a huge lump obstructing his windpipe as he remembered what was coming.

"I...I..." Fear caught the words in his throat and he ducked sharply to one side, avoiding the enormous fist which just grazed the side of his face.

"_Dad?_" There was the sound of footsteps at the top of the stairs and Harry became aware that Dudley was hesitating on the landing, probably waiting to see if it was safe for him to come any closer.

Vernon didn't allow his glower to waver from his nephew.

_He looks as though he's going to explode, _Harry thought, backing away.

"You good-for-nothing little freak, How DARE you come back here after you set THAT MONSTER on me?" Vernon bellowed, his face scarlet with rage as he reached forward grabbing hold of Harry by the neck once more.

"I didn't, I got him to stop," Harry protested weakly, after all Vernon had been hurt for his sake, that much _was_ true, and in any case thinking about Sirius was still too painful and confusing for him to speak with any confidence. Any explanations were pointless in any case; Vernon clearly wasn't in a listening mood; his pudgy hands tightened around Harry's windpipe causing him to choke and splutter.

"Vernon? Wha-" Petunia appeared in the kitchen doorway wiping her hands on her floral apron. Her eyes widened as she recognised her nephew.

"_You!_" she said seeming to be shocked into silence.

Vernon's grip had slackened at the interruption and Harry hastily stepped aside rubbing his neck thankfully as he looked towards his aunt.

He coughed a couple times, trying to clear his throat and decide what to say next. Of all his family Petunia had always been the most level-headed. She didn't like him, that was a given, but it had been Vernon who'd loathed him the most, and Dudley had simply grown up mimicking his father's violence and hostility. Sometimes Harry had wondered if his aunt remembered his mother and felt _something_ for him, although he knew this was based more on wishful thinking than any firm evidence. After all, she hadn't done anything to stop Vernon over the Summer, and things had been about as bad they could have been.

"Aunt Petunia," he said tentatively.

Like a whirlwind of emotion had been unleashed she rushed towards him and slapped him hard across the face.

"You've got a nerve, showing your face here after everything that happened!" she cried furiously. "Did you really think you'd be welcome back here?"

Harry had instinctively turned his head in line with her slap, but the rest of him seemed to be rooted to the floor.

In spite of everything, all he could register at that moment was that his aunt had never hit him before; for the first time she had crossed that line and although in the scheme of things it was grossly insignificant: a little slap that would barely sting for more than a few minutes, somehow it still mattered.

He looked her straight in the eyes. "Not welcome," he replied trying his best to keep his voice level. "We all know that I was never welcome here. I'm here because I have to be."

His uncle grabbed him again. "No you bleeding don't and what's more I won't stand for it. You're going to leave THIS SECOND, d'you hear me?"

Harry squirmed away from him, breaking free of his grasp.

"_I can't_," he said backing away again from his uncle, wincing as he backed into a coat-stand and knocked against an already sore point on his back.

"You bloody will if you know what's good for you!" Vernon promised him. "You're going to walk out that door and _never_ come back, boy. UNDERSTAND?"

"But that's _why_ I'm here!" Harry cried, breathing shallowly and cringing away from his uncle. "So I won't ever need to come back again!"

Petunia caught hold of her husband's arm; she looked at Harry suspiciously.

"What are you talking about?"

_Time for some fast talking,_ Harry decided.

"You know why I came here in the beginning, when I was a baby?"

"They said we had to take you in," Petunia said her lip curling.

"When my parent's died, my mum left wards- a kind of protection which would keep me safe if I stayed here. Dumbledore- My headmaster- he's changing them," Harry invented, "moving them to my school. I only need to be here this one last time while he makes the arrangements and then everything'll be fine: you'll never see me again."

Harry hoped that what he was saying was tempting them.

"You won't _ever _come back again after this?" Vernon repeated, his voice still threatening, but more controlled than it had been a minute before.

"I wouldn't be able to even if I wanted to," Harry said wildly, "the wards wouldn't let me." Dimly Severus' words came back to him, about how people would say whatever their interrogator wanted to hear when they were threatened by violence. At that moment he would have sworn blind that he was going to live in amidst a herd of Hippogriffs, if he'd thought it would make a convincing story.

"That Freak headmaster of yours- _he'd better not be coming here_ to do any of the moving!"

"He won't," Harry reassured his uncle, "the magic doesn't work like that, he needs to, uh, draw the wards towards him at the school, you see."

_God knows how he'd react if he realised the house was about to be overrun with masses of wizards, when the idea of Dumbledore arriving sends him into orbit!_ For a moment, Harry wondered what would happen when their portkeys reacted and he used his watch; the four of them were going to end up at Hogwarts in Dumbledore's study _together_. Vernon would go_ mad_, he knew. But at Hogwarts he wasn't alone _and_ he could use his magic to defend himself. He tried not to think about it too much, it wasn't like he could do anything about it at the moment anyway.

"How long do we have to have you stay for?" Vernon asked his voice heavy with resignation, as if he'd been told something awful rather than simply having heard that his nephew would be staying temporarily.

"A couple nights," Harry replied, hoping fervently that it wouldn't end up being any longer than that; he was under no illusions that his presence wouldn't be tolerated on any more than an extremely short term basis.

"Fine," Vernon said exhaling hard. "You've got two nights and that's it! But you're to stay out of my way and do what your aunt tells you, and don't you dare go upsetting Dudley if you know what's good for you. You so much as step out of line and I'll knock you into the middle of next week, you see if I don't!"

It wasn't very pleasant, but Harry let the threat wash over him.

"I'll do whatever you want me to do," he said quietly.

"Damn right you will," Vernon said unpleasantly, puffing his chest out. "Or I'll have you up against that wall so fast your feet won't touch the ground!"

_I'd hex him before it gets that far, _Harry promised himself as he watched his uncle storm upstairs, although really, he knew that couldn't be an option. He could just imagine the chaos it would cause if a bunch of ministry officials bore down on him for under-age magic in the middle of Voldemort's attack.

Dudley seemed to have deduced that there was no eminent danger and began to trundle down the stairs like a little elephant. Harry stiffened slightly as he passed him, he really couldn't bear it if his cousin chose this moment to pick a fight, but Dudley pointedly ignored him as he wandered into the lounge and the next moment the TV was blaring out.

Which left Harry and his aunt in the hall-way. She had said little during the last part of the conversation although she had been watching and listening carefully.

"I am really sorry... you know... about this summer," Harry said sincerely; he honestly wished that none of it had happened.

His aunt scoffed. "Sorry my foot. You'd _like_ me to believe that. But you lot, you're all the same. _Vile scum,_ the lot of you."

Harry looked at her incredulously. "How can you even say that?" he asked. "You knew my mother-"

"She _died_ because of what she was! _Nothing_ good comes of your kind, only misery."

There was a long pause as they both stared at each other.

_It isn't true, _Harry thought bleakly._ Magic is part of what makes me who I am, just as it made my Mum and Dad who they were. Just because evil wizards exist doesn't make magic itself wrong._

Eventually his aunt gave a sniff and crocked her head towards the kitchen, her tightly styled hair not moving so much as a millimetre, as she indicated that she wished to speak to Harry where they wouldn't be overheard.

She waited until Harry had closed the door behind them to speak again.

"Tell me what's really going on," she said, pursing her lips tightly together.

"I told you the wards-" Harry's voice faltered at her grim expression.

She shook her head as she rested her hands on her hips. "I don't believe you. If _that_ is what they are doing why didn't they do it years ago? They knew you were one of _them,_ yet they still foistered you off on us, to keep you safe._ You safe!" _She scoffed. _"What about us? _None of you even thought about how we felt about you staying here did you?"

"I could hardly miss it," Harry replied bitterly. "Anyway it's not my fault, I didn't choose to be put here, any more than I chose to be who I am."

"No you were born different," she said dourly. "Even as a baby we knew you were unnatural; doing all those freaky things. It would have been better for everyone if you'd never been born; all you ever brought was trouble. Can you really blame us for not wanting you? All we wanted was a _normal life_, we could have been so happy."

Harry stared at her and couldn't help but respond. _"So why didn't you give me away to someone else to look after?_" he asked, hating the plaintive note which entered his voice. "I could have grown up with someone who cared about me, or at least didn't hate me the way you did."

"We wanted to," his Aunt looked at him disdainfully. "Oh how we wanted to. That 'Dumbledore' of yours came to visit just after you came here. He told me you had to stay here for the safety of all of us, because of Lily's _protections_." His Aunt edged closer to Harry. "He can't move them can he? And even assuming that he could, what'll happen to the rest of us when you're gone?"

It was a good question; Harry couldn't imagine that there would be much of number 4 Privet Drive standing after the confrontation which was due to take place.

"You'll be fine," Harry said shortly. "Dumbledore'll look after you."

She stared at him intently. "You don't even care, do you, you don't give a damn? After _everything_ you've had from us. Taking food out of our son's mouth, clothes off his back, his room to sleep in!"

Harry'd had enough. The idea of him taking food out of his fat cousin's mouth was ludicrous to say the least. "You got paid for it though didn't you?" he challenged. "It's not as though I made you go short."

"You ungrateful little swine!" Petunia cried. "After _everything_ we've done for you!"

_Ungrateful? By what twisted logic was I ever ungrateful?_

"You treated me like shit!" Harry exploded. "I had to stay out of your sight the whole time I was here when I wasn't working, so that you never saw me!"

"You …_You_ spent your whole time sneaking around the house, upsetting Dudley, stealing from us all, cursing at Vernon!"

"I was _hungry_. You kept me locked up, barely fed me and you wonder why I went to the kitchen when I got a chance?"

"_Always_ moaning about being _hungry_," Petunia replied. "Grasping for more and more, all the time, it _never_ occurred to you to be thankful for anything."

This was so patently untrue that Harry couldn't stop himself protesting. "I thanked you for things!"

"You didn't _mean_ it! You spent your time sulking about doing a few chores, mouthing off, taking Dudley's things. You didn't appreciate the life we gave you. "

_Because I was utterly miserable! _Harry thought internally, his mouth agog. He took a deep breath and tried to compose himself. There was no point in them even discussing the past when his Aunt's memories were so completely distorted.

"What I told you earlier is the truth," he said flatly. "I'm here temporarily but I'll soon be gone and you won't ever have to worry about me coming back. As far as I'm concerned I'm going to keep my head down and do whatever I can not to rock the boat while I'm here. So... I'll help if you want me to, chores or whatever. Just let me know what you want doing and I'll get started right away." He looked at his Aunt awkwardly.

"The only thing I want you to do is get out of our sight," she hissed. "And stay there until it's time for you to go."

"_...get out of our sight...until it's time for you to go."_

"_...walk out that door and **never** come back..."_

_"I hate you for what you've done... Now get out. Go to your dormitory- in Gryffindor..."_

It seemed he had quite a knack of drawing that response from people.

Harry nodded silently and left the kitchen, keeping his movements as calm and deliberate as he could make them. Shutting the kitchen door behind him, he paused, wondering where they would be least annoyed by his presence. He couldn't stay in the kitchen, Dudley was in the lounge, and he'd have to be at his wits end before he'd suffer the humiliation of going back in his cupboard. So that left his old bedroom. He headed up the stairs where he saw it had been transformed predictably back into Dudley's second bedroom; they'd clearly never anticipated seeing him again, let alone that he might ever come back to this room. The bed was gone and in it's place there were boxes of computer games, scalextric, a Nintendo console and stacks of CD and DVDs.

Harry glanced at the discarded items apprehensively. _If Dudley is anything like he used to be he'll hate the fact that I'm staying let that I'm anywhere near his things._ Deciding not to touch anything, or to even to dare sitting at the desk where old magazines and books were piled high, Harry allowed himself to slump to the floor and tried to find a comfortable way of leaning against the wall. He was shaking slightly from the worry of it all, although he knew that he should be feeling pleased that he'd escaped unscathed for the time-being, and been given the opportunity of hiding away from his relatives. Strangely though, he found himself missing the endless chores he used to do, _work would have kept me busy, stopped me thinking so hard._ Instead, Harry hugged his knees to his chest and simply waited for what was to come.

* * *

For a long timeless period Harry sat stock still, listening to the sound of his Aunt moving about in the kitchen below, the TV blaring out and the occasional sound of his Uncle stomping around his bedroom; it sounded as though he was chucking things about in a temper.

The sound of approaching footsteps shook Harry from his stupor and his hand immediately grasped the watch on his wrist. The next moment his door was thrown open and his cousin was stood staring at him.

Harry swallowed trying to get a grip on his nerves again. "Dudley," he said tensely.

Ignoring his greeting Dudley barely glanced at his cousin as he passed him and purposefully began to pile up all his old toys and games. Having gathered up a great armful he strode out leaving the door open, but was back a couple minutes later for a second load. It was clear that he had no intention of leaving _anything_ within Harry's reach, although whether this was because he was worried his cousin would damage his possessions or simply enjoy using them himself was unclear. Having cleared most of the room, with the exception of the books on the desk, he gave Harry one last look of intense dislike before shutting the door behind him.

Time crept on that afternoon. Around teatime Harry was uncomfortable enough to risk going to the bathroom; after drinking a little water from the tap and using the loo he was heading back to Dudley's second bedroom when he met his Aunt on the landing of the stairs.

"Here," she said, shoving a plate of food towards him in a disgruntled fashion. "Don't say we never give you anything."

Too surprised to thank her before she turned away, Harry took the meal back with him and returned to where he'd been sat before.

There were two crusty bread rolls on the plate, stuffed with wads of ham and thick slices of tomato. Harry couldn't help but think of all the times that he'd have been eager, practically desperate to be allowed a meal such as this. Right now, just looking at the food made him feel slightly nauseous, he was so on edge. He set the plate down beside him, hoping he'd feel more like it later. Stroking his wristwatch absent-mindedly he wished there was such thing as a time-turner which would allow him to fast forward through the next few days without him ever having to live them for himself.

A sudden clatter from downstairs was followed by a period of silence, broken only by the steady noise from the TV, and Harry's heart start to race once again.

_It could be nothing, merely plates being noisily moved from a cupboard, but it __**could**__ be something more sinister_. His mouth grew dry as he crept to the top of the stairs, listening hard. _Are they still here? Their portkeys are designed to activate as soon as anyone apparates in... Imagine if they __were all whisked away and I just continued to sit here completely oblivious to all the Death-Eaters closing in around me..._ The idea didn't bear thinking about.

Inching his way downstairs, Harry listened carefully outside the kitchen door. He couldn't hear any voices... Slowly turning the door handle, with every sense tingling in anticipation, Harry prepared himself to set his portkey off at the first sign that anything had happened...

All three of the Dursleys looked up from the kitchen table where they were sat with the remains of a cooked meal in front of them.

"I-"

Vernon's eyes narrowed. "What do you want?"

"Uh, I just wanted a glass of water, if that's OK?"

Taking the stony silence for acceptance, Harry self-consciously helped himself to a glass from the cupboard and filled it up at the tap. Forcing himself to drink the cool liquid, he carefully washed and dried his glass before putting it back in the cupboard. Turning around, he saw that they were all staring at him.

He began to leave the room, and was at the doorway when his uncle spoke again.

"Boy."

Harry froze.

"I won't have you sat around doing nothing, thinking about _freaky stuff _all the time_._" He turned to his wife. "Give him some jobs to do."

Petunia stood up and rummaged in the cupboard under the sink.

"Here," she said holding out a pot, a cloth and a small furniture brush. "You can start by waxing the coffee table in the living room."

"And see you do a damn good job of it, d'you hear me?" Vernon said roughly.

Harry nodded. If it kept his uncle calm he would happily do whatever chores he was given.

* * *

Having set himself up in the lounge, an old newspaper under the legs of the table, in case any of the wax should fall onto the cream carpet, he rolled his sleeves up before using the cloth to apply a thin coat of wax across the table top. The instructions said to leave the wax to dry for between five and ten minutes. In the meantime he kept himself busy by tidying the stacks of magazines in the rack, there really wasn't all that much else he could do, his aunt was very house-proud

When the five minutes were up he began using the brush to polish the table, gratified to see that it was making a noticeable difference. Dudley walked in as he was working and sat down in one of the armchairs to watching him.

Harry had almost finished, when his cousin finally spoke.

"You're wearing my watch," he drawled.

His hand stilling, Harry turned to look at his cousin in disbelief.

"No. It's not yours, Dudley."

"It is," Dudley persisted. "You must have taken it from my room, before you left last time."

Harry just stared at him. _Dudley __**did**__ use to have a sports watch which had been a little bit similar to this one, although he'd chucked his one out when he'd been given the new one on his last birthday. Is he actually confused or does he just want this one because it's mine?_

"Dudley. I swear, this isn't your watch. It was given to me by my Headmaster. It might look a little bit like your old watch but honestly it's not the same..."

Dudley stood up from his armchair and approached him, holding his hand out.

"Give me my watch, Harry."

Harry scooted around the coffee table.

"Dudley-"

"_I said_, give me my watch."

"Dudley, it's mine," Harry said desperately. "It was a gift. You can't-"

"Give it to me now, or I'll tell Dad you nicked it off me!"

_I can't give him a portkey to Hogwarts, _Harry thought in panic.

"Dudley-"

"DAD!"

Vernon's loud footsteps were heard overhead before they began to heavily descend the stairs.

"Dudley, don't do this," Harry pleaded as his uncle burst into the room.

"Dad, he took my watch!" Dudley whined.

Harry felt like burying his head in his hands.

Vernon glanced at the wristwatch on Harry's skinny wrist. He didn't recognise it, but then he didn't keep track of his son's possessions. _Dudley certainly deserves it more than that little freak anyway. _

"Give him the watch, boy," he growled.

Harry'd never wanted to draw his wand more. As it was his hand itched.

"The watch, _now!_"

Harry met his uncle's eyes for a moment and that was all it took. He paled and began to undo the watch strap with hurried, clumsy fingers. It was that or draw his wand. He didn't have any choice. Hopefully Dudley would get bored of it, like most of the possessions he hankered after only to cast away a short while later.

Dudley snatched the wristwatch away from his cousin. His eyes were full of malice as he ran a finger over the dial.

"Neat," he said examining his acquisition. Utterly indifferent to Harry's discomfort he slipped the watch into his pocket. "I'm off out, then."

"See you later, son," Vernon said without so much as shifting his glare from Harry.

_One quick Accio, that's all it would take..._

"Bye Harry!" Dudley said with a huge grin plastered on his face.

_One quick Accio, followed by a Stinging Hex right in the middle of his stupid, bloody face... _

As Dudley headed for the front door he could hear his father angrily berating his cousin. Satisfied, he headed out, feeling that all was right in the world. Harry'd been put back in his place. Life was sweet.

* * *

That night Harry knew he couldn't risk falling asleep. Perhaps it was just as well that the bed had been taken out of Dudley's second bedroom to allow more space for his junk.

Slouched against the wall, Harry felt despondent. He couldn't stop berating himself for giving Dudley the port-key, and yet he didn't really see how else he could have handled the situation.

_I'll have to get it back, that's all, _he decided. _When Dudley's back from seeing his mates, or whatever he's doing, I'll have to persuade him. Somehow._

At half past eleven Harry heard a key turning in the lock. His aunt and uncle had already gone to bed, so he crept downstairs once more.

"Dudley," he whispered in the darkness, unwilling to disturb his relatives any more than he could avoid.

Dudley groped in the dark for the light switch and turned it on.

He seemed to have been drinking Harry thought, if his unsteady stance was anything to go by.

"Little – cousin - Harry!" Dudley said, nearly falling over as he kicked off one of his trainers.

"Dudley, will you give me the watch back?" Harry asked in a low voice. "It's not worth anything truly it's not, but it was a gift. It had sentimental value. If you could give it back to me I promise I'll get you another one. A better one, more expensive. Or give you the money even."

Dudley's eyes lit up greedily. "How much?" he demanded as he shrugged off his jacket. "How much money will you give me for it?"

Harry shrugged, he had no idea how much a designer watch cost.

"I don't know. Two hundred pounds?" he guessed.

"Go on then. Give me the money," Dudley said with a grin.

"I, uh, don't have it on me. But I promise I _have _got the money, in Gringott's-that's a wizard bank. I'll send it to you. Honestly I will."

"Yeah right," his cousin said disbelievingly, walking past Harry into the kitchen.

"Please." Harry followed him desperately. " I will give you the money, honestly I will. Just give me the watch back."

Dudley opened a cupboard and the fridge before delving into the bread-bin.

"Haven't got it."

"_What?" _Gritting his teeth Harry tried to keep calm. "Just tell me what you've done with it."

"You want the watch back?" Dudley said lazily as he made himself a messy sandwich full of cheese, ham and mayonnaise.

Harry nodded.

"Well you can't have it; I chucked it," Dudley said with his mouth full. "I was going to sell it, but neither Piers or Malcolm wanted it."

"You binned it?" Harry said in shock. "You- _Where?_ Which bin did you put it in?"

Dudley shrugged. "I chucked it over a fence, when we were walking along. Somewhere between the park and the shop." He took another enormous bite of his sandwich whilst he watched his cousin's face fall. "Opps," he said sarcastically.

"You idiot," Harry whispered.

_God. Anyone could find it and end up at Hogwarts! To say nothing of the fact that I need it!_

Dudley's hand, greasy with mayonnaise shot out pushing Harry into the work-surface.

"Don't. You. Call. Me. Names!" He punctuated each word with a prod from a fat finger.

Rattled, Harry edged away.

Closing his eyes briefly, he tried to calm his sense of panic.

"Dudley. I need you to go and fetch the watch back for me-"

Picking up his sandwich again, Dudley took another bite.

"You've got to be joking. I don't know where it is and even if I did I wouldn't get if for you."

Harry had to resist the urge to reach for his wand.

"Listen-"

"No _you_ listen," Dudley raised his voice aggressively. "I won't be ordered around by you, _you little freak_. Dad's right you've got a front daring to come back here after everything that happened!"

"I didn't want any of that to happen!" Harry cried.

"But it always does! Stuff always happens around you! _You always mess everything up!" _Dudley pushed Harry hard, sending him back into the work surface, so that he landed with the full force of his body upon his bruised spine.

Dudley chortled unpleasantly at the yelp which escaped Harry.

"What a scrawny wuss you are Harry."

Harry's patience was all but gone. "You fucking touch me again-"

"And you'll what?" Dudley asked scornfully, grabbing a handful of Harry's hair and giving him a little shake. "You're on your own, no one to take up for you now, is there?"

Scrambling away from his cousin Harry dashed around the kitchen table, but Dudley gave it an almighty push towards him from the other other side.

"What in the blazes are you doing?" Vernon roared, bursting into the kitchen, his huge form clad in massive blue striped pyjamas. "By God, you've had it now boy, I swear I'm going to knock some sense into you if it's the last thing I do." He clenched his fists as he approached his nephew.

Backed into a corner, confronted by two matching scowls of deep loathing, Harry pulled his wand out, not really intending to use it as anything more than a threat in order to protect himself.

"Back off," he told them in a slightly shaky voice. "Or I'll hex you. You say I'm evil, that I ruin everything, well perhaps I actually_ will_ if you come any closer."

Dudley had retreated backwards at the first sight of the wand but Vernon was unmoved.

"You're not going to do anything with _that_," he snorted. _"_You're not allowed. You'd be in trouble. Maybe even kicked out of that 'school' of yours."

Harry gulped, still pointing his wand at his uncle. _If only expulsion was the worst of my worries._

"I'll do it," he swore. "I think it might just be worth it."

Vernon trundled towards him confidently. "You won't. You little-"

A sharp crash just to the right of Harry's head distracted him- Dudley had lobbed his plate towards him from the back of the room.

"Get him, dad!"

Like a clumsy bear Vernon cannoned into him from the left, knocking Harry off balance so that he fell heavily the opposite way with a sickening crack as his wand broke in a flurry of golden sparks and hisses.

Harry stared at the two pieces of his wand, forgetting his uncle, forgetting Dudley, forgetting his bruises and all the inconsequential insults, forgetting to _breath_ even. It was as if someone had cut off one of his limbs. Part of himself was damaged, ruined forever.

_They can't repair wands, they're never the same again, _he remembered, thinking of Ron's distress when his wand had snapped.

_My wand chose me. It was **my** wand. The brother wand to Voldemort's. Powerful. Special. Irreplaceable._

Feeling as though he was moving in slow motion he knelt down and picked up the two pieces, and cradled them in his hand; they felt slightly warm to his touch.

_Fuck Voldemort, a bloody muggle can get the better of me and destroy my wand- destroy my chance of ever being able to fight him successfully- slim though it always was._

And then Harry lost it.

The sheer magnitude of his grief took both his Uncle and Cousin by surprise; he'd borne broken bones without more than a whimper, but seeing his ruined wand, he sobbed as though the world was ending.

Dudley began to feel unnerved by the emotional display.

Snotty nosed and distraught, Harry looked up. "What the fuck else can you do to me? You have no idea, _no idea_ what you've just done."

Taken back, but never one to stay silent for long Vernon blustered,"Shut up, Boy, or I'll really give you something to cry about."

Wild eyed, practically unhinged, Harry leapt to his feet and hit out at him _hard, _connecting with the side of Vernon's face_. _At that moment he wanted nothing more than to hurt his Uncle, to _injure_ him. His anger was blind, and in that moment he didn't care about whether he got hurt as well, as long as he gave as good as he got. He threw himself into his Uncle who dragged him down with him, crashing to the ground, when all of a sudden he was shocked back into sense.

In the period which followed Harry would wonder whether the sparks from his wand had somehow acted as a prompt for what came next, or whether the timing had simply been a coincidence.

One moment they were brawling upon the kitchen floor and the next his Uncle had disappeared and Harry could see from the corner of his eye that Dudley was gone too.

_The portkeys!_ In the midst of that split-second Harry realised exactly what their disappearance meant and the danger he was in. _Alone, wandless, a sitting target for the Death-Eaters who were coming. And there's no way back to Hogwarts. _

And just as quickly as those thoughts flitted through his head, realisation struck him, _the other port-key, Connor,_ _my escape route_. And it all seemed to fit perfectly, _My chance to go to Ireland: to find Sirius. Just when I've burnt all my bridges and made Severus hate me; I don't really want to go back to Hogwarts after what happened, even if I could._

Instinctively his hand reached for the locket, long forgotten around his neck, and without any conscious reflection, there was no time for that, he pried open the locket and felt the familiar, nauseating tug of the port-key around his abdomen.

* * *

An instant later all hell broke lose as Voldemort and his Death-Eaters stormed the house.

Crashing into the kitchen, just ahead of his companions, Severus found the room empty. His sharp eyes immediately noticed the broken wand and a sickening sense of dread fell upon him. The majority of his faction were storming the other downstairs rooms, but there was no sound of them having found anyone. Sprinting up the stairs, Severus used a burst of wordless magic to throw open all the doors and pushed his way past Macnair and Yaxley.

"He's not here," Lucius' voice came hollowly from just ahead of him in one of the bedrooms.

A blast below immediately drew everyone's attentions; the air seemed to grow heavy and vibrate around them. All four men, knew what _that_ meant.

Macnair flinched and swallowed nervously. "He's angry," he growled.

They all glanced towards the stairs, when a sudden crash made the foundations of the very building tremble and as if a signal had been set off chaos descended upon the residence.

Members of the Order began to appear in all parts of the house, with their wands drawn and a curse on their lips. _The crash must have been the Dark Lord's magic clashing with Albus',_ Severus surmised. _A feat which would always prove formidable._

Casting a bout of _Quasso Ossa _at Shacklebolt who had apparated directly behind him, Severus heard him groan before he half-rolled and half-crawled into Dudley's bedroom where he could lie out of sight. Approaching the landing, Severus raised his wand to clear a path in the thick clouds of dust which had formed in front of him. The wall between the kitchen and lounge had been completely demolished. Wordlessly casting a complex monitoring charm, Severus realised what the Dark Lord had doubtlessly had already learnt, the wards which had appeared to be weak and ineffective just moments ago, were now raised unbelievably high. High enough that they would prevent more Death-Eaters from being summoned, as well as impeding their ability to leave by disapparating or portkeys. Dumbledore had evidently ascertained that Harry was gone and had wasted no time in completing his trap against the Death Eaters.

_Which is well and good except that __**I **__can't leave now._

And yet, in spite of everything, Severus trusted Albus implicitly; he knew he would hardly forsake him now.

Drawing up his shield against a punishing series of blasting hexes as he descending the stairs, he cast _Ventus_ sweeping Arthur Weasley off his feet and crashing into the hard, stone wall at the bottom. Inwardly cursing that a large section of the order were all to easy to take down, he knew he'd had little choice with Macnair, Yaxley and Lucius close behind him. Luckily a spell from one of the other Order members dragged Weasley out of reach before it could look strange that Severus wasn't trying to finish him off.

Reinforcing his shield; it really was bedlam as he reached the bottom of the stairs, with stray curses and hexes rebounding from every direction, and fragments of magic careering about the room, as the wards were hammered repeatedly. Then his breath caught as he saw Moody. _Well I'll be bloody sure to keep out of his reach. _Resisting the temptation to repay the bastard threefold by casting an anonymous dismembering curse, he reminded himself that they _were_ on the same side, _nominally,_ _at any rate_.

Throwing himself unceremoniously onto the floor to avoid an _Avada Kedevra; _several members of the order began to converge on him at once. Thankfully their plans were foiled by Lucius who wounded two of them by incanting _Extorqueo caput capitis, _which also distracted Tonks who turned to help her allies, giving Severus some much needed breathing space to find cover.

_That was altogether too close for my liking, _Severus thought grimly as he positioned himself in the an alcove where a pantry had once stood, but which was now little more than a blackened, gutted ruin.

Severus used the brief reprieve to heal a deep gash in his shoulder where a stray hex had partially breached his shield. He had absolutely no intention of allowing himself to be killed. _Not today, not like this. When I do fall I intend to take as many foes with me as I can, not to be caught by a stray Avada Kedavra in some ridiculous skirmish where no one even knows who I am. _He was determined to fight with every breath in his body._ After all how can I possibly allow myself to be slain while I've still got promises to keep and duties which tie me irrevocably to this realm?_

Hampered by limits upon what he could safely cast; rarely able to even utilise his skill with _Revibro, _to rebound attacks which were cast upon him, he knew he needed to leave quickly. He'd been in similar situations before, where he was forced to defend himself against the order, but never in such a scanty area. In the past he'd always found a way of getting himself _out _of the main line of fire.

_Albus was right, this is folly._

He watched impassively as the repugnant green hue of an Avada Kedavra accompanied a deathly rush which smacked into a masked figure, _probably Goyle,_ he deduced from the wizard's stance and build. Whoever it was fell in a motionless heap, only a few feet away from the slim body of another Death-Eater. _Hopefully Bellatrix_, he thought, even as he knew it was unlikely._ Alas, somehow she always seems to emerge unharmed_.

The situation was rapidly disintegrating, with more and more corpses beginning to litter the house. Many of them appeared to be Death-Eaters he was satisfied to see, although it didn't bode well for his immediate future.

_Where was Albus?_

It was hard to see through the dust and flashes of magic which meant he had to take cover repeatedly. Casting _Revibro_ to rebound a blasting curse at Fletcher, whilst changing the angle slightly so that the worst of the spell crashed into a table, he was gratified to see that a piece of ricocheting wood had wounded Moody on the back of his arm as he was busy duelling with Lucius. _Well it wasn't intentional and it's scarcely my fault if he doesn't practise what he preaches, constant vigilance indeed!_

Finally, finding Albus in the midst of all the madness, Severus drew in a shaky breath at the sight of his friend and mentor squared up, head to head with the Dark Lord.

Albus had always said that he didn't believe he was capable of defeating the Dark Lord, and yet _he_ was the only wizard capable of holding his own against him... with numerous curses flying simultaneously in every direction, Albus Dumbledore that _beacon_ _of the light_ had obviously been prepared to thrust aside his reluctance to use dark magic, for the time being at least. Severus saw at least three curses which he was using which were highly illegal and likely to jeopardise his seat on the Wizengamot, if not prompt a trial against him, if they were witnessed by any Non-Order Aurors. He approved whole-heartedly.

And then he noticed something else on the edge of his peripheral vision. Good grief, Tonks, _the utter fool_ was completely exposed whilst she seemed to think she was creeping up on the Dark Lord, _as if that could ever happen._ Severus saw Bellatrix aiming her wand at Tonks and chose that moment to interrupt them both, his deliberately off-target blasting curse catching them both by surprise as it hit the ceiling and brought masses of plaster, bricks and dust upon them. Bellatrix had the sense – and skill -to avoid the worst of the rubble, although Tonks was clearly injured. _That half-witted witch should never have been here in the first place, if that was the best she could do! _

But the act had drawn Dumbledore's attention, as it was intended to. And after a quick glance from the Headmaster Severus braced himself for what was about to come.

Conjuring a fantastical shield to guard his back, which appeared to be made up of no less than solid metal, and several meters thick at that, a clear gesture that his power was by no means diminished if ever there was one, Dumbledore turned to send a hex towards him. Severus cursed inwardly as Lucius blocked it for him, but the second attempt soon found it's mark.

Both his masters watched with very different emotions as Severus flew backwards, gasping from the sudden almost overwhelming pain which he felt as blood began to pulse steadily from surface wounds across his body. It wasn't _Sectumsempra_ but it certainly _looked_ a lot like it.

With a muffled groan, Severus immediately started to twist the top of his cuff link, his portkey back to his rooms, and found that the wards had been lowered for mere seconds; it was a dangerously brief period of time, but somehow he made it through just as he was beginning to sense the wards being drawn up once more.

He was going to have a _hell_ of a job explaining _that_ departure to the Dark Lord._ How exactly can I __account for the fact that I managed to break through Albus' wards, particularly given the fact that I'm supposed to be gravely injured?_

Laying the matter aside for the time being, Severus steadied himself momentarily on his fireplace, barely pausing before flooing up to Dumbledore's office, leaving a dripping trail of blood in the grate behind him.

Dragging off his Death-Eater mask he found the set of despicable muggles in various states of shock. He noticed dispassionately that the fat boy seemed to have vomited upon Albus' rug, a side-effect of the unexpected port-key journey no doubt, and was now quivering with fear.

Leaning against the door frame to catch his balance and fixing them all with his narrowed glare he demanded in a ferocious voice,"_Where's Harry?_"

Vernon cringed remembering his last dealings with a wizard.

Petunia's eyes widened as she recognised him, in spite of the Death-Eater robes, her immense shock and the blood which was dripping down his face.

"_Severus Snape_?" she said, her mouth hanging agog.

"_Where_ is he?" he spat back.

"I-I don't know. One moment we were all there in the kitchen and the now we're here! But Harry- I-I don't know... He said- he said he was only back with us for a bit, that he only there while the protections were sorted out so he'd never have to return again..."

"He didn't come _here_?" Severus demanded impatiently.

She shook her head dumbly.

"What happened to his wand?" Severus was training his obsidian eyes upon Vernon now. "WELL? DO YOU REALLY THINK YOU CAN IGNORE ME?" he hollered.

Dudley let out an involuntary whimper. He'd seen how his father had been beaten by the last wizard who'd came to their house.

"You're bleeding," Petunia said in a faint voice. She was staring at him as if she was unable to comprehend how he could possibly conduct an inquisition, whilst ignoring his injuries as if they were mere scratches.

Severus glanced down his sodden clothes in disgust. Actually, he _was_ bleeding heavily now, practically gushing in fact. Casting a series of healing charms, and moping his face with his sleeve, he rooted about in his pockets for a blood replenishing potion which would help to counteract his light headedness. The extensive cuts were all surface wounds, designed to bleed profusely, and although they were acutely painful, with some basic treatment they were scarcely dangerous.

Albus would need to invest in a new rug, however, given the pool of blood which was seeping into the fibres alongside the vomit.

"Answer me," he ordered aiming his wand at Vernon's face, who stared at the drops of congealed blood upon the polished ebony wood in utter horror. "Now!"

"I-I-I don't k-k-know..." he stuttered.

" Ferinus flagellum," Severus said coldly as he changed the angle of his wand and moved it from side to side in a series of crisp movements. "_Pepetual poena,_" he added softly, his eyes flashing. "Take _that_ to your muggle doctor."

Vernon cried out piteously in a hair-raising moan and wrapped his chunky arms around his stomach and shoulders where the main force of the spell had been directed. Severus watched mercilessly as livid, scarlet welts became visible on the areas of bare skin at the top of the Vernon's collar and on his hands and forearms.

"_Speak!"_

"Ahhh! You- My- _I don't know anything!_ What have you done to me?" Vernon clutched his chest, tears of self-pity running down his face.

Severus raised his eyebrows, and spoke in a low, dangerous tone, _"You will explain what happened!"_

Vernon's only response was to try to scramble as far away from him as possible, but a firm grasp on his collar soon put paid to that attempt.

"Then, I will look for myself."

And staring into Vernon's round, terror-stricken eyes Severus did just that.

* * *

**Author note: Thank you for all for your reviews of the last chapter! I'm just writing replies at the moment. Any comments at all on this chapter, just let me know, good or bad. I'm sorry if it seems like another cliffhanger but it was the most opportune stopping point, to my mind at least. **

**BTW Harry's premonition about going back to the Dursleys appeared in the chapter Familiar Influence in case that's helpful. (I know some of you are going back and re-reading the original dreams and it took _me_ ages to remember where it was, let alone anyone else!) **

**Happy new year everyone!**


	36. Father figure

Sorry it's taken so long! Fingers crossed a few of you haven't forgotten this story. I promise I _will_ finish it (probably another 5 hefty chapters of 10k each or thereabouts) and I think the rest of the story will be plain sailing from hereon.

* * *

RECAP (150k in a nutshell!)

**Harry stayed with Severus during the summer and gradually learnt occlumency and legilimency. He has been having a series of strange and disturbing premonitions, including violent dreams concerning Sirius, Dumbledore and himself. In a desperate bid to determine Severus' true loyalties, once and for all, Harry used **_**Imperio**_** to see into his mind. Devastated by what followed, Harry allowed Dumbledore to persuade him to return to the Dursleys as part of an elaborate trap. As Dudley had ruined any chance of his return to Hogwarts, Harry had to use Connor's portkey when Voldemort attacked. **

* * *

Severus was utterly silent as he wordlessly withdrew from Vernon Dursley's mind, although the dark look on his face spoke volumes.

Vernon collapsed to his knees, cringing away from his tormentor. Huge tears smeared his fat cheeks as he cowered away, clutching both his head and his torso, while making spluttering gasps for air.

As Severus stood above him and trained his wand down once more Vernon rolled over in a mad scramble to escape, but couldn't avoid the wordless spell which hit him squarely in the chest before slowly spreading across his body. Horrified, it took several moments for him to realise the spell _hadn't_ caused him additional pain. In fact, it actually made his welts gradually fade away. Unfortunately for Vernon the glamour only changed the outward appearance of his skin, leaving the underlying wounds unaffected. Pulling his shirt open, to examine himself more thoroughly, Vernon's cries therefore continued to be unabated as he clutched at seemingly healthy, unblemished skin.

"I- Ah! Uh! _Please._ Oooh it hurts!" he sobbed causing his wife to rush to his side.

Ignoring him completely, Severus headed to a far corner of the room where he traced his wand in front of him, revealing a small, battered wooden box which hoovered motionlessly in mid-air. As he touched the tip of his wand against the clasp it sprang open revealing a deceptively deep compartment within. Dudley watched his movements in terrified fascination while his father clasped his hands around himself and let out piteous snorts of pain.

Reaching within the box Severus removed a variety of oddities from within it's depths: several rather grubby looking handkerchiefs in various different shades, an empty crisp packet, a thimble, a feather, a button and an array of different sizes of sherbet lemon sweets.

Severus swiftly pocketed all but the last of these items, but he hesitated over the sweets, appearing to consider them carefully.

"Please! Oh God. _Please_; it hurts, it still hurts so much! I can't take it, make it stop!" Vernon's cries distracted him from his brief reverie.

Clasping the sweets in his long, pale fingers, Severus banished the wooden box from whence it came with a swish of his wand and turned back to Vernon.

"Undo it! Whatever you've done to him; it's killing him!" Petunia cried as she clutched Vernon's arm.

"Oh, it won't kill him," Severus said with a cold smile, that never reached his eyes. "Although granted, he might soon wish it would."

"What is it? What have you done to me?" Vernon blundered. "The marks are all gone! But it _hurts._ Oh how it hurts!"

"_Perpetual poena," _Severus replied chillingly."With emphasis on _Perpetual. _I suggest you become accustomed to it."

And so saying, the potion's master cast a jet of red light from his wand, rendering first Vernon and then Petunia and Dudley unconscious.

Severus put all but one of the sweets in his pocket and was about to place the remaining one in his mouth when a corporal patronus, in the shape of a cat, pelted into the room, coming to a sudden graceful halt in front of him.

"You're needed," McGonagall's voice rang out sounding panicked. "We're back: in the hospital ward...come quickly."

Grimacing at the delay, clasping the sweet tightly in the palm of his hand, Severus span towards the floo and threw in the powder hurriedly.

Stepping out of the floo, Severus froze for a split second before forcing himself to stride quickly to the side of Dumbledore's bed.

The headmaster let out a murmur which was almost inaudible. Severus just managed to make out the words "I couldn't best him," by crouching with his ear almost upon the elder wizard's lips.

"It's his bad arm," Poppy whispered to Severus, clearly terrified, as McGonagall stood in grim silence by her side."We think You-Know-Who might have used _Mors mortis._ I don't know what else I can do. I've never seen, let alone dealt with, that spell."

"Let me see."

Kneeling down at the bedside Severus gently took Dumbledore's bleeding arm, ignoring the Headmaster's instinctive childish attempts to bat his hand away, and examined him closely. The arm was twitching violently, clearly causing him excruciating pain.

"We've already given him Forgeni potion, pain relievers, blood replenisher and skele-grow," Minerva said gravely. "What else would you suggest?"

"It's not _Mors mortis_," Severus said after he had carefully rotated the limb from side to side. "It's not feasible that the humerus or ulna would still be intact. I assume that today's trauma is affecting the myriad of spells which were already in place."

Albus gave another groan as a tremor passed through his body.

"Sev'rus," he moaned.

"I'm here."

"The cloaking... failed. My protections... gone." Each word took a painful effort.

Dark, inscrutable eyes looked steadily at the Headmaster. "I gathered as much."

"So... sorry."

"Don't waste your strength speaking."

"My strength is... spent," Dumbledore whispered through lips which were beginning to turn blue. "I'm cold."

"Stay with me," Severus said through gritted teeth as he traced the elderly wizard's wound with his wand glowing a dark amber shade.

"Perhaps ...it is my time. At least I ...took down some of our enemies."

"Rubbish! You think the part you've played is sufficient?" Severus tone was harsh. "That what you've done is enough? Killing some weak useless Death-Eaters; Goyle and Cameron, who were quite possibly more of a hindrance than an aid to the Dark Lord? _Lives_ _depend upon you, _Albus."

Even racked with pain and close to death the headmaster gave a gentle smile. "Severus, my son...I am so very proud of you...you're always...so...determined."

"You're _not_ dying." Severus abruptly got to his feet. He looked towards Poppy. "We need to give him more of the Forgeni potion. If we can stabilise him for long enough the spells will bed down."

Poppy shook her head. "He's already had the maximum dose."

"Give him another vial," he insisted.

"It could kill him," Poppy protested.

"If it doesn't the shock and pain undoubtedly _will_. _Give it to him._"

Pale faced, Poppy took the vial McGonagall passed her. Her hands shaking so badly that she struggled to dose the trembling patient. Impatiently Severus took the potion from her and forced the vial between Dumbledore's lips with a steady hand.

"Now we wait," he said, crossing his arms.

* * *

It was nearly three hours before Dumbledore's heavily lined eye lids slowly opened.

"Still with us, I take it?" Severus asked dryly.

"So it seems, my boy; just as you said." The headmaster gave a long sigh and looked down at his injured arm with a detached air. "Of course, with reflection, I can see that my recovery was inevitable. It was impossible that I would die thus, as we both know."

Severus' face darkened but he ignored the implications inherent in this statement to focus on the most prominent matter.

"Harry is missing," he said starkly. "His relatives' portkeys took them to your study, but he didn't arrive alongside them."

Dumbledore stared at him and tried, unsuccessfully, to rise himself into an upright position with his good arm.

"I was about to begin my attempts to locate him when you returned," Severus said shortly. "Whilst you were unconscious I was summoned, so I decided to delay my search until I was better informed and to also try to salvage my position in the Dark Lord's esteem. From what I have learnt no Death-Eater knows of Harry's whereabouts or had any part in his disappearance."

"Were you blamed for your departure during the battle?"

Severus shook his head. "The fact that you arranged for the Order's reinforcements to coincide with my departure was well done. It convinced the Dark Lord that it was a coincidence that I managed to traverse your wards. Thankfully, he was more agitated by our pretence of my near death, than by any suspicions. Clearly he doesn't want to lose his spy."

Dumbledore closed his eyes in relief for a moment. "Good. Now, no doubt you wish for me to confirm whether Harry's portkey was used?"

Severus gave an impatient nod. "Obviously, if it was it must have been tampered with somehow. Minerva or I would have cast the spell to check ourselves but we weren't sure what you had used as the fail-safe."

"It was this." With a sharp intake of brief, the headmaster slipped a ring off his little finger and lay it on the table beside them. Taking his wand in his shaking right hand he murmured an incantation whilst straining to guide his wand from side to side in a series of intricate movements. It took him two attempts to cast the spell correctly and he was breathless by the end of his exertion.

"It will take some minutes," he said as he sank back into the mattress.

They both watched the ring intently.

The headmaster was the first to break the silence while they waited. "As you no doubt realise, the battle did not last long after you had departed."

"I have heard some of what happened but accounts were somewhat confused."

Dumbledore's keen blue eyes looked up from the ring."He cast _Mors mortis _at me repeatedly and when he couldn't break my shield he struck Tonks with _Eviscerate, _I... I tried to help, to no avail, of course, and was also distracted by wandfire from the other Death-Eaters. At some point spell residue seems to have made it through my shield."

Severus had sucked in a breath as his thoughts flew back to the battle. "Tonks was injured earlier, when a section of the roof had landed on her."

"She'd been hurt, but refused to take cover," Dumbledore confirmed in a voice heavy with sorrow. "The others shielded her as best they could and Alastor pulled her back at least once, but she was utterly determined to attack. She died within seconds."

Severus did his best not to focus upon the unwanted memories of _Eviscerate _which flooded his mind. "A section of St Mungo's has been commandeered by Kingsley for wounded members of the Order. They will be in contact shortly to confirm statuses but I doubt she will be our only loss today. Fletcher was close to death on arrival and three others are critical."

"They are all tragedies, but Tonks, what she looked like..." Dumbledore faltered.

"I know," Severus quietly. His eyes met with Dumbledore's for a moment before he looked back at the ring. He'd seen the affects of _Eviscerate _at close quarters on raids before and knew how it was capable of appalling even the most seasoned dueller. It was a gruesome, sickening death, where the innards of the victim were laid bare as a the victim literally turned inside herself.

All at once a faint hum filled the air, and the ring began to glow, first blue, then gold, before finally turning black.

"Harry's portkey never activated," Dumbledore concluded at last. "Another port-key must have been involved somehow."

"Or someone was already there and apparated him away," Severus said grimly.

"No... Harry was alone with the Dursleys before the wards were breached. The Dursley's portkeys were designed to activate as soon someone apparated within the boundaries, and in any case, I would have sensed an outsider's presence."

Severus raised an eyebrow sceptically."With the wards purposefully weakened?And assuming that whomever it was didn't use a magical means of arrival? Are you really _adamant_ that you would you have picked up their essence?"

Dumbledore ran a hand over his face. "It is possible," he admitted. "We have the initial reference point with which to trace his departure. If he did apparate we will find him-"

"This is what Minerva and I thought. She is casting the parameters to start the trace at the moment, however, if it Harry wasn't apparated away matters will be much more complicated. A port-key, depending on it's design, might prove to be another matter entirely. We must anticipate the worst case scenario: that we might not have any means of tracing him."

They looked at each other soberly.

Another problem occurred to Dumbledore who looked deeply troubled. "And if we do manage to trace him we won't be the only ones. Vol-"

"For pity's sake Albus! Even now?"

The old wizard looked at him mildly. "I rather think he knows where I am, Severus!"

"It's the principle of it! You should _never_ have encouraged people to say his name."

"You know full well why I did that."

"It was wrong. They will be sitting ducks, Albus! You gave them confidence, a fool's faith in the impossible. At present your spells waiver making your cloaking fallible; he _will _use the name-curse, he _will_ track Harry by any magic he uses-"

"It may be a blessing that his wand was broken," Dumbledore murmured. "Provided Harry doesn't use wandless magic or speak his name, our concerns are more mundane. He knows the initial location that Harry departed from was Privet Drive, without my cloaking and given plenty of time he will eventually find Harry using a simple tracing spell."

"No, he won't. At least, not on the first attempt."

Dumbledore looked at him questioningly. "_You_ cast his trace?"

"I had a hand in it. I can assure you that it has no chance of success."

"Will he be able to discover that it was you who sabotaged it?"

"Let us hope not," Severus said dryly. "In any case, it is a delaying tactic, nothing more; doubtlessly he will ensure that he performs the next trace personally."

"Then we must make haste," the headmaster said, sitting up straight with some effort. "Show me the parameters we're using and let us see if we can narrow them down at all to speed up our efforts. We need to start thinking about where it is most likely that he was taken."

* * *

***Several hours earlier***

* * *

Harry staggered forward in the darkness, and steadied himself against a wall, barely managing to remain on his feet, as he arrived at his destination. He could feel the portkey locket pulsing around his neck giving off waves of magic and his stomach churned uneasily from the abrupt journey. He was shaking from head to foot.

Hearing a slight movement, Harry felt the hairs on the back of his neck rise. He hesitated, listening carefully and could make out the soft sounds of regular breathing. He reached automatically in his pocket, his hand faltering at the last moment as he remembered that his wand was no longer there; he felt lost without the familiar shape to grasp.

Gradually his eyes adjusted to the shadowy room. Creeping forward on a rich carpet, past tall imposing cabinets and an huge oak wardrobe, he came to the foot of a large bed where he could just about see a head on the pillow. Inching towards it he shook the sleeping form lightly.

"Connor?" he whispered.

Jumping violently Connor reached for his wand from the cabinet beside the bed.

"I-it's me," Harry's croaked, his voice sounding strange and unfamiliar to his own ears as he shielded his eyes from the bright _lumos_ directed towards him.

Connor cursed under his breath before casting a silencing charm.

'Jeez, Golden boy!"

He sat up fully, staring at Harry.

"S-sorry," Harry replied, folding his hands across his chest. "I...that is... sorry," he repeated again lamely.

Connor pointed his wand at the lamps around his room spelling them on.

"Are you OK?" he asked, looking Harry up and down.

"I-No...Not really." For once Harry didn't say he was fine. _What's the point in pretending any more?_

"My wand... it's broken," his voice faltered slightly. Under his armpits, he formed fists with his hands trying to stop them shaking.

Moving off the bed, Connor disappeared into an adjourning room. Harry could hear him rummaging about for a few moments.

He reappeared holding out a vial and a jar. Harry looked at him questioningly.

"A pain reliever and bruise balm," Connor said. "You look a bit... well. I'd offer you a calming potion but I don't have any in my bathroom... There's a mirror on that cabinet, if it helps."

Past the point of worrying about being embarrassed Harry knocked the the pain potion back before glancing in the mirror. His face stared back at him ashen, his throat reddened and bruised. His whole appearance seemed rather melodramatic, seeing that nothing that bad had really happened.

Harry applied the balm to the bruises around his throat and numbly watched them as they gradually began to fade. His lower lip and mouth were a little sore as well, so he rubbed a little ointment there and felt them tingle and loosen.

"Do you need any blood replenisher?" Connor asked. "You're not bleeding or anything?"

"Just a few bruises," Harry muttered before shrugged his jumper off. Turning slightly to see his back in the mirror he pulled up his t-shirt and smeared more bruise balm onto his fingers. The base of his spine was grossly discoloured with a mixture of red splodges and some darker bluish purple areas. It looked pretty awful.

Connor drew in a sharp breath as he saw the reflection.

"_Harry. How did this happen?_"

Harry didn't pause as he awkwardly rubbed the slightly sticky balm onto his injuries. He could more or less reach all the bruises although it was a bit of a struggle, particularly as it hurt to stretch.

"_Who did this to you?_" Connor demanded fiercely.

"I don't want to talk about it, " Harry said expressionlessly.

"Don't you think that the fact that you're here means it's time to talk?" Connor said as he took the pot from him and helped Harry rub the balm into a bruise which he couldn't reach.

Their eyes met in the mirror for an awkward moment. Harry shrugged, then winced slightly as he felt the inflamed skin stretch.

It was funny how his injuries had been much worse over the summer and yet he couldn't remember them aching one bit after Sirius had took him home, _and_ he'd never even been given a pain potion. Maybe Severus was right, he must have been so woozy that he'd forgotten a lot of that time. Or perhaps his current pain, coming on top of his guilt and Severus' renewed hatred of him, somehow seemed worse this time.

_It's ridiculous to be so upset._ After all a few slaps and blows from his relatives didn't mean much to him, not when he'd expected much worse. And the injuries _had _been from his Uncle and Dudley. Well, almost all of them, anyway.

"_Harry?_" It was a sign of how seriously Connor was taking this that he wasn't using his usual, slightly mocking nickname for Harry.

Harry shook his head again.

"Later... I promise. I'll tell you everything... as much as I can, just not tonight."

Thankfully, Connor seemed to realise that Harry wasn't trying to be stubborn, he simply couldn't have the conversation in his current state.

"You take the bed, I'll sleep in the chair." He heaved a blanket from the foot of the bed onto a wide plush armchair.

"Thanks," Harry said softly. "For everything, I mean."

Completely drained, he lay down in the bed, closed his eyes and did his best to will himself to sleep.

* * *

"So what now?"

Harry had given Connor a brief, unemotional run down of the events from the past twenty-four hours, only omitting the details about Severus.

_There's no way I'll do anything to endanger him or his position with Voldemort, whatever he thinks of me now._

The thought sent an unpleasant jolt through Harry, which he did his best to bury as quickly as possible. It was bad enough that he'd had to tell Connor that he'd been roughed up at his relatives before using the portkey; it wasn't like he willingly went around sharing the knowledge that his only family members thought he was scum. He certainly couldn't think about what had happened with Severus now, particularly as there was no way that things could ever be straightened out between them.

_Better to think about it as little as possible._

In any case, after a nights sleep, a hot shower, some pumpkin juice, fruit, huge hunks of soda bread and a set of Connor's clean if-slightly-baggy clothes at least he felt better equipped to face the world. It was time to make plans.

" Well, I'm here," Harry said slowly. "My dreams are true, which means that my godfather is here, locked up, and he's with your real father too."

"And?" Connor's eyes locked onto Harry.

"Well, you've always wanted to meet Kyran McLaughlin haven't you?"

Connor gave a short burst of laughter. "Yeah, but it's not that simple. We can't just walk into Parvel and ask to visit him! Anyway things are crazy over there at the moment."

A knock at the door made them both jump guiltily.

"Wait in here," Connor shoved Harry towards the en-suite. "I'll get rid of whoever it is."

Cancelling the silencing charm with practised ease, he called, "What is it?" through the door, his voice fairly dripping with insolence.

Harry heard a soft feminine Irish voice calling back.

"Connor? Let me in!"

There was a pause during which Harry heard Connor open the bedroom door.

"What do you want Katie?" Connor asked his voice softer, albeit still a little impatient.

"Why are you staying holed up in there for? I thought we were going to go flying?"

"I'm busy."

"Ah c'mon Connor. Is this about what happened between you and Dad?"

Connor snorted. "Like I care if he gives a damn about me! He barely even stands to _look_ at me most of the time."

"It's the same for me. I didn't see him at all last week; Mum says he's just so busy with his job at the moment, what with the problems with the Garda, his army, O'Sullivan, McLaughlin and everything else."

"He's some bloody leader, when he can't even get his personal army to do as he says! The papers say that the whole governing body is corrupt, everything's going to the highest bidder. It's spinning out of control!"

"That's why he's worried, Connor. Really worried. Badly this time, I think. Won't you try to get along now your back, just for a bit?"

"Katie," Connor said in a serious tone. "He's said the whole of five words to me since I've been back. You know what they were? _'I hear things haven't changed.'_ He hasn't laid eyes on me _for months_ and that's all he has to say. He can piss off."

"Connor... I know he might not seem like it, but he was looking forward to seeing you..."

"And I suppose you'll say your mother's throwing me a welcome home banquet as well," Connor familiar mocking lilt was back in place.

"Mum... well. It would help if you'd replied to any of the letters she sent!"

"I replied to you."

"Yes. You did," she said softly. "And _I'm_ glad you're back, Connor." There was a faint sound of movement, followed by a pause. "Let me know if you change your mind about the flying," the girl said at last.

"Yeah."

Harry heard the muffled sound of the bedroom door opening and closing, and then the door to the en-suite was swung open.

"So." Connor looked at Harry his hazel eyes solemn. "You really want to try this madness? To go to Parvel, despite the Garda, army and all the stuff which is going on at the moment?"

"I've got to," Harry said simply. "I have to find Sirius. I have to _try."_

* * *

They waited until it was the evening. It made it easier for Connor to sneak out and also gave him time to get hold of a portkey which would take them to the guards' quarters which were closest to Parvel. Realistically this was the most straightforward way for them to travel considering that restrictions had already been placed on the floos, a consequence of the great unrest throughout the country at the moment. The stolen portkey: a small silver latchkey, had been taken from one of the least suspicious guards, a man who had known and liked Connor since infancy. It was unlikely that he would miss it before anyone had noticed that Connor was gone.

It was windy and rainy as the two of them traipsed along beside some wasteland, avoiding the risk of being spotted from the road as they made there way towards the wizarding gaol. Both of them were quiet and subdued; their minds focused upon the encounters which awaited them.

It was only a couple of miles from the guard's quarters to the grounds of Parvel, so it didn't take long before the imposing, grim building was in their sight. Cutting high into the sky, it looked massive and intimidating, and Harry stared at it feeling discouraged. _How will we ever find them? We don't even know where to start!_

Luckily, Connor seemed to have at least some idea about where the political prisoners were kept and led them around the outskirts of the grounds just past the end of the building. They stood there for several minutes, watching as the occasional guard strode past the fence looking bored.

"So what's the plan?" Connor had stopped a few paces behind Harry, who was looking carefully at areas of the fence where the metal wire was worn away and broken.

"You know that crossing the fence isn't actually our problem," Connor went on to point out. "The fence is nothing. Our problem is that it marks the boundaries where the wards lie_. They're_ what's going to stop us."

Harry stopped examining the fence, satisfied that he had found a small torn section.

"We can use our animagous forms to get past the wards."

"What? _Seriously? _You don't think people would have thought of that if it was that simple?"

"That's why I know it'll work. My godfather used his animagous form before to escape Azkhaban, the only difference is we're breaking in."

"That's assuming that the wards here are the same kind as at Azkhaban _and_ that your godfather's escape didn't make everyone strengthen their wards."

"I'm guessing security is more lax here than at Azkhaban. You said yourself that your father wasn't exactly in maximum security and you don't have Dementors here," Harry hesitated. "Are you OK with this? You don't have to come with me if you don't want to."

Connor looked at the building thoughtfully. "At least we've picked the right day for this, the country's coming apart at the seams at the moment. This has got to be as good a chance as any."

"I'm gonna get you in a hell of a lot of trouble aren't I?"

"And then some," Connor grinned. "Sod it. We've got this far haven't we?"

* * *

They waited until the guard was at the furthest point in his patrol before transforming, then Harry scrambled through the fence as Connor soared ahead towards the high barred windows. He had barely reached the building, however, when matters began to disintegrate.

Expecting their animagous forms to allow them to smoothly breach the wards, appeared to have been hugely over-optimistic, as sirens and coloured flares blared around their entrance point. The guard, startled into action, hurriedly drew his wand, as Harry skidded to an abrupt halt. Retreating back to the fence, he had to sprint at full pelt to avoid wandfire which was sent after him.

Grasping his discarded clothes in his teeth, having failed yet again to transform with the desired finesse, Harry dashed through the trees. He had transformed and was hurriedly doing his best to finish dressing by the time Connor caught up with him in human form.

"That," Connor said breathlessly, "Didn't seem to work very well."

"What did you see?"

Before Connor had a chance to respond they were Iinterrupted by a movement behind them. Harry dropped his socks, he hadn't managed to bring his shoes with him in any case, and the two of them ran in a panicked frenzy, charging through the undergrowth. Sharp stones and twigs cut into Harry's bare feet but he barely noticed in the adrenalin rush.

Stopping briefly, some considerable way off, the two boys looked at each other as they fought to regain their breath.

Silently Harry pointed at Connor, motioning for him to draw his wand. There was no reason the two of them should remain unarmed.

Behind them there was the sound of rustling branches and a clear, carrying voice spoke from nearby. "Spread out. He can't be far."

Harry froze. He'd have recognised Lucius Malfoy's posh, condescending tone anywhere.

_Deatheaters are here, _he realised. _Somehow they've followed me to Ireland._

Suddenly a crashing sound exploded around them and voices began to shout, spells let up the sky and they could hear occasional grunts of pain on impact. Their enemies seemed to have become caught up in their own private fight.

Connor grabbed Harry's sleeve pulling him further away and they ran side by side for several more minutes, conscious of the sounds of twigs snapping behind them as they were chased. Reaching a clearing, which seemed to be nothing but wilderness the two of them stumbled as the ground changed suddenly. The upturned log in front of them disappeared and in it's place was a small shack, the dead grass becoming a cobbled path.

And then Harry was knocked cleanly off his feet by _Ventus_ hitting him in the back and knocking him flying.

A foot or two ahead of where he landed, Connor slid to a stop. Clearly bewildered by the sudden change in his surroundings.

"Go!" Harry urged him. _There's no need for both of us to be caught. We've clearly stumbled upon something we shouldn't have; and anyway the Death-Eaters are here for me._

Ignoring Harry's yell, Connor cast _protego_ around the two of them, but shielding two people when you've never done so before was tiring and it wasn't long before his shield began to fail. The old wizard smiled as he went up to them, his wand drawn.

"Trespassers!" he said in a broad Irish accent. "You're going to pay for this."

"Leave them!" a voice barked suddenly and Harry's head sprang up sharply as a familiar figure emerged from the undergrowth accompanied by several other men. One of whom was limping.

_It's him! _

His godfather's usually handsome face was screwed up in anger as he darted forward, pulling the older man to one side by his collar. Loud and fearless, Sirius was as he had ever been; he was certainly very much alive, and in good health, if the strength he had just shown was anything to go by.

_"Sirius!"_ Harry gasped.

Sirius prised the wand from the struggling wizard's hand.

"They're informers," the scowling older man objected in a growl. "They're with the Death-Eaters! _They brought them here!"_

"And I told you to leave them!" Sirius yelled back furiously. "They wouldn't have even been able to cross the boundary if they meant us harm!"

Several of the other men had by now caught up from behind them and were aiming their wands at them. Harry recognised the tallest man, the only one who wasn't threatening them; it was the squib from his dream: Connor's father, Kyran McLaughlin. He was a man who clearly held a great deal of authority, even without magic, as a small gesture from him caused the others to sheath their wands.

Connor was staring dumbstruck at Kyran who seemed quite oblivious to his scrutiny, and then Harry lost interest in everything else as his godfather turned to face him.

The other men began to talk furiously.

"Set up the defences and tell all our local bases to heighten their wards. No one get's access without me knowing it."

"But they shouldn't be here! This is a rebel base. We're _supposed_ to be hidden! And O'Sullivan said-"

Kyran cut the older wizard off halfway through his protests."O'Sullivan isn't here at the moment and he placed _me_ in charge. So you_ will_ follow my orders. Black says they're OK: that's good enough for me. Now there's still Death-Eaters in the vicinity so make yourself useful and take care of it!"

The conversation washed over Harry's head, unheeded. All he could hear was white noise as he stared at his godfather in amazement, tears pooling in his eyes. And then Sirius was pulling him into a tight hug against his chest, a huge smile lighting up his his face, as he murmured, "Harry. What are you doing here? Thank Merlin you're not hurt."

"Sirius! We need to apparate, now! The Death-Eaters are too close for us to stay." Kyran was beside them once more, authority ringing in his voice. "McCally, take the other child."

Sirius grabbed Harry's tighter for the apparatition and it was some moments before he was released from the crushing embrace. He staggered back a step or two feeling totally overcome. They were in a large shabby room with a low ceiling, where at one end he could see Connor next to McCally and Kyran. His godfather was stood directly in front of him; like an illusion. Having dreamt of this eventuality for so long Harry found he couldn't accept the reality.

He couldn't even begin to find the words to even begin to describe the depths of what he was feeling.

"You're _OK_." he managed at last. "I'm so bloody pleased to see you, Sirius; I thought I wouldn't find you this quickly, that you'd be locked up or worse."

Sirius' face clouded over. "I_ was _locked up for a time," he said soberly. "When I first arrived O'Sullivan didn't believe I was going to help his side. There's a lot of suspicion here, a lot of violence to outsiders."

"I know. I had some dreams... well premonitions really and one of them was, about you being hurt."

Sirius grimaced."They beat me, but the violence wasn't the worse of it. They're ruthless here, all of them. They have to be, there's a whole civil war about to erupt, dividing the people, rebels against government, brother against brother."

"I don't understand where were we when you apparated?"

"You just stumbled upon one of our base camps, that one was set up as a halfway house for the prisoners we managed to get out of Parvel. Things are out of control at the moment; everything's changing. No one knows what will happen next, so they have to be able to reply on their people. When I arrived I knew someone who could vouch for me, someone from my time in Azkaban-" Sirius looked across the room in the direction of the Squib.

" Kyran McLaughlin," Harry said softly.

Sirius looked surprised.

" How much do you know?"

"I saw you together in my dream, but at first I didn't think it could be him because you called him a squib... I know his son, you see. I knew that you chose to come here against Dumbledore's advice. That's what I don't understand: why you came here even though you knew it was dangerous? Or how you can trust Kyran after his men hurt you?"

"It wasn't personal. They'd have been the same with any outsider. When I was unconscious they... they chucked me in a small dark cell and left me there."

For a moment hints of the anguish and fear which he must have felt showed on Sirius' face.

"Hangover of Azkhaban," he muttered a little ruefully as he took a couple pants of breath."As you can imagine being locked up was worse than anything else they could have done to me, but I'd take it all again. Ireland is at the centre of how the balance of power is unfolding at the moment. What happens here is critical for us back home. If the government falls, and the rebels _don't_ take power the Death-Eaters _will_. If I can do anything to stop them controlling Ireland I will, the sheer number of wizards and resources which are available here could make all the difference back home."

Harry thought back to some of his earliest strange dreams. Just after the one about Sirius being hurt, he'd dreamt a lot about a mind-numbing cold darkness, silent except for the sound of footsteps back and forth. It had stuck in his memory because he had been using the dreamless sleep potion at the time, and Severus had remarked it was strange for him to be able to dream _at all. _Of course, it began to make sense now that he could recognise that it was another premonition.

_Sirius must have laid there in the darkness. Alone and in pain. Terrified that he might be locked up for another twelve years. _

"It must have been awful for you."

Sirius didn't deny it. He gave a slight nod."Luckily for me, I wasn't a prisoner for long. After Kyran gave the nod to the right people I was put under political captivity, a type of house arrest with him. And over time that became less and less stringent, as the government has weakened. At the moment it pretty much amounts to us stocking the chief prison officers vault with plenty of gold and not raising a scandal by being seen in public when out terms of captivity state we should be on site at all times. At the rate of change flooding through the country, all charges against us will be dropped any day now. The government _will_ fall and Kyran is O'Sullivan's right hand man. Kyran listens to me, we've been through a lot together. I can make a difference over here with him."

_All this time Sirius wasn't a prisoner. He didn't need rescuing, he wasn't even locked up! To all intents and purposes he was free, unhindered by any restraints... _

Harry eyes locked on Sirius. "If you weren't really a prisoner why didn't you contact me?"

"I couldn't at first, and O'Sullivan didn't want me to, he accepted me based on Kyran's recommendation but he still didn't welcome the idea of me being in contact with outsiders-"

Harry shook his head slowly."Did you try?" he said in a strangled voice. "Or did you just agree? Couldn't you have sent just one owl?"

"Harry." Sirius voice was full of anguish, he couldn't bear the hurt and accusation in his godson's eyes. "You're upset..."

"Everyone thought you were dead," Harry said tonelessly.

"I...I was going to let you know what was happening..."

Harry shook his head. "_When?_ _When_ were you ever going to tell me? Or were you going to leave me worrying forever?"

"Only a fifteen year old would call five months forever!" Sirius said defensively, wounded by the betrayal on Harry's face."Things weren't that simple."

"Well they should have been!" Harry's emerald eyes were glistening. "They said you were _dead,_ Sirius!_ I _thought you were dead, at first."

"Harry-"

_"I mourned you,"_ Harry said simply. "I thought you'd _died. _I'd dreamt about you being hurt._ I_ can't believe..." his voice broke slightly and he shrugged and rubbed his face with his hands. "I don't know which is worse. You thinking I wouldn't _care_ about what happened to you, or you not giving a damn about what I thought. You know... you could have just said that you didn't want to adopt me. You didn't have... to leave like that."

"Harry," Sirius' voice was also unsteady now as he approached his godson. "I'm so sorry. If I could do it all again-"

"You'd do the same thing."

"I had to get away, Harry. Let me explain-"

_There are no explanations that would make a difference, _Harry thought bleakly. _No when he's not denying changing his mind about wanting to adopt me._ The pain seemed to lie heavily on his heart as he felt an ache deep within himself. _I need some space. I can't take any more of this._

"It's fine." He softly but firmly pushing Sirius' arms away, refusing to allow his godfather to comfort him. "I just...I need some time." He walked a little way off and sat down in a chair which he placed against the wall, isolating himself from everyone else.

* * *

As the night drew in one of Kyran's men brought in some supplies, a huge pot of stew which was spooned into bowls and wolfed down as a late supper with slices of thick bread. There was plenty of steaming tea to go around as well, which Harry and Connor drank thirstily, although some of the men refused it in favour of large glasses of firewhiskey.

There were only five rooms in the whole of the base, a small bathroom with a toilet and simple basin for washing, a kitchen, a kind of dormitory with thin mattresses crammed across the floor and two function rooms: the smaller of which didn't seem to get used that much. Connor waited until Harry eventually went out the back to use the toilet and then seized the opportunity to Sirius privately.

Aware he didn't have that much time, but determined to speak to his friend's guardian while he had the opportunity, everything came out in a rush. "I just thought you should know... Harry's relatives...they hurt him."

To Connor's surprise Sirius didn't look surprised. In fact, his expression barely changed, other than for a slightly weary look to spead over his face. "Yes Connor. I appreciate that you care about Harry. He doesn't have to worry about going back there anymore. The situation's been dealt with."

Connor nodded. "As long as you know. I'm just glad I'd given him the portkey to use if he needed it."

"Wait-" Sirius sprang to his feet. "You gave him a portkey to get away from his Uncle? Was this recently? When was he back there?"

Connor was a little alarmed at Sirius' agitated reaction.

"He was there the day before yesterday. It's why he came to Ireland: to get away from them."

Sirius's expression was so ferocious that Connor backed away from him. In an instant Sirius was striding across the room.

"Harry!" he bellowed as soon his godson walked back into the room from out the back.

The others at the far end of the room were startled by Sirius yell and Harry looked surprised and a little taken back to see his godfather in a temper.

"You went back there- to the Dursleys! They let you! _I can't believe this!"_ Sirius exploded. "Why did they let you? Why were you crazy enough to decide to go back there? _How could you_?"

Connor had followed behind Sirius and chose that moment to step up to Harry's side, to give him some moral support.

It turned out Harry didn't need it.

Slowly a slight blush spread across the boy's face. At first it looked as if he was embarrassed at being told off so publicly, but when he opened his mouth it became clear that he was actually angry.

"_How-could-I_?" he repeated slowly and furiously. "Isn't that just the question, seeing as _you weren't bloody there and don't know anything about what's been going on?_"

Sirius' mouth fell half open in dismay, his eyes wide with sorrow.

"Look, I'm sorry I yelled," he said with his hot temper dying away as quickly as it had flared. "But going back _there? _What could possibly make you return to those twisted muggles, after everything which happened this summer?"

"_You weren't there_," Harry repeated. "I _will_ tell you everything," he glanced around at the other wizards who were within earshot. "_-Later._ But you don't _demand_ answers, Sirius; you've lost the right to do that. I won't _explain_ myself to you."

"I'm sorry." His godfather approached him with an expression of deep remorse. For a moment, it looked as if he might embrace Harry, but then he stopped himself.

"Can you at least tell me if you're OK? That bastard didn't hurt you too badly this time?"

"I'm fine. Honestly, it was nothing."

* * *

Time crept on as Sirius, Harry and Connor sat slouched near one another, and some of the men began to retire to the dormitory to sleep. Eventually Kyran stood up, joking good naturedly with the man beside him that he would go to the next room and deal with important matters while his companion could slumber idly.

Connor had been watching Kyran's movements intently, and followed him when he left the room.

"You shouldn't have brought him here," Sirius remarked grimly.

"It'll be alright."

"Anyone connected with the minister isn't likely to be made welcome here."

Harry half turned towards his godfather to explain. " You don't understand, when I said I knew Kyran's son, I was talking about Connor. They've never even met each other, and I think he's been waiting to catch him alone so he can finally tell him," Harry paused registering Sirius' scepticism. "What, you don't believe me?"

He shook his head. "Of course I believe you and I've heard the rumours about an affair between Kyran and Finleigh's wife. I just can't imagine Kyran being a very good father."

"Connor's his _son. _When he gets over the shock, when he _understands_, he'll be more friendly."

Sirius' expression softened slightly, "Harry. We both know that being a blood relative doesn't guarantee you anything."

"Black. You're needed." McCally, the wizard who had brought Connor to the base was beside them, interrupting, and Sirius shot Harry an apologetic look before leaving Harry on his own deep in his thoughts.

_Well, family certainly didn't mean much for Sirius, growing up in the Black family, and it didn't for me with the Dursleys as well, _he realised._But it'll be different for Connor. Kyran might be pleased to find out he had a son he'd never even known about! After all, isn't that what really matters in life, that your family and the people you care about stay alive and well? _

Harry frowned as he registered something that had been nagging away at him subconsciously since Kyran'd left the room. There had been a long dark wand on the table in front of Kyran and his friend, _but Kyran had been the one to pick it up when he'd left the room. Why does he have a wand? Unless... he isn't a squib at all. So why would Sirius call him a squib?_

* * *

"I'm busy." Kyran was sat at the old makeshift desk in the corner of the smaller room. He had a pile of parchments in front of him, which he shielded from Connors sight as the boy approached him.

"This is important; I need to tell you something about me, about who I am."

Kyran barely looked up. "I know exactly who you are."

"No. You don't." Connor pushed the edge of the parchments down, causing Kyran to shoot him a heated look before rolling the sensitive documents away out of sight.

"You think I'm Finleigh's son, but I'm not. _You're_ my father. It's why I'm here, I wanted to meet you, so I could tell you the truth."

Kyran's expression didn't alter. "You think I haven't already heard this?" he said impatiently.

"I can prove it. I'm your _blood_, your _heir_!"

Kyran sighed. "_No, you're not."_

"I'll make a bloodline potion!"

"No you won't. You will _never_ be my heir. What, do you really think that I would choose to acknowledge you? You might prove that we're related, but it won't change a thing. You won't get a single sickle from me."

"This isn't about money!" Connor exclaimed heatedly.

"Then what is it about?" Kyran looked at him, sounding annoyed. "Do you really think I intend to play at being a father? If I'd wanted that role, I could have chosen any one of the illegitimate brats I have scattered around Ireland. I don't have time for these distractions, Finleigh is sucking Ireland dry, we're the only ones with the courage to stand up to him, and you come to me in the midst of our success with this twaddle?"

"So that's it?" Connor demanded. "I'm nothing to you? Just like that?"

"You're nothing to me, but the son of my enemy."

"For Merlin's sake, Politics isn't even important to me!"

"Politics, the fate of our great country, is more important _than anything,_" Kyran said in utter seriousness.

"I see why my mother never left him for you," Connor said in disgust.

"You seem to be under the misapprehension that there was some sort of love match between us. The truth was much more dull. Your mother had an affair with me as revenge for a husband who was never there. I used her to get information, and to further undermine and weaken Finleigh. We both got what we wanted, it was never personal. Of course, Finleigh didn't see it that way and pursued me wherever I went. Le Bagne, Azkhaban, Parvel, he'll pay for what he's done to me. _Your father,_" Kyran said pointedly, "Will be going to prison for a very long time, the only difference is that _our_ guards _won't_ be bribed."

"Maybe his side'll win and it'll be you who ends up in there."

"Not a chance. It's time for all true Irishmen to act decisively and I would rather die than spend my time locked away while Ireland is reborn. Be careful, little Acamas, I am only tolerating your presence for Black's sake and then... barely. Go back to your little friend and see that you stay well away from me."

* * *

When Harry found Connor he was sat alone in the passageway outside the dormitory, taking great swigs from a bottle of firewhiskey.

"Where'd you get the booze?"

"Nicked it from one of that lot," Connor mumbled jerking his head towards the room where some wizards had already gone to sleep. His eyes were red and swollen and he ducked his head, as if to hide the evidence that he was upset.

Harry silently took the bottle from him, and took a swig as he sat down beside him before handing it back to Connor.

They passed the bottled to and fro several times without speaking before Connor broke the silence.

"I told him," he said quietly, before taking an enormous glug of the fiery liquid which made him cough violently. He extended the bottle to Harry.

Harry took a more measured gulp before handing the bottle back.

"All this time...I thought that if I could just meet him, if he just knew who I was... but it doesn't make any difference. None of it. He doesn't give a crap. And, the funny thing is, Katie, Declan, probably even Finleigh, care more than he does and I'm nothing to them. Nothing. Just some fecking screw up who's grown up in the same home as them."

Harry took the bottle as Connor wiped his face on his sleeve. He had no idea what to say.

Sensing a movement behind him he turned to see his godfather, who laid his hand on Harry's shoulder.

"Sometimes families are shit," Sirius said honestly, if not very comfortingly.

Connor laughed bitterly before sniffing. "Yeah." He raised the bottle again. "Yeah they are."

They sat there for some time, not saying much as they passed the bottle between them. They were almost falling asleep when a sudden streak of light startled the three of them as a ghostly corporal patronus galloped up and stood shimmering in front of Harry. His heart pounded wildly, as his mind shook off the drowsy effects of the firewhiskey, and he was shocked into sobriety. Around the patronus there was a crackle and sparks of magic which were being given off, almost as if it's fragile form was battling against the magic around it.

Harry stared at the doe, his eyes widening as he heard it's message.

"Do not utilise any magic that is not absolutely necessary, it is being used to track your location. Stay where you are: the wards at the base are keeping you safe for the time being, but remain alert. I will meet with you as soon as it is feasible to do so."

"Was that Snape's voice?" Connor asked weakly.

"Kyran!" Sirius yelled.

"I know, I felt it knock against the wards." Kyran was already on his way towards them, ignoring the dirty look Connor shot at him. "Do we have any idea how that wizard found our whereabouts?"

Sirius shook his head and cast a quick silencing spell around the immediate area.

"He's not a risk, he's a member of my Order."

"Even so. I'm not happy that _anyone_ has managed to find us. What do you think he meant when he said he would meet with Harry? Is he planning on coming here?"

"It sounds that way."

"Is he likely to have the expertise to break through our current wards now they've been heightened?"

Sirius nodded.

Kyran's lips together into a thin line of displeasure.

"I'm more worried about what he said," Sirius admitted. "Have you ever heard of people being traced by their magic alone without an initial location?"

"No," Kyran said. "In any case the boy _hasn't_ been using magic, you said he doesn't even have a wand."

They turned to look at Harry.

"Have you used any magic, Harry?" Sirius asked. "Since you came to Ireland?"

"He used wandless magic," Connor answered for him. "Right before we met you."

"I'm going to contact O'Sullivan," Kyran said abruptly. "This shouldn't be possible." He returned to the small room, leaving the three of them in the corridor.

"Are you alright?" Sirius asked noticing his godson's pallor. "You look a bit sick."

Harry wasn't ill. And even the thought of Death-Eaters and Voldemort hadn't shocked him. He'd known he was being followed as soon as he'd heard Lucius Malfoy's voice. As ridiculous as it was in the scheme of things, he just didn't want to see Severus again, not after everything that had happened. Of course he'd known he would have to face him eventually, but he'd thought there'd be time to prepare himself, and for Severus to cool down.

_I'm just not ready to see him._

"I think we should leave... go somewhere else." Just the thought of meeting Severus had caused a sinking feeling in Harry's stomach.

Sirius frowned. "Why?" he asked. "He said it's safe here at the moment and if that changes we can always apparate with you and Connor. If we rush off now we won't find out what's actually going on."

"They don't even know you're here," Connor added.

"I don't care. I just don't want to stay," Harry muttered.

"Are you OK?" Sirius asked again with obvious concern.

_Severus'll still be mad at me and we're fight, then Sirius will become involved and things will get really bad._

And then there was Severus' patronus, the form of which Harry had only briefly glimpsed before and not really registered. Seeing the doe up close had raised a lot of rather bewildering questions._ A doe, like mum. What does that mean? _

"Can we just go? _Please?_ Severus has warned us. I don't want to stay and meet him."

"Something's obviously happened between you and Snape," Sirius realised looking very serious. "_What did he do_?"

Connor stood up hastily. "I'll leave you to talk."

"It's fine." Harry held out an arm to stop him leaving. "It's nothing. "

"Harry. Please. Don't lie to me," Sirius said and then turned to Connor. "Just give us a minute, okay?"

* * *

"You won't understand. There's no way you can. You weren't there."

Sirius looked at him insistently.

Harry rubbed the palm of his hands over his face. "Promise you won't be mad at me. I only did what I thought I had to..."

"I won't be mad," Sirius assured him. "Not at _you_. What did _he_ do?"

Harry gave a bitter laugh. "_He_ didn't do anything; it was all me. We were actually getting on until I went and ruined everything. He'd been training me to occlude and to defend myself. He even said I could stay with him, over the holidays if I wanted. He was...good to me. But I messed up, really badly,"he faltered.

"I'm sure you can't have done anything that bad," Sirius said easily. "So you pissed the greasy git off and had a row. That's nothing! You can't let him get to you."

"This wasn't nothing," Harry muttered. "You know I said that I had premonitions? About stuff that happens in the future? Well some of the dreams were about _him _and I thought he... well I thought he was a traitor, a true Death-Eater, not just playing a role."

"Yes?" Sirius was sounding more worried now, though whether he was disturbed by the idea of Harry being plagued by visions or beginning to get an inkling about just how serious the 'row' had been, wasn't clear.

"I... I needed to know for sure. I couldn't legilimise him and he'd already told me he had an antidote to Veritaserum. so... I-I-I used _Imperio-_ to look into his mind."

Sirius mouth hung open in shocked disbelief. He didn't say anything for several moments.

"You used_ an unforgivable _on Snape? I'm not blaming you,"he said hurriedly._ "_I just didn't expect _that_. How the hell did he react?"

"There wasn't anything he could do, but allow me into his mind, until Dumbledore came in and stopped me."

"Afterwards I mean. Did he hex you?"

"He was... angry. He said..." Harry voice died away slightly but he forced himself to go on. "He said he hated me and I should have trusted him, but he didn't hex me."

"He didn't do anything to retaliate? To hurt you?"

There was a tiny pause as Harry avoided Sirius' eyes. "No."

"Merlin Harry! You're lucky he didn't _Crucio_ you. I mean, I hate the miserable bastard, but he's _proved_ he's been working for the Order for years! Did you really think I'd have left you with him if if he couldn't be trusted?"

"You wanted to go," Harry said with a shrug. "I wasn't sure how much you were thinking really. You just wanted to stick me somewhere so you could get away from me. When you left me there- you _knew_ I didn't want to be there. That I didn't trust him. You still left."

"It wasn't like that. You said yesterday that I didn't want to adopt you and I swear to Merlin that's not true. I _want_ to... but I can't. I'm not up to it. I can barely look after myself... That month you stayed with me-"

"It was the best summer of my life."

"I was being selfish. I couldn't sleep properly, still can't, not when every dream takes me back to Azkhaban, so I kept you up all night drinking fire whiskey and flying outside! I should have been training you in defence, preparing you for the future; but I couldn't face it. I _couldn't_ throw hexes at you after what had happened with your uncle. I didn't want to hurt you. I couldn't bear it. I'd heard about some of the things that were happening in Ireland around the same time as Dumbledore contacted me, saying I was being irresponsible, that I should have been encouraging you to focus on defence, occlumency... whatever. I ignored it at first. Kept trying to train you to become an animagous for goodness sake! As if that schoolboy trick was a priority for you! I just wanted us to have fun."

"I managed it eventually," Harry said softly. "The animagous transformation. I'm a dog, just like Padfoot. You can see that it was you who taught me. I wish I could show you."

" I was wasting your time on worthless magic. I... I was doing all the things with you that I used to do with James. I didn't want to be sensible and grown up. I didn't want to do the right thing. I just wanted us both to relax and forget all the crap we'd gone through."

"It was hardly worthless, it got you out of Azkaban, it might save me in the future."

Sirius gave a tired smile. "It didn't get me out of prison, Harry."

"What do you mean? How else could you have got past the dementors? It was because you were an animagous, it said so in the papers."

"That was a cover-up. I should have told you before, because it concerns you. There's a certain rare spell that some wizards can use to siphon the essence from any living creature-"

"_Titan Navitas_," Harry whispered.

"You know?" Sirius looked surprised.

"Not really, apart from that I _am_ one of those wizards. I used the spell, to heal Severus when he was dying during the summer."

Sirius looked very uncomfortable. "It's my fault that you can access that spell. I made you a _Navitas_, I've put you in danger."

"What do you mean?"

Sirius pushed his long wavy hair back from his face agitatedly.

"Some forms of magic interact heavily between individuals. You say your animagous form is like mine, that's a basic example of this, of course as people usually grow up with their parents people assume that similarities in their magic are carried in the blood; which is also true, but only to a limited extent. Some forms of magic are _acquired magic_, the kind that can't be passed on without direct interaction. You would never have been able to become a Navitas if I hadn't first used the spell on you; just as I would not have been able to use it if Kyran hadn't transferred power to me in Azkhaban to enable our escape."

_One of the newspapers had said it wasn't possible to escape Azkhaban by being an animagous,_ Harry remembered. Another thought occurred to him suddenly. "Is this something to do with why you called him a squib?"

Sirius nodded. "He was completely drained for days afterwards. I used to tease him about it because he couldn't cast even the most basic spells-"

"Just like a squib," Harry finished, thinking about the time after he'd used _Titan Navitas _on Severus. He'd been utterly exhausted, unable to so much as raise his wand, let alone use magic and that was with Severus insisting he drank numerous pepper-up and energy potions. "But surely I'd have known if you'd used it on me?"

Sirius shook his head. "It was when you came to stay with me," he said gently. "I healed you after you'd been hurt by your uncle."

_So that's why I got better without any healing balms or pain relieving potions, _Harry realised.

"Was I- that badly hurt?"

Sirius cleared his throat. "It was bad enough. I'm not much of a medi-wizard but the scan I cast showed you were bleeding internally. It was that or take you to St Mungo's and I just... panicked. With hindsight taking you to be healed would have been the sensible choice, but I just wanted to stop your pain, to heal you quickly after what that bastard had done to you. I'm sorry."

"You've got nothing to be sorry for. You saved me. You gave me the chance to be a Navitas: it was a gift."

"A gift with a price," Sirius laughed hollowly. "_I made you a target_, if people knew what you could do, some people would force you to transfer your power to them."

"So it's dangerous." Harry shrugged nonchalantly. "Well, you saved me and I saved Severus, and that's two lives right there. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. "

* * *

A night on uncomfortable mattresses meant little to Harry, who was conscious of his godfather's gentle breathing just a foot away from him and slept soundly for the first time in months. When he woke Connor was already up, but Sirius was sat waiting for him.

"Morning. Sleep alright?"

"Yeah."

"We've already eaten but there's tea and bread in the other room. I have to speak to Kyran but I'll be through in a minute."

"Ok."

Harry was just pouring himself a mug of tea when Connor joined him. "I need you to help me with something," Connor said out of the side of his mouth. "That wizard stood on his own. Is he watching me?"

Harry glanced at the slim, blond wizard who was stood leaning against the wall at the other end of the room. "McCally? I don't think so."

Connor poured his own mug of tea and busied himself with adding sugar."I saw Finleigh's owl being sent to Kyran this morning," he said under his breath.

"His owl? They're in contact?"

"They're in contact alright," Connor confirmed. "And McCally's following me, and when I tried to leave the base this morning he stopped me."

"We can't go outside the wards because there's Death-Eaters nearby. You know that."

"Yeah, but somehow I don't think Kyran's giving orders to keep me _safe_, he was pretty clear about that yesterday." Connor laid his spoon down with a clatter.

Harry stared at Connor. "Whatever you're thinking..." he said quietly, "You've got to be wrong. Sirius wouldn't go along with anything which would hurt you."

Connor looked back at him with real fear in his eyes. "He might not even know. I need you to do one thing for me."

* * *

Inside the smaller function room Sirius was stood beside where Kyran was working.

"What happened last night?" he asked.

"Between me and the kid?" Kyran replied without pausing in his writing.

"Between _you and Finleigh._ We all saw the owl this morning at breakfast and Connor obviously recognised it as well. What _have_ you been up to?"

Kyran laid down his quill and crossed his arms.

"He's Finleigh's kid. He wanders up to us, practically throws himself into our grasp and I'm supposed to ignore the opportunity?"

"What the hell have you done?" Sirius demanded.

"It's _negotiations_. Finleigh steps down from being head of government, agrees to share power with O'Sullivan, he receives back one annoying brat, in pretty much the same condition which he arrived in."

"You're blackmailing him," Sirius said incredulously. "Threatening to hurt your own flesh and blood?"

"Finleigh needs to know we're serious," Kyran replied arrogantly.

"This is _wrong_. You're completely out of line. You need to fix this."

"Sirius. Lighten up. I'm not going to actually hurt the kid. It'll be worth it, to move things on. A few more hours and-"

"_No,_" Sirius said firmly.

Kyran stared at his friends stubborn expression for a moment, before standing and sighing exaggeratedly. "Fine! Merlin, you're annoying sometimes, Sirius."

A large tawny owl swooped into the open window and perched on the edge of the desk, a scroll of parchment in it's beak. Taking the letter, Kyran stroked the bird's feathers as he read rapidly.

He smiled broadly as he looked up at his friend. "Turns out it's better than I thought."

"What do you mean?"

"Finleigh's already agreed."

* * *

"Where is he?" Kyran asked in a bored tone as he entered the larger function room with Sirius at his side.

"Not here," Harry replied standing up and looking Kyran directly in the eye. "He decided to take his chances elsewhere."

"What do you mean, Harry? Where did he go?" Sirius asked hurriedly.

The door swang open again as the other wizards rushed back into the room.

Kyran gave them a hard look.

"Sorry," McCally said hurriedly. " We were distracted...This one said you wanted me out the back, while the other one snuck out the front."

Kyran stared at McCally his mouth half open before laughing incredulously. _"Seriously?_ There's five of you sat around on your arses and some kids managed to get the better of you!"

"You see _this_ is precisely why your games aren't worth it," Sirius injected angrily. "Now he's outside the wards which means he's in danger, particularly as we know they're already trying to trace them nearby! We should have apparated further away. We've made this too bloody easy for them!"

Kyran threw up his hands. "He'd have been perfectly fine if he'd stayed inside the wards! I swear we can't be related: no offspring of mine would be that stupid."

"He needed to get away from you," Harry snapped. "He can't trust you!"

Sirius' face reddened. "Have you even thought about what they will do to him if they catch him Kyran? He'll be _lucky_ if they kidnap him to blackmail Finleigh. Much more likely that they will want him for two reasons: to find Harry and to show just how strong they are. _They'll kill him, _if they can!So why don't you stop being a selfish bastard and actually do something to sort this mess out?"

Kyran sighed. "Fine. We're go and retrieve him, but when he's back I swear I'm casting _Incarcerous_ on him to stop him wandering off again."

Sirius turned to face his godson. His voice softened. "I swear to you Harry, I'll do everything I can for Connor."

Harry looked uncertainly at Kyran. "He-"

"Honestly, he's not as much of a bastard as he seems as well," Sirius interrupted. "We'll find Connor and help him. Ok?"

"Ok," Harry said reluctantly. "I wanted him to wait anyway. I never doubted you,_ just him_."

"You'll need to stay here," Sirius said and then continued before Harry had time to object, "They're tracing you, remember? They know your initial location, it's only our wards which are stopping them from finding you, Snape said as much, though Merlin knows how _he_ knows you're here. If you come with us you'll just going to place everyone in more danger."

* * *

Harry paced restlessly around the room. McCally, had also stayed behind and was presumably in disgrace because of his earlier mishap. It was perhaps understandable that he sat silently giving off a surly demeanour.

In an case it was only a matter of minutes before the party returned.

"You found him!" Harry leapt towards them. As they entered the room and both Connor and Sirius sank to the floor.

"He came under wandfire from the Death-Eaters just beyond the wards," one of Kyran's men explained.

Connor was holding his shoulder awkwardly and looked awfully pale.

"He's hurt?" Harry asked.

"He'll be fine," Kyran sounded utterly unmoved.

Harry knelt down beside his friend.

"It's my arm. Sirius healed me, but it still feels weird," Connor said through chattering teeth.

Harry's eyes widened as he looked at his godfather.

"You used _Titan Navitas_? But wasn't that dangerous, for both of you?"

Sirius propped up his chin on his knees. His whole posture showing signs of strain. "It gets... easier to use when you have experience at using the spell. You learn to control it gradually," he said tiredly before leaning his weight against the side of the wall.

* * *

Sirius act of kindness had obviously worn him out and he sat still, moving and saying little for the hour which followed.

Connor also dozed fitfully, waking and crying softly from time to time. He was in no immediate danger or pain, thanks to Sirius' prompt action, but was clearly still experiencing some degree of shock.

Harry had fetched the two of them water as neither of them having been up to eating, and was just propping Connor's injured side up with a mattress dragged in from the next room when one of Kyran's men came up to them with an abrupt message."He's sending someone for you."

"What?" Connor said dazedly.

"You're going home. They're adjusting the wards now, you're can go."

Sirius had opened his eyes when he heard the voices, but seemed incapable of doing anything else and just looked on dumbly as Harry helped Connor to his feet, before closing his eyes again.

A crackle of magic filled the air as the wards were lowered and the next moment a wizard walked into the room, with Kyran following just behind. He was slightly shorter than average, with a thinning head of light brown hair. His features were quite ordinary, although he had a certain presence that drew one's attention.

The effect his presence had on Kyran's men, who were sat nearby was enormous.

"Shit it's the minister," the one next to McCally hissed. "What the hell is _he_ doing here?"

"D-Dad!" Connor couldn't have sounded more amazed.

"I- you little idiot. You could have died. You stupid, stupid child. Always so thoughtless. So naive and brainless," Finleigh was clearly trying to be angry and tell Connor off. The effect was somewhat ruined by the tears which were running down his face.

He pulled Connor towards him, almost suffocating him as he hugged him fiercely.

"I don't understand..." Connor stammered. "You don't care about me."

"What?"

"When I spoke to you about the potion, you said you'd always known that I couldn't be your real son," he said weakly. "You'd never wanted me!"

Finleigh shook his head in exasperation. "I'd always known you weren't my real son, not biologically at any rate. I knew that from the day your mother told me she was pregnant, but did I not still bring you up as my flesh and blood? _Why would you do this?_ Was it not enough what you did at Glengary? Must you ruin everything always? Did you not think I had enough to deal with?"

"I didn't mean to cause trouble for you, this was never about politics, for me. I've made things worse for you...and... a spell ...hit my shoulder." Connor began to cry again softly.

"Then let's get you home and let the healer deal with it." Nodding at Harry, but ignoring Kyran as if he meant less than nothing to him, Finleigh used a spell to help him support Connor as he picked him up and walked to the door of the shack. Once he had left the property and got to the point where the wards ended he tugged open a locket which was on a chain around his neck, and then two of them then were gone.

* * *

It was a day for comings and goings. Severus was still due, although they had no idea when he would arrive. Still weak from helping Connor, Sirius hadn't forgotten that Harry was dreading the meeting and insisted that he would speak to his old antagonist on his own when he first arrived. Whilst not truly believing that any conversation between Severus and his godfather could be in any way beneficial, Harry agreed in order to delay having to face Severus, even if it was only for a few fruitless minutes.

So when Severus did come, Sirius called him to his side, and Harry kept well away. His godfather was still clearly feeling the effects of using _Titan Navitas_, and unable to move about very much, but he _was_ able to speak his mind, for better or worse. Harry saw the potion's master narrow his eyes at his godfather before giving a quick nod and flashing an unnerving look in his direction. Whatever they were saying, the discussion seemed to be relatively controlled and calm, all things considered. And all too soon the two of them were approaching him, and he needed all his courage to stay and not back away.

Sirius sank immediately into a nearby chair while Harry and Severus were stood facing each other.

"We need to talk," Severus said expressionlessly breaking the sudden silence which had descended around them.

"Right." Harry swallowed awkwardly, his mouth feeling dry and uncomfortable. He knew that they needed to clear the air between them, there was a lot that they needed to discuss. He still didn't understand some of the harrowing premonitions he'd had about Severus, although he did at least believe that his intentions were good and that was something. He didn't really feel that he could speak openly, or go as far as to frame his questions, particularly with Sirius sat beside them, trying to be reassuring.

"Uh. Well. Before anything else I just wanted to say, that what you said the other day was right; I should have trusted you. I'm sorry. I know it doesn't make up for it, but I am. What I did was wrong."

Severus stared at him, with a look so strange that Harry was at a complete loss to interpret it.

"You're still angry with me. I get that." There was no way that things would ever go back to what they were before, Harry realised with a hollow feeling. Their uncomfortable alliance, such as it had been, was shattered. That much was obvious.

"_No_." Severus still looked inscrutable but his tone was firm. "I can honestly say that, at this moment, all I feel is complete and utter relief that you are unharmed."

_At this moment? Meaning you'll turn on me again when the dangers passed and we're back at Hogwarts?_

Sensing Harry's apprehension, Severus continued. "And upon reflection I can begin to understand that the conclusion that you leapt to was... understandable even if it was not one which I appreciated." Perhaps Severus also felt ill at ease, if his uptight answers were any indication.

Harry ducked his head down, avoiding eye contact with him as he remembered exactly what he'd said.

"Regardless of past differences, we need to concentrate on the eminent danger which you face. I have a series of portkeys that we can use to make our way back to Hogwarts grounds. You need to come with me."

Harry turned to Sirius. "You're staying." It was a statement rather than a question.

Sirius opened his weary eyes and sat up more upright. "For the moment."

Harry blinked for a moment, trying to pull himself together. _Of course he's bloody staying._ "Fine."

"Harry, about the adoption-" Sirius had clamboured to his feet.

"_I said fine_!" Harry exploded, but then seeing the stricken look on Sirius' face forced himself to calm down. "I'm sorry. I mean, obviously I'll miss you, we've only just seen each other again." He concentrated hard on keeping his voice steady, "But I'm pretty much grown, I'll be alright. Really I will. I might not have you as a father but you're always be family to me."

Sirius collapsed against him, in what was presumably meant to be a hug and Harry leant against him stiffly at first before gradually allowing himself to relax.

"Look after yourself," Harry muttered into his shoulder.

His godfather cleared his throat. "Snape?"

Severus glanced at him.

"Take care of him." Harry sensed rather than saw Severus' quick nod, before he silently led the way to the door of the shack and waited for Harry to follow.

* * *

**I hope you enjoyed it. This was a very strange chapter to write because I had two completely directions which I was considering at one point. However I _do_ know exactly where I'm going with the rest of the story! The next chapter will be titled: The unvarnished truth. Get ready for **_**lots **_**of Severus/Harry interaction as they try to be honest with eachother.**


	37. The unvarnished truth

**RECAP:**

**"Look after yourself," Harry muttered into his shoulder.**

**Harry sensed rather than saw his Godfather's quick nod in reply. Then Sirius cleared his throat.**

**"Snape?"**

**Severus glanced at him.**

**"Take care of him."**

**Severus said nothing but led their way towards the boundary of the base.**

* * *

Harry couldn't stop himself looking back over his shoulder, even after they'd turned into the corridor, leaving his godfather out of sight.

_I wonder when I'll see him again. Or even __**if**__ I'll see him again,_ he thought bleakly. _I might not even have that long before the rest of my premonitions come true..._

"Before we go-" Severus' abrupt stop caused Harry to flinch back in concern, his stomach doing somersaults as he watched the older wizard draw his wand; but Severus was already aiming at his ankle and a moment later was unstrapping a worn leather ankle-holster, which revealed just the tip of a dark wand.

"_Denique telum,_" Severus muttered at which the wand sprang from the holster to his hand emitting a soft amber light.

There was a slight pause while Severus looked intently towards Harry before clearing his throat.

"Can you see it?" He asked heavily, gesturing towards the glowing wand with his free hand.

Harry frowned, confused by the emphasis which was being laid on such a seemingly innocuous question. "Yeah," he said. _Why wouldn't I?_ _You're holding it plain as day._

Severus drew a quick breath and gave a nod of satisfaction. He examined the wand briefly before briskly re-holstering it and passing it to harry

"Put it on your arm," he ordered roughly. "It's activated now, but do not use it, or any other form of magic which can be avoided, until we know for sure that Albus' defences are back in place and that you can't be tracked."

Harry struggled to fasten the stiff buckle of the holster.

"What about the portkeys- won't they track them?" he asked.

Severus shook his head. "They're warded so as to be untraceable. All being well we should have no problems." He watched Harry struggle for a few more seconds before grabbing his arm impatiently. "Give me that."

He deftly fastened the holster, then grasped Harry tightly towards him as he reached into a fold of his cloak to withdraw the portkeys: a feather, an extremely grubby beige handkerchief and an empty crisp packet. Taking the final steps from the door towards the boundary, they had barely crossed it before there was a crinkle from the crisp packet and all at once they were tugged violently away in a series of disconcerting journeys. The sudden movement as each portkey was activated in turn jarred Harry, who fought back a rising sickness from deep in his stomach, before he was half-dragged, half-pushed through the gates of Hogwarts.

Swallowing rapidly, Harry gasped, staggering when Severus released him as soon as they were through the gates. It was as though he'd only just realised how closely he'd been clutching onto him, and couldn't bear to touch him for a moment longer.

By the time Harry had recovered and was stood upright he realised that Severus was looking him up and down in a very unnerving fashion. He felt shame waft over him like a wave. _He hates me. He can't understand how I could have used Imperio upon him. _The whole episode felt like a distant memory, given all that had happened since. It had felt so necessary at the time, as if he really hadn't had a choice at all, but now, stood here, face-to-face with Severus what he'd done seemed grossly outrageous.

_Hard to justify, even more impossible to explain; he must want to kill me. _Harry thought choking back another wave of nausea.

"Come," the professor intoned, leading the way into the castle.

Feeling as though he had to say something, _anything _to break the uncomfortable silence, Harry opened his mouth: "About what happened-"

Severus half turned away. Busying himself with his wand.

"I'm going to send a patronus so that they know we have returned safely. Then we should see-"

"Severus-" Harry interrupted desperately.

"-if Albus is up to seeing us."

"I'm s-"

"_Don't_," Severus cut in, his voice hard, unyielding.

"I am truly sorry you know!" Harry blurted out.

"I rather think that we have more pressing concerns than wasting our time with two bit apologies," Severus snarled back at him, before striding ahead his cloak billowing out behind him.

Harry swallowed before following him uncertainly. That was the first outbreak of temper that Severus had shown since he'd come to get him, although it was obvious that he had to be furious.

Sirius' words from earlier echoed about in his head: _**You're lucky he didn't Crucio you.**_

_He'll never forgive me, _Harry realised hopelessly. _He hated me before and now he always will. _

* * *

Severus led the way through the corridor leading to the medical ward and entered the room several feet ahead of Harry, and was immediately besieged by Poppy. Harry didn't think he'd ever seen the medi-witch so enraged.

"_Severus Snape! _You DARE to show your face here! You're lucky I don't owl the Aurors after what you've done!"

"Later," Severus drawled with a scowl, stepping aside to reveal who was behind him. "See to the boy, and then perhaps then we can speak _privately_ if there is something you wish to discuss."

Poppy glared at him. "Something to discuss? After what you did, believe me, we have_ much_ to discuss," she promised him. As she opened her mouth to draw breath, Severus cast a silencing charm around the two of them. The pair had a short, frantic conversation, inaudible to anyone but themselves, accompanied by much wild gesturing on Poppy's part. Then, Severus seemed to say something, perhaps reminding her that Harry was waiting, because the medi-witch's face softened and she turned her attention to the younger wizard, cancelling the silencing spell with a flourish.

"Harry," she said warmly. "Come here, I need to examine you..."

"I'll be with Albus," Severus said, slipping away into an adjacent room.

"Sit down," Poppy ordered pointing to a nearby bed.

"I'm fine-" Harry protested without much hope of being listened to.

"I'll be the judge of that, thank-you very much!" She said briskly, noting the boys pallor. "Come on," she said taking him gently by the arm. She soon pulled back in alarm however, dropping Harry's arm as though it was red hot.

"What was that?" she exclaimed, rubbing the palm of her hand.

Harry glanced nonplussed at his arm where she'd touched him. There was nothing which could have hurt her, unless she'd brushed against the wand holster and the leather was jagged somehow. He examined it closely; the leather seemed quite soft with wear.

"What is it?" Poppy asked following his gaze to his arm.

"Just a wand holster, it doesn't seem to have any sharp bits..."

"A wand holster?" Poppy seemed confused and gave Harry a strange look. "Where?" "Severus lent me a wand to get back here." Harry pointed at his arm. "Can't you see it?"

"Oh he did, did he?" Poppy murmured looking thoughtful. She lay her hand on his other arm. "Well it seems I'll just have to be careful to avoid touching this holster."

* * *

Poppy seemed to spend an unnecessarily long amount of time scanning Harry with her wand, her lips pursed as she lingered over the areas of his recent injuries, although she said little. Eventually she dispatched Harry after insisting that he drank a _Nutrient potion_ and _Pepper-up_.

Knocking them back without complaint, as it was clear Poppy wouldn't let him go without some sort of treatment, Harry made his way to Dumbledore's room as soon as he was allowed to do so.

He hesitated for a moment in the doorway, Dumbledore was asleep and Severus was sat beside him, still as a statue, apart from his nostrils which flared slightly as Harry entered room.

"He's dying isn't he?"Harry asked quietly from the foot of the bed. "Even if he does get better from these injuries? He said earlier...that the curse on his hand will kill him "

Severus stared at him, pain and anguish deep in his dark eyes. "Yes," he said shortly.

For some minutes they remained motionless, looking at the Headmaster, each lost in their own thoughts.

They left the room in sombre silence.

Harry risked a glance at the professor, whose countenance was shadowed, even for him.

"I- I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said anything."

"No. We need to discuss it."

Harry fell silent, but followed the older wizard as, in unspoken agreement, they made their way back to his rooms.

Once they were in Severus' sitting room he leaned against the wall, seemingly close to exhaustion. He brushed a dark curtain of lank hair away from his eyes.

"We need to talk... properly," he said at last.

"Yeah. That's what I was trying to do... you know... to apologise."

"Forget apologises." Severus' eyes bored into him. "There are matters which cannot wait. I mean it Harry, we need to totally honest with each other: no more pretences or half truths. Nothing less than the total unvarnished truth."

Harry nodded. _The premonitions._ "I'll tell you everything," he promised.

"Really?" Severus said in a low voice.

Harry looked up at him.

"I always knew that you lied, but I hadn't ever realised what a compulsion it was for you until I witnessed your little performance with Black. If you can't speak the truth to him, about something so important, what hope is there?"

Harry waited for him to continue, an angry flush beginning to rise on his face.

"Come. Admit it," Severus challenged him. "You say whatever you wish to be the truth. Whatever you believe other people want, or need to hear. But saying it can't make it so. It stops now, you understand? Take Black, for example,"

_It hurts too much to even think about Sirius,_ Harry thought.

"You implied that you are content, _happy_ almost, with the situation."

" I'm happy that he's _alive_," Harry said somewhat wildly.

"_That_ much I do not doubt," Severus' lip curled "I just don't believe anything which you said after that. You're unmoved by the prospect of him backing out of the adoption? He deceives you for months on end, but you accept it, _ignore it_, as if were completely inconsequential? As if all of it means so little to you?"

"Fine!" Harry raised his voice angrily. "Is it so bad that, just for once, I thought I might have someone who cared, a dad, after growing up alone and hated my whole life? Is that what you want to hear? What _good_ does it do for me to say that? To admit it to you- to myself...! Did it help you to hear that, because it certainly did _nothing_ for me!"

The potions master was silent as Harry tried to force himself to calm down. His heart was beating rapidly and he realised that he was panting.

"If I'm going to be completely honest with you, will you be the same with me?" he asked with his voice cracking on the last few words.

Severus looked at him warily. "I will endeavour to be so, as far as I can. What do you wish to ask?"

Harry took a deep breath and forced himself to voice his question.

"I... want to know what you're going to do."

"Excuse me?"

"To me. For what I did," Harry his tongue darting out to moisten his dry lips. "I've spent enough time around you to know you're hardly the type to forgive and forget... whatever you're planning I'd rather you just did it."

"Whatever I'm planning?" Severus echoed.

"I used an unforgivable on you."

"So you think what? I'm going to … hurt you? Exact my revenge?" Severus stated coldly.

"Well... aren't you?"

"No," Severus turned away to open a wooden box which lay upon a side table, a strange indecipherable expression fleeting across his face."I rather think we've already acted out enough scenes of melodrama already."

"Honestly? _Honestly,_ Severus? Bearing in mind my promise not to hide the truth, maybe I should tell you that I don't believe _that_. You've always wanted this chance, and hell, I've certainly given you a good enough reason to hate me now, " Harry finished in a small voice.

Severus scoffed, flinging the box back upon the table. "What an enlightening spectacle you paint of me."

"Unvarnished truth remember?" Harry said bitterly.

"I don't hate you."

Harry crossed his arms, his whole presence radiating disbelief.

"I don't." Severus repeated matter-of-factly. "When I spoke before I was angry, I wanted to lash out at you."

"You've _always_ hated everything about me," Harry said flatly.

"Not anymore. The... antagonism between us ended, as far as I was concerned, some time ago-"

Harry didn't change his posture.

"-but that was clearly not the case for you," Severus continued evenly.

Harry shook his head grimly."You hated me before you even met me. This year, training me, letting me stay with you, I wouldn't have imagined you could be like that; but still, all those years of hatred don't just disappear. You said the problems between us have ended, but they'll always be there, in the background, no matter what. I can't look at you without remembering how you treated me and you must see that I'm the same person I was at eleven; still my father's son."

Severus' face was like a blank mask, completely expressionless and still, giving no hint at what he was actually thinking.

Harry felt the adrenalin coursing through him. He felt sure the older wizard wouldn't do anything which caused him _permanent_ damage, not when they were on the same side. Of course, Severus probably knew numerous agonising Death-Eater curses which would leave no trace.

Harry tensed. _The waiting is the worse part. Can't he just do whatever he's going to do? What is he waiting for? _

"You know, whatever you decide to do..." he added. "I'm not going to go running to Dumbledore moaning about how you got your own back on me. I've been thinking for so long about having to go back and see my Uncle, and worrying about all the other things which are going to happen... I just want to get this over and done with now. I won't tell anyone. "

"You're won't? Why didn't you say so? Oh well, there's nothing to stop me then," Severus' voice dripped with sarcasm and he sat down on the settee making no move to draw his wand. "I assume using _Cruciatus_ is acceptable to you? After all, I presume that you would want my retribution to be a fair and fitting retaliation for an unforgivable? Also, before I start perhaps we ought to be clear about whether this is a one time offer or whether I can look forward to hexing you with impunity whenever I please? I'm not sure that one revenge will satisfy me; and, doubtlessly, you _will_ annoy me again in the future."

"Stop making a joke of this I'm serious!" Harry said in frustration.

"Are you suggesting I'm not? After all, you do make a compelling argument," Severus retorted silkily.

"You have no idea what it's been like for me." Harry erupted. "I'd just rather... it wasn't hanging over me. If you're going to train me again, if we're to have _any_ chance of putting this behind us I don't want to always be wondering...what you're going to do...when you're going to do it."

"You do realise that this is one of the times where your recklessness borders on lunacy," Severus commented conversationally. He stood up suddenly and paced the room before spinning back round to face Harry. "Just what will it take?" he demanded. "Would you like a unbreakable vow that I won't hurt you in anger?"

Harry was pretty sure he was just being ridiculous now.

"That could kill you when we're training! All you'd have to do is get annoyed with me!"

Severus' lips quivered, his expression almost a grimace. "It might rather limit out training opportunities," he agreed flatly. "Well, I'm not sure what else to suggest, I could vow not to cast unforgivables on you, although I appreciate that would give only limited reassurance."

"And you'll probably need to cast them." Harry hung his head suddenly overwhelmed by everything he had to face."You know in front of _him. _My dreams... they shown that in the futurehe's going to catch me. You're going to be there... You... that is... I... die in front of you..."

"You need to show me all the dreams," Severus said grimly.

"I-" Harry hesitated uncertainly. "I'll tell you about them."

The professor shook his head. "And risk you omitting significant details? No, you must let me see them, Harry."

Harry looked uncomfortable.

"I assure you I will hold my temper in check," Severus said softly.

"It's not that... well, not just that," Harry corrected himself following the look the older wizard shot him. "Neither of us will be able to control how we react and they're... horrible."

Severus solemnly handed Harry his wand.

"I am forewarned this time. I give you my word. Whatever other means you deem necessary to feel secure we shall utilise. Do you want someone else to be present?"

Harry sighed. _I don't want to do this at all, but I suppose I have to._

"No," he muttered, placing Severus' wand on the bookcase furthest away from them."Um...shall we both sit down, uh, just in case I do occlude...?" He didn't want to test Severus' temper by knocking him off his feet again, inadvertently.

They sat facing each other, Harry on the sofa, Severus on an armchair which he dragged directly in front of the sofa.

"We're start with a dream which you claim has already proved true, the one about your uncle. Are you ready?" Severus said quietly.

"Yes...just... remember I can't help it I occlude; if I do at first just give me some time, don't try to force it ...because that just makes me occlude more."

"Harry, my wand is on the other side of the room. Believe me there's no possible way that I could even attempt to 'force' my way past your shield these days with wandless legilimency," Severus said drily.

"Yeah. Right...um... go ahead, then, I guess."

Harry had to force himself to keep his eyes open as Severus leaned forward intently. He braced himself for pain... which never came. The wandless legilimency was gentle. He could feel the attempt clearly; not much would get past his occlumency shield as it now stood, but it didn't hurt, in fact it wasn't even unpleasant.

Harry ploughed his efforts into relaxing his occlumency shields to let Severus in. At least the dream about his uncle wasn't _that_ bad. He could bear seeing it again.

_Now I've been back there and got though it, there's nothing even to worry about, with this one,_ Harry thought to himself. _It's done with._

With Harry making a determined effort not to occlude, Severus slipped into his mind without difficulty, and was shown the dream of Harry's return to his relatives. The whole scene was overwhelmingly familiar to Harry now, given how he'd worried at length about the dream before experiencing it all in real life.

Harry felt unnerved at the Severus' dark expression as the professor withdrew from his mind.

"You should _never_ have gone back there," the older wizard snarled.

Harry laughed bitterly. "Huh. The truth remember!"

"Meaning?" Severus said sharply.

"You didn't even _care_ that I went back there," Harry replied. He hadn't actually intended to bring that up, it wasn't as if he should have expected any differently, after all.

"I expressly told you not to go!"

"Until we argued and you decided to wash your hands of me!" Harry said heatedly.

Severus leant forward furiously. "Let's get one thing very clear, I had _no_ prior knowledge of your departure. Whatsoever."

"Really?" Harry faltered.

_But Dumbledore said..._ Harry thought hard for a moment, trying to recall the headmaster's precise words. '_Severus understands that sometimes difficult decisions need to be taken'. He'd never __**actually**__ said that Severus knew, not in so many words, although he sure as hell led McGonagall and me to that conclusion!_

"Really," Severus replied grimly. "I would never have agreed to it. Ever." Sincerity rang though his voice.

"It didn't matter anyway. It didn't work out too badly," Harry said distractedly.

Severus forced himself to resist the urge to clench his fists in frustration.

"You're so deluded, I don't think you're actually capable of speaking the truth, even if that were your intention!" he said starkly.

"What? Oh you mean my wand?" Harry frowned. "That _was_ awful, I just meant it could have been a lot worse. At least I didn't get hurt this time. I half expected my Uncle to kill me after the way things ended this summer."

"You didn't get hurt this time," Severus repeated.

"No, not really. I'm fine."

"Luckily for me, I have another source of information and don't need to legilimise you again see what actually happened. I certainly couldn't rely upon your warped recollections. You _were_ hurt, I've seen it."

"You have?" Harry screwed his face up in confusion. "How?"

"Your relatives' portkeys took them to Hogwarts remember? I met with your uncle before I went to find you. I thought he might have information about your departure from Privet drive."

"Is my Uncle still here now?" Harry asked in alarm.

"You need not worry," Severus replied abruptly "He will not be allowed to come anywhere near you, nor is he in a fit state to do you any more harm. He injured you -for all you say going back there didn't matter!"

"It wasn't that bad. Even if he did hurt me it wasn't as bad as-" Harry stopped himself. _There's no point going back over the past._ "I am fine now and that _is _the truth. I used some balm at Connor's. It's not important, not compared to what's going to happen, anyway," he paused. "What did you mean about my Uncle not being in a fit state to come after me? Did you do something to him? Is that why Poppy was angry with you?"

"That women has all the discretion of a flobberworm."

"Why? What did you do to him, Severus?" Harry asked curiously.

Severus didn't say anything. Apparently total honesty had its limits.

"Why was she angry with you?" Harry prompted."For God's sake. How bloody difficult is it for you to give a straight answer? What happened to 'endeavouring to tell the truth'? You've just banged on about how_ I_ have to tell _you_ everything, but you're making me drag every little thing out of you."

"As you've no doubt gathered, I hexed your uncle. What else do you wish to know?" Severus answered in a level tone, folding his arms across his chest.

"What hex did you use on him? Is it dangerous?"

"It's painful, but in no way dangerous per se."

"Did you do anything to my Aunt or Dudley?"

"No. I didn't even think about them, you were missing, my reaction to your uncle was just after I'd legilimised him. It was more...instinctive than anything else."

"So why was Poppy so mad? I mean, I guess you made more work for her, but you'd think she's kind of understand."

"She believes that I've put her in an impossible position as a healer; she knows full well that Vernon's hurt although she is unable to identify the curse that I used. She thinks she's compromising her vow if he isn't treated and was talking about sending him to St Mungo's."

"Is she? The bit about compromising her vow, I mean?"

"That depends upon how she interprets her vow. She swore to do no harm to her patients, I personally feel that my little hex could do Vernon a great deal of good, and I told her as much earlier."

Harry looked at him with troubled eyes. "But if she does send him to St Mungo's you'll get in trouble, won't you?"

"They probably wouldn't even recognise the spell," Severus said offhandly.

"But if they did," Harry asked stubbornly.

Severus shrugged.

"If she was going to send him there she would have already done it. She knows I'm not going to help her to heal him whatever threats she makes."

"What about if I want you to heal him?"

Severus looked at Harry seriously "Do you?"

"I don't know. Maybe."

Severus gave a slight shrug. "It would be the height of absurdity for you to take that thug's part, but it is your decision. Which leads me onto another incongruous idea of yours; having been asinine enough to return to your relatives in the first place, how exactly did you arrive at the conclusion that you ought to leave for Ireland? And how were you able to even make the preposterous journey?"

"Dudley took the portkey which would have taken me to Hogwarts. Connor'd already given me another one to his house, just in case I needed it...and I kind of wanted to try and see Sirius again," he admitted. "I'd dreamt about him still being alive, that's how we were able to know where to begin looking for him."

"And what was the wandless magic which you performed?" Severus asked heavily. "That was how the Death-Eaters tracked you to Ireland, you realise. Without your wand, I'd hoped you would have had longer before being discovered, but I hadn't anticipated you casting wandless spells."

"How can they track me like that just by my magic?"

"Dumbledore's frailty has impacted upon all of his magic. He had cast certain protections, known as cloaking which nullified the Dark Lord's attempts to locate you, or any other wizard, solely by the magic they cast. There is also a name curse..."

"Saying You-Know-Who's name." Harry sighed. "All this time that you didn't want me to say it... couldn't you have just told me why?"

"Dumbledore's cloaking made it possible to say his name and he thought it ought to be said on principle, naturally I disagreed as I thought it a dangerous habit to get into. Now, your wandless magic?" Severus seemed determined to focus on this aspect.

"Well," Harry said. "Connor and me thought Sirius was in Parvel and we were trying to use animagous forms to break him out."

Severus held up a hand to his head. "I'm not even going to begin to debate that idiocy right now," he said quietly. "Needless to say, it didn't work and I assume you set off the boundary alarms; but I am more than interested in the fact that you are now apparently a practising animagous?"

"Yeah." Harry felt embarrassed. Put that plainly, his plan had sounded simplistic to the point of being ludicrous.

"Show me."

"Uh, I'd rather not."

"You can't make the transformation consistently?"

"No, I can," Harry flushed. "I'm just not very good at keeping my clothes when I transform back."

"Harry, do you realise what this means?" Severus stared at him.

Harry shrugged. "I'm crap at more than just potions?" he joked weakly.

Severus looked back at him seriously. "You can perform wandless magic. You have the capacity even if your execution needs refining. Harry, for you to be able to utilise wandless magic in our training sessions is of paramount importance!"

"Yeah, a lot of good it's going to do me," Harry muttered.

Severus pursed his lips together tightly. "So that's it, you're giving up? We won't bother with training?"

"No..." Harry sighed. "Of course not, it's just difficult... knowing what's going to happen."

"Not everything may be as it first appears," Severus said, sighing as Harry looked at him doubtfully. "You'd better show me the rest."

* * *

Teatime had been and gone, and the edges of the sandwiches which had appeared on the sideboard were curling up, as neither Harry nor Severus had any appetite after they had gone through all the dreams.

They sat in silence. Both reacting to the sheer horror of the premonitions in their own fashion. Severus appeared utterly shell-shocked, his previous assurances that Harry had in some way been mistaken seemed to be struck mute. Seeing the unflappable potions master thus affected has a profound effect on Harry. Like an injury, which one manages to bear stoically until someone's concern and pity shows the wound really is _that_ bad, he couldn't bear to see Severus so disconcerted. He'd hugged the secrets of his dreams to himself and his closest friends, and sharing them now made them seem as vivid and real as when the nightmares had first struck.

Harry pressed his palms into his eye sockets and concentrated on stopping his voice quivering when he spoke. "At first I thought... maybe the dreams weren't true... now I realise ...it's like with Dumbledore... In the end it won't matter, even if we fight back, there's no point blowing your cover when I'm going to die anyway. Hermione found a book... I know all about _Vulnus Ictus_- the stabbing dream with the silver flash. So there's no point. I get why it has to happen the way it does." A single tear, refusing to be held back any longer, escaped and ran down Harry's nose, he scrubbed at it fiercely with his cuff.

"It will not happen. I won't allow it," Severus said slowly.

"It's going to happen," Harry said wanly. "Neither of us will be able to do anything about it."

"I would die before-"

"And you think I'd want that?" Harry interrupted bleakly. "To be responsible for another death? I _know_ you're loyal to the Order Severus, I should never have doubted that. But you wanted the truth, and now we need to face up to it. I'll do as much as I can and when the time comes, it's fi-" he cut himself off with a grimace, "Who am I kidding, it's not fine. It's fucking awful, but it's the way things have to be."

* * *

**5 days later**

The door opened carefully and a messy tousled head of brown poked around, followed by two bright emerald green eyes.

"Harry?"

"Sir? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."

"It's quite all right, my boy. I feel certain than if I lay here much longer even Peeves' mayhem would be a welcome respite. It seems there is such a thing as too much peace and quiet, after all." The lined old face was cheerful, in spite of the continuous pain that Poppy had explained that the headmaster must be feeling. "Come on in, Harry, and bring over that chair, that's right. Now if you would be so kind as to help an old man sit up...ah that's better. I always prefer not to lie down during conversations, makes one much too liable to fall asleep. And that is best saved for my more tedious visitors! "

Harry smiled and sat down close to the Headmaster.

"So my boy, I hear you have started training again hmm?"

The smiled faded somewhat.

"Yeah," Harry said. "I've been using the spare wand that Severus leant me, but he's arranging for Ollivander to visit soon. Hopefully a new wand will help a bit, although it won't be the same as my old one."

"Severus' spare wand?" Dumbledore expression seemed to brighten in genuine delight. "He didn't mention that... would you mind showing it to me?"

Harry pulled the wand from the holster around his arm, the fastenings were beginning to become a little lose again, despite how tightly it had been secured. "It's a bit weird the protections on it mean that- Oh! You can see it, Sir?"

"Quite so," Dumbledore took the wand from Harry with an expression of glee. "Well, I'm sorry that this wand isn't conducive to your magic Harry, but perhaps it is for the best that Severus has it back."

"It doesn't burn you either!" Harry said. "Everyone else, Poppy, McGonagall, the two first-years who had to stay here an extra week...they can't see it or touch it."

"Is that so? Wands can be somewhat temperamental," Dumbledore mused out loud.

Harry got the distinct impression that the Headmaster knew more than he was letting on.

"Do you know why it is … uh temperamental, Sir?"

The Headmaster eyes were merry as he looked back at Harry. "I think you should ask Severus about that, Harry. It is his wand, you see."

"Right..."

"Speaking of Severus, have the two of you discussed your … misunderstanding, the other day?"

Harry felt uncomfortable. "Not much to discuss really. I used an unforgivable. He was mad. Understandably."

"_Yes, _and yet, I can't help wondering if there was more to it than that?"

Harry stared at the Headmaster. _What are you hinting at?_

"Perhaps you might consider asking him about it?" the old wizard continued absent-mindedly. "As the two of you are so open and honest nowadays? Ah- the very wizard himself! Severus, we were just talking about you! And Harry has just been showing me the wand he borrowed."

Severus drew up another chair someone stiffly. "Yes, a pity his magic is totally incompatible with it."

"Ah well, we can't have everything my boy! Fortuitous that he can use it at all, wouldn't you say?"

Severus seemed to grit his teeth. "I would say that we need to hasten Ollivander's visit if Harry is to have any likelihood of success in his training."

Harry stood up, not liking the strange, almost combative light which shone in the Headmaster's eyes. "I'm going to go. Is there anything that I can fetch you Sir, for when I next visit?"

"Unless you can smuggle some lemon drops past Madam Pomfrey, alas no!" Dumbledore answered. "Until next time, then dear boy."

Severus stood up to let Harry pass him. As soon as the door shut he glared at the Headmaster.

"What was _that?_" he snarled.

"Ah! Allow an old man some distractions, it gets so boring lying here!" Dumbledore said easily. "The atmosphere is tense between you and Harry. I wonder, have you considered apologising for what happened, clearing the air?"

"If there is an atmosphere, your meddling is not helping! Do you really think, that at the present time, given the revelations of Harry's dreams and your own imminent demise, I should waste time on useless apologises?"

"Apologises are only useless if no one gains from them."

"Apologises are _always_ inherently useless. Words are meaningless, unable to undo the past, or change what happened. All apologises do is play out a charade of remorse and forgiveness which barely skims the surface. If someone _needs_ to be told that a person is sorry, if they have not _shown_ their contrition by their actions and deeds, what good is that?"

"Indeed," Dumbledore agreed mildly.

"In any case, I cannot be blamed for reacting the way that I did." Severus added rapidly. "Given his attack, _an unforgivable,_ Albus, is it so surprising that I lashed out?"

"Not surprising at all," Dumbledore agreed.

Severus looked at him sharply, but saw only sympathy in Dumbledore's clear blue eyes.

"You realise Harry forgives you," the headmaster said kindly.

Severus replied shortly, "The boy's an idiot."

Dumbledore chuckled and sank back into the mound of pillows behind him.

"And yet... Merlin you should see him sometimes, Albus. When I think that he has borne all that alone, all this time... Do you know he asked me how I plan to retaliate to his _Imperio? _He thinks I want to _hurt_ him. As if I haven't let my temper better me what do I do now? Pummel him, yet again, during our training sessions. Is it any wonder that this is how he thinks of me?_"_

"Ah." Albus gave Severus an expressive look. "My boy, you do realise that you're not turning into your father?" he said in a conversational tone.

Severus looked at him with an expression of profound annoyance.

"What? That bastard? If I thought _that _I might as well go ahead and throw my lot in with the Dark Lord."

"I'm glad you recognise the disparity of the situations. It has occurred to me however, that in the light of all this _professed _honesty, you might consider enlightening the boy with a little context, hmm?"

"About _Imperio _and my past? Never! I'm not seeking excuses for my actions."

"Alas," Dumbledore sighed. "So much for the unvarnished truth?"

"Truthful answers," Severus corrected him. "I'll talk to him about anything he wishes to know. That doesn't mean there's any need for me to go out of my way to tell him things which are best forgotten. "

"Let us hope that Harry is not so discerning," Dumbledore replied mildly. "By the way," he added absent-mindedly. "Did Harry apologise to you at all?"

Severus snorted "He never bloody stops!"

"Then perhaps you might consider that apologises are not viewed as quite so worthless to him, hmm?" the Headmaster replied lightly, closing his eyes serenely. "Hurry Ollivander by all means, Severus, but explain to Harry about your other wand, it will do you both a great deal of good, I'm sure." Dumbledore's breathing evened out and although Severus felt fairly sure that the elderly wizard's slumber was at least in part pretence, he didn't disturb him, but let him rest.

* * *

**Sorry I'm so slow to write these days! Cheers to the people who are still reading and reviewing. Cheers guys :)**


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